Monday, November 14, 2005

Crabby Pants

I haven't posted in a couple of days because I've been Mrs. Crabby Pants lately. I thought I shouldn't post because I have my head in a black cloud and I figured it would be so bleak that all my readers will leave me for less depressing blogs. Then I realized that the point of a diary (public or not) is to express your feelings even when they aren't sunny and bright, or particularly funny. And I know that I'm not alone so hopefully my true readers will stick with me even when I'm in a foul mood.

Have I mentioned before that I hate PMS? Well, I do. It sucks. Big D and I have discovered that I have something that we call "bad egg" month. Just about every other month, my PMS is almost tolerable and my mood swings are fairly minor. But on the other months, my mood swings are like carnival rides. I swear - I am manic/depressive during some months. One minute I'm talking a mile a minute, telling stories, laughing and having a jolly good time. The next I'm lecturing my children in a high pitched screech that only dogs can hear about what ungrateful children they are because they don't listen to me when I ask them to do anything and here I've been so nice and let them have McDonald's for lunch and they whine when I ask them to put their laundry in the basket and I do all the laundry anyway and they don't really even have regular chores like other kids and I'm not their slave you know! Sheesh. As Big D says, no wonder they tune me out. I would tune me out!

Well, it's bad egg month - so here comes the major whining. If you don't like whining, feel free to read the blog of someone who doesn't whine. I'm sure they exist. And for those of you who might feel the urge to psychoanalyze me, I know that I bring most of this on myself. I know that there are many things that I could (should?) do to help myself. But right now I'm too tired, I don't like doing things because I "should" and even if you gave me the best advice in the world, I won't listen - especially if it involves giving up coffee.

I'm tired and stressed out. I want my husband and my baby home again. I miss them so much it hurts. I have a cold sore and something's causing my right eye to swell up near the tear duct and that hurts, too and no, I don't have time to go to the doctor. I got a haircut and it looks like heck because I need to refresh my perm. I'm not looking forward to winter - I hate being cold and I'm always cold during the winter. At this moment I'm bored with my job - I'm sure that will change once I get through the next three days of god-awful board meetings (which is why I don't have time to go to the doctor right now). I wish I could retire and spend all my free time writing and knitting and just generally being creative but that's just not feasible right now and anyway, it wouldn't be anything like my fantasy. It would require work and I'm just plain LAZY right now. I want to crawl into bed for a few days and not come out until the PMS goes away.

I was hoping that writing about it would make it better. Unfortunately, at least as of this moment, it didn't. I'm now going to go home and crawl into bed. Maybe M Girl can make herself dinner. Or not. After all, she is only five. Ok, I'll reheat some left overs and THEN I'll crawl into bed. Such fun it must be to be my child!

8 comments:

Sandra said...

She'll be fine. Give her some of that canned soup you like so much, and a DVD.

Sorry you're feeling so crappy. I'm lucky I don't have much PMS, but I have a couple friends who go through hell with it.

You are a single mom lately. It's not easy.

The Scarlett said...

Whining is fine. I'm a champion at times and blogs are a good place to vent.

If you don't want any advice, read another comment.

Okay ... don't be so hard on yourself. Every other month give yourself a break when you start to feel the world on your shoulders. Maybe do a little yoga which I know sounds like a huge cliché but it can force you to slow down and to, at the very least, stretch.

And, give yourself a little credit for how great you do the rest of the time.

There. I know it is a meager offering but this is just a little comment from someone that is already your fan.

And remind yourself that you aren't Omarosa so you've got that going for you.

Oh, and the word I had to type for verification was 'zstedawg'! I'm envisioning a 'zstedawg' as a rare type of whippet.

Jessica said...

Thank you Sandra and Scarlett for your kind words! I did feed M Girl! We had left overs and we watched the Fairly Odd Parents movie (for the gazillionth time). But it was nice. The good thing about having board meetings today is that I don't have to do much talking, just vague listening and lots of taking of notes. It may be boring but it's easier than real work!

landismom said...

Please, if I had to do as much single parenting as you've done recently, I'd be a raving beeyotch, not just a whiner. Hell, my dh was just sick this weekend, and I was glaring at him every thirty seconds!

You deserve a break. And they'll be home soon, and you'll get all those big girl hugs again.

cmhl said...

girl, you won't whine along while I'm around. Whine away---- sorry about the bad egg month--hah!

Sheryl said...

Sorry it's bad egg month. I've had the let-me-crawl-under-the-covers-and-leave-me-alone blues too. Hope you feel better soon.

Cin said...

Bad Egg Month? I've never heard it called that but I can empathize - I get them too. Those are the days when nothing I write works out well, all I want to do is sleep & bitch, and nothing the poor spouse or the 2-cat mafia does is right, or good enough.

I'm sure M girl will survive though - sounds to me like you've been bringing her up to be a bright independent miss, so a couple of off days WON'T damage her.

Cheers from a surly (or is that sultry?) sister-in-arms...

MIM said...

Oh, Honey, please -- whine away! Besides, it was still funny. I do hope you feel better, though. I know exactly how you feel.

And, I'm sure your children still absolutely adore you. How could they not? They know (or at least this time, M Girl, since Abby's not home) this mood will pass!

Big hug!