A day at the circus

Well, it wasn't a whole day and it wasn't really the circus but M-Girl and I went to see Hephaestus: A Greek mythology circus tale at Lookingglass Theatre this afternoon. It was fabulous! It's narrated by a young girl (more about her later). Meredith said the little girl was her favorite part of the show. She's reading a book about the story of Hephaestus.

Hephaestus is the son of the Greek goddess Hera who is unhappily married to Zeus. She secretly gives birth to Hephaestus but because he's horribly disfigured and ugly, she casts him off Mt. Olympus. He falls for many years and by the time he lands in Lake Lemnos, he's fully grown. The queen of the sea nymphs saves him and he discovers that he has a talent for making things, including beautiful jewelry and "people" made out of silver. Hera sees this and gets jealous. She sends Isis, the Goddess of the rainbow, down to ask Hephaestus to come back. He creates a golden throne for Hera who comes down to earth to receive the gift but when she sits in the throne, she is bound by invisible ropes. Hephaestus refuses to let her go. Hera sends Ares, the God of war to convince Hephaestus to release her but he still refuses. Hera finally offers Aphrodite as a bride for Hephaestus. When Hephaestus sees Aphrodite, he falls in love and agrees to let Hera go. He then creates an even more beautiful throne for Hera and takes it up to her on Mt. Olympus.

Lookingglass has a relatively small (p.r. types would call it "intimate") theater space on Michigan Avenue in the old water pumping station across the street from the Water Tower. It's basically a black box, theater in the round. Not a place that you would expect to see world-class circus performances but that's what we saw today. Hera is played by a woman who is a member of the 7th generation of the Wallenda family. Her brother was in the show along with several other adults who literally grew up in circus families. They are amazing performers and it was surreal seeing real-life Wallendas.

One of the best things about the show is the way they weave the circus acts into the story in a way that fits better than I expected. Each of the gods/goddesses does a performance that seamlessly fits within the story. Ares was played by a young man who did rope tricks requiring amazing strength, control and courage. Isis was a beautiful woman with rainbow colored bows in her hair and she did graceful tricks on a rope swing. The queen of the nymphs did incredible hula hoop tricks with silver hoops created by Hephaestus. (This very moment, Meredith walked into my room with her hula hoop to practice!) Hera was strong and daring on a hoop trapeze (the first throne made by Hephaestus) and the tightrope. The music - heavy on the percussion - was perfect.

Ok, now back to the young narrator. She was nine years old and this was her theater debut. Not surprisingly, I thought about Abby the whole time I watched her. She has brown hair that was pulled back in pony tails. Her two front teeth are just coming in - just like A-Girl. (Thinking about it now, my heart hurts. I miss my baby). It was hard watching someone else's child perform knowing that my own baby is performing and I haven't been there to see her. But I digress.

As M-Girl and I were about to leave the theater, the girl was in the lobby with her dad so M-Girl and I went to say hi to her and tell her that we enjoyed her performance. I couldn't help but tell her dad about our own little performer. I talked to the girl about what it's like to be on stage and asked her if she was nervous. She said that before the show she walks around saying "Oh, no. I can't do this." but then when she gets on stage everything is fine. She seemed really comfortable out there - she has to sing and hit cues with her lines and she did a great job. Her dad and I talked about how incredible it is to see your own child on stage like that. We both grabbed our hearts and shook our heads at the same time! It's hard to find the right words to describe the feeling.

He said that people involved in the production have been encouraging them to get an agent for their daughter. This was not only her theater debut, it's her professional debut. He said they were not sure what they wanted to do and he asked if he could call me to talk about agents, etc. You all know how much I love to talk about A-Girl's career and give my advice to total strangers! So, of course I said yes.

I was a little nervous about approaching them in the lobby - you never know how people in that situation might act. I mean, they could have thought I was a psycho or something. A psycho hanging out with a five-year old and her pink Hello Kitty purse. Ok, maybe not. But still - her dad could have been a stuck up stage parent or something. Luckily, he's a really nice guy. Us down-to-earth, friendly-type stage parents have to stick together.

Friday song

Taking a page from Crouching Mommy, Hidden Laundry, I've decided to quote song lyrics on my blog. Taking another page from lots of bloggers including Megan and Mir, who, at one time or another have done regular Friday things, I'm going to try to do it every Friday.

So here's this week's Friday song: Everyday by Toby Lightman

Everyday is a struggle between what I wanna say
And what I should keep to myself
And the words that manage to leave my lips
Don't hurt me, but they hurt everyone else

And I find myself in need of a pause
I'm not sure why, but I think that it's because
Of this desire to be what others want me to be
Which is nothing close to me

But I'll see better when the smoke clears
When the smoke clears inside my head
And I can listen when the screaming doesn't repeat everything I've said
And all that remains me and who I am at the end of the day
And this happens everyday

Everyday is a battle between what I wanna know
And what I don't wanna figure out
And everything in between in these thoughts of mine
That you know I can't live with out

And I find myself in need of a pause
I'm not sure why, but I think that it's because
Of this desire to be what others want me to be
Which is nothing close to me

But I'll see better when the smoke clears
When the smoke clears inside my head
And I can listen when the screaming doesn't repeat everything I've said
And all that remains me and who I am at the end of the day
And this happens everyday

********************************
First of all, this is a beautiful song - quiet but powerful. Toby has an interesting, smoky voice that I love to listen to. And the lyrics hit me every time I hear the song.

There are times when I struggle with being myself. As I was growing up, I was taught that expressing strong emotions was a bad thing. And anger was something that just wasn't done in my house (unless you were my dad and your teenage daughter was still on the phone at 2 a.m. on a school night, then you could get mad). But the problem with that kind of upbringing is that you learn that it just isn't worth the risk to express any emotions except in a very controlled manner. Eventually, you figure out that it's safest to express the emotions that people expect you to express - in the way they expect you to express them - and not necessarily the ones you feel. At some point, you aren't even sure what you feel anymore and that's when you forget who you are.

I like the part where she says she's in need of a pause. It would be good for me to learn to pause before I respond to things so that I can make sure that my response is genuine. Maybe if I slow down and listen a little better, I'll be able to hear my own voice speaking.

Family and friends

This summer we became acquainted with the parents of one of M-Girl's friends. We had dinner at their house, they had dinner at our house and we became friends. The father has really taken to M-Girl and become kind of like an uncle to her. I realized today that, to me, they've become like the family I no longer have. I'm estranged from most of my family, for reasons that are too numerous and painful to go into now. But the way these friends have acted towards me during this time of stress have made me realize some things about my family, and about myself.

I come from a family of "takers", for lack of a better word. Unfortunately, I've realized that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. It's not that we aren't generous in our own way - we always give to charity, we do things for other people, we're friendly and nice (most of the time). It's on an emotional level that we have our real problems. It's every "man" for himself. We have trouble in groups because we can't really put the interests of the group - or other individuals in the group - ahead of our own interests. When we do give of ourselves emotionally, we expect something in return - complete and unquestioning adoration and obedience, mostly.

"Look at me! I gave you a hug and told you I love you. What more do you want from me? Time, attention, actual caring? Sorry, too much of my own shit to deal with." or "Time to buy a prom dress? Well, maybe I can go with you but I might have something better to do. Oh, your step mom is going with you instead? In that case I'll for sure be able to be there." or "By the way, we're having a party next week and you'll be there. Seven months pregnant, middle of the summer and no car? Take a train. We expect you to show up."

I was talking with a girlfriend the other day. This summer she's been re-evaluating a lot of things in her life, and taking a close look at her relationships. She's an incredibly giving and warm person. She said she's decided to get rid of the "energy suckers" in her life. Those people that just take and don't give anything, or enough, in return. That's my family. Sometimes, that's me. I don't want to be an energy sucker anymore.

So these friends of ours - they invite M-Girl for playdates and sleepovers and have me over for dinner. They call and ask how I'm doing and make sure I'm not alone too much. They're really there for me, it's not just words. They treat me like my fantasy family treats each other. I feel comfortable with them, like I can be myself and there's no judging, no expectations for anything other than friendship. I think it's time I learn to be a better friend and I think I've found a good example to follow.

Scattered

I'm feeling a bit scattered these days. There are so many things I like to do - reading, knitting, writing - but I never feel like I have enough time to devote to those interests.

I'm in various stages of reading several books - Patricia Cornwell's The Last Precinct, John Twelve Hawks' The Traveler, Harriet Lerner's The Dance of Anger (actually, the book is the trilogy including The Dance of Intimacy and The Dance of Deception but I've only started the first of the three). I also have several books waiting in the wings (including a book on how to manage peri-menopause which I think I'm avoiding because it'll probably tell me I have to quit my Starbucks habit and I just don't think I can do that).

I'm working on several knitting projects - I've started two baby blankets and have a third in waiting, there's a throw for Dave I started two years ago that I haven't even looked at in ages and somewhere along the line I started a sweater for myself that I'll probably pull out and start over at some point. I also have enough yarn for several other projects. But that doesn't stop me from looking at yarn websites yearning to buy more!

And then there's the writing that I love to do but am forever procrastinating on - I have at least two stories/book ideas going right now (meaning I've actually started to write stuff) and lots more that bubble to the surface of my mind now and then. For a long time I've had a fantasy about making a living as a writer someday. But writers have to actually spend time writing and I'm forever telling myself I'll write "later." Of course, later never comes. Or when it comes, I have to go make dinner or get some sleep or go to work. Or I write here, which is great but isn't necessarily something that will ever pay the bills.

On top of all that, there's every day life that needs attention. I want to spend time with Meredith (and when they get back, Dave and Abby), I need to cook, do laundry and clean (at least every now and then). There are bills to pay and projects around the house that just need doing. Oh, yeah - and then there's my day job. It's not a bad job, there are lots of things about it that I like (not the least of which is the people I work with) and the pay's nothing to sneeze at. Given the lifestyle to which I've become accustomed, I have no intention of leaving here any time soon (unless I win the lottery). Somewhere in there I think about fitting in exercise but it never seems to make the cut.

I guess I wish that things were flipped around so that I could spend the bulk of my time on creative pursuits and less of my time on earning a living in the corporate world. How do other people do it? I know there are people out there that manage to accomplish far more than I do and I'd love some advice on how to stop procrastinating and actually do something creative.

Long distance

So M-Girl got to talk to A-Girl and Big D for a little while last night. After that, she slept better than she had in weeks. Talking on the phone isn't as good as being in person but it's better than nothing.

A-Girl said she's having a really good time. She loves performing and thinks everyone is sooooo nice. She sounds good. The little bit that I can see her on the webcam, she looks good. I really miss her. I miss my husband too but we are at least able to IM and talk a little bit more. He stays up and talks to me while A-Girl sleeps and then I stay up to talk to him while A-Girl's at school in the mornings.

I can't wait to see them. I can't wait to see the show. It'll be nice to meet more of the people so I can put faces with names. Sometimes I feel like I have to pinch myself to make sure this isn't a dream. When A-Girl said she wanted to be an actress, Big D and I talked about the possibility that she'd be successful but we're nothing if not realistic. The fact that she's done as well as she has really blows me away sometimes. In truth, a part of me wonders whether we should put the breaks on but then I talk to her and she gushes about how much she's enjoying herself. And although she misses her friends and me and her sister, she seems to be handling it really well.

As adults, we know that there are trade-offs in pretty much every choice we make. If we decide to live in the Midwest, we know that we'll have to deal with the winters. If you choose to live in the city, you have to deal with traffic and lack of affordable parking. If you live in the suburbs, you have to get up with the roosters to get to work on time. You can't have everything. As kids, the choices aren't generally as monumental - if you choose Doritos for you snack, you can't have Fritos, too. If you wear a skirt on the coldest day of the year, you have to deal with your legs getting cold. Nothing earth shattering. But at the tender age of 7 1/2, A-Girl's had to learn that if you choose to be in show business, you may have to be away from your family and friends for months at a time. You have to work hard - harder than the adults in the show because the adults don't have to do 16 hours of school each week on top of the show schedule. What's so amazing is that she understands and accepts the choices she makes. She expresses her feelings - she misses everyone - but she doesn't complain. And that makes me really proud.

Sore loser

Not so long ago, my kids were playing at a friend's house. A-Girl was playing Nintendo (or Play Station or X-Box, who the hell can keep them straight) with her friend, a boy. A-Girl was kicking his ass at Super Mario Brothers or something, which pissed him off so much that he reached over and pushed the restart button. Because he wasn't winning. This was a five year old child who was getting ready to start kindergarten. Why did he have such a hard time losing? Because his parents (his father mostly) always let the kid win whenever they played anything.

It really bugs me to see that. It's not that I'm mean and take pleasure in beating little kids at some video game. But when you let a child win - no matter what the game is, you teach him all the wrong things. You teach him that it's not ok to lose, that he should be rewarded even if he doesn't work hard or isn't good at something, that the world revolves around him. You teach him to be a sore loser and that just sucks. It's going to be so hard for that kid to make friends because no one wants to play with a sore loser.

There are certain games that don't require skill (Candyland or Chutes and Ladders) so kids can learn to win and lose gracefully. My husband taught the girls to say "Good game" to their opponent and shake hands after every game - win or lose. And quitting in the middle of a game because you're losing is a punishable offense. It's not that my kids never get upset when they lose, but they aren't sore losers.

What do you think? Do you think it's ok to let kids win? Sometimes, never or always? I suppose that if I was playing basketball with M-Girl, I wouldn't be body checking her all over the court or anything but I wouldn't let her win. Oh, wait - I suck at basketball. And I'm out of shape. She could probably whip my ass. Well, anyway, you get the point.

Opening Night!

A-Girl made it through opening night in China and Big D said she had a great time. I haven't gotten many details - they were on their way to a cast party when I talked to them. Big D said she did awesome. She said she was nervous before the show but once she walked on stage, she wasn't nervous anymore.

It's bittersweet. I'm so proud of her and excited about this opportunity she's getting. She's on a big adventure and she's learning a lot about herself and the world. I'm getting details about the things they're doing but it isn't the same as being there. When your kids are born, you know that at some point you'll have to let them go to live their own lives. Even if it is only temporary, A-Girl's living her own life and I'm not there to see it. The best time to talk to my girls is lying in bed with them. I don't know why but that's when they offer observations of their world that don't come out at other times. That's what I miss the most with A-Girl gone. I miss snuggling and having her play with my hair while we talk about the day.

We've got good technology - we can call each other over the internet and I can see her on the webcam. But we can't have one of our typical rambling conversations. There's too much of a delay, things are too easily misunderstood. Since they're living in a hotel, my husband is always in the room while we're talking. It's not like she or I would hide anything important from him but we can't have real girl talk while he's around. I'm sure she has different conversations with him when I'm not around. I miss having alone time with her.

On the other hand, M-Girl and I are getting lots of quality time together. We're having a good time and not getting on each other's nerves too much. She asks for a nightly back rub (she loves to have me rub her shoulders) and she always offers me a back rub in return. She's been crawling into bed with me in the mornings - it's a nice way to wake up. Except this morning - she had forgotten to shut off her alarm clock and it started playing its annoying Powerpuff Girls song. I could hear it clear across the apartment so I told her she needed to go shut it off before the neighbors break in and smash it. She said "Why do I always have to do everything when I'm tired?!" I gave her one of my patent-pending "You better do what I say" looks. She stood up on my bed and started to march off in a huff and stomped on my shin in the process. She may be small but she stomps hard! At least it got me out of bed.

A Parrothead is born!

Big Jimmy Buffett fans call themselves Parrotheads. I had heard of Parrotheads over the years and, I have to say, I just didn't get it. But on Sunday night I went to the Jimmy Buffett concert at Wrigley Field. I can now say that I would be proud to call myself a Parrothead. I won't wear the funny clothes, though. I just don't look good in Hawaiian prints and silly hats. It was one of the better concerts I've been to (and the only concert I've gone to in the last 10 years). It was great, not so much because of the quality of the music (Buffett's good but I wouldn't call him a great musician) - it was the atmosphere. It was being at Wrigley on a beautiful, end of summer evening. It was the colorful outfits, people having a good time. It was the overpriced margaritas.

I went with a girlfriend from work who got the tickets from her boss who got the tickets from Forbes Magazine (we advertise in there a lot). Thanks Forbes! This is a woman that I've known for several years but it's only recently that we've gotten to be more than "Hello in the hall" friends. Now we're "Let's have lunch and talk about our kids" friends. Her recent promotion has us working together more often. We had a fabulous time - we danced and sang along and talked over the noise until our voices were hoarse.

There were a lot more "AARP-eligibles" in the crowd than I would have guessed. I would say the average age was 35 to 45. Virtually everyone around us was singing along to every song. Given that I have no Jimmy Buffett albums and have never been to one of his concerts, I was surprised that I knew most of the songs or at least had heard them over the years. I didn't realize it but Jimmy Buffett is a big part of the musical fabric of my life. (Cue music - "Memories") It's the kind of music that was played at college parties and bars. Not to sound corny, but it really is the music of good times. You can't be depressed listening to Jimmy Buffett. Even his last encore - a nice rendition of Arlo Guthrie's City of New Orleans accompanied by a slide show of New Orleans street scenes (before Katrina) - didn't bring the mood down. It was an uplifting celebration of what was instead of a mourning of what's gone. Maybe it's too early for that, I don't know. But it was beautiful and touching and not the least the bit sad.

My favorite song of the night - and I know this is predictable - was Margaritaville. Partly because it's the only song that I know all the words to. Partly because it was a great crowd experience - you just know that every last person in the stadium knows that song by heart and hearing everyone sing together is powerful. Even if it is a silly song. (Gosh - can I say that and still be a Parrothead?)

On that note - I'm going to order a greatest hits album. No self-respecting Parrothead would be caught dead with a Jimmy Buffet-less ipod.

Witchcraft?

"Begun in 1990, the Blah Blah Firm has undergone several incantations to attain its present form today." Found on a website that shall remain unnamed because it's a client and I try not to piss off clients. Really, I do.

What kinds of spells do you think they used? Were they simply shape shifting or truly morphing from one form to another? All this witchcraft - how very Harry Potterish of them. This kind of word misuse drives me nuts. (It's INCARNATIONS, you idiots! INCARNATIONS!) I don't care how good these people are at what they do. If they can't bother to have someone competent proofread their website, I don't want to work with them.


(Watch - despite my use of spell check and my own proofreading, I've probably misspelled or misused several words! That would be so ironical, wouldn't it?)

"Everyone must leave New Orleans"

Devastating. I haven't been watching the news coverage of Katrina - mostly because I just generally don't watch the news, too depressing. But I woke up this morning and saw the Tribune headline - 80% of New Orleans underwater. That is so hard to fathom. Where are they going to put everyone? How in the world are they going to get all those people out of the Superdome?

I'm going to donate something to the American Red Cross but I'm waiting to hear if our company will double their usual matching. My heart and my prayers go out to all the people impacted by this disaster.

Another promotion!

Wow - I'm moving up in the world again. I have now been promoted to Flippery Fish status in the TTLB Ecosystem. In truth, I have absolutely no idea what it means but I can always use a boost to the ol' self-esteem, however dubious.

Take that spammers!

I figured out how I can prevent comment spam with word verification. I don't know if I missed it before or if it's new but either way, no more comment spam! Yippee! But I'll kinda miss those bizzaro comments like - "Hey, nice blog. I'll definitely bookmark it! I'm thinking about starting a blog to discuss vacuum cleaners and the political persecution of Chuckie Cheese. Come take a look and let me know what you think."

On another note, the weather here is beautiful! Relatively cool with very little humidity. Do I want to be at the office? Why no. But thanks for asking. The good news is that I have no meetings today so I can sit here and work, work, work my little fanny off and try to leave early. Maybe M-Girl and I will eat our dinner on the veranda. Ok, we don't have a veranda. But doesn't "veranda" (said with a slight Mrs. Howell accent) sound better than "balcony" (said with a nasally Chicago accent)? I think so.

And for all you Gen X young'uns out there who don't know who Mrs. Howell is or for the rest of us baby boomers who need a refresher, check this out.

And more good news! I've gone from a Lowly Insect to a Slimy Mollusc on the TTLB Ecosystem. I couldn't be more excited.

M-Girl's first sleepover

My baby's growing up! She's having her first sleepover tonight. She's over at her friend Super Boy's house. She had a playdate with him this afternoon and I joined them for dinner tonight. The two of them begged me to let M-Girl sleepover. I know them well, she's comfortable at their house and they don't live far so I was ok with it. I also didn't leave until they were in bed. Super Boy's dad told M-Girl that if she had any worries during the night and wanted to go home, he and Super Boy would bring her home, no questions asked. Super Boy's dad is a nice guy.

A little over a year ago M-Girl and A-Girl stayed with friends in L.A. while Big D and I were at a business function for a couple of days in Santa Barbara. But M-Girl was with her sister which, I think, made it easy for her.

She's only five but she's quite independent for her age. I'm not worried about her - I guess I'm more worried about myself. I have the whole house to myself now for the first time in . . . forever. I feel like I should do something special. Let's see . . . what to do.

I know! I'm going to sleep!!!

Shopping under the influence

I had one drink with dinner and this is what happens. I should not be allowed to take such a cute child shopping when I am in a weakened state. I swear - we were just going to Marshall's to get her some new undies. That's it. So how did I walk out of there with two packages of undies, a set of socks, two pairs of shoes and this blanket? I am so weak.

So many thoughts, so little time

Today I had lots of thoughts about things to write but I had no time to write. Now that I have a little time, I can't think of anything to write about! Truth be told, I don't actually have any time to write, what I'm really doing is procrastinating. I was about to leave the office with time to spare so that I could stop at Jewel to buy some food. But I hate the thought of grocery shopping so I decided to blog about it instead of doing it.

In our household's division of labor, my hubby has taken on the role of designated grocery shopper. He's actually the designated shopper for pretty much everything except clothes for the kids and make up products for me. The reason for this is simple. He's a great shopper and I'm not. He makes good decisions - knows a good price when he sees it, is efficient when he shops and rarely makes impulse buys. I, on the other hand, tend to wander around the grocery store consumed by aimless indecision, dreaming about elaborate meals involving exotic things like eggplant and cous cous that I will never actually make (and my kids would probably never eat). I am also the queen of the impulse buy (those Double Stuff Oreos are really hard to pass up). So, after twelve years with Big D, I am unaccustomed to grocery shopping and feeling great dread about the three to five months ahead of me during which I will need to do the shopping.

Ok, I am being a bit over-dramatic. I know that if I'm really petrified of actually going to the store (or if I get really lazy about it), I can use Peapod. And I'm not really petrified anyway. The truth is, I'm lazy. I don't feel like going to the store and - more importantly - I don't feel like cooking dinner. So M-Girl and I are going out to dinner tonight - probably to California Pizza Kitchen. I have a special birthday coupon they sent for M-Girl and I could use a margarita. And the M-Girl looooves eating out. So, there you have it. I've blogged myself into staying away from Jewel (at least for today) and eating out. I think I like this blogging thing!

Totally cool

I am sitting at my computer in Chicago watching A-Girl sitting in her hotel room in Hong Kong. She's making faces at herself mostly and also blowing kisses a lot. We talked for awhile through Skype and Big D even brought his computer with the camera over to the window so I could see the view from their room. I love technology! We just have our webcams on now so we can see each other and we're IM'ing when we have something to say. It's almost as if they were home, but not really. Technology can't replace a good old, in person family hug. But these webcams sure are cool!

They made it to Hong Kong!

They got to Nagoya, Japan around 6:30pm and were able to get on a cargo plane (!) from Nagoya to Hong Kong at 10:30 pm. So they made it to Hong Kong without having to go through customs in Japan in order to sleep a few hours and then get back to the airport with a gillion pounds of luggage.

I was able to speak to them through Skype, a great free program that allows you to make free phone calls anywhere in the world via your computer). Other than a pretty significant delay, it was like they were next door. They sound like they're in good spirits.

A-Girl has rehearsals for their performance during the Miss Hong Kong pageant on Friday starting at 5 and again most of the day Saturday so the work starts right away. She's really excited. Big D has her writing about her experiences and feelings - once we get a website up and running, they'll put it all online.

The house was so quiet last night and this morning. School doesn't start for a few weeks and camp is over so there's no mad rush to get ready in the morning. I got up and did yoga for about half an hour (which is about all I could take given how out of shape I am). I was actually ready to go to work when the babysitter arrived, which is not something that happens often. It probably had something to do with the fact that M-Girl slept late. We'll see what happens once I have to get the little non-morning person out of bed and ready for school on time!

And they're off . . .

Just a quick note to say that A-Girl and Big D left for Asia this morning. Actually, they are now sitting at O'Hare Airport waiting for their flight which has been significantly delayed. It was originally scheduled to leave at 12:40 p.m. but was delayed until 2:45 p.m. Then it got delayed until 3:30 p.m. They will miss their connecting flight from Nagoya, Japan to Hong Kong and, just to make matters worse, their connecting flight was the last of the night. They will have to stay overnight in Japan and fly out the next morning.

That wouldn't be so bad but they have six heavy suitcases, two heavy backpacks and an American Girl doll. (They'll be gone for three to five months - they need a lot of stuff!) Big D can't carry all of that himself and A-Girl isn't big enough to be much help. American Airlines told him that they won't check the bags through to the next day's flight so he has to get the bags and somehow get them to the hotel and get them back to the airport the next morning. And then get them to the hotel in Hong Kong.

On top of that, on Friday afternoon, A-Girl has a rehearsal in Hong Kong for their performance at the Miss Hong Kong Pageant on Saturday. We're hoping that A-Girl will make it to Hong Kong before the rehearsal starts. They do have another rehearsal scheduled for Saturday morning but it's too bad that she won't have been in Hong Kong overnight so she could start Friday fresh and ready for rehearsal. Instead she'll be flying in from Japan at the last minute.

I'm confident that it will all work out in the end but I feel bad that Big D has to go through all this stress to get there. On the bright side, they will be sitting in business class all the way to Japan so they'll have plenty of leg room, snacks and entertainment. Hopefully, they'll be able to get some sleep!

It was so hard to say goodbye - I sobbed while they got in the cab. A-Girl was talking about the mixed feelings she has going away - she's excited and happy but she's also sad and scared. I totally know how she feels! I know it will be a great experience for her. I only wish I could share more of it first hand.

On another note, M-Girl is doing better and eating a little bit more each day. Her voice still sounds a little funny but hopefully that will get better as she heals. She had a tough night last night knowing that Big D and A-Girl were leaving today but she's off at Navy Pier with her favorite babysitter so she's doing ok. I think the next couple of days will be difficult for her as she realizes that A-Girl and Daddy aren't coming back right away. I need to find a way to help her through the tough times without spoiling her (or myself).

The party's over . . .

Yesterday we had a going away party for A-Girl and Big D. This is the first time we've really entertained at our "new" apartment. We moved in a year ago so by "new" I mean that we haven't fully unpacked yet. So yesterday we ran around like maniacs unpacking boxes, cleaning and decluttering before the guests came. It was a little nuts. Ok, it was a lot nuts.

But the party turned out great - there were about 40 adults and 30 or so kids. We had the kids on the 12th floor swimming and eating pizza in the party room while most of the adults were up in our apartment eating good food and drinking. We had three lifeguards/babysitters at the pool to watch the little buggers while the adults had fun. Then we had this guy come to entertain us. He's a really funny magician and self-described "balloonatic." He performs at Navy Pier and other places around Chicago so definitely check him out if you're in town.

So now we're all completely exhausted but we still need to get A-Girl and Big D packed and ready to go by Wednesday morning. M-Girl's still healing - it's slow going but she's doing better every day. I am actually going to attempt to go to work tomorrow so we'll see how that goes. Even though I've been at work for the last couple of weeks, I haven't really been there, you know? I'm hoping that I can get into some kind of routine once they leave. It's the anticipation and all the planning and preparation that's exhausting. And there's still lots to do . . .

Another quick update on M-Girl

She's doing a little better today but she hasn't eaten much in the last few days. Pretty much all she's managed to eat is ice cream and milk shakes from McDonald's. Big D and I really try to keep the kids' sugar intake at a low to moderate level so giving her ice cream every day is not something we feel very good about.

Although I hate to accuse my kids of being Machiavellian, she may be taking advantage of the fact that we get a bit soft when our kids aren't feeling well. She's no dummy - she's figured out that we aren't going to force her to eat anything in particular right now. Our babysitter managed to get her to eat some yogurt and cottage cheese yesterday by having M-Girl take two bites and then letting her play for a little while before having her take two more bites. Good thing our babysitter has a level of patience that I don't possess.

The other thing that's hard is keeping her from being too active. She's supposed to be taking it easy right now but at certain times of the day, she's got so much energy that it's hard to keeping from bouncing around (literally - she doesn't walk, she bounces and jumps - we should start calling her Tigger). I tried to explain to her that she has scabs in her throat and if she's too active, they could open up and start bleeding. And if that happens, she might have to go to the hospital - graphic, I know but she's one of those kids that picks at her scabs, she understands what I'm saying. She nodded her head and said "Ok, mommy." And the next thing I know, she's doing wind sprints up and down the hallway!

A-Girl's having a hard time with the situation because she really wants more of my attention before she leaves for Asia. She's going to be gone for at least three months and although I'll see her when M-Girl and I visit in October, that's still two months that we'll be away from each other. We've never been apart more than a few days at a time. I'm sure it will be hard on both of us. The last few days, she's felt like M-Girl was getting all of my attention and she's not entirely wrong about that.

It's another one of those situations where I feel stretched in too many directions. There are so many things I should be spending time on and I'm not spending enough time on any of them. There's the kids, Big D, my work, cleaning the house, preparing for a going away party on Saturday, helping Big D and A-Girl get ready to go, the usual care and feeding of the house and the family. This list doesn't really give a sense of the sheer volume of things that need to be done and the significant lack of time in which to do them. Big D hasn't slept enough in weeks, he wakes up in the middle of the night and starts working. I sleep but then I feel guilty about it - not the most effective reaction, is it?

However, this afternoon I am getting a massage, facial and haircut. Tomorrow morning I'm getting my highlights touched up. So I have a bunch of things to feel guilty about. Oops, I mean I'm taking care of myself and that's good, right? Also, it makes Big D feel good because I'm taking care of myself and using gift certificates (for today's pampering) that we've had lying around for over a year. Ok, I gotta get back to work now. The overwhelming desire to procrastinate is being taken over by the overwhelming guilt caused by not getting any work done.

Update on M-Girl

She's doing better today although she woke up with a low-grade fever. She slept with me again last night but made it through the whole night without any Tylenol for pain, which is good. She's a tough kid.

Yesterday, she didn't eat much. I gave her some Tylenol in the afternoon which apparently didn't sit well with her relatively empty stomach. The poor thing tossed her cookies in our bed. I got her in the bath which really helped her feel better. I cleaned off the bed as quickly and thoroughly as I could. Apparently I didn't do a good enough job, because the last thing M-Girl said to me before she fell asleep was "Mom, the bed smells a little like throw up." Unfortunately, she was right. I loved our pillow top mattress until now - that sucker soaks in puke like nobody's business.

M-Girl's surgery

M-Girl had her tonsils removed yesterday. She also had her adenoids removed (again) and tubes put in her ears (again). She got through the surgery really well and we were home last night. This is a tough morning for her, though. It's so sad to see your baby in pain and not be able to do much about it. I'm supposed to be giving her Tylenol with codeine every few hours. It was really fun having to wake her in the middle of the night to give her medicine that makes her gag. But the nurse said that if you go too long before you give them pain medication, the pain can get so bad that you can't get them to take the medication and they stop drinking fluids, which is bad. This morning I had to give her antibiotics and ear drops. The ear drops are really uncomfortable for her and - oh goody - we get to do them three times a day for five days.

Now we'll spend the next 14 days trying to figure out how to get her to eat soft foods that are relatively healthy. She informed me that she does not like jello unless it has "toppings" (meaning Cool Whip). She doesn't like oatmeal and isn't a big fan of scrambled eggs. She loves yogurt but we're a little concerned about giving her too much dairy since she's kind of phlegmy as it is. She also loves ice cream - 'natch. It appears that if we offer to let her have ice cream if she eats something healthier first, she's willing to compromise. And that's a good sign.

Help me, please.

I'm trying to decipher the care label on some "squishy" pillows I bought for the kids. Apparently, the Japanese have a separate standard for care labels. . I'm pretty sure I can wash this in a front loading machine in cool water but I can't figure out what the last one means. Given the gazillion things I should be doing right now, deciphering the label on a pillow should be at the bottom of my list, right? Please put me out of my misery and help me figure out how to clean these puppies. Much appreciated!

Dancing in the streets

One of the activities at summer camp was a dance class where each age group was taught a different dance or two. It was run by a young woman who is starting her own dance studio in the city. The little ones did a dance to Hard Knock Life (with a cute middle section that had them dancing to some rap music) and the older ones did a dance to Car Wash and Switch. Yeah, I didn't know what Switch was either. The tune is catchy but the only word I understood was "switch." Go figure.

Anyway, today there is a Children's Art Fair one block from our house in the "Cathedral District." At noon, they had the kids do their dances. Dave brought his new toy - a video camera with a wide angle lens and got some cute footage. It's a beautiful day, in the shade, but we were sitting in the very hot sun and, I swear, my eyeballs were melting.

Now I'm going to Marshall's with A-Girl to do some clothes shopping. There's a big sale and there aren't many things I like better than a big sale. My motto - "Never buy retail." Ok, I think I stole that from someone but I can't remember who.

Happiness #3

Living in the city makes me happy.

There's a good energy here in Chicago. The entire lake front belongs to the public. We have Lincoln Park, Grant Park and Millennium Park. I love the theaters and museums (although I don't get to the museums as much as I'd like). I can walk to work. If I take a cab, I can be at work in five minutes, which is handy when I oversleep. And, I don't have to get up at the crack of dawn to catch a train to get to work by 9:00am. If there's something going on at the kids' school, I can go there during the day without having to take a whole day off like my suburban colleagues. We don't have a lawn to mow! We have two big movie theaters within waling distance and all the shopping you can stand. There are tons of great restaurants. Most of the time, the massive amounts of tourists walking around our neighborhood don't bother me.

There is one thing about the tourists that I can't understand - why in the world would anyone wait over an hour for a table at Giordano's? I mean, it's good pizza and all (it's the only kind we order in) but seriously - waiting over sixty minutes to eat pizza? Eating at Hard Rock Cafe or Rain Forest Cafe makes more sense than that. And I really can't understand why anyone would eat at either place with all the other fabulous and interesting places to eat. But I digress.

Other things in the city that make me happy: Good street performers, the great landscaping along Michigan Avenue, Buckingham Fountain. Did I mention that we don't have a lawn to mow? I like that.

BTTW

Ok - I know Morphing Into Mama isn't the only one curious about what "BTTW" means. So here goes. It's something that little M-Girl has been saying for awhile. She'll say "I love you bigger than the world." Sometimes it's "I love you bigger than the universe." Isn't that sweet? So that's what Dave meant by BTTW.

We are really mushy. Hope not too many of you lost your lunch reading this!

Happiness #2

My husband, Big D, makes me happy. He is, with all appropriate deference to James Brown, the hardest working man in America. And most of what he does is for his family and friends.

I love you, honey!

Happiness Challenge

Well, I stumbled on The Happiness Challenge suggested by Pretty Purple Princess and decided it would be a good idea for me to try it out. She suggests that we do one post a day about something that makes us happy. I have so much to be happy about and thankful for and yet I'm a big whiny-pants complainer most of the time. So, here goes on my first Happiness Challenge post:

"Family Hugs" make me happy. We've been doing them since the kids were babies. We pick the girls up, we all hug in a circle and yell "Family Hug!!!" I hope the kids are never too old for Family Hugs.

Family Hugs to all of you today!!!

Not at all satisfying

Well, I did get to send the email I talked about in my last post but SOMEONE simply didn't get it. He sent me a reply that made no sense at all. Even worse, his reply did not contain the one thing it should have contained - an apology. I know my dear husband will laugh at this coming from me but I'll say it anyway - some people just cannot admit when they are wrong.

I told you so

I love saying "I told you so." Or, more accurately, I love being in the smug position of being able to say those words, even if I don't actually say them. This has to do with a situation at work and only us dorky lawyers who specialize in mutual fund matters would be remotely interested in the details so I won't bore you all to death with them.

Suffice it to say that my (bad) habit of never deleting emails unless I have to has served me well today. I found the smoking gun - a Powerpoint presentation that was sent to someone in April. The other day, while this someone was firmly planted in the saddle of his high horse, he claimed that we hadn't told him that a particular transaction was due to settle in July. He said we told him it would settle "later in the year" (something that was never uttered from my lips).

This someone is from a very big, very important client of ours so he needs to always be right. So I can't say the words I long to say. I will get to forward him the "smoking gun" email that he received in April and I will get to say something like "just wanted to point out that the information was in this presentation that you received . . ." and I will do it as a response to his "high horse" email where he said it was all our fault because we didn't tell them. I have to be nice though, which kinda sucks, but at least I can rub it in, just a little.

Another stage mother post

Christine asked about how A-Girl got into the business and whether the money is good enough to make it worthwhile. I was going to email her an answer but thought that other people might have the same questions so I thought I'd do a post instead.

I hesitated to do this because what I'm going to say here might come off as bragging about my kid. What I want to do is give people an idea about what it takes - in my opinion - for a child to be successful in this business. I have to preface all this by saying that I'm not an expert. A-Girl's been doing this for about two years and I worked in commercial production about 15 years ago. That's the extent of my limited experience.

Ok - here goes. Here are the things that I think have contributed to A-Girl's success:

1) She wants to do this. It has been her idea from the beginning. When she was about three, she started asking us when she was going to be on TV and when she'd get to be in magazines. We thought it was cute but we didn't really take it seriously. Having been in commercial production and not liking certain bullshit aspects of it, I was hesitant to try to get her into the business. It wasn't until she was about five and she still wanted to do it that we finally decided to take her to an agent that specializes in kids. She loves auditioning even when she doesn't get hired. She loves working. We have always told her that she can quit any time she wants.

2) She works hard and the whole family makes sacrifices. She memorizes and practices lines before auditions and jobs. She takes direction very well - directors like to work with her because she doesn't goof around a lot and get distracted like some kids. She has dealt with eight-hour work days without complaining and without losing her energy level. Big D and I have had to take time off of work in order to take her to jobs and auditions. Luckily our bosses have been understanding and flexible with us. Our babysitters have to be able to drive so they can take her places. Her younger sister has had to go to auditions with her on numerous occasions. My husband left his job in order to take her to Asia. I've compared it to having a child that is an Olympic hopeful - they simply can't do it without the whole family making sacrifices.

3) She can talk to anyone of any age about pretty much anything. She can walk into a room full of strangers and not be nervous (or at least not let her nerves get the best of her). She likes being the center of attention (which is not always a good thing). We sometimes call her the "black hole of attention" because when she's around, she has a way of getting most of the attention. There's something about her that draws people in. She's got lots of personality. She's cute but not gorgeous - she looks like a regular kid, approachable. One producer told me that she's met kids (particularly in L.A.) who, at six or seven, talk to her like they're "working the room." She told me that she likes A-Girl because A-Girl's a real kid who happens to be mature enough to do the work and isn't jaded by the business. (Let's hope it stays that way).

4) She's been lucky. A-Girl has a lot going for her and she works hard but being in the right place at the right time helps. There are tons of cute kids around. Most of the time, it depends on the "look" a director is seeking. It can also depend on which actors they get to play the "mom" and "dad" and "brother." If they hire a blond mom, A-Girl isn't going to get hired. Also, she ended up with the part in Sound of Music, we think, because another girl turned it down. It doesn't mean the other girl is more talented than A-Girl, although she might be. It may have been that the other girl has theater experience and A-Girl doesn't. It could be because the other girl was blond and shorter than A-Girl. In the end, A-Girl's going to Asia and getting the experience, in part, because she was lucky.

So - the things that I think are important for kids in the business is they have to want to do it, they can't be shy or cling to their parents, they need personality, they have to have someone who is willing and able to schlep them around to auditions and jobs and they have to be in the right place at the right time.

By the way, most people in the business will tell you that it's unnecessary to pay thousands of dollars for headshots and "classes" provided by the Barbizons of the world. (I feel like I have to say this because my sis-in-law almost did that with her kids before I talked her out of it). Get a reputable agent (preferably one that's SAG sanctioned) and decent photographs. I think we spent somewhere around $500 for A-Girl's first set of headshots. (That's about $300 for the sitting fee and the rest for printing fees). We didn't get new headshots until A-Girl could pay for them herself!

Doing commercials can be highly lucrative - especially national commercials. A regional commercial that runs for a long time can also be good - A-Girl did a Meijer's commercial about two years ago and it's still running. Catalog modeling does not pay well - it's generally $75 per hour, minus 10% agent fees. The few jobs she's done have only been one hour each. Once we went to the suburbs for a job - we won't do that again. Print modeling (i.e. magazines, billboards etc.) pays ok - there's no union and the agents generally take 20% because collecting the pay sometimes takes more work (because it's non-union) but it's ok. Voice-over work is great - it's fairly easy, the jobs generally take very little time and the pay is good, especially since the time commitment is small. Theater doesn't pay very well but most people in theater will tell you that they don't do it for the money. In the end, A-Girl's Asia tour will likely cost us more than she makes only because Big D's leaving his job. She does get paid, housing for her and Big D is covered and they get a sufficient stipend to pay for food. Mostly we're doing it for the experience, to help her career and because she's so happy doing it.

I struggle to make sure I don't get invested in A-Girl being in show business. I went to a theater camp for ten years. I love musical theater and almost went to college at Bennington to study dance. At one point, I wanted nothing more than to be a movie producer. But I chose a different path for my life and I'm happy with my choices. She has to choose her own path without feeling like I'm living vicariously through her. I try not to behave as if she is a reflection of me. She is her own person and her success is her own (although see point #2 above). I will admit, though, it's really cool seeing my kid on TV!

Warning - stage mother post!

Just thought I'd let you all know that the Elmer's Glue commercial that A-Girl did in March is finally playing. You'd know it if you saw it - it starts out with her "mom" having a flashback to the 70's remembering how she and her mother did crafts using Elmer's Glue. It jumps to the present where A-Girl asks the mom what she's thinking about and the mom says "I was just thinking that you can't go back to school without your Elmer's Glue" and then they talk about Elmer's new washable purple glue sticks. It's very cute. I know I'm biased, but I think A-Girl did a great job. Credit goes to the fabulous director, Karen Carter and the great teams at SBC Advertising and Elmer's Glue. They were all so great for A-Girl to work with.

(Yes, I know. I'm a disgusting, gushing stage mother but I'm really not brown-nosing. As far as I know, none of those people reads my blog and even if they did, what I say has absolutely no bearing on whether my kid gets hired. I just want my few readers to know that I realize that the cuteness of the ad is not all due to my darling daughter's talent - as fabulous as she is. Plus, I think Karen is great. She's also pretty much the only director that hasn't treated me like I'm a necessary evil on set. And I like that.)

It's hard to express what a thrill it is to see your daughter on television. The other cool thing is that on some channels, they've been playing the Elmer's commercial and her McDonald's commercial back to back. That's pretty cool for a seven year old.

It seemed like a good idea . . .

Way back in early June, we were at a charity silent auction. Big D bid on and "won" a sailing charter for six on Lake Michigan. At the time, we figured it would be a great thing to do with his cousin (C) and her husband (T) who are here visiting this weekend. The Chicago skyline is beautiful from the lake and we thought we could bring some nice food and wine. If the weather cooperated, it would be a really nice night. We even negotiated for an extra hour - four hours boating on the lake. It would be great!

At the beginning of the week, the weather sucked. It was hot and humid and just generally sucky. But Thursday came around, the heat wave broke and Friday, the day of our sailing trip, was a gorgeous day.

Big D and T went to Whole Foods and got some yummy treats. We packed a cooler and went to the boat at 5 p.m. The boat was beautiful. I don't know much about sailing or boats or anything but this was pretty nice. It had two bedrooms and bathrooms, a teeny kitchen, a table and a small desk. The benches were covered in a creamy, soft leather.

As we moved out of the harbor, we all went on deck to feel the cool breeze. It started out great. M-Girl asked for some food so we broke out the shrimp. She, A-Girl and Big D ate a few. I was worried I might get queasy so I held off on the food which turned out to be the best choice. As soon as we got out of the harbor, we hit the choppy waves. Apparently, the Northeast wind brings cool breezes but also makes the lake near Chicago quite wavy. (As I write this, I'm feeling the sensation of the boat moving with the waves!). After about five minutes, I looked over at T and could tell he wasn't feeling very well. He made his way to the front deck and not long after that, my husband went to the side of the boat. You can guess what happened to both of them eventually.

After an hour, my husband asked the captain to turn around and head back. In the meantime, M-Girl fell asleep on my lap. A-Girl and C were the only ones doing well. I was ok as long as I kept looking at the horizon. If I looked down at all, the queasiness started and I had to look up again. I couldn't even look in a camera lens long enough to take a picture (although I did manage to get two pictures of M-Girl helping to pilot the boat after she woke up).

When we were getting fairly close to the harbor, M-Girl had to go to the bathroom which was below deck. Big D and I looked at each other in a panic, knowing that neither of us could go below without throwing up and he said "Can't you hold it?" She, of course, said she couldn't. One of the crew members was a wonderful woman and she took M-Girl to the bathroom but as soon as M-Girl got back up, she joined her father at the side of the boat and promptly threw up what little dinner she ate. Here I am, staring at the horizon watching my little one toss her cookies out of the corner of my eye while a virtual stranger holds on to her and brushes her hair off of her face. Yet another great moment in parenting!

A-Girl was ok until near the end when she made the mistake of covering her face with her sweater. Within minutes she joined M-Girl and her dad at the side of the boat.

What I feel the worst about is that we put our guests through that experience! T's a surfer, I guess we figured he'd like being on the water. Now I know that being a surfer doesn't make one immune to sea sickness. Unfortunately for T, I had to learn that at his expense.

I would hate for our experience to reflect poorly on the charter company. They were fabulous and our problems were a result of our own weak constitutions! For anyone who is into sailing, it's a really nice boat and Joe and Daneen (the captain and crew) were wonderful. If you're ever in Chicago and want to try it out, I would recommend it. Go to Windy City Sailing for more information.

I'm overwhelmed. And tired. I need a break but don't really have time. I'm slacking off at work because I'm so tired I can barely concentrate. My office is a mess. I should be cleaning it but I don't want to. I should be doing a lot of things that I just don't want to do. If I was saying this out loud, I'd sound like a four-year old - (imagine, if you can stand it, an irritating whine) "But I don't wanna do it!"

Here's what I want to do. Go home. Take one or more of the several books I am reading and go out on my balcony. With a beer. And sit. Until the sun goes down. Then I want to get in bed, put on some CSI re-run and knit. Then sleep. And sleep. And sleep. Until I wake up on my own - without an alarm and without a child waking me up. Then I want to go to Starbucks with my laptop, have a latte and write and read. For the whole day. Without interruption. And then I'd go to a movie. And then I'd sleep, a lot.

Unfortunately, I can't do that. I can't do anything even close to that. We have houseguests again and we're taking them on some charter sailboat which under other circumstances would be really fun. But today - I'm not sure. At least the weather is very nice, finally. Hopefully I won't get seasick!

The green eyed monster

Technically, I have no time to post. But I just had to share the reason I'm an green with envy at my husband. I really am ok with the fact that he gets to take A-Girl to Asia. (No, really, I am. And for those of you who haven't read my archives - my daughter is in the Asian tour of The Sound of Music this fall as Marta.) It was the best decision for all involved but I do have some level of jealousy at the fact that he gets to travel around Asia watching our baby perform in a really big shooow. And he'll get to see all kinds of cool things without me. I was used to that level of jealousy and just starting to get over it.

But now - now I am really jealous. Here's why: they get to attend the grand opening of Disneyland Hong Kong. I know, how disgustingly touristy and American of me but, seriously - how cool is that going to be. And given that the kids are going to get to sing at the Miss Hong Kong Pageant and do all kinds of other neato promotional stuff, there's a good chance that they'll be special guests of some kind at Disney. They might not have to wait in line for the good rides!

Well, now that I'm done whining, I have to go home to get ready for the "cast party" my husband planned this evening. A-Girl is in rehearsals all week with all of the other kids in the cast and she's the only one from Chicago. So, Big D invited everyone over for a pool and Chicago-style pizza party at our apartment. I'm excited to meet the people they'll be travelling with so that's good but I've been in Board meetings for two days straight and I'm sort of in the mood to knit and watch hours of CSI. But that will have to wait!

An ode to caffeine

I don't fall asleep in meetings. Well, ok - when I was still nursing at all hours of the night, I was known to nod off during the day now and again. But now that I'm back on the sauce (coffee), I don't fall asleep anymore - until this morning. For the first time in forever, I didn't have time to get coffee on my way to work this morning. I had an audit committee meeting to attend and I didn't want to be late so I came in without my java. I'm sure it will come as no surprise to hear that audit committee meetings are generally boring. Very, very boring.

I managed to make it through the first part of the meeting ok but after an hour, I just couldn't take it anymore and had to close my eyes. Hopefully I was covering it well. I use a Tablet PC to take notes and I usually have it on my lap because it's more comfortable that way. So I was looking down with the "pen" in my right hand and my head in my left hand (to prevent the head bob thing). Don't know if I succeeded in looking more like a serious note-taker than someone struggling to stay awake. On a good note - I did learn that I can take notes with my eyes closed! And they're almost legible!

To struggle is to learn

I watch as M-Girl struggles to keep her head above water. I want her to wear her water wings but she really doesn't want to. She can't quite swim - she can tread water and she manages to move small distances. She generally stays near the wall or the lane markers so there's always something to grab onto. But I wish she would wear the water wings until she's a stronger swimmer. Then I realize that she won't become a stronger swimmer wearing water wings. She'll only become stronger through the struggle.

I've always had a hard time watching my children struggle. When A-Girl was first learning how to put on her pajamas she'd always put both legs in one pant leg. It drove me crazy to watch so I'd help her. Then it dawned on me - the reason I'm able to put my pants on correctly is because I've had many, many years of practice. I had to learn to allow A-Girl to struggle to do it on her own and she's been a pro at putting on her own clothes for a few years now. I didn't actually get comfortable with watching the struggle. I just learned to leave the room whenever I had an overpowering urge to help when I shouldn't.

I imagine the same policy applies to all kinds of things. It's natural to want to help our children avoid mistakes that we've made. It's important to provide guideance and advice. But to do it too much robs them of experience that's important to their development. We have to let them struggle sometimes so that they can grow.

Ranting about Goody Bags

CityMama had this to say about goody bags today. I was going to comment on her post but realized that I have a lot to say about goody bags so I thought I'd do my own post. I also have lots of rants on kids' birthday parties generally but that will have to wait until another day. So many complaints, so little time . . .

First of all, I agree with her dislike of goody bags - or at least the types of goody bags that are given out at parties here in Chicago. In my experience, there are three types of goody bags: 1) just plain junk including any type of sugar and choking-hazard plastic toys; 2) the way-over-the-top party favor that includes gifts more expensive than the gift you got the birthday kid and 3) the just-right party favor that's not junk, not candy and not too extravagant. As you can imagine, I strive for the third type.

We have a rule - we will not give candy in goody bags. We allow our kids to have a reasonable amount of sugar - we don't deny it completely - but moderation is a good thing. Kids generally get more than enough junk food and they ALWAYS get cake at a party. There's no reason to give them more sugar after the party.

At A-Girl's fifth birthday party we gave Hello Kitty notepads, erasers and pencils. We actually spent a lot of time thinking of something that would work for both boys and girls (the boys got a notepad featuring one of HK's male character friends). We made sure we had matching bags and twist tied each one. After I handed a bag to one of A-Girl's classmates, she immediately looked inside and said "Where's the candy!? There's no candy!" My mouth fell open. I looked at the child's mother who was standing.right.there. She said nothing. Nothing! I would have been mortified if my kid did something like that (and as you can tell from yesterday's post, I would have corrected her immediately and had her apologize).

M-Girl was at a party for a classmate who was turning four. All nineteen kids in the class plus other friends, plus lots of parents, were there. The goody bags were actually shoebox-size pirate chests filled with candy, plastic rings, a fairly large action figure toy and a pirate costume (hat, bandana and eye patch). The kids got Crayola umbrellas at one party and 200 piece Crayola crayon/market sets at another (same crazy mom who happens to be a good friend). Recently, they each got really nice books on Rainforest animals that have a puzzle on every page.

I don't judge what other people do. I realize how easy it is to go to the party store, pick up a bunch of plastic do-dads and toss them in plastic bags just so that you have something to give away. I also realize how easy it is to throw some candy in there to appease the savages. I also know the urge to do something different that perhaps gets a bit out of hand and ends up on the pricey end of things. Pretty much everyone gives goody bags or party favors so it would feel chintzy to me not to give something. Plus the kids like brainstorming about what to give and helping to put the bags together.

This topic reminds me that M-Girl's birthday party is a little more than a week away and I have no idea what to do for goody bags. Given how crazy things are these days, that junk aisle at the party store is looking pretty good right now.

Philosophy of parenting

“If you treat an individual as he is, he will remain as he is. But if you treat him as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become what he ought to be and could be.”-Goethe

I saw this quote today and it sums up our parenting philosophy so well I just had to share it.

It makes me want to scream when I hear parents say "Boys will be boys!" while watching their little hellion run roughshod over other children at the playground. I shudder when I hear parents say "Oh, she's shy," while their daughter refuses to reply to someone who's asked her name.

The fact is, if you believe that boys cannot control their impulses you won't teach them. If you don't teach them, how are they going to learn to do it? If you don't start teaching them when they're toddlers that it's wrong to cut in front of another child at the slide, when exactly are they going to learn? Do you think they'll arrive at kindergarten all ready to stand in line and sit in a circle? Not if you haven't taught them that they need to do it and, more importantly, that they are capable of doing it.

If you don't tell your child that it's rude to ignore someone who's speaking to them, how are they going to learn to respond politely? If your child hears you say that she's shy, she'll believe it and continue to act shy.

(This one is a particular pet peeve of mine. When our youngest had hearing problems, she would often not respond because she couldn't hear the question. However, people so quickly jumped to the conclusion that she was shy and would say that to her as if it's ok, or even good, to be shy! The day we heard her older sister use that as an excuse for M-Girl, we put a stop to it. We repeatedly told M-Girl (nicely) that it was rude not to respond when someone speaks to her. If someone said "Oh, she's shy," we immediately said "No, she's not" and we'd press M-Girl to respond. She didn't always respond but we kept reinforcing the lesson. One day, she said "hello" to someone before they even spoke to her. She looked at me, beaming, and said "Mommy! I said hello to that man!" She was so proud of herself. She's not as verbal as her older sister - few people are - but she's friendly and much more outgoing than she used to be because she learned to be. But I digress.)

As long as your expectations are reasonable, your children will strive to live up to them. I'm not suggesting that you should expect your one-year-old to be able to stand in line. But just because she's not ready to do it doesn't mean you shouldn't correct her when she cuts in front of another child. If she hears the lesson consistently, she'll be able to comply by the time she's two or three. If you wait until she's three to start teaching the lesson, she'll have two years of bad habits to overcome and she's a lot more likely to fight you on it.

We do our children (and ourselves) a disservice by not teaching them how to behave from an early age. It's important that, as they grow up - and even once they're grown - we see them and treat them as their "best" selves, even though they won't always act that way. That doesn't mean being blind to their faults and praising them even when they don't deserve it. It means teaching them that they are capable of being polite and respectful while having fun. It means showing them the value of hard work and perseverance.

Ok. I'm off my soapbox. We now return you to our regularly scheduled navel gazing . . .

Responsibility

*This post is my first entry into the Blogging for Books contest*





Write about a pivotal point in your life as a parent, OR write about a pivotal point in your relationship with one of your parents.

The quarters were disappearing.

We kept them on my dresser in the "wedding box" - a small, cheesy jewelry box decorated with shells, glitter paint and a plastic wedding cake couple. They were for the giant washing machine in the laundry room that we thankfully didn't need to use much. We also tossed a few in the car now and again for toll-booth encounters during our bi-annual trips to Wisconsin.

I never checked the box and I never knew from one day to the next how many coins were in there. It's not my thing. My husband is the money person in our family (and the math person - I'm the one who writes the thank you notes). He noticed one day that the level of quarters seemed a bit low since he had just put a handful in the box a few days earlier. He asked if I had done any laundry in the laundry room lately, but alas, I hadn't had much time to wash the comforters since our three-year old daughter was born. And with a new baby in the house . . . well, washing a comforter wasn't real high on my list of things to do at the time.

My husband suggested that perhaps the nanny was taking the quarters, which was highly unlikely since our nanny's family back in Mexico had more money than God and she was only doing this job for "fun" (and to get away from her rich family for awhile). Not that rich people don't swipe other people's quarters, she just wasn't the type. And I didn't want to contemplate the possibility that we were leaving our children with someone who could have even such minor criminal inclinations.

I promised to keep my eye on the wedding box for awhile to see if I could figure out where the quarters were going.

One night, I was folding laundry in my bedroom with my three-year old running back and forth between my room and hers. After one particularly quick round trip, she jumped up on my bed and giggled. My child laughed often but she wasn't much of a giggler and this particular giggle sounded mighty suspicious.

I gave her my serious mommy look, "What are you doing?"
*giggle* "Nothin'" *giggle* *smirk*
Narrowing my eyes and leaning closer, "Ok. What's up? What were you doing in your room?"
*giggle* "Putting moneys in my piggy bank." *giggle*
Hmmm. "What money?" Click - lightbulb. "Are you taking quarters out of the wedding box?"
"Uh huh!" Full out laughter now.
I started to laugh with her.

And then it hit me. She was stealing. Granted, it was small and in the scheme of things, it wasn't a big deal. And she was young. But the responsibility for teaching her right from wrong falls to me and her dad and we believe that children are never too young to start learning important lessons. And as much as I wanted to laugh with her and be her friend, I knew deep down that although I am and will be many things to her throughout the rest of my life, I cannot be her friend. I am her teacher, her mentor, her shoulder to cry on. I am her rock, her role model and her coach. At that moment, I realized how much responsibility it is to be a parent.

So, I lectured her on the evils of stealing, sent her to a time out and took her favorite doll away. Then I went back into my room, closed the door and laughed my ass off.

War of the Worlds

I saw it. I liked it. Ok, it scared the bajeepers out of me but I still liked it. I feel the urge to stock up on bottled water and canned goods. And also build a bomb shelter in my basement. But I live in a high rise so that probably wouldn't work. Maybe we could use our storage lockers, though.

My favorite line (that no one else laughed at - go figure):

Son: What's happening Dad?!?
Tom Cruise: We're being attacked!
Son: By who? Terrorists?
TC: No, they come from a . . . different place.
Son: What, like Europe?
TC: NO! Not Europe!

I thought that was hilarious.

Although the movie has its amusing moments it is definitely not for children. We took our kids to Star Wars but the scary parts of that movie are relatively easy to explain. And I covered their eyes when I didn't want them to see something. But this movie is different - in the beginning, it looks and feels like every day life and that's what makes it so scary. Not that I think aliens are going to attack. But movies like this remind me how fragile life is and how much we take for granted. You'd think I would get that from the daily news but (a) I don't watch the news because it's depressing and (b) there's nothing like a giant screen full of people getting vaporized by aliens in surround sound to bring home the point.

Seriously though, I think War of the Worlds scared me because A-Girl and Big D are going to Asia and M-Girl and I will be here without them. Life will feel less safe and secure when our little family isn't together. Big D and I talk on the phone at least four or five times during the average work day. What if there's an emergency here or in China? What if Big D and I can't communicate for some length of time? Even when things are fine, we probably won't be able to talk every day but if there's a problem and we can't touch base, I'm not sure how I'll be able to handle it. Hopefully I won't stand around in my high heels screaming ineffectively and waiting for the hero to come save me. That would really suck.

The devil is in the details

Do not accuse me of being detail oriented. Really, don't. Because I have proved yet again that I am not so good with the details.

M-Girl's 5th birthday is coming up and we're planning a party. She has asked me everyday for the last week "When are we going to do my birthday cards?" (translation: cards=invitations). Last night when she walked in the door there was no "Hi, Mom!", "I love you, Mom!" or "What's for dinner?" It was "Mom! Did you buy the things for my birthday?!?!?" (translation: things=invitations). Luckily for me I had and after dinner we set out to fill in the blanks. Big D and I decided to start the party at 10:30 am because that would give the kids time to swim before we eat lunch around noon and then the party would end at 1:00pm.

M-Girl and I managed to finish 16 of the 20 invitations before she was falling asleep at the table, gel pen in hand. Big D and I addressed, sealed and stamped the completed invitations. M-Girl woke at the crack of dawn asking to finish her invitations. (Yes, this is the same child who can't get out of bed most mornings without much coaxing, cajoling and general coddling.) So we finished the last four and she proudly showed one to her sister who furrowed her brow and said "Mom, why does the invitation say 11:30? I thought you guys decided on 10:30?"

You guessed it, on every single one of the invitations, I wrote 11:30am as the start time instead of 10:30am. I can just see us now, sitting in the party room for an hour wondering where the hell everyone is! And having everyone wonder why M-Girl's party was only an hour and a half instead of the traditional (and reasonable) two to three hours.

I tried to steam the envelopes open but I burned my fingers and ruined the invitation on the first one so that wasn't going to work. I ended up opening every invitation with a letter opener, changing the time and taping the envelopes shut. So instead of wondering why M-Girl is having a short birthday party, everyone will wonder which of their neighbors opened their kid's mail! Nice.

Thank goodness A-Girl has a fabulous memory and is far more detail oriented than I am. Big D is very detail-oriented but I apparently have far too much faith in my ability to get the details right and I didn't ask him to check even one of the invitations to make sure I got it right. I'd love to say that I've learned my lesson but we all know this will happen again. I just hope that someone like A-Girl or Big D is looking over my shoulder!

Slacker

I've been really slacking off with my posting. Bad girl. As you can imagine, things have been a bit crazy while we try to get everything set for A-Girl and Big D to go to Asia in less than two months. Big D is officially leaving his job at the end of July and they leave at the end of August. There's so much to do, our heads are spinning.

Besides getting A-Girl and Big D ready to leave the country, here's what's been going on:

We went to Big D's 20th high school reunion in Waupaca, Wisconsin last weekend. It was fun - I always have more fun at his reunions than at my own. Partly because Waupaca is a bit more down to earth than Highland Park, Illinois and partly because there's really no pressure to live up (or down) to anyone's expectations like there is at your own reunions. Plus the band was rockin! Big D's long time friend Tim plays in the band (which, by the way, is called Mr. Vargas) and they're the most awesome cover band I've ever heard. If you're ever in the Fox Valley area of Wisconsin, I suggest you try to see them. Big D spent a lot of time and energy helping to plan the reunion and all the hard work really paid off.

I'm in the middle of my fiction writing class and I've been trying to write a little at least every couple of days. I really need to write every day so I can get in the groove. I have a tendency to over think my writing - I spend a lot of mind space thinking about the plot and the characters but I don't get things down on paper. But when I do actually start writing, at least sometimes things just seem to fall into place without a lot of agonizing. Part of that is because of the upfront thinking I do but most of it is just the flow of writing. Anyway, that's at least partly my excuse for not posting more. I'm sort of happy with what I've written so far. The biggest problem is that I haven't fully fleshed out the plot yet so sometimes it's hard to write individual scenes. Funny that I used the word scene instead of chapter. I've been feeling like what I'm writing might be more suited to a screenplay rather than a book. Once I flesh out the plot, we'll see what it wants to turn into.

We're trying to be more sociable so we've actually invited friends over. These are new friends so they've never been to our apartment before and they don't know what clutter-hounds we are. So far the only friends that have come over are people that have known us for years and we know they'll love us even if our apartment isn't spotless. Dave and I have a similar problem with clutter - perfectionism - but it manifests itself in different ways. He has a hard time starting anything unless he has the time to do the whole project perfectly at one time. I can start things but I don't finish and I don't go about them efficiently. His method completely overwhelms me because I can't get myself to spend a whole day cleaning! We also have a tendency to get caught in busyness so there doesn't seem to be a lot of time to do those "big" cleaning projects.

So, now I'm trying to balance work (which is now a bit more pressured because I will be the sole breadwinner for a little while) and personal tasks. Posting to my blog is most certainly a personal task which is now interfering with my job so I'll sign off for now.

Love, Freudian style

M-Girl is generally not a morning person. She simply cannot get out of bed in the morning (at least not on school days) without a generous amount coaxing from mom and dad. On Saturday, however, she was going to a pool party so she was up at 6:00 a.m. (yes, 6:00 a.m.) with her bathing suit on when she jumped into bed with us. If she wasn't so cute . . .

So, we talked to her for awhile and at one point I said "Gosh, M-Girl. You're really growing up." And she said "I don't want to grow up." When asked why, she replied "How am I going to find a husband?" Huh? We said, "Well, when you're older, you'll find the right person." She turns to her dad and says "But I want you to be my husband." He said "Well, I can't because I'm already married to mommy." She said "Noooooo, I want you to be married to me."

Not that I'm an expert or anything but according to some stuff I just read on the Internet, the Electra Complex describes the point in a young girl's development where she develops a romantic attachment to her father and a hostile attitude towards her mother. That's not really what appears to be happening with M-Girl. She's not hostile towards me in particular (she's equally hostile to me and everyone else when we tell her to eat her oatmeal). Whenever I ask her what she wants to be when she grows up, she says "You know mommy. It's you!" It's more like she knows that she's a girl and she wants to grow up to be like her most important female role model.

I never really felt this with A-Girl. She was jealous whenever Big D and I so much as held hands when she was a baby. She would scream bloody murder when we'd kiss each other. Even now, at 7, she'll try to squeeze between us sometimes when we're hugging. I don't think it's because she was jealous of me and wanted Big D to herself. My theory is that she just doesn't like it much when the attention isn't on her. She's mature enough now to realize that she isn't the center of the universe (although she sometimes needs reminding) so it doesn't happen all the time. I don't particularly remember her wanting to marry her dad and she definitely doesn't want to be me, which is good.

It's good for me to have reminders that I'm a role model. Scary thought, that.

Is it time for lunch?

I really wish I had something clever and amusing to say. I read other people's blogs and online journals and think, gosh, I wish I was that interesting. And all I can bring myself to do here is gaze at my own navel and think of . . . nothing! Ok, maybe not nothing. I'm thinking about coffee and lunch. How's that for fascinating.

I finally signed up for a fiction writing class. And I love it. And everyone in the class is so smart and literate and, so far, what I've read of their writing is really good. So now I have to come up with something to post and I'm absolutely frozen. I can come up with characters, sort of. My problem is that I can't think of anything interesting for them to do. My teacher said to figure out what my characters want and then throw obstacles in front of them. That sounds so easy! But everything that pops into my head has already been done. I am so derivative!

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a scientist because I thought it would be cool to discover new things. But then I realized that there would be nothing new to be discovered by the time I was actually old enough to be a scientist. Now I want to be a writer and everything worth writing has already been written. That really sucks. I think I'll go eat lunch.

Stress, stress and more stress

So here's the latest . . . we feel it's important to allow A-Girl to be in the Sound of Music and to live in Asia for a little while. It really is a once in a lifetime opportunity (and as my husband and I joke, it could lead to other once in a lifetime opportunities). I can't really get any significant time off of my job and I make enough to support the family for a while so, Big D is leaving his job to take A-Girl.

It's a huge leap of faith. One we take willingly but with some trepidation. We simply decided that we didn't want to let money get in the way of A-Girl's chance to do something she's worked so hard to do. And something she really wants to do as well. I'm pretty sure I've already said this but it's akin to having a child that has an opportunity to be in the Olympics - would you pass that up? So, we'll do without window treatments and rugs for another year. Big deal. So I have to cut wayyyyyy back on my Starbucks habit. I'll survive. I think. We probably won't take a vacation next year. The point is, we'll be fine financially. So why shouldn't we do this?

But it's scary - even if our reasoning is sound. And believe me, we've been over and over the pros and cons of this decision and, frankly, it ended up being not as close a call as people might think.

So, it looks like A-Girl is going to Asia after all. I won't get to go, except for a one or two week visit with M-Girl. But that's ok. I'll miss A-Girl and Big D terribly. It'll be hard to be a single mom for five months. But M-Girl and I will be fine and she'll get more attention than she's ever had. And that's not a bad thing. I actually fear that she'll get too used to having all that attention and it'll be downright hard on her when A-Girl comes home!

There's so much to do before they go - it's only two months away. Funny, I used to think the summers were sooooo loooonggg when I was a kid. Now I know better.

Yeah summer camp!

The kids started camp yesterday. Including my two girls, there are eight kids in our building that are attending the same camp and seven of them ride the bus together. There's also two other little girls that get dropped off at our building to take the bus. Mornings will be fun this summer - the kids all like each other and they run around in front of our building like maniacs. It's like a little community - the kind people in the suburbs talk about - only we get to live in the city.

M-Girl actually woke up on her own this morning and got dressed without any prompting, cajoling or yelling from her parents. All hail the mighty swim class - she knew that she'd get to wear her bathing suit to camp this morning and that's the only reason she got out of bed. Whatever it takes, I always say. Did you know that M-Girl means "queen of the sea" in Welsh? Well, it does. And although she was terrified of the water at first, she is now officially a fish. She still can't really swim without water wings but I think by the end of the summer she be able to swim at least a little bit without help.

Ok, this is as boring for me to write as it is for you to read. So I'll be going now.

What would you do?

I got on the bus this morning with the girls - A-Girl is 7 1/2 and M-Girl is not quite 5. Keep in mind that although A-Girl looks like a 9 or 10 year old, M-Girl is a little peanut. The bus was very crowded and every seat was full. Not one person offered their seat to M-Girl.

A couple weeks ago, my husband and I were on the bus. A cab unexpectedly stopped short in front of the bus and the bus driver had to slam on the brakes. Everyone standing went flying forward and my husband cut his hand on a piece of metal. I told my kids this story this morning as a warning and an explanation why they had to hold on tight. I told this story within ear shot of several people. Still - no one budged.

I'm sorry but I would have given up my seat immediately for a small child. Mind you - there were many able-bodied, young people that sat there and stared at us as I continually urged M-Girl to hold on to the pole with both hands. I was holding a briefcase and a purse and trying to make sure that two kids were safe - would it have been too much for ONE PERSON to give up their seat?

On top of that, before the bus came, the girls and I tried to get a cab. A woman at the bus stop saw us unsuccessfully trying to flag down a cab. Apparently, she decided that she too wanted to take a cab, so she walked just a little in front of me and started waving for a cab. She was trying to steal a cab from me and my kids. That's just rude - I called her on it, too. Nicely, but I did speak to her saying that we had been trying to get a cab for 10 minutes. She walked to the other side of the street - she still would have taken a cab from us had she not walked away in frustration. I just don't get people.

The hills are not so alive . . .

So maybe we won't be going to Asia after all. Although my boss is supportive, and his boss is somewhat supportive, the head of HR was apparently very negative on the idea of accommodating me. My boss thinks we can find a way to make something work but there's probably no way I'll be able to go for three months and still get paid - even if I work every day while I'm there. He said maybe they can let me go for six weeks but that's only his idea and no one else has signed off. They're concerned about setting a "bad" precedent that will put them in the position of having to provide the same accommodation to others in similar situations (but really, this is pretty one-off, don't you think?). I understand their position - to a point - and I'm trying not to be upset about it.

Big D and I were thinking that maybe we'll say that we can only sign a contract for A-Girl that commits her until November 15th which is currently the end of the run in Hong Kong. We could each go for seven weeks and be done with it. Even that's looking like it might not work if my company insists that I limit my absence to six weeks or less.

We talked to A-Girl about it and she says that she won't be disappointed if she doesn't go. We believe her, too. She's really worried about missing her friends and she's upset that she won't have her birthday here. What happens if we do take her there and she gets so homesick she can't stay? She's had dance recitals and chorus recitals but she's never performed live in a professional venue. What if she freaks out? I don't want to underestimate her - I really do think she'd be fine but my boss (admitting that it's totally not his place to say anything) asked whether we thought jumping into the deep end was a good idea for a child who's never been in the water. He has a point. She's never done any theater - ever. As much as I loved doing theater, she might hate it. (I doubt it, but it could happen).

What should we do? I don't know. And my husband doesn't know. And we don't really want to say no to this but we're concerned about saying yes and time is ticking and the decision isn't getting any easier. Part of me totally wants to throw caution to the wind and go for it - when would we get an opportunity like this again? Part of me understands how selfish and unrealistic that is. We want to travel to China some day and we will. We can afford it, so it's not like this is the only way we'd be able to travel. A-Girl has been working fairly steadily all year. She'll get other jobs. And it's highly likely that she'll get other opportunities to do theater. Although this feels like the chance of a lifetime, it really isn't.

As much as I want to go, I'm realizing that it may not be possible. If it isn't possible, I'll be disappointed. But it isn't about me, is it?

Tough decisions

So now that the excitement over A-Girl's job offer is dying down a little, we're working on the difficult issues like how the hell are we going to work out who goes with her, when and for how long. Big D and I both have full time jobs. We're talking to our bosses and they're supportive but there's this sticky issue about compensation. We definitely can't afford to lose our compensation or health benefits. The question is, how much of a reduction in our compensation are we willing to suffer in order for A-Girl to do this? It's not like A-Girl will get paid a ton of money and they'll only pay for one round-trip ticket for a guardian to join her. If we have to swap out guardians once or twice it's on our dime (or, more likely, A-Girl's dime). We have some friends, former babysitters and family members that might be willing to go. But we either don't really trust those people to do the job or they can't leave their lives for more than a week or two and that just won't work airfare-wise.

Then there's the impossible to quantify issue of M-Girl's feelings. How will she feel being without one parent and her only sibling for several months? On the one hand, she'll be an only child for the first time in her life but she'll have a single parent. She might feel left out, the at-home parent might feel more stressed. On the other hand, it might be nice to have just two people in the house for a little while.

Being totally honest, I would personally really love to go to Asia. I think it will be a great opportunity, not only for A-Girl, but for me, too. This fact is something that bothers my husband more than a little. He feels that I'm too invested in having A-Girl go and that my desire to go will render me unable to make a decision that's right for the whole family. And he's probably right, at least to a point. I see this as an opportunity for me to do something different, to spend at least a little time writing and working on some creative endeavors that I can't seem to find the time or energy for right now. That's not to say that I would press to go no matter what. If my boss says that I would have to take an upaid leave and lose my health benefits unless I pay the premiums, that would clearly be a deal-breaker - at least as far as me going for any longer than a few weeks. If I really thought that M-Girl would be crushed and that it would ruin her life if we did this, that would be a deal-breaker, too. I just don't think either of those extreme scenarios is the likely outcome. As usual, the likely outcome is somewhere in the gray area where decisionmaking is hard.

Is it selfish for me to want something for myself and to try to factor my desires into the situation? How important should money be in this situation? Clearly we aren't doing this for the money but is it appropriate for us to lose more money on the deal than A-Girl could possibly make? How much can we ask M-Girl to sacrifice for her sister - especially since she's too young to be a participant in the decision?

I find myself wondering how families of Olympic hopefuls handle their situations. They aren't doing it for the money, that's for sure. Often their significant sacrifices are over a period of many years, not months. And in the end, their payoff is highly uncertain. The payoff to us is uncertain as well, but this can't hurt A-Girl's career. On the other hand, if she stays here, she could (hopefully) continue to book commercials and she'll likely get other opportunities to do theatrical work during the time she would have been out of the country. She can join the Chicago Children's Choir this year instead of next year. She won't have to miss her friends and her sister won't have to miss her. And my husband and I can keep our day jobs. But we won't get to live in Asia for four months. What's that experience worth? That's the $64,000 question that I can't answer. And it's driving me nuts.

What the . . ?

Ok - so my husband was walking to meet me and the girls at the local Blockbusters and he saw an accident. A valet parker apparently backed up through an intersection, lost control of his car and hit a parked car. Luckily, no one was hurt. However, because the owner of the parked car wasn't around and because valet parkers are as dangerous as drunk drivers, my husband called 911. (There's a whole long story here that I won't bore you with).

Anyway, my husband and I are eventually face to face with the culprit, waiting for the cops to get there. When he complains that we've called the cops, I say "You could have killed someone." He says, "I made a mistake. My brakes don't work good, that's why I hit the other car." So I say "You were driving that you KNOW has defective brakes?!?" He says "Oh, you know everyone drives with defective brakes all the time!" He follows this up with "I back up through that intersection ALL the time and I've never killed anyone." Oh, ok. Sheesh. Thank goodness the cops finally showed up. They were very nice (to us, not so much to Mr. Defective Brakes).

She's going to Asia!

Well, A-Girl got the role of Marta in the Asian tour of Sound of Music! We're thrilled and not a little shell-shocked. She's very excited, although she's worried about missing her friends. This is the child who, several times a day during our vacation last February, would ask us what time it was at home. She'd then tell us what her class was probably doing at that moment. It'll be tough for her to be gone for four or five months, knowing that her friends are home together. She and I talked about the possibility of her starting an online diary/journal that her friends can read and comment on. I even suggested that maybe we'll see if her 3rd grade class can start a blog so they can tell her what's going on at school. It'll be a good education for everyone. Starting in 1st grade, kids in her school write in their journals daily. This will get her to write daily and it'll be a great record of the things she did during her time in Asia.

Because Big D and I both have full time jobs, figuring out who is going to be with A-Girl and when is going to be interesting. Big D already talked to his boss and now she's talking to her boss (and so on, and so on). I'm going to talk to my boss on Monday. He's always been very accommodating to me with respect to A-Girl's budding career. I think he will do what he can to make this possible for us. Much of what I do can be done from anywhere in the world with an internet hookup so I'm hoping I can leave for three or four months but still get paid and keep my benefits (I don't ask for much, do I?). I guess we'll see. Pretty much everyone we know has offered to go for awhile but paying for airfare every other week is really not in our budget. Realistically, it would be tough for anyone to take more than a couple of weeks away from their lives (and paychecks) and we can't afford to pay someone to be with her. Besides, we want to be there, too!