I haven't posted in a couple of days because I've been Mrs. Crabby Pants lately. I thought I shouldn't post because I have my head in a black cloud and I figured it would be so bleak that all my readers will leave me for less depressing blogs. Then I realized that the point of a diary (public or not) is to express your feelings even when they aren't sunny and bright, or particularly funny. And I know that I'm not alone so hopefully my true readers will stick with me even when I'm in a foul mood.
Have I mentioned before that I hate PMS? Well, I do. It sucks. Big D and I have discovered that I have something that we call "bad egg" month. Just about every other month, my PMS is almost tolerable and my mood swings are fairly minor. But on the other months, my mood swings are like carnival rides. I swear - I am manic/depressive during some months. One minute I'm talking a mile a minute, telling stories, laughing and having a jolly good time. The next I'm lecturing my children in a high pitched screech that only dogs can hear about what ungrateful children they are because they don't listen to me when I ask them to do anything and here I've been so nice and let them have McDonald's for lunch and they whine when I ask them to put their laundry in the basket and I do all the laundry anyway and they don't really even have regular chores like other kids and I'm not their slave you know! Sheesh. As Big D says, no wonder they tune me out. I would tune me out!
Well, it's bad egg month - so here comes the major whining. If you don't like whining, feel free to read the blog of someone who doesn't whine. I'm sure they exist. And for those of you who might feel the urge to psychoanalyze me, I know that I bring most of this on myself. I know that there are many things that I could (should?) do to help myself. But right now I'm too tired, I don't like doing things because I "should" and even if you gave me the best advice in the world, I won't listen - especially if it involves giving up coffee.
I'm tired and stressed out. I want my husband and my baby home again. I miss them so much it hurts. I have a cold sore and something's causing my right eye to swell up near the tear duct and that hurts, too and no, I don't have time to go to the doctor. I got a haircut and it looks like heck because I need to refresh my perm. I'm not looking forward to winter - I hate being cold and I'm always cold during the winter. At this moment I'm bored with my job - I'm sure that will change once I get through the next three days of god-awful board meetings (which is why I don't have time to go to the doctor right now). I wish I could retire and spend all my free time writing and knitting and just generally being creative but that's just not feasible right now and anyway, it wouldn't be anything like my fantasy. It would require work and I'm just plain LAZY right now. I want to crawl into bed for a few days and not come out until the PMS goes away.
I was hoping that writing about it would make it better. Unfortunately, at least as of this moment, it didn't. I'm now going to go home and crawl into bed. Maybe M Girl can make herself dinner. Or not. After all, she is only five. Ok, I'll reheat some left overs and THEN I'll crawl into bed. Such fun it must be to be my child!