Thursday Thirteen - Stage Mom Edition

Thirteen Things about Being a Stage Mom 1. First let me say that I probably shouldn't be calling myself a stage mom. Big D is really handling all things related to show business in our family. He does all the heavy lifting, as they say. I do nothing except undeservedly bask in the glory of A Girl's success. So I guess I am just a typical stage mom. 2. A Girl and her dad have been in L.A. for two weeks and they're staying until early March. It's "pilot season" in Hollywood which means there's more casting than usual. When you go for pilot season, the hope is that you'll get cast on a show that actually makes it to the air. If you're lucky, your show will be a hit and you'll have a job for awhile. 3. A Girl had her first audition on Friday for a small role in an episode of an existing show and she booked it! They filmed the episode Tuesday. I would love to tell you all what show it is but out of a growing concern for her safety and privacy, I've decided not to give details. Some of my early readers have seen pictures of her and could probably figure out who she is if they watch this particular show. All I'll say is that it's a comedy and she has two lines. 4. After a week of nothing but that one audition (and booking!), she now has a few things on the schedule for this week. Since they're out there for her to audition, it's great that she's getting seen. She has voice over, print and movie auditions so she's seeing a wide variety of people. 5. I'm torn between wanting her to get something big and wanting her to come home to have a "normal" life. We never thought we'd be doing this - at least not this soon after she started. Even after she spent three months performing in Asia, we didn't anticipate her career taking off yet. But then she won a spot in the Chicago Childrens' Choir, got a role in this play and was asked by an L.A. agency to go to California to audition. Now she has a "name" TV show under her belt which is a huge resume boost - who knows where it could lead her. 6. Sometimes I underestimate her which, I think stems from my own fear of rejection. I think she's cute and she's a really nice kid. I want her to do well because she's so happy performing and has always wanted to be on TV. And because she's my kid. But when I look at her, I see a normal kid. I don't see a "star." So when I go to auditions with her and see a bunch of kids that are better dressed with perfect hair and perfect teeth, I worry that A Girl will get her heart broken. But at this point, she's had more rejections than bookings and she's fine with it. She actually likes auditioning. She loves getting a job but she's ok if she just gets an audition. She understands how it works. Clearly, her skin is thicker than mine. 7. I know I've said it before but seeing your baby on television is totally cool and slightly surreal. Especially when she's saying "I love you mommy!" to a Stepford Wives version of me. 8. I have to credit my husband for this idea, but he is very careful to remind A Girl that doing commercials etc. is just like any other extra-curricular activity. If her grades slip, if she starts getting a bad attitude, if it all starts to be too much for her to handle then she doesn't do it anymore until her priorities change. People (myself included) tend to call what she does a "career" but that's a big thing for any eight year old to carry. Big D once told her, "Remember, you're not an actress, you're a kid and that's ok." Before they went to California, Big D heard her saying just that to one of her friends. She doesn't want them to treat her differently. She just wants to be a kid. 9. Every once in awhile she needs a reminder that the world doesn't revolve around her but for the most part, she's a really nice, friendly person. That's what makes her success all the sweeter for the people who love her. She really deserves to have good things happen to her. 10. The other thing I worry about is her little sister. Given the exciting things that are going on with A Girl, it's way too easy to get caught up talking about her and not talking about M Girl. First of all, I talk about A Girl too much as it is. Then it doesn't feel right talking about M Girl because I've pretty much dominated the conversation at that point. I don't want to be one of those people who does nothing but talk about their own kids and never lets anyone get a word in edgewise. But sometimes I feel like I have to add something about M Girl so it doesn't seem like I've totally forgotten that I have another child. That's awful, isn't it? 11. M Girl and I are going to California on Saturday. Lucky for me, I get to be in Board meetings all week. M Girl gets to be schlepped around to A Girl's auditions. But I'm sure she'll just be happy to be with her dad and her sister. I think she's getting sick of beating me in Crazy 8's. She needs another willing victim. 12. There's a whole stage mom culture here that I'm sure is probably just as catty as the one in L.A. (but Big D will have to let me know about that one). Even though I talk up a storm about A Girl to people who know us, I don't sit at auditions questioning other mothers about what work their kid has done just so I can brag about A Girl. Seriously, there's one mother who sits by the door at auditions and questions EVERY person who walks through the door. 13. I worry about A Girl getting obnoxious and full of herself as she gets more success. But as I said in #8, Big D is really good about keeping her grounded. The reality is that I should worry more about ME getting obnoxious. Because the awful truth is that I can't wait to tell the other stage moms that A Girl got a tv show! The next time I say that I'm not a typical stage mom, feel free to give me a good smack down. See the sidebar blog roll for links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It's easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

The sneaky one

It's Saturday afternoon. Earlier in the day, our 4 year old neighbor, H girl, came over to play for a little while. When H Girl went home, my babysitter insisted on accompanying her in the elevator to her apartment despite H Girl's protests that she could go by herself. Although this building is about as safe as they come, no place is perfectly safe. We very rarely let our kids go somewhere in the building without us and then only if both of them are together.

M Girl is eating a snack and I'm doing the dishes when we hear a little knock at our apartment door. I open the door and see H Girl, by herself. I'm pretty sure her parents wouldn't let her come down alone. She's not exactly the most trustworthy kid.
"I'm here again! I'd like some food. Do you have any popsicles?"
"Honey, where's your dad? Did he tell you that you could come back here?"
"Well, I asked him if I could come over."
"What did he say? Does he know you're here?"
"I asked him and he said no so I sneaked out." She does a little sneaking dance in my living room.

I adore this girl but she's Trouble. She's adorable and sweet and has the awesome power of teeny tiny cuteness. You just want to scoop her up and carry her around in your big mom purse. But just try to say no to her and watch the storm clouds gather. Thunder claps! Lightning strikes! She turns into a small but very loud, flailing mass of fury. At least that was last month. Now I guess she just does what she wants regardless. It's quieter but a lot more unsettling.

So, before I can say another word to her (like "Holy crap kid are you in trouble"), M Girl says "H Girl! You can't just leave your house without telling your parents!" You go girl. I seriously thank my lucky stars that I don't have to worry about my girls doing something like that (at least not yet). They aren't perfect kids and they push our buttons like any other kids. But we've tried to teach them about safety and when it comes to that kind of stuff, they really tow the line.

So H Girl's dad came down to get her. I open the door and she's talking to him like nothing happened. "Dad, can I come back later? Is my friend S home? When are we eating dinner?" He's clearly pissed. He picks her up and walks wordlessly away while she chatters on. She clearly doesn't know what kind of trouble she's in. Then again, she behaves like this because her parents are a bit lax in the discipline department. Maybe she knows that they're no match for the power of her teeny tiny cuteness.

Thursday Thirteen - Things that irritate me

It's another PMS-driven Thursday Thirteen! (Yes, I have PMS again. If it bothers you, talk to my husband. He can tell you that the only way to deal with my PMS is to repeatedly bang your head against a brick wall. That way, the pain in your ass caused by my PMS will be overshadowed by the pain in your head.) Anyway, instead of trying to freak you out with my mood swings, I'll see how many of my readers I can offend with a list of things that irritate me.

1. Anti-bacterial tissues. Seriously - has anyone EVER gotten a virus from germs that have been blown into a tissue? Was there some burning customer need for foul-smelling, too thick tissues that have the dubious benefit of killing germs that weren't going to hurt anyone? If I was a cynical person, I would say that the tissue company is simply trying to market a higher margin product to an insanely germ-phobic public.

2. People who smoke in front of the entrance to a public building. I try to be a live and let live person. If someone wants to destroy their lungs by smoking, that's their choice. Personally, I choose to clog my arteries with Krispy Kremes. To each his or her own. But the thing is, my Krispy Kreme habit doesn't impact the health of other people. Second hand smoke - besides being annoying to most non-smokers - has been shown to be harmful. Ok, I realize that when I drive my car the exhaust has a detrimental impact on the environment but allowing the use of cars is a societal choice as much as a personal choice. So, anyway . . . it pisses me off when I have to enter or leave a building and I have no choice but to walk through a cloud of smoke to get where I need to go. Please - if you must smoke, can you move away from the entrance of the building?

3. Winter. Well, more specifically, winter after New Years. I like a white Christmas season (or Christmakkah as one of my Jewish friends living with a Christian woman calls it). And I know some people actually like snow and do "fun" things like speeding down a mountain, dodging other people and huge rocks and just generally trying not to get killed, maimed or otherwise injured. I don't mind cooler weather but there is simply NO NEED for below zero temperatures. To be completely honest, we've had a fairly mild winter and I'm probably jinxing everything by complaining when I promised at the beginning of this god awful season that I wouldn't complain. But I'm PMSing, it's February, I'm sick of gray skies and cold weather. I'm sick of my winter coat. I'm sick of my winter clothes and if I never wore another pair of flannel pajamas I'd live happily ever after.

4. People who can't admit they're wrong. (Dear husband, please stop laughing). I can admit when I'm wrong. I can. It might take me a day (or five) but eventually I can admit it. Usually.

5. Incompetent people who somehow manage to weasel themselves into a position of responsibility. Especially when I have to work with them. How do these people get where they are? What makes the people who hire them think they are actually capable of doing the job? Let me just say that just because someone is a decent salesman does not mean that he can competently run a huge project that requires attention to detail, understanding of a wide variety of rules and regulations and the acceptance of reality.

6. Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. 'Nuff said y'all.

7. People who believe that there are big corporate, political or religious conspiracies going on requiring huge numbers of people are coordinating their efforts to dupe the "ordinary" person or destroy society as we know it. The most recent one irritating me has to do with the announcement by the American College of Chest Physicians that over the counter cough suppressants don't work. In an interesting article in the Chicago Tribune, author Julie Deardorff quotes "quackwatcher" Robert Carroll as saying that he knows that OTC cough medicines work because he's used them and millions of people swear by them so they MUST work. He goes on to say "Who's right? The millions of us with common sense and experience or some group of pointy-headed medical doctors who want us to get pneumonia so we'll have to check into the hospital and pay large medical bills to help pay for their SUVs and vacation homes?" Yeah, that's right. 16,000+ doctors got together and said to themselves, "Let's tell people that OTC cough medicines don't work so we can make more money." That's just plain stupid.

There's also the International Jewish Conspiracy to take over the world. I'm Jewish. Some of my best friends are Jewish. I'm shocked that none of us have been invited to the conspiracy planning meetings. I have some great ideas about how to take over the world. Maybe we're just not Jewish enough . . .

8. Restaurants that display actual plates of food to show their daily specials. Right after those plates are put out, the food starts to look unappetizing. Seriously people, the last thing I want to see when I walk into a restaurant for lunch is a plate of gnarly looking, five-hour-old eggs garnished with wilted parsley.

9. People who play annoying music in their cars at deafening levels. Look, if you're driving down the highway I can understand wanting to blast Bon Jovi's Livin' on a Prayer or, better yet, REO Speedwagon's Roll With the Changes. (Yeah, yeah - I was a teenager in the '80s. So sue me.) I might even understand it if you blast hip hop or techno under those circumstances. (Like I said in #2 - to each his or her own). But if you're at a stop light in the middle of the damn city, it's simply not appropriate to listen to irritating disco beats at a volume so high that the street shakes and people in neighboring towns cover their ears.

10. Parents that live vicariously through their children. I recognize that this is a dangerous subject. Not only because I am perilously close to doing this with my own child but because, to some extent I think most parents live through their children to one extent or another. To me, one of the great things about having kids is being able to experience their discovery of the world. As parents, we want - and need - to guide them and keep them safe on that journey. That guidance is based on our own experience and desires. Someone who always wanted to play sports as a kid but couldn't for one reason or another, is likely to encourage their kids to play sports. Someone who loved musical theater as a kid but didn't have the nerve or ability to do it professionally is going to be really excited when her daughter gets a role in the Sound of Music and gets to do the show in Asia for three months. Just hypothetically speaking. It's not that I actually know anyone like that . . . I'm ok with that kind of inevitable living through your kids.

What irritates me is parents whose self-esteem rests in the achievements of their kids. I admit, I talk about A Girl way too much sometimes. Partly because she's doing some exciting things and partly because in my weaker moments, I fall prey to typical stage parent bragginess. But, in the end, this is all about A Girl and not about me. I simply can't stand the type of mother (I'm not being sexist here - it's always the mothers in this business) who sits at the door of the auditions and tells everyone how great her kid is and how excited she was to be in the such-and-such movie with X mildly famous person. Or the mother who says "Didn't your daughter audition for Y commercial with my daughter? Well, my daughter booked that commercial, you know." Yeah? Bite me.

11. The fact that it is apparently impossible for me to make a simple list without expounding ad nauseum and creating a long, rambling post instead of the pithy bit of blogging entertainment I intended to create.

12. When the Starbucks barista doesn't put any foam in my latte. Yes, I know that in the scheme of things this should not get my undies in a bunch but, let's face it, I spend something close to the annual GDP of Bolivia on my morning lattes so shouldn't I get it just the way it's supposed to be?

13. Believe it or not, I've run out of things to bitch about. Shocking, I know.

Now that I've either bored you to death or offended you, maybe you want to check out some other Thursday Thirteens. Mosey on over to the sidebar to the Thursday Thirteen links.

*************************************************************

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It's easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

You're fired!

No, I didn't lose my job (although there are some days when I think that would be A OK with me). The other day, we fired A Girl's first agent. It wasn't pretty. In fact, she reacted like a snotty child which, instead of making us feel bad, simply reinforced our decision to fire her.

A lot of actors (and, for child actors, their parents) tend to think that if they aren't getting any jobs, it's the agent's fault. But if they are getting jobs, it has nothing to do with the agent and everything to do with the actor's charm, talent and good looks. We aren't like that. A good agent can get an actor in front of the right people at the right time and a good actor/agent relationship is important to the development of a successful acting career. In the best case, you want to "stick with the horse that got you there." It isn't nice to have one agent start you out, get you your first (often lower paying) jobs when no one knew who you were and then leave for no good reason once you start booking more and higher paying jobs.

On the other hand, this is a business. There are a lot of agents to choose from - at least for successful actors. Just because a particular agent gave you a chance when, perhaps, no one else would doesn't mean you need to stick with that agent forever - no matter what.

So here's why we fired her agent:

1. Her agent was not the nicest person around. She had her moments when she'd be friendly. But most of the time she acted like she was doing us all a favor by taking our calls. It's not like we were calling all the time asking stupid questions. We always responded to her calls in a timely fashion. We turned our schedules upside down to make A Girl available for auditions and jobs. We were available at the last minute for several things - which most people simply can't (or won't) do. All in all, we were pretty good clients.

We dealt with her bad bedside manner by just chalking it up to her being busy. After all, A Girl was getting auditions and that's all you can really ask for from an agent. But the straw that broke the camel's back for me happened right after A Girl came back from Asia. We went to the agent's office for a voice over audition and all A Girl could talk about was getting to say hi to her agent. When we got to the office, she went up to the agent and said hello. The agent barely looked up from the piece of paper she was holding, said "Oh. Hi." and walked away. She didn't even smile! It's one thing for the agent to be snippy with stage parents but to be mean to a child? That's just wrong.

2. We dual listed A Girl last year (which means that two agencies where submitting her for jobs). The second agency had a strong modeling/print department and that's something A Girl wanted to do more of. Granted, I didn't handle the dual listing very well. I was so afraid of pissing off Agent #1 (and, true to my nature, I felt guilty about it) that I put off telling her for several months. Finally, I got up the nerve to tell her and, as I feared, she was angry. (And that could be part of why she was snippy to A Girl although she's the one that booked A Girl in Asia and got 10% of the nothing she made while she was there. But that's no excuse to be mean to a child.)

But instead of trying to show why we should go back to being exclusively with her, Agent #1 got meaner and snippier. She still sent A Girl on auditions and there were still times when we had nice conversations. Both she and Agent #2 were booking A Girl on jobs. But, when A Girl came back from Asia, Agent #2 made an effort to see her. Agent #2 also spent nearly an hour one day talking to my husband about A Girl's career and what her next steps might be. She explained how things work in L.A. Based on her personal experience having done tons of musical theater as a child, she explained how that business works as well. And then she came in with an offer we felt we couldn't refuse - if A Girl signed exclusively with her, A Girl would then automatically get an exclusive agency arrangement in L.A. which is almost a necessity in order to get television and film work. Agent #1 has no connections in L.A. and has never even offered to talk to us about A Girl's career development. It's not that we expect her to manage A Girl's career. That's not her job. But if she wants to maintain successful clients, she needs to be more than just a booking agent.

This isn't a decision we made lightly. We thought long and hard about whether it was fair to leave Agent #1 but without an L.A. connection, she just isn't able to provide the kind of access to bigger jobs that other agencies can provide. However, her agency is very strong in voice overs. Although those jobs are not generally high paying, A Girl is well established and is starting to book jobs without auditions because producers know her and have been happy with her work. So we decided to go with Agent #2 with everything except Chicago voice over work. We knew Agent #1 wouldn't be happy but I wasn't prepared for her response.

I called her and, as usual, she was too busy to talk to me. But I had to get it over with so I said "There's no easy way for me to say this. We've decided to sign an exclusive arrangement with Agency X." Before I could get another word out she said (in her usual snippy voice) "Well, good luck with that." I jumped in with "But we'd like to have A Girl continue to work with you for voice overs." Her response was "Well, we'll see about that." When I reiterated that we'd like to stay with her she said "We'll take it under advisement." WTF? I can understand being pissed about losing the business and maybe saying "Can we talk about this another time? I'm upset at losing such a good client and I'd like to collect my thoughts before we continue this conversation." That's professional. It's not like we don't have other options - A Girl has done something like ten voice over jobs since returning home in November. It's not like her agent has to work real hard to get stuff for her.

Since then, she hasn't called us. When they needed A Girl at the last minute for a booking, she had someone else from her agency call me. When she had another booking for A Girl, she sent an email. Is it really a good idea to continue to work with someone who can't bring herself to pick up the phone and talk to you?

So now we're switching to another voice over agent who is so excited to be representing A Girl that she's already started making calls to her industry contacts. She's also talked to us about keeping her posted with A Girl's schedule promising to try to schedule things around her other commitments as much as possible. She's even trying to work out a situation where A Girl can work from L.A.

What I've learned (that my husband knew all along) is that although this is a relationship business, it is a business first and foremost. While it's good to have a friendly relationship with your (or your child's) agent, it's important that the agent work FOR you and not just expect you to do all the work. If you aren't getting good service, there's nothing wrong with testing the market to see if you can find something better. Although I do feel a little bad about firing Agent #1, I know we did it for all the right reasons. And if she ever decides she wants to understand why she lost our business, she can call anytime and we'll explain it.

Thursday Thirteen - Another quicky

Thirteen Things about Jessica 1. I'm gonna make this quick because I have Board meetings starting in about an hour. It's finally a beautiful day here - sunny and not too cold and I'll be spending the better part of the day in a stuffy conference room. I suppose I shouldn't be complaining about the job that pays the mortgage, though . . . 2. As you can see from my last post - I got my yellow belt! And I broke the board! With my foot! And didn't really injure myself or anyone else! 3. I've been reading a lot of stuff about writing but haven't been doing much actual writing except in snippets. It is so hard to find the time. 4. We got a Schoolhouse Rock DVD awhile ago but the kids hadn't really watched much of it. So we broke it out one night and watched all the old favorites - Conjunction Junction, The Preamble, I'm Just A Bill, Figure Eight - and the kids loved it. They've been playing it a lot (and arguing whether they should listen to Multiplication Rock or Grammar Rock or America Rock. 5. A looooong time ago, I memorized the Preamble to the Constitution from listening to the song The Preamble and I can still sing it to this day. I think it will help A Girl a lot because she's so musical. She can memorize pretty much anything if it's set to music! 6. I'm going to L.A. in February. Even though it's on business and I'll spend all day in conference rooms, I'm still glad to be there and not here. I really don't like Chicago in February. I'm soooo done with winter. 7. Boy, I really don't have much to say today. Sorry to be so boring. 8. There are things going on at work that I'm not thrilled about but there are people from work who might read this so I can't really talk about it. Suffice it to say that this organization could use a lesson in communication skills. (My husband is probably laughing right now given the whole "pot calling the kettle black" thing going on in that sentence). 9. Although I talk a lot, I'm not a great communicator. My new mantra (especially during PMS) is "Less is more." I need to talk LESS. I'll let you know how that works out. 10. I think I'm a better communicator through writing than I am through speaking. My mouth tends to run ahead of my brain too much of the time. I do type faster than I think but at least the delete button works! I haven't found a way to unsay things I've said, though. 11. When my husband was a kid and he wanted to get better at something, he would practice and practice and practice - on his own most of the time. We taught the girls how to play Crazy 8's last week and M Girl has really taken to it. She's been home from school for awhile due to the scourge I promised never to talk about on this blog again and (in addition to watching way too much tv) she's been playing Crazy 8's. Her dad plays with her sometimes but most of the time she's been playing by herself. She deals the cards as if two people are playing and then plays both sides. She has spent HOURS doing this. Her attention span is incredible for a five year old. Her incentive is that she really likes to win and she's willing to do what it takes to get good enough to win. We gotta get that kid into competitive sports - she'll probably love it. 12. I like to win but I'm not really good at practicing. When I was a kid, I just wouldn't play games that I couldn't win or I would simply resign myself to losing and not try very hard. I like Big D's and M Girl's attitude better. 13. Have a good Thursday everyone! See the sidebar blog roll for links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Yellow Belt!

So I had my test on Saturday to get my yellow belt and I passed! During the testing, everyone gets an opportunity to break a wooden board (or boards at the higher ranks). Breaking the board isn't required to advance in the lower belt ranks but it is required in the senior belt ranks (and to get a black belt, you have to break concrete with your hand!) And much to my surprise and joy, I broke the board! As soon as the board broke, I looked over at M Girl who was beaming with pride. Words can't begin to describe how much that meant to me. The last thing I wanted to do was disappoint my baby.

Don't get me wrong - I wanted to break the board for myself if only to prove that a 40-something, slightly plump, female corporate lawyer can do something generally considered macho. (Am I dating myself using that word? Because I don't think I've heard that word used in the last decade.) But being able to show my five-year-old daughter that I could do it meant even more. Hopefully she'll be testing for her yellow belt next month and maybe she'll be able to break the board, too. My success will help her believe in her own ability to be successful. I was concerned that if I failed to break the board, she'd carry that failure with her to her test. Or maybe I'm giving myself way too much importance here. I have a tendency to do that.

Moving right along . . . as promised, here's the essay I wrote as part of my test.

What is your motivation to study Tae Kwon Do? What goals have you set for yourself? How do you plan to achieve your goals?

I've been interested in Tae Kwon Do for years but always had lots of excuses why I couldn't sign up for instruction. There's not enough time. I'm out of shape. I'm too weak. I'm too old. There was some truth to the excuses. With two little ones at home and a full time job, I didn't have much extra time. Without taking time to exercise, I was weak and out of shape. And I wasn't getting any younger.

When I turned 40, I decided that it was time to make some changes. I realized that I wasn't setting a good example for my daughters. I needed to make time for myself. I was physically weak and mentally weak. I wanted to feel better about myself and take responsibility for my health and well-being. I also realized that if I was ever going to achieve my dreams, I had to actually do something now instead of waiting for that day when conditions are perfect. A day that will never come.

I decided to study Tae Kwon Do because it has both mental and physical components which will help me become stronger in both areas. I could never stick to a fitness routine that involved exercising for the sake of exercising. When I do push ups in Tae Kwon Do, I know that it will make my punches stronger and my blocks more effective. When I do sit ups, I know that it will improve my balance and someday, I'll be able to stand strong in my app kubi stance when my instructor tries to push me over. I'm not just exercising because it's "good" for me. I'm exercising because it helps me achieve my goals within Tae Kwon Do. The fact that it also happens to be good for me is icing on the cake.

Tae Kwon Do, like other martial arts disciplines, is both goal and process oriented. I like having a goal of reaching a higher belt rank. I also like the fact that success is not solely determined by belt rank. Instead, success is in the smaller achievements of learning each new technique and gaining consistency over time.

Outside of Tae Kwon Do, my goal is to become a published writer. I plan to achieve that goal through making time to write, studying the art and business of writing and taking classes.

Thursday Thirteen - Multi-tasking edition

1. If I go grab the code for my usual purple table, I won't have time to actually write my list so I'm going "naked" this week.

2. We're almost done nit-picking. As Mike points out in his comment to that post, the nit-picking is not actually the worst of it. It's all the washing, scrubbing, vacuuming and double-bagging of stuff (for TEN DAYS!) that's actually worse.

3. Under the heading of "Motherhood isn't always what I thought it would be": Last night, I sat on the floor of my room, picking nits out of my daughters' hair and watching Skating with Celebrities. Now THIS is the life . . .

4. I apologize to everyone who had uncontrollable urges to scratch their head after reading yesterday's post.

5. This is hopefully the last time I will discuss head lice. Ever.

6. I'm still planning on testing for my yellow belt on Saturday. I have Tae Kwon Do tonight and hopefully I'll be able to work on some of the things I'm not sure I have down pat yet. I'm fairly confident about passing the test but I'm still nervous.

7. I went to kickboxing on Tuesday night. I haven't been there in a month so I was afraid I'd be dead by the end of class but it was ok. I was only half dead.

8. The reason I named this the multi-tasking edition is because I'm typing this while I'm (sort of) listening to a conference call. Actually, I'm only listening to every other word so I have NO idea what's going on.

9. I hope they don't ask me a question.

10. Update on A Girl's career - we've decided to sign her to an exclusive arrangement with an agency here in Chicago which will also give her an exclusive arrangement with an L.A. agency. She and Big D are going to spend three weeks in L.A. next month during "pilot season" which is when they cast for the pilot episodes of next year's new shows. We realize that it is rather insane to turn our lives upside down for an eight year old's career but she really loves doing this and while she's getting some interest from the agencies, we might as well see what happens.

11. A Girl has a great attitude about it all. She enjoys auditioning and works hard but doesn't put an unhealthy emphasis on getting a job. And she loves performing - whether it's on camera, voice over or (especially) singing. We try to down play the career aspect - we emphasize that it's for fun and that it could all go away tomorrow. She knows that she may never book a job again and though she'd be disappointed, it wouldn't be devastating. Taking her to L.A. certainly heats things up quite a bit but we're of the mind that it's a time to meet new people and explore new opportunities. If nothing comes of it, they got a nice long visit to L.A. during Chicago's suckiest month (weather-wise).

12. I really believe that doing this stuff will help her down the road. At eight, she can already talk to anyone and isn't intimidated by unknown people or places. She's developed great confidence (but not ego) and that will help her as she grows up. Ok, I know I sound like one of those scary, big-haired mothers who puts her overly-made up five year old in freaky "beauty" pageants so "she'll develop confidence." But really, I'm not like that. Really.

13. Yeah! American Idol is on again! Do not ask me why I love that show. I just do. A Girl and I watch it religiously. M Girl would much rather watch Fairly Odd Parents. But she told me that if I wanted her to, she'd watch American Idol with me. Oh, the sacrifices that kid will make for me!

Thanks for reading. Now go visit some other Thursday Thirteeners - just check out the blog roll on the side bar for links! And all credit for the Thursday Thirteen concept goes to Leanne, the mother of the Thursday Thirteen. Be sure to stop by her blog and say hello!

Nit-picking. Literally.

That's right, folks. We have been visited by that scourge of childhood - head lice! Fun times. Not only do both girls have it. I have it and I am totally skeeved out. And I can't stop scratching my head. We probably wouldn't even know it yet if it weren't for the fact that M Girl has an ear infection. I took her to the doctor this morning for her ear and while we were there, I had them check her scalp.

I had a sneaking suspicion it might be lice but I was hoping against hope that it wasn't. A Girl has been scratching for over a week. But she's always bitching about paper cuts, bruises and other minor ailments so we just figured it was dry skin and she was being overly dramatic about the scratching. On Sunday, Big D said "Why don't we just take her to the doctor? Maybe there's something they can give her for the itching" We looked closely at her scalp and didn't see any crawly bugs. We saw little white things that we figured were just flakes from her dry scalp. So, in my infinite wisdom, I decided NOT to take her to the doctor. Now I know - your kid can have lice even if you can't see crawly bugs on their scalp. And the little white things are not "flakes" unless they actually flake off. If you jiggle the hair and the little white things don't move, they're nits.

Now you know. And knowing is half the battle. (Major points to anyone who can tell me where that phrase comes from).

Thusday Thirteen - Late edition

Thirteen Things about Jessica 1. I admit it, I'm late with my Thursday 13 but I'm doing it anyway. Thank goodness for the ability to "back post" a post! If I didn't admit it here, no one would know! (But I'm too honest for that). 2. It looks like I'm going to test for my yellow belt in Tae Kwon Do on January 21st. Yeah! I'm really excited. I've been working my butt off (unfortunately only figuratively, so far). 3. The only thing my instructor was concerned about was whether M Girl would feel bad if I got a yellow belt before her. She only goes once a week and she isn't quite ready yet. He thinks she'll be ready next month. Big D and I think that it's part of life that people advance at different rates and we're not worried about her being permanently scarred by my advancing quicker than she does. At some point, if we both stick with Tae Kwon Do, I'm sure she'll pass me up. And I'll just have to deal with it! 4. Whenever you test for a new belt, you have to write an essay that's at least 125 words. For this belt, my essay is supposed to be about why I'm taking Tae Kwon Do and what goals I'm setting for myself. I'll post it here when I get it written. I'm excited - I have a paper to write! 5. I got an iHome iPod Docking Station from my hubby for Christmas. I use it at work so I can listen to my iPod all day. I love my iPod! I love my iHome! If I wanted to take a nap at work, I could set the alarm on the iHome and wake up to my iPod tunes. Not that I would do that . . . 6. I'm working on my writing goals. It's slow going. I guess I'm scared to commit to anything. Maybe I'm afraid it will be another promise to myself that I'll break. I've been thinking of lots of ideas for writing and reading my Writers Magazine (which is great) so I'm feeling pumped up about it. I just have to dedicate more time to it. And not at work! 7. In February I get to go to L.A. on business and I'm staying at the Peninsula in Beverly Hills. It's only 3 minutes away from our good friends who I'm dying to see. They had a baby girl in November. This is what I made for her - this blanket (but in a different color) and this blanket. 8. Now that I'm done with those baby blankets, I'm going back to work on a blanket for Big D (a nice soft, thick dark blue basketweave) that I started more than two years ago. 9. I think I should officially be named the queen of unfinished projects. I have a crochet blanket that I started working on over ten years ago. (!) I was going to do gardening on our three balconies. I bought some books on container gardening and we bought a large container with a trestle (that we've yet to set up). There are still no living things on those balconies (except the spiders and as long as they continue to eat the mosquitoes, they can stay). 10. I'm not even talking about the stories and stuff I've started to write but never finished. 11. Maybe finishing what I started should have been one of my resolutions for 2006. 12. Or not. 13. At least I'm doing Thursday Thirteen regularly. I gotta have some discipline in my life! See the sidebar blog roll for links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. ItÂ’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

The ex-friend

This is my entry for this month's Blogging for Books. Because the guest author is Lani Diane Rich who wrote Ex and the Single Girl , the topic is to write about your Ex, whatever that means to you. I'm happily married to my one and only so I don't have an ex-husband. My ex-boyfriends (as few as there are) didn't stick around long enough and weren't interesting enough to provide good fodder for this entry. So I started thinking about the only ex I have and that's an ex-friend.

An ex-friend is different than a former friend or an old friend. When a friendship ends because of distance or busy, separate lives, a friend becomes a former friend. When a friendship fades for those same reasons but you'd still call the person in a heartbeat if something came up, that friend is an old friend. But an ex-friend results from a friendship that is terminated on bad terms. This doesn't happen often - at least not to me. I have quite a few former and old friends and, in many cases, there's always the possibility that those friendships could be re-ignited under the right circumstances. I have one ex-friend (I'll call her Bev). The strange thing is that I don't for sure know why the friendship ended; I only know that it didn’t end well.

It was really a "couples" friendship - my husband and I became friends with Bev and her husband (I'll call him Doug) when mutual friends got married. Bev and I went to the bachelorette party, Big D and Doug went to the bachelor party and the four of us drove out of state to the wedding together. At the time, we lived one block apart. We were good friends for years - they were the first friends we told when I got pregnant with A Girl. They helped us bring her home from the hospital. We got season tickets to the theater and went on vacation together. Even after they moved to the suburbs, we managed to visit each other fairly regularly. After they had their daughter, we brought them our baby swing and other gear. We emailed, we talked on the phone and we went out to dinner. We were good friends.

And then Big D's mom died. She had a stroke and other serious medical problems. Big D was his family's rock - helping them understand what the doctors were saying, helping them make the difficult decision to let her go. It was agonizing for Big D and all of us who loved his mother.

I called Bev and Doug to tell them about Big D's mom. They were on vacation in Europe but I left a message. They didn't call back. A week or so later, I called again. Bev answered the phone. Before we could barely say hello, she said something like "Tell Big D I'm going to send him a condolence card." "Oh, ok." I said. Then she ended the call. And that was it, I never heard from her. I called and left a few messages. Nothing. A while later we got a condolence card from them. I don't remember what it said but I remember feeling like it had all the warmth of a form letter. It was the kind of card you send an acquaintance, not a good friend.

Big D and I racked our brains trying to figure out what we might have done to piss them off but we couldn't think of anything. For our part, we never called to try to make amends. Mostly because we didn't think we did anything wrong but partly because we were hurt. The only thing we could think of that might have led to the end of the friendship was that Big D and I thought about voting Republican in the 2000 Presidential election between Al Gore and George W. As friends often do, we talked about the election one night at dinner. We told them we were thinking about the possibility of voting for Bush because we weren’t sure we liked Al Gore. In all honesty, it was a lesser of two evils thing. By their reaction, you would have thought we told them that we robbed a liquor store. I thought Bev was going faint into her linguini.

So, it came down to politics. Apparently, they were so put off by the fact that we would even consider voting Republican – ever – that they decided they couldn’t be friends with us anymore. If that’s the case, I feel sorry for them. It must be hard holding onto convictions that are so frail they can’t withstand a little debate. Big D and I have friends from many different cultural, religious and political backgrounds. Hearing their varied points of view expands our knowledge even if we disagree with them. Besides, if we only made friends with people who agree with us on all major issues, we probably wouldn’t have many friends.

Baby butt shot

We had a little crisis with M Girl yesterday about a framed picture we wanted to put up in her room. When she was a baby, we had professional pictures taken of both girls at Classic Kids Photography. They do a compilation they call "Baby Parts" which consists of nine small pictures of different parts of the baby - full face, profile, feet, belly button etc. (To see an example, click on the link, click on "enter" and a new page pops up. Click on "Gallery" at the bottom of the new page and then click on "Small" (the button right above the Gallery button). The first thing you see is Baby Parts.) As you can see, one of the essential parts of Baby Parts is the butt shot.

When M Girl was having her Baby Parts pictures taken, she did not like the butt shot - she screamed the entire time we had her on her tummy. It was hard to get a good picture because her butt was all tensed up - not like the cute bubble butts babies have when they're relaxed. Fast forward four years . . . we love M Girl's Baby Parts picture and we finally got around to hanging it up in our "new" home this weekend. We decided to put it in her room but when she saw it, she had a fit. "I don't want people to see my butt!" she shrieked. Her dad and I tried to convince her that it was cute but when she started to cry and stood, sobbing, in the corner of the room, Big D came up with a compromise. "Will you let us put it up if we cover the picture of your butt with a piece of paper?" She sniffed, blinked back the tears and nodded.

The thing is - I remember Big D and I having a conversation about the butt shot and guessing that it would be embarrassing to M Girl at some point. But we figured that it would happen in her pre-teen years when everything is embarrassing. We didn't expect it to happen so soon!

Thursday Thirteen - New Year's Resolution edition

Thirteen Things about Jessica's resolutions 1. I know it's totally overdone, but I can't resist writing about my resolutions for 2006. Not because they're so special or anything and only partly because I'm hoping that making them more public will motivate me to keep them. I'm writing them down mainly as a historical record of what I'm thinking right now. It will give me an opportunity to beat myself up publicly next year for not achieving my goals this year. 2. My first resolution is to get organized. I've been making this resolution for years and I recently blogged about making this resolution before January 1st to get a kind of head start on it. The results have been mixed. My office is fairly clean but not necessarily organized the way it should be. My desk at home - not even close. 3. I think I have trouble getting more organized at home because when I'm at home, I want to relax, hang with the hubby, play with the kids, blog etc. Organizing is work and I don't like to work outside of the office if I can help it. (Hell, if I'm being honest I'd say I don't really like to work even when I'm in the office!) But I'm trying to change that problematic attitude. I want to set a good example for the kids - I do not want them to follow in my disorganized footsteps, that's for sure. 4. Resolution number 2 is to write more. I realize that's not very specific and, if I really want to achieve anything, it should be more specific. Hubby and I had a chat the other day about this issue. When it comes to my creative endeavors, I tend to have very amorphous goals - if I even have goals at all. It's hard for him to help me achieve something that's so vague and ill-defined. He asked what I want to write and I couldn't really say. I know I want to keep blogging but that's not really what I mean when I say I want to write more. I guess I want to write more fiction or maybe I want to write a screenplay. A magazine article would be nice. I could write a novel or perhaps a short story is better. See what I mean? 5. Which leads me to Resolution number 3: Spend time thinking about my dreams and set goals that will help me actually live my dreams. I like this resolution. I wish I could keep it. It's the scariest one for me. I'm so not good at setting goals. Well, I can set goals. I just have a hard time not procrastinating them away. 6. Moving right along to Resolution number 4: Continue with Tae Kwon Do and kickboxing. That I can do and really want to do. I'm not off to a great start, though because I skipped kickboxing Tuesday night. My excuse is that I still have a cold and my nose won't stop running and I wasn't sure I was ready to go back yet. Fairly lame. I have Tae Kwon Do tonight and I'm gonna go no matter how I'm feeling. I swear! If I'm not in the hospital, I'm going to class. 7. Resolution number 5: Quit making resolutions I'm not going to keep. 8. I think that's all the resolutions I made. I'm more hopeful about my chances for success this year than I have been in years past. I don't know why that is or whether it's reasonable to be more hopeful. Lately, I've been living a bit more intentionally than I used to. Life is full of trade-offs. If I spend time doing one thing, I can't spend that same time doing another thing. Although I am really, really good at multi-tasking, even I can't write a novel, help the kids with homework, clean my desk, knit a sweater and have sex with my husband at the same time. Not that I've tried that particular combination of things all at one time . . . 9. One resolution I will never make again is to lose weight. That one has never, ever worked for me. I hope that Resolution number 4 will help in that area but weight loss for the simple sake of weight loss is not something I'm willing to sacrifice for. Whenever I even think about dieting, I eat more. Counter-intuitive and super immature, I know. But at this point in my life I need to work with myself and not against myself. I'm not obese so losing weight isn't really a health imperative for me. I like to think of myself as zaftig (the second definition - no one would ever accuse me of being "full-bosomed"). 10. Wow - I thought I would easily have thirteen things about my resolutions. I was wrong. I guess this is a good opportunity to wish you all a Happy New Year! 11. Since I have nothing else to say about resolutions, I'll spend the last three items talking about writing and reading. I haven't been doing any writing - except blogging. I want to do the Artist's Way program but I haven't done morning pages since Sunday. Mostly because I haven't been able to get out of bed in the morning. It's kinda hard to write in the morning when I'm running out the door for work. Excuses, excuses. 12. I've been doing lots of reading, though. Over the holiday, I finished Black Maps, a thriller by Peter Spiegelman who used to work on Wall Street before he quit to become a writer. I also read The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd which is a wonderful book about a white girl in the 1960's South who runs away from her abusive father and ends up living in the bright pink house of a black female beekeeper. I started reading Artist's Way, of course, and Predator which is Patricia Cornwell's latest Kay Scarpetta book. I've read all of the Kay Scarpetta books - I can't get enough! Big D is always amazed at how many books I'm reading at one time. I'm not sure how I keep all the plots straight but when I pick up a book (as long as I haven't left it for too long), it just isn't a problem. 13. I'm also reading the first Harry Potter book which is surprisingly good. The movie was absolutely true to the book and I'm amazed at how good the casting was. When I read the book, I can picture the kids from the movie and there's nothing inconsistent or jarring. I like the way Rowling uses just enough description to help you see things but leaves just enough to the imagination (although having seen the movie, it's hard for me to really use my own imagination). A friend loaned us the book so I could read it to the girls but neither of them is interested! M Girl isn't into chapter books and A Girl is loving The Chronicles of Narnia which I'm reading to her and Wicked which her Dad is reading to her. Maybe she has my ability to keep multiple plots straight! For links to other Thursday Thirteens, see the blog roll on the sidebar!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

What is the matter with me?

I am so damn chipper today. I'm so chipper I'm even annoying myself. I suppose I shouldn't complain but I guess I'm just not used to feeling this way in January on the first working day after a long holiday. The weather sucks, I have a TON of work. I've been sick, I'm totally out of shape and I have kickboxing tonight which is going to kick.my.ass. But I'm walking around with an unnatural spring in my step, brightly wishing everyone a "Happy New Year!" What the hell is wrong with me?! It's January, I'm supposed to be crabby. Or is it during February that I'm crabby and January that I'm just plain tired of winter?

Seriously, though, I'm just happy right now and I should enjoy it before the hormones kick in soon. My husband took great care of me while I was sick last week and we had a really nice, relaxing New Years Eve. We watched Alexander which sucked but it was nice to just be sitting next to each other for an extended period of time without a young child coming in and asking for our help to negotiate a peace treaty or fix the computer (again) or simply trying to sit in between us. Part of it is that, due to some excellent encouragement from my hubby, I came into the office yesterday (which was a holiday for us), cleaned my desk and got a head start on work. So today doesn't really feel like the first day back.

Bottom line - I guess I'm really ready to start a new year. Fresh, hopeful and happy.

Happy New Year everyone!

Thursday Thirteen - About writing

Thirteen Things Jessica is thinking about the topic of writing! 1. I've been thinking about the topic of writing a lot lately. Probably because I haven't actually been writing. When I don't write, writing is on my mind all the time. 2. I still have lots of anxiety issues about writing. I thought they'd go away - or at least diminish - when I had my short story published. But, to my surprise, I think it's gotten worse. 3. One of the things I have problems with is my internal editor. He just won't shut up. Ever. I know I've blogged about this before (I'm just too lazy to find the link). Whenever I sit down to write - or even think about writing something - he steps in and tells me how stupid the idea is or how I'm just wasting my time. 4. For Christmas I got The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. Whenever I'm browsing for books about writing or creativity in general, I come across references to this book. It's been around for ten years and it's supposed to be very helpful for removing blocks to creativity. I'm going to make a concerted effort to follow the program and see what happens. One of the activities the book recommends is "morning pages" where every morning you try to write - long hand - three pages of whatever. It's not a journal, it's not writing. It's more like a stream of consciousness mind dump. This morning I started doing it and my internal editor went crazy because he hates stream of consciousness. 5. When I started this Thursday Thirteen, I thought I'd have no problem coming up with thirteen things to say about writing. I was wrong. 6. My mom is creative - she's an artist. Among other things, she draws, paints, sews, does decoupage and needlepoint. Lately she's been into photography and creating her own cards from photos she's taken. All my life I've compared myself to her in the realm of creativity and I always felt like I fell short. I could never draw like she does. I hate sewing. Needlepoint is too tedious for me. I wasn't any good at the things she was good at. That doesn't mean I wasn't creative - just in different ways. Maybe because my creative outlets were different from my mom's, I didn't value them as much as I should have. 7. I know this sounds cliche but I always worried that a creative career wasn't "practical" enough. I started working at a talent agency after college because I could be close to the arts but still get paid a (not really) decent salary. That's something that Julia Cameron talks about in The Artist's Way - people who dream of being artists but are afraid to take the risks often go into careers associated with the arts. Eventually, I became dissatisfied with what I was doing. I thought it was because there wasn't enough of an intellectual challenge which is why I ended up a law school. Looking back I think I was wrong. I was probably dissatisfied because of the lack of creative challenge. 8. Not that I didn't like law school. It was an intellectual challenge and - in a different way - a creative challenge as well. It involves lots of writing, some of it creative. I wrote some kick ass papers. One of my favorites was a paper about why the enforcement of animal protection laws could violate the separation between church and state because some religions use animal sacrifice as part of their ritual. What made it most interesting is that, at the time, I was a vegetarian. I started writing the paper thinking I would come out on the side of animal protection and ended up on the side of religious freedom - even when it involved something I found personally abhorrent. 9. That's the great thing about writing - for me at least. The act and the process of writing helps me learn things about myself that aren't otherwise accessible to my conscious mind. 10. I started working on a book awhile back and was making some progress (well, for ME a couple short chapters is progress) but I stopped working on it. The idea of writing a book is overwhelming and my internal editor tells me I'll never do it and I'm not sure where the plot is going and I'm not sure I want to go where the characters appear to be taking me and I worry that even if I do write something it'll be so bad that everyone who reads it will laugh at me and I'll feel like I did back in junior high. Awkward and unlovable. Have I mentioned that I didn't really like junior high very much? 11. Here are my writing-related new year's resolutions: 1) do The Artist's Way program, 2) continue to work on the book, 3) write some more short stories and submit them for publication, 4) go over the class notes from the writing class I took and try to incorporate more of those lessons in my current writing, 5) blog more regularly. 12. I've never been very good at keeping new year's resolutions. That's why I tend to keep them to myself so no one will know that I broke my resolution just days after the new year. So now I'm making my resolutions public (at least the writing-related ones). Hopefully that'll shame me into keeping them! 13. I hope everyone has a happy, healthy new year! Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

I'm not dead . . . and some unique things about the girls

First of all, let me clear something up. I'm not dead or hibernating (although a good winter hibernation seems like a fabulous idea right about now). I'd like to say that I haven't been writing much because my social life is jam packed with holiday parties. In reality, my calendar is jam packed with getting ready to go to California for the holiday and that pesky little thing I like to call my "job." That's right, the people who give me that nice paycheck every two weeks actually expect me to perform certain tasks they call "work." So, I'm taking my lunch "hour" (more like 15 minutes during which I shove some "food" in my mouth) to respond to Landismom who tagged me the other day to list five ways in which my kids are weird.

To be honest, the word "weird" bothers me. My girls are too young to read this blog but if and when they do read it, I don't want to hurt their feelings by making them feel that I think badly of them. This isn't to say that Landismom or any of the other parents doing this meme are mean-spirited. Maybe I'm just oversensitive about this issue but I don't want to do anything that might embarrass them. Also, unlike other blogs, this blog is not really anonymous and that makes a big difference in how I feel about issues like this. To me, the word "weird" has negative connotations while "unique" is more a celebration of differences.

So - to get to the point (and there is a point), here are six ways in which A Girl and M Girl are unique:

1. A Girl did not like to go to sleep when she was a baby - not for naps, not at night, not ever. (In some ways, it's fairly amazing that we actually got up the courage to have another child after the hell that was A Girl's first year). Pretty much the only way she would take a nap (until she was TWO YEARS OLD) was in her stroller. We would put her in the stroller, take a walk and she'd fall asleep. Then we'd leave her there for the duration of her nap. In the winter, we'd take the stroller down to the swimming pool area and walk around the swimming pool until she fell asleep. Finally, our nanny was able to get her to take naps in her bed but it would only happen if someone actually sat next to her bed until she fell asleep. (And, for the record, I wouldn't say we coddled her, we tried different techniques to get her to sleep. See #2).

2. Night time sleeping for A Girl was another story - we tried the cry-it out method, we tried Ferberizing, (don't even get me started on those things) and nothing worked. She was CONVINCED that she was missing something good and she was not going to sleep by herself. If she had to be sleeping then BY GOD someone else better be there with her OR ELSE THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY IN! THIS! HOUSE! When we were at our wits end, we tried letting her cry it out for a longer period of time (an hour or more). After what seemed like forever, she'd finally be quiet and we'd sneak in her room to check on her. She would be in her crib with her arms stuck through in the slats to hold herself up. She'd start falling asleep and her head would bob but since she was sitting up, she'd never really get into a deep sleep. It would take a very delicate operation to get her arms out and get her laying down without actually waking her up into a full scream again.

3. When M Girl was a baby still in diapers, she would entertain an audience by doing seat drops. She'd jump up, throw her legs out in front of her and drop to the ground in a sitting position. Then she'd laugh really hard and do it again. She pretty much stopped once she didn't have a diaper to cushion her landing.

4. Both girls mix cereals. I know a lot of people do this so maybe it isn't really unique. I, myself, like to mix Grape Nuts and Smart Start. That - in my humble opinion - is a normal mixture. But our girls like to mix pretty much every cereal we have in the house like Froot Loops, Chocolate Rice Krispies, Cap'n Crunch and Lucky Charms - IN THE SAME BOWL. I don't know about you but I think that's gross.

5. A Girl has been wearing an eye mask to bed ever since she was in Hong Kong. Big D gave her one to sleep on the plane and she's been hooked ever since. But lately, she doesn't actually put it over her eyes so she sleeps with it on her forehead.

6. M Girl has her own sense about "boy" stuff and "girl" stuff. There are certain things that she has refused to do on the grounds that they are "boy" things - taking karate for one and wearing baseball hats for another. And yet, she and I take Tae Kwon Do together (to be fair, she thinks of karate as a boy thing because they teach it at her school and she thinks only boys take it whereas I take Tae Kwon Do so it can't be a boy thing.) At a birthday party recently, they gave the kids White Sox hats as a party favor. They had adorable lavender ones with butterflies for the girls. Not only has M Girl been wearing it but she will only wear it backwards.

We should all celebrate our childrens' unique qualities but here are a few bloggers I'd like to see give us a few ways in which their children are unique:

MIM,cmhl, Africableu at pith, marrow and coffee spoons and Sheryl at Paper Napkin.

Thursday Thirteen - Mood swing edition

Thirteen Things about PMS Girl (oops, I mean Jessica) 1. I'm totally PMSing today but I am not going to let me stop the Thursday Thirteen from being posted. You lucky people! You get to see what my poor husband and children have to live with all the time (and remember, it's much worse to experience it in person). 2. I had a very crabby cab driver yesterday. He swore at other drivers and then got mad at me apparently because I was giving him less than a dollar tip. I usually give somewhere in the vicinity of 10% tip. So if it's about a $5.00 ride, it'll be around 50 cents. Apparently that's not enough for crabby cab driver - I gave him a $10 for a ride that was $4.45 and asked him for $5.00 back. That's MORE than 10% people - I think that's fair and regular practice. Does he expect that I should give him MORE than $1.00 for a three minute ride that he's getting paid for anyway? He angrily shoves my change (coins and all) in my hand. When I said "No, I only asked for $5.00 back." He said "Forget it. I have to get going." Sheesh. 3. On a lighter note, M Girl totally got me yesterday morning. A Girl was finishing her homework at the kitchen table. As I finished making her eggs, I asked her to clear her homework off the table because, I said "It's not good to have your homework there while you're eating." As she was clearing the stuff off the table, I put the plate of eggs down and some of her papers almost hit the plate. I said "See, that's why we don't want to have your homework on the table at meal time." So M Girl says "But Mom, you could've just put the eggs on the counter while she was clearing the table." Duh. I hate it (and love it) that my 5 year old is so much smarter than I am. 4. Back to crabbiness . . . there's someone I work with who is driving me crazy. This person only hears what he/she wants to hear and asks the same question over and over again (especially when this person doesn't like the answers). We're working on a big project that has lots of issues associated with it and this person keeps downplaying the open issues. Worst of all, she/he downplays the open issues to higher ups and then when I (and the other lawyers and sane people involved - not that lawyers aren't sane but . . . ok, maybe some of us aren't). Anyway, when we bring up the reality of the situation - that we're a long way from having important issues figured out - it looks like we're trying to stop the "momentum" of the project. I guess, in a way, we are trying to stop the momentum because we're trying to prevent the public from knowing that - at this point - we don't really know what we're doing. This person is in charge of the project so we can't avoid this person. Because I knew I couldn't be polite, I avoided speaking directly to this person as much as I could and communicated through the assistant (without being obvious about it) and I'm sure we all felt much better for it. 4. Have I mentioned how much I love Tae Kwon Do? Well, I do and I have class tonight and I'm really excited. I've learned my poomsae which is a routine consisting, for my level, of hand/arm movements and turns. At higher levels the routine includes kicks and more difficult arm movements. As the levels progress, the poomsae gets more difficult. Now I have to work on improving my technique. Because I used to be a dancer, I do the movements too smoothly and without sufficient strength and differentiation. I also have some problems getting the arm and leg movements coordinated in the right way. So that's what I'm working on. I've been taking classes for almost two months and there's a two month minimum before you can test for the next belt. I hope he'll let me test at the next opportunity. 5. I have nothing else to grump about except that I'm hungry. I only ate cream of wheat for breakfast. When will I learn that I need to have some protein with breakfast? 6. I made a promise to myself and my family this winter that I wouldn't complain about the cold. I can't change it and complaining only makes me and everyone else more unhappy. So far, even with PMS, I've managed to keep that promise! I don't even complain to myself - well, sometimes I start complaining but I stop myself and accept the fact that we live in a cold climate and this is just the way it is in the winter. Then I feel better and, strangely, less cold! 7. I made a resolution the other day that I would BE more organized. I've realized that this resolution will probably be easier to achieve with respect to home than it will be with respect to my work. This is partly because I don't really love my job. I know I've said this before - I really like parts of it and I adore most of the people I work with (but see #4 above!) but it isn't really what I'd like to be doing with my time. If I had known more about myself (and listened to myself) when I was younger, I probably wouldn't be here now. That's ok, though, because I most likely wouldn't have met Big D, the love of my life, and we wouldn't have our beautiful children. I don't regret my life in the least. But I do wish - sometimes more fervently than others - that I could spend more time on writing and other creative endeavors. And maybe even make a living like that instead of coming to this office every day. So back to my original point, because I love my family and our home, I am more motivated to make changes there than I am to make changes here. But I need to keep in mind that making changes here will help me be more efficient with my time so that I can spend more guilt-free time with my family. I think this is the time when I have to find some mental toughness and just get to it. 8. We have a lovely Christmas tree. Big D put some wrapped presents under it the other day to make it even lovelier. M Girl came to me yesterday and said "Mom! Can we open some of the presents under the tree?!" I of course said "Of course not!" She said "Aww, we have to wait until Christmas?" "Yes, you do. That's what Christmas presents are for." Still trying to get me to change my mind, she says "But Santa might DO something with them." I reassured her "Honey, Santa leaves presents. He doesn't take them." She sighed, defeated. 9. This morning I removed my blog from the TTLB Ecosystem. What started out as a fun thing to include on my blog became a thing of daily concern. Each morning I'd wonder whether I'd moved up or down on the evolutionary chain. It started out silly and just became sillier. I'm obsessed enough with my hit counter and the number of comments (or lack thereof) that I get on any given post. I don't need anything else to obsess over. Plus it was a huge blow to my ego when they changed the way they rank blogs and I plunged from the lofty heights of Crawly Amphibian to lowly Multicellular Microorganism. It was too much to bear for something so non-important. So I eased my pain by not having to know how the folks at TTLB view my blog. If I want to be a Flappy Bird or an Adorable Rodent or even *gasp* a Higher Being, I can be one in my own mind, without someone "official" telling me that I'm not, thank you very much. 10. My husband's cousin who lives on the East Coast has a degree in Deaf Education. Awhile back she started her own business as a translator for the deaf. It's the coolest job. She goes to court, doctor's appointments and important meetings with her clients. She even gets to go to the theater where she, and usually one or two other translators, act out the show in sign language. She gets to do what she likes and is good at, make a living and help people in a very important way. And she's one of the nicest people I know on top of it all. She didn't even get upset with us when we made her significant other seasick! 11. If you're still with me, say "I'm still here!" If you're not, I totally understand. I don't really want to be with me today either. 12. Aside from trying to be more organized, I need to learn to say "no" more often. Big D and I talked about this last weekend. Our kids get invited to so many birthday parties - especially the little one because she still at the age where people invite the whole class to the party rather than just a few good friends. As much as the girls love these parties, when there's two or three in one day, it's just too much for the whole family. Between that and all the things that have to be done on the weekend, there's just not enough time to just relax together as a family. I have the most trouble saying "no" because I feel guilty about it as if we're somehow bad parents and bad community members if our kids don't attend all the parties and bring gifts. I know on a rational level that it's not true. But my irrational level takes over and beats my rational level into submission. 13. Next Thursday we have the girls' school concerts! M Girl's grade still has theirs during the day at school while the older kids have theirs at night. I'll have to miss my company party (again) because they always seem to be scheduled on the same night. But that's ok, I wouldn't trade my company party for a kids' Christmas concert for anything! However, A Girl keeps reminding me that we have to go out and buy her clothes to wear because they're requiring the kids to wear either black or white or both. That's fine except that A Girl doesn't own anything in those (non)colors. I however own everything in black. I got that trick when I lived in NYC - black goes with everything and requires very little thought in the morning before you've had coffee or even any food. Ok, done with the rambling. Next week will be far more stable. Promise! Links to other Thursday Thirteens! If you're a Thursday Thirteen regular, go to Leanne's to get put yourself on the blogroll. If you're not a regular or don't want to be on the blogroll, leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here! See my sidebar fo the blogroll of the regulars!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Praise

I like praise. I'll be honest - I like when people tell me I'm doing a good job, particularly when I'm working hard at something. After kickboxing tonight, my teacher said "You're getting a lot better." I nearly fainted. Partly because my heart rate was dangerously above my target range. But mostly because during most of the class I felt like a totally uncoordinated moron. I have been working my ass off in that class (although the results are, unfortunately, only figurative).

I was one of only three students tonight and the other two students have been boxing and kickboxing for years. So our teacher made the class harder than usual - more turning kicks and more fakes (which are much harder to do than it might seem). I could keep up but barely. I missed the bag on half my kicks, I nearly fell over several times after trying to do some of the spinning kicks. I just plain screwed up the fakes most of the time. I felt good, I was working hard, but I was wishing I was better at it. So the teacher's words of encouragement really meant a lot to me.

On another note, I have the coolest new shoes for kickboxing! Big D and my teacher suggested that I get wrestling shoes instead of the cross-trainers that I was using. The cross-trainers have too much traction for the spinning and sliding you need to do in kickboxing and I was deathly afraid that I'd blow out a knee or something. Of course, most stores don't carry wrestling or boxing shoes for women. Big D had me try on some totally cool men's wrestling shoes which made me instantly feel like bobbing and weaving. And punching something. It was awesome! They were perfect for class - lighter weight than my other shoes and just slippy slidy enough that I'm not afraid of hurting myself because of my shoes. (I am, however, afraid of hurting myself because of my utter lack of coordination but not even the coolest shoes are going to help that).

The big cleanup

Yesterday we spent the day cleaning out the kids' rooms and re-organizing everything. As much as I tend to dislike that kind of work (which is one of the big reasons why it needed to be done in the first place!), it felt great to do it and get it pretty much done. Big D suggested that we all dedicate ourselves to the task for the day and we did. Although I did sneak off a few times to sip my coffee. And M Girl petered out after awhile and got to watch tv. But she's five, so that's to be expected. But it was good to see what we can accomplish when we really tackle a task full on.

Let me say that all the good organizational decisions were made by Big D - he has a good sense of organization that I just don't have. I am also far too sentimental about stuff and want to keep doo dads and tchotskes that really need to be tossed. Can I pat myself on the back for just one second and say that I spelled tchotskes right on the first try? And also, according to one website, I used the Russian spelling of the word. What's up with that? Anyway . . . moving right along. I did actually assist in the throwing away/giving away of quite a few tchotskes. Without crying. At all.

There are times I wish I was more organized and I do think I'm missing some sort of Organization Gene that my mother failed to pass to me. But if I'm being honest, I'll admit that the reason I'm not more organized is that I'm lazy. Now, because the only people that read this seem to be very nice people that say such nice things, I know you'll all chime in and say all kinds of sweet things to me (and I won't stop you) but it's true - I am lazy when it comes to making (or not making) the effort necessary to be more organized. Either I don't really WANT to be organized badly enough or I have the wrong attitude about it. I'm sure both are true.

My husband, bless him, reminds me (gently) that in order to change, you have to take every opportunity to engage in different behavior. So, if I want to be organized "someday," I need to take advantage of opportunities to organize things and I have to put forth the effort. Instead of blogging right now, I could spend fifteen minutes making some files and clearing off my desk. When I get memos or reports, instead of piling them on my desk until "later," I could actually file them or, if they don't need to be kept, throw them away or scan them and save them electronically. Instead, I want to wake up one day and BE organized without all the messy WORK involved in it. I want to read a self-help book about organization or buy the right software to attach to Microsoft Outlook and find THE ANSWER to all my organizational problems.

In the end, I know that my husband is right. No book or software program can make up for the lack of effort on my part. I know I'm capable of being more organized and I think I really want to be more organized but I don't know what's holding me back. What would be so bad about being organized that keeps me from doing it? Would it make me less creative (not that I'm so creative to begin with but you know what I mean)? Being more organized would mean I'd be able to stop wasting time searching for important things that get lost in all the crap. If I was more organized I might even have MORE time to spend doing creative things.

I've recently learned (from this great book) that often it's our irrational fears and anxiety that hold us back from doing things that the more sane and rational parts of our mind want us to do. So what am I afraid of? Why does the mere thought of being organized make me want to crawl in to bed and sleep for three days? Is it because being disorganized gives me more then enough excuses for not getting things done well or on time and if I was organized, everyone would find out that I'm really not very competent and THAT'S why I don't live up to my potential? Maybe it's because I have the perfect set up - I'm a working mom, everyone KNOWS how crazy my life is. But is it really that crazy? The shameful "secret" I carry is that I'm not as busy as I allow people to think I am. And, if I worked as hard as everyone around me (and half as hard as people THINK I work), and if I was half as competent as people think I am, I could accomplish so much. And yet . . . here I sit, at 5:00pm, in my disorganized office, with work left to do, and a wonderful family to go home to. And I'm blogging about not being organized. Now you see the problem.

So, I'm going to make a New Year's resolution. Yes, you heard me right. Although I have made many such resolutions in the past which have failed before the twelfth bell has rung, I am going to make a resolution to BE more organized going forward. And, since I've already told you all my secret, I'll let you know how it's going. Since there's no reason to wait until January 1st, I'll start now. And although I'm sure I'll be referring to all the stuff I've read and heard before, I'll try to listen to my very smart husband and simply take advantage of opportunities to BE what I say I want to be.

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things about Jessica 1. You all should check out this site. It's the new site for a wonderful author and fabulous person, Lela Nargi. She wrote a book called Knitting Lessons a few years ago. It's a book about women who knit and what knitting means to them. I was one of the women in the book! How cool is that? 2. Her latest book is about food, women and relationships. She's also a travel writer. What's not to love - she writes about travel, knitting and food. My three favorite things after Big D, A Girl and M Girl! 3. I can tell already that I'm going to have trouble getting to thirteen things today. Here's the irony - normally, you can't shut me up. Now that I have a forum to "talk" all I want, I can't think of anything to say. 4. A Girl is back to work already. She had an audition and a voice over job this week and has another audition today. Busy, busy. She's happy because her piano/voice teacher is coming over today to start lessons again. M Girl even wants to take piano from this teacher (even though last year she said she didn't want to - probably because last year she wanted to take guitar). It makes scheduling so easy - the teacher comes over for 1 1/2 hours and teaches both girls piano and A Girl voice. It works well for all of us - especially because there's no driving involved! 5. I'm taking steps to ease my addiction to caffeine! I started drinking half-decaf coffee in the morning. I thought I'd be able to feel the difference but, in all honesty, I don't. I doubt I'll ever give up coffee completely (I really, really like coffee) but this will help me cut down. Unfortunately for our budget, I really, really like Starbucks coffee. Maybe this will help me save a little money too! 6. I haven't been writing lately. My desire to write goes in spurts. Part of the reason I haven't been writing is that I want to spend time with both girls and with my hubby now that we're all together. It's difficult for me to find the time to write. Before, I would stay up late to write but I know that's not healthy. What I should do (and what Big D is trying to help me do) is go to bed earlier but wake up earlier. He's been doing that lately and he gets a lot done before the morning frenzy starts. Just a 1/2 hour might enable me to get something done. 7. I thought about taking another online writing course because it really helped me be more disciplined about my writing. But with the holidays coming up and with everything else going on in our lives, I decided not to do it right now. Besides, I think it would be good for me to practice the things I learned in the last class before I go into another class. I saved all of the lectures and exercises so (if I'm disciplined about it!) I could just do it on my own. Then once I go into another class, I'll have more experience and can maybe stretch myself a bit more. 8. Speaking of discipline, I'm going to Tae Kwon Do tonight. This will be the first week that I take two classes. I'm really looking forward to it in a way that I've never looked forward to exercising. Maybe it's the fact that I really, really want that yellow belt. I almost feel embarrassed to admit that the other thing I like about the class is the discussions about responsibility and discipline. I need a good dose of those things. I'm not irresponsible, I'm just not as responsible as I think I should be. I never really learned those things as a kid - I think my parents just expected us to pick it up by osmosis or something. Big D is great about finding opportunities to teach these things to our kids, though. And he doesn't just give them a new responsibility and expect them to do it - he helps them by giving them ways to think about the task at hand and how to accomplish it. Just one of the many reasons I love that man! My parents (especially my dad) would give us responsibility and then vacate the premises. 9. Gee, it's lunch time. I'm getting hungry. I'll never get to thirteen if I don't get some food! 10. That's better. I had a big plate of carbohydrates (yummy gnocchi) with tomato sauce and I feel much better. Actually, I didn't eat all of it because the serving was enough to feed a family of four (ok, I'm exaggerating, a little). It really is a shame that restaurants give such big portions. I would gladly pay half for a serving half the size and I would get plenty of food. But like a lot of people, if there's food on the plate, I eat it. Even if the portion size is too big to be healthy. Some places do offer 1/2 orders - I just wish more places did. It's hard for me to leave the food on the plate because I feel like I'm wasting food. I could save it for later but some things just aren't good as leftovers. 11. I don't think I've mentioned lately how much I love my iPod. Well, I do. I've realized that I like having a soundtrack for my life! It is rather unsociable, however. It never fails that there's a great song on and I get into the elevator (either at work or home) with someone I know and I have to take it off because it's rude not to have a conversation. I wish I could listen and have a conversation at the same time but that's rude too. And impossible. 12. I think I'd probably be embarrassed if someone filmed me while I walk down the street listening to my iPod. I have a tendency to bop to the beat, sing along (hopefully not out loud, though), bounce my head and other odd tics. In the car I do sing out loud. Very loud at times. Especially to Bon Jovi's Livin' on a Prayer. I know. I'm weird. And old and unhip. But that's ok. 13. Hurray! I'm done. I hope everyone had a very happy Thanksgiving and that you all have a wonderful holiday season. Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. As always, go see Leanne, the founder of Thursday Thirteens for another installment. You can get great Thursday Thirteen codes there. I'm partial to the purple! 2. (leave your link in comments, IÂ’ll add you here when I can!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. ItÂ’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants