Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Who am I, really?

At 40, I'm finally stopping to think about who and I am and what I want. It doesn't mean I'm reconsidering my marriage, kids or job. I love all of those things and, at least with respect to the marriage and the kids, I wouldn't change them for the world. As for the job, it's great and all but the fact that I'm sitting here writing online instead of doing the work I get paid for says something, I guess. I'm just looking at the way I spend my time, how I treat myself, thinking about what I could be doing differently and, hopefully, making some changes.

I don't want to be afraid to take chances anymore. I've stayed within my comfort zone too long and it got smaller and smaller. Sometimes, I feel like I can barely move. I know, sounds a bit dramatic doesn't it? It's probably just PMS talking, but still, it's how I feel even if it is a tad irrational.

I want to plant growing things on my balcony but I'm afraid that the plants will die. I want to take a dance class but I'm afraid people will laugh behind my back. I want to write but I'm afraid no one will think my writing is worth reading. I want to be a normal person but instead I'm a big, whiny baby. Ugh. I need to go for a walk.

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