Thursday Thirteen - Japanese Edition

Ok - I don't have time for the template again, mainly because we have guests from Japan. So here are thirteen things on that topic!

1. My daughter is in a children's choir that is part of an international children's choral festival each year. It's held in a different city each year and every other year, it's in a city in Japan. This year it's in Chicago.

2. We're hosting three people from Hiroshima, Japan - a mother, her 9 year old daughter and a 12 year old girl.

3. They don't speak much English.

4. We speak even less Japanese.

5. They brought us some wonderful gifts including a map of Hiroshima. We asked them to show us where they live. They also brought us some kick ass cookies. They apparently know what Americans like.

6. They are very nice but I think they wish we could communicate easier.

7. They're staying for five nights. We need to provide them with breakfast and snacks most days. While we know a little bit about what they might like to eat (and we even own and use a Japanese rice cooker so we have that going for us) we don't really know what to feed them besides rice and vegetables that they might like.

8. And the fact that we can't communicate very easily makes the food thing a little bit harder.

9. We're lucky to have enough room to have people stay with us. They're lucky to be staying with a family that lives close to most of the drop off places. Some people are staying in the suburbs and the outlying areas of the city. They'll need to commute into the city every day.

10. Until my daughter joined the choir, I wasn't all that familiar with choral music. Now I love it - some of the arrangements her choir does are incredible. I'm really looking forward to seeing the Japanese choirs perform.

11. Um, I guess I don't have 13 things to say about this situation right now.

12. They only just got here tonight (well, last night now that it's midnight here so it's technically Thursday).

13. I'm sure I'll have more stories to tell by the end of the week! And hopefully they'll be more interesting than this list has been!

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As if I needed a reason to cry at my desk

I usually like writing about good, nice, funny things because there's enough stuff out there to make us depressed. But today I found out that a colleague's six year old niece died in a freak camping accident when a tree fell on the tent where she was sleeping. Her parents were looking for the car keys so they could escape the dangerous weather. They weren't hurt when the tree fell but she died. What if they had gotten out five minutes earlier? What if they hadn't gone camping? I imagine that her poor parents will second-guess their decisions for the rest of their lives.

Until our first daughter was born, I was oblivious to the big and scary nature of the world. She was so tiny and I was overwhelmed by the responsibility of caring for her. I remember walking around with her when she was barely a week old and being terrified of the cars and trucks and construction cranes and all the noise. I was so focused on caring for this tiny being that everything else grew bigger and bigger in my mind until normal-sized people seemed like giants. Everything was a threat to her. Thankfully, as she got bigger and stronger and as I got more sleep, the world returned to normal size. But the fear that something bad could happen to her (and her sister) remains to this day.

It's nearly nine years after my first child was born and I still feel overwhelmed by the responsibility to care for little people who can't care for themselves. There are big and small decisions we make daily that impact our kids in the short- and long-run. What to feed them and when to send them to bed, whether to let them sleep at a friend's house, where to live and send them to school, who to hire as a babysitter, where to take them on vacation and whether to let them go out without a jacket. The need for decisions never stops. Don't you wish you had a crystal ball so you could avoid bad decisions and unfortunate wrong-place, wrong-time occurrences? I do. Daily. But I know that my energies would be better spent in improving my decision-making and parenting skills as best I can and worrying less so I can enjoy my time with them more.

I'm struggling to learn something from this tragic situation. I have a desperate need to convince myself that this would never happen to us because it hits so close to home. I tried the easy route by telling myself that we never go camping. But it didn't work. The fact is that freak accidents happen in all kinds of unlikely and otherwise safe places. Ultimately, we have to accept that the world can be unsafe and human life so fragile. Although we may want to, we can't wrap our children in a cocoon to protect them. We have to do our best to prepare them for the world and then let them go. And hope for the best.

Thursday Thirteen - Holiday Edition

This is my first time hotlinking to a banner so let's see if this works . . . I picked this one in honor of the holiday week (but of course you knew that already)!

Also in honor of the holiday, here are 13 thoughts I have about holidays:

1. I like them, sometimes. More now than I used to because I enjoy sharing them with my husband and kids.

2. People tend to put way too much pressure on themselves and others with respect to certain holidays - Christmas and New Years especially.

3. When I lived in NYC, I hated New Years Eve. There was huge pressure (internally generated) to do something extra special but it was nearly impossible for me. First of all, I was single with no one to kiss at midnight, feeling like a third (or fifth or seventh) wheel most of the time. Second of all, I had no money and my friends (the corporate/investment banker-types in the go-go Eighties) had plenty so I couldn't afford the stuff they wanted to do. And they weren't rich enough to pay for me, too. Apparently.

4. I'm sure there were plenty of cool, creative, cheap things to do in NYC on New Years Eve. I just wasn't cool or creative enough to figure out where they were.

5. I like Thanksgiving, mostly because it involves food. And it's food that I can actually make without driving myself too crazy. (Except for that one year that I tried to make a Martha Stewart stuffing recipe involving capers. Not a good thing.)

6. The Fourth of July is usually fun. Getting days off in the summer is always a good thing.

7. When we first moved into our old apartment, we could watch the fireworks from our living room. With all the highrises that have been built during the last 10 years, that view is long gone. In our current apartment, we can see the fireworks in the western suburbs which is kind of cool even though they are pretty far away.

8. I used to be so-so on Christmas. Because my parents were divorced, we had to do two Christmases - one with my Dad and one with my Mom (the same was true of Thanksgiving but that didn't bother me as much - see #5). It was a hassle and just not fun. By the time they were divorced, we were over the whole Santa thing so it was just an obligation to be with family. It was a "You will have fun if it kills you" kind of thing.

9. Plus, I used to have to drive over an hour back and forth from my aunt's house in the "country" (back then it was the country, now it's a suburb) with my two brothers. One time they decided it would be really funny to pass gas the whole way home. It was 20 below, opening the windows was not a good option. This was over 20 years ago. Can someone please explain why I'm still pissed about it?

10. Now I love Christmas. We have a nice tradition of decorating the tree with the kids. Last year we used the really cool ornaments my husband picked up in Asia along with all the other ornaments and doo dads we've collected over the years. The only unifying theme for our tree decoration is our memories.

11. The kids still believe in Santa which is so cute it makes me want to cry. I know A Girl will probably figure it out this year or next year but I really hope she doesn't spoil it for her little sister. (She'd never do it on purpose but stuff happens). I'm not ready for that phase to be over.

12. Then there's all those other holidays that we celebrate but are mostly just an excuse to have a day off work. I do have a twinge of guilt on Memorial Day when I realize that I haven't taken more than a second to think about all the men and women who have died on the battlefield for our country. I don't even know what Labor Day is all about. Sad, but true. Am I supposed to think of labor unions?

13. More than any others, my most favorite holidays are my wedding anniversary and my kids' birthdays. I know, I know, those aren't real holidays. But frankly, those are far more important days for me personally than Abraham Lincoln's birthday, for example. Lincoln was a great guy. He did great things for this country. I'm glad to have a day off work in his honor. But if I'm picking stuff to celebrate, I'm going to celebrate those people that are nearest and dearest to my heart.

Thursday Thirteen - Things I'm good at

Thirteen Things Jessica is good at Two Thursdays ago I wrote about things I want to improve about myself. In fact, I spend a lot of time on this blog talking about that particular topic. So I thought I'd try to come up with 13 nice things to say about myself. Since self-deprecation is an integral part of my personality, I'm not sure I'll make it . . . 1. I'm smart, but not so smart that it's annoying. 2. I'm funny, but not so funny that it's annoying. 3. I make a mean baked ziti. 4. I can carry a tune. 5. I knit nice baby blankets. 6. I'm good at baking - so long as it isn't some fancy pants Martha Stewart recipe involving kumquats or something. 7. I'm a pretty good dancer (not "best dancer at St. Bernadette's" good, but I can hold my own). 8. I can talk faster than almost anyone I know and still be understood (sort of). 9. I type 80 words per minute. Now if I could only think that fast . . . 10. I have a great memory for song lyrics. They might not always be the right lyrics, though. Sometimes I just make up words if I can't figure out what it is. 11. I'm a nice person. Most of the time. 12. I can use the word "penultimate" in a sentence. This is the penultimate item. Really. 13. I apparently don't have an overly-inflated ego, judging by how hard it was to finish this list. Links to other Thursday Thirteens! See the sidebar for lots more Thursday Thirteens - be sure and visit them!

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New belt number 3

I got my green belt today, which makes me a 7th Gup. I had a good test generally but wasn't able to break the board with my breaking kick. Mentally, I just wasn't there. Before the test I kept thinking about how I hadn't practiced this kick with the practice board as I had for my first two tests. So I didn't feel confident that I could break a board. It wasn't that I don't know the technique or have sufficient physical strength (it actually doesn't take much power to break a board). I didn't have the mental strength I needed.

Miss M got her orange belt, making her a 6th Gup. She broke her board and was so proud of herself. This time her dad got to hold the board for her. The instructor gave her a choice of a thinner, "kids" board (which she's been able to break before) or a "big kid" board which is thicker. She chose the kids board because she knew she'd be able to break it. But next time, she's getting the big kid board. Before her turn to kick she said to me "When I break the board, can I bring it home with me?" Now that's confidence. That's what I should have been thinking.

Tae Kwon Do belt testing

So it's time for me to test for a new belt again! I'm not as comfortable with my breaking kick this time around so I'm nervous that I won't break the board this time. I also think my hubby and older daughter will be there - they haven't seen a test yet. Of course that will be the time that I don't break the board. Isn't that how this kind of stuff always works? Miss M is testing for a new belt tomorrow, too. She's such a little pistol and she concentrates and works so hard in class. I couldn't be prouder. When she practices stuff at home, she always points her finger at me and says "Mom. Don't help me. Even if you think I don't know. Don't. Help. Me." God, I love that.

Anyway, here's my belt test essay. Not my best effort, but I think it's ok.

What is martial arts spirit? How can you see it in every day life?

As we recite the student creed, we make promises to our instructor, our fellow students and ourselves. When we fulfill those promises – inside and outside of the dojang - we live the martial arts spirit.

We promise to develop and express our physical and mental abilities based on the martial arts spirit. We fulfill this promise by attending class, working on our techniques and having the right, positive attitude. But we can also fulfill this promise in the way we live and work outside the dojang.

We promise to seek truth and practice it and to promote the highest moral character through training and disciplining of the mind and body. When we live the martial arts spirit we respect ourselves enough to care for our bodies by eating well, getting sufficient sleep and avoiding unhealthy habits like smoking or excessive alcohol consumption. It might not be easy to pass up the coffee cake in the office or the dessert at home but making those tough choices to care for our bodies makes us stronger, not just physically, but mentally as well.

We promise to promote respect for the art of Tae Kwon Do through our actions and never use our martial arts skills for selfish ends. There are people who brag about their martial arts skills and try to make lower ranking students feel inferior. These actions reflect poorly on the study of Tae Kwon Do and show a weak character. Martial arts spirit teaches us to treat others with kindness and respect.

We promise to strive for justice, freedom and a meaningful life for ourselves and others; to promote trust and cooperation among all members of our society; to enrich our lives through knowledge and understanding of other cultures. An important part of the martial arts spirit is to look beyond our selfish needs and to care for others; our families, our friends and society in general. If we are respectful of others and worthy of their trust, our ability to promote cooperation among all members of our society will be enhanced. Our views are more likely to be trusted and respected. We cannot fulfill this promise if we do not have an understanding of other cultures, the strong moral character to stand up for what is right, and the strength to make the right choices.

We promise to use our strengths to positively affect the world we live in. This then, is the true essence of the martial arts spirit. If we fulfill the promise of the student creed, we can’t help but leave the world a better place.

Wish me luck!

Thursday Thirteen - self-reflection edition

Thirteen Things Jessica needs to work on I know this might come as a shock but I'm not perfect. Seriously. So here are some things that I'm working on. Or thinking about working on. Or should be thinking about working on. 1. Don't be so judgmental. I can get a bit preachy in my opinions. It's not that I'll stop giving opinions - solicited or not. (And this blog may get more opinionated and judgmental than it already is because, after all, that's more interesting than fair and balanced.) But in my "real" life, I need to be more aware of how my judgments about certain people affect the way I think about them and ultimately how I treat them. 2. Eat better. Ok, this one will always be on the list. The fact is, I like food. A lot. And, unfortunately for my hips, I like sugary and deep fried foods the best. But I recognize that I need to set a better example for the kids AND I want to feel healthier so I really need to do better on this front. 3. Get organized (and stay that way). I know, I know. This has also been on my list F.O.R.E.V.E.R. It's definitely a problem. I think I need to accept the fact that being organized involves the same struggle as balancing that I talked about in my last post. In order to stay balanced, you have to make constant adjustments. I have this fantasy that one day I'll get organized and stay that way without additional effort. I'll have to accept the fact that this will be a daily struggle for me. 4. Keep my promises. I'd like to think I'm getting better at this but I'm probably just getting better at not making as many promises. My kids know that I'm the queen of "We'll see" because I try hard not to promise them something if I'm not sure I'll be able to deliver. But the real problem is my bad habit of telling my husband "Sure, I'll take care of xyz." and then a week or two weeks later he asks about it and I haven't done it yet. I'll tell myself I didn't do it because I'm busy but there are plenty of busier people (my husband, for one) who manage to do the things they say they'll do. Part of my problem stems from issue #3 - if I was more organized, maybe things wouldn't fall through the cracks as much. 5. My writing. I really love to write. I think I could be a decent writer if I worked at it. One of my biggest problems is my fear of editing. I gotta get over that. 6. My upper body strength. Maybe if I work on this, my flabby arms will get less flabby. And then maybe my daughter won't say "Mom, I really don't think you should wear that sleeveless shirt. Try one of your short sleeve shirts instead." Ouch. But well-meaning and well-taken! 7. Get more knowledgeable about world events. This is another thing that will always be on the list. As opinionated as I am, I like to have at least one or two facts to back up what I'm saying. On certain topics, I am totally lacking in facts (but certainly not opinions). 8. Be a better friend. I'm not so good at keeping in touch with people. And if I haven't called someone in awhile, I feel guilty and then don't call them because I feel bad and before you know it, the friendship isn't there any more. Issue #3 rears its ugly head again - maybe with better organization and time management, I could schedule this kind of thing and actually do it rather than just relegating it to "later." 9. Quit whining so much. I have a great life. I need to remember that more often. For blogging, it's usually more interesting to complain about stuff than it is to be all "my life's so wonderful." I don't want to make my readers gag. But in real life, I complain too much. And I really shouldn't. It's not attractive. 10. Play the piano more often. This goes in the file of "Yeah, in my copious spare time" along with knitting. At least I can knit and watch TV at the same time. And, yes, I know. If I disconnected the damn TV, I'd have plenty of time to do other stuff. But I like TV and I love TiVo so that ain't gonna happen. 11. Get better at showing my husband how much I appreciate him. I tell him all the time. But I think I need to show it more. If you have any suggestions on how I might do that (other than writing about it in my blog where he'll see it - hi honey! - and hopefully smile). 12. Stop swearing so much. I go through phases in my life when I swear a lot. I'm going through one of those phases now. It's another thing I do that isn't so attractive. 13. Most importantly, I need to get over myself. This may come as a surprise but I tend to think about myself too much. In a way, blogging makes that worse. I tend to write about what I know - and I find the topic of me endlessly fascinating. (Truth be told, I think my husband and kids are also endlessly fascinating but I try not to write about them too much because they didn't agree to open their lives to the random -but so far generally very nice - people that read this blog.) Once I get over the idea that I need facts to back up my opinions, then I could write about all kinds of things and maybe then I'll spend more time thinking about something other than me. See the Sidebar for loads of links to other Thursday Thirteens!

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Hot Momma

I was reading an article earlier this week about the "new" Hot Mom - a woman who manages to be hip and sexy and have her own life even after she has children. The Hot Mom stays sexy for her husband and still does "hip" things like travel and party with her girlfriends. The article quotes the founder of The Hot Moms Club as saying that a Hot Mom loves being a mom but doesn't get "consumed by the madness of motherhood." She "radiates confidence" and is able to "balance her needs as well as the needs of her family."

My favorite quote from the article was this: "When I became pregnant, I vowed that he would be integrated into the life we already had," Bolstad said. "Sure, we don't go out as much and maybe we don't go clubbing until 4 a.m., but I'm not going to stop doing the things I like." Maybe you don't go clubbing until 4 a.m.? Maybe?? I don't know about you, but I found it impossible to integrate kids into a pre-kid lifestyle. Those little buggers still won't let me read the Sunday paper in peace and what with all the dishes to do, manicures are a complete waste of time. It strikes me that you don't usually hear women saying "When I got married, I vowed to integrate my husband into the life I already had." I mean - isn't the idea of marriage to create a life together? Instead of insisting that our children be integrated into our pre-kid lives, shouldn't the goal be to create a new life together as a family? That doesn't mean you stop doing the things you love. My husband and I have always loved theater so now we make an effort to bring the kids to shows that are appropriate for them. Granted, if we were into the club scene, it would be a bit harder to include the kids . . .

I know I probably need to relax and get a sense of humor but this whole "Hot Moms" movement bugs me. Most mothers I know are under tons of pressure already. It's hard enough to juggle all our responsibilities and find even a little time for ourselves. I just figured out that I should stop trying to be the woman in the Enjoli perfume ad and now I hear that moms are supposed to be hip? And sexy? Maybe my irritation at the whole thing is just sour grapes because I'm so not hip. In recent memory, the closest I've gotten to being hip was doing the Electric Slide at the school picnic and embarrassing the heck out of my third grader. Which, come to think of it, was really fun. Especially the embarrassing my third grader part.

As a '70s kid, I thought I would grow up to be like the Enjoli woman, easily shifting from good mom to successful employee to great-in-the-sack wife without breaking a sweat or inappropriately allowing the different parts of my life to seep into another. I really thought I could have it all - at the same time - with a smile on my face. But the reality is that it's hard to juggle those roles. And I have it easy - I have a husband who does more than his fair share of the household duties. We're also lucky enough to be able to afford vacations and the occasional spa treatment.

The "Hot Mom" thing irks me for the same reason the book 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know : Getting Back to Basics and Raising Happy Kids bothered me. They imply that there's an easy formula - for happy kids, for a balanced life - and if you're struggling, there's something wrong with you. Have you ever watched someone try to balance on a big rubber ball? They're never standing still - they constantly adjust their position to stay in balance. If they relax, even for a second, they fall. A minor miscalculation throws the whole thing off. Keeping in balance is a constant struggle. It seems to me that if balancing your life isn't at least a little bit hard, maybe you're not really balancing.

And, finally, what's up with this whole idea of not being "consumed by the madness of motherhood?" Is that really possible? The moment I gave birth to our children I became insane - with love, worry, frustration and admiration. (Oh, and hormones, too.) I may not be a Hot Mom but I'm a better, stronger, less selfish person than I was before I had kids. Becoming a mother changed me. Consumed me, in a way. And I wouldn't change that for the world.

Reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated

If a blogger blogs and no one's listening, is it still blogging? Ok, sorry attempts at humor aside, I am still very much alive but haven't been writing lately for all kinds of lame ass reasons. Mainly, I've been really, really busy. Excuses, excuses.

I have a great post in my head about our recent trip to Disney World (otherwise known as the fourth circle of Hell). I just haven't had time to write it. And I kept thinking that I didn't want to blog until I had time to write the perfect post about our "vacation". And since I'm incapable of writing a perfect post no matter how much time I have, I haven't written a word. And now it's been two weeks since we were in Florida and I'm starting to forget all the funny things I was going to write.

But since I am ever the optimist, I'm still hoping I'll get to it later. When I have time. (Cue maniacal laughter).

So, hi to anyone still out there. I'm going to take some time to visit my old haunts. Then maybe I'll be inspired to spend more time writing!

Thursday Thirteen - Things that make no sense

Thirteen Things that make absolutely no sense to Jessica 1. Can someone please explain to me why Chris Daughtry was voted off American Idol last night instead of Kat? She is so not a clutch performer my friends. Don't get me wrong, her voice is fabulous and she's pretty but she freaks out under pressure as evidenced by the last two weeks of ridiculously over the top performances. If it wasn't for Taylor, I would seriously consider not watching any more. 2. Last Sunday's episode of The Sopranos. Seriously, I didn't really get it. Christopher has been all sober and everything after going to AA, he gets married because his girlfriend (who we've never really seen in the show to date, by the way) is pregnant and then his "friends" tell him that it's ok to drink a little wine (that they just stole from a biker gang) and do just a little heroin. With friends like that . . . 3. Staying with the TV theme, given the seriously bad dialogue, why do I keep watching CSI:NY? Here's why. So maybe it does make sense after all. 4. The fact that it rained last night but not one drop managed to touch the plants on our balconies. 5. I can talk and talk and talk in real person but when I want to write 13 little things, I can't seem to think of a single thing to say. 6. A Girl's classmate and good friend can't come back to school next year. The Principal doesn't like her mom (because she expressed concern about some school policies and teacher turnover) so he cancelled their contract (it's a private school). Apparently, the fact that the girl is a good student, well-behaved and well-liked doesn't matter. Admittedly, this woman tends to be a bit too outspoken (and I warned her to tone it down but it's hard for her). But they did it without warning, and with no opportunity for appeal. Not only does that make no sense, it's just not fair. 7. Tori Spelling. 8. The sheer number of meetings I attend. I am trying (in vain) to go to fewer meetings, most of which are time wasters of major proportions. E-mail me, people. I don't actually have to see you in person all the time. 9. Speaking of meetings, I am currently on a conference call (gotta love multi-tasking). They don't really need me on this call but I'm like a binky - they've gotten used to having me around to answer random questions so they start to think they need me. I guess I shouldn't complain, but you know I will. 10. I almost missed my bus this morning because I was searching through my purse for my iPod headphones (which I had left at the office the night before). You'd think I'd be smart enough to get myself to the bus stop FIRST. It's one block away. Can I walk ONE BLOCK without a soundtrack? Apparently not. 11. The fact that I'm still sitting at my desk, writing this and half listening to a conference call that doesn't really need me when I really, really need to get home. 12. Getting my period every 21 to 24 days. If menopause didn't suck, I'd be begging for it. 13. The fact that white chocolate isn't really chocolate. Then why is it called chocolate? Are they trying to fool us into thinking we're eating chocolate when we're not? What purpose would that serve? See the Sidebar for loads of links to other Thursday Thirteens!

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It's easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Thursday Thirteen - Concert edition

Thirteen concerts Jessica has seen, wants to see or would never be caught dead at Writing yesterday's post made me think about all the other concerts I've been to, and some I wish I could see and some that wild horses couldn't drag me to. So here goes: 1. I saw the Rolling Stones at Rosemont Horizon. We had kick ass seats on the main floor (it helps to have a father with connections). At one point, Mick Jagger ran down the center aisle. My girlfriend, G (famous for locking her keys in the car at the Springsteen concert) ran to aisle. As Mick made his way back to the stage, G came running back, breathless. "I touched him! I have Mick Jagger's sweat on my hand! I am NEVER washing this hand again!" 2. I saw Journey (also at Rosemont). I went with my girlfriend, L, and her stoner aunt and uncle. We smoked joints in their van before the concert. I'm sure my parents had NO idea that they put their 15 year-old's safety in the hands of two stoners with a van. It was fun, though. Not that I would let my own kids do that but I'm (hopefully) not nearly as clueless as my parents were. 3. Also at Rosemont, I saw Styx with L. For some reason I can't remember much about that concert. Maybe we went with her aunt and uncle . . . 4. I saw a bunch of concerts at Alpine Valley. It's not called that anymore (like Rosemont, I think it has a corporate name now). It's an outdoor concert venue. One of the concerts I saw there was George Benson. That was an awesome summer concert. It was a beautiful night, we drank sangrias and smoked clove cigarettes (I know, they're disgusting but it was the thing to do at the time). 5. Another Alpine Valley concert was Kool and the Gang with Wang Chung as their opener. Who doesn't love the song Celebration? 6. The funniest concert I ever saw was in Las Vegas. As part of our hotel package, my husband and I got free tickets to see The Righteous Brothers. This was just a few years ago (obviously before Bobby Hatfield died). I love Unchained Melody and You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin' as much as anyone and you gotta give props to two guys who lasted in the music business as long as they did. Not to diss the older crowd - I am (or soon will be) one of them. But seriously, those guys were gettin' too old for the concert gig. First of all, they told "jokes" between songs. And they weren't the funny kind of jokes but they were so corny you had to laugh. Second of all, they kept flashing REALLY bright lights into the audience. I think the point was to blind us so we couldn't tell just how old the guys were. Also, Bobby Hatfield just couldn't hit that high note in Unchained Melody, try as he might. It was sort of sad. But Bill Medley sounded pretty good, all things considered. 7. This might surprise you, but one Vegas concert I'm dying to see is - Tom Jones. Yes, Tom Jones. I know. I'm totally out of the Kool Kids Blogger Club for this one. But seriously. What's New Pussycat? It's Not Unusual? Those are some fun songs. And I think it's hilarious that women are STILL throwing Tom their panties during his concerts. Hil.ar.i.ous. I have a strange sense of humor. 8. No offense to metal lovers out there but you couldn't pay me enough to go to a Metallica concert. To me (and this is just my opinion, I know others strongly disagree) it just sounds like noise. Really unappealing noise. I'd rather listen to jackhammers all day. 9. Along the same vein, I can't stand techno or Goth music. A few weeks ago, we were at a restaurant called Big Bowl. It's sort of Americanized Asian food. Generally we really like it but this particular night, I found myself feeling more and more agitated and unhappy as the meal progressed. I couldn't figure it out until I took the girls to the bathroom where you can hear the music they were playing. I swear to God - it was like evil Devil worshipping music. It was so dark and discordant and awful. Although I couldn't hear it very well at the table, just having it on really bothered me. On top of that, the service was awful that night. I wonder if it had anything to do with the poor choice of dinner music. Luckily for them, they comped our appetizers and we've since returned. And the music was much better last time. 10. Did I mention that I saw Bruce Springsteen? (Ok, I know that's cheating). 11. I saw Billy Joel at United Center. He was awesome. It was soon after Christy Brinkley dropped him like a stone. So he managed to make a bunch of snide comments about her and the crowd went nuts. 12. I know this doesn't really count as a concert but I saw the musical Mama Mia which is sort of an ABBA concert with a lame story built around the songs. If you love ABBA (and who doesn't) it's fab. 13. Since I love Billy Joel (sorry, Dutch but I think his older stuff is awesome), I can't figure out why I haven't seen Movin' Out yet. Apparently plot means nothing to me when it comes to my musical theater entertainment as long as the music and dancing is good, I'm there. See the Sidebar for loads of links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It's easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Closets are for hangers, winners use the door

CMHL talked about a great Springsteen song (Rosalita) in Monday's post which I didn't get around to reading until yesterday morning. Then in the afternoon when I was going to pick my daughter up a gymnastics, what song came on the radio? Right - Rosalita! And I caught it at the beginning of the song which is really rare for me since I'm constantly switching the channels trying to find the perfect song. Anyway, I sang really loud and it was great because there was no one in the car to say "Mom, can you puhleeese stop singing?" or "Put on Radio Disney!"

First the song made me think of CMHL. Then it reminded me of high school (yes, I'm that old - this song came out when I was I teenager). When I was either a senior, I went with three of my girlfriends to see Springsteen in concert at the Rosemont Horizon (which is now called something else because, like every other venue, it's named after a company that has nothing whatsoever to do with the purpose of the venue but there it is.)

We were having a great time - singing and dancing, lighting our lighters (not like any of us really smoked but you can't go to a concert without a lighter, can you?) Then, in the middle of the concert, my girlfriend G, the one who drove us to the concert in her father's baby blue Volvo, turns to me and says "Um, I don't have my car keys." Being a bit dense I said "What do you mean you don't have your car keys?" "I mean, I think I might have locked the keys in the car." "No flippin' way!" (Ok, I think I said an actual swear word but you get the drift.) So we spent the rest of the concert searching her purse and the floor around us to no avail.

Sure enough, we get to the car after the concert and see the keys dangling in the ignition. Rosemont was a good hour from home and we were suburban kids - we didn't know from public transportation so even if there was a train (or God forbid, a bus) we could have taken we didn't know about it and would have been terrified at the thought anyway. So we stood there trying to figure out how the hell we'd get home without having to call one of our parents to come pick us up. And this was in the day before cell phones so I'm not even sure how we'd call them - there were no payphones anywhere near the parking lot.

Then we saw two guys that had been sitting near us at the concert. Their car - a lovely yellow Pinto - was parked near us! And they were going to the north suburbs too! And they were willing to drive us home as long as all four of us could fit in the back! And so we did. And no, we didn't know that if we were rear ended, the Pinto would burst into a ball of gas-fueled flames. And even if we were aware of the danger I'm not sure we had much of a choice. And since when have 16 year olds cared all that much about danger - they're going to live forever, after all. So we all scrunched into the back of the Pinto and managed to get home.

G's dad had to drive her back to Rosemont in the middle of the night to retrieve the Volvo. To this day, she'll probably remember the fact that when she drove the Volvo into the school parking lot that morning, exhausted and unshowered, the school yearbook photographer took her picture as an example of the seniors driving to school. Isn't it always like that?

A new belt!

On Sunday, I passed my belt test in Tae Kwon Do and will now be wearing an orange belt. I recently learned that different Tae Kwon Do schools use different belt colors and that, when asked, I'm supposed to give my Gup or number ranking. So, I'm now an 8th Gup (white belt is 10th and black belt comes after 1st Gup). Not only did I pass the test but I broke the board! Again! For those of you who weren't around when I took my yellow belt test, every tester has an opportunity to break a board with the "breaking kick" for their rank. At the lower ranks, you don't have to successfully break the board in order to advance but at the higher ranks, you don't get your next belt until you break the board (it's actually two or three boards at the higher ranks). When you test to get your black belt, you have to break a block of concrete with your hand. How cool is that? By the time I get there, I'll probably be in my late 40's or early 50's and I am SO going to bust that concrete in half and represent for the older crowd!

Speaking of representing for the older crowd - because of a scheduling conflict, I had to test on Sunday with the kids instead of testing on Saturday with the adults. So there's me and 14 kids under the age of 10 (most of them 5 to 7 years old). And there are all their parents sitting to the side watching. I only felt a teensy bit awkward. And big. I'm not all that tall but I think I know now how super tall people feel looking down at the top of all those heads.

Moving right along - I tested with the three boys who were higher ranking than I am. They each had an opportunity to break their boards before I did and none of them were able to do it. Then it was my turn. Everyone was watching and I really, really wanted to break that board. I would have felt like a fraud if I didn't - even though that's silly. I didn't break on my first try. The teacher said "You're a little too close." I moved about an inch farther away and BAM, the board cracked in two. It's funny, when you hit it wrong and it doesn't break, it feels like you're kicking the wall. But when you hit it right, it feels like you just put your foot through paper.

Just like the last test, my five-year old was there, too. She wasn't officially testing but the instructor let her go through the test with the other kids. She's been struggling a bit because she takes the mixed-age class with me and most of the other kids in the class are far more advanced than she is. The teacher thought (rightly so) that it might motivate her to see more kids her age and rank. As soon as I broke the board, I looked at her and she was beaming. Just like last time. She didn't break the board the first time she tested and she was really disappointed. But this time she did it and the look of pride on her face was priceless. She was hoping he'd give her a new belt even though it wasn't an official test but he said no. So now she's been practicing her other techniques every day because she wants to move up so badly.

Like last time, I thought I'd drop in my essay. In order to advance, you have to write an essay on a topic from a list the instructor provides. For kids who can't really write yet, they have to dictate to their parents. It's not exactly great prose but here it is:

Define respect and how to develop it through Tae Kwon Do.

To respect someone means to hold them in high regard and treat them with deference. You develop respect through Tae Kwon Do by following the manners and treating higher ranking students and instructors with the deference they deserve. At least that’s what I thought when I selected this essay question. But then I looked up the definition of “respect” and realized that although I was partially right, there is much more to that word than I thought.

According to the dictionary, respect has the following definitions:
1. To feel or show deferential regard for; esteem.
2. To avoid violation of or interference with: respect the speed limit.
3. To relate or refer to; concern

As a noun, it also means:
1. A feeling of appreciative, often deferential regard; esteem.
2. The state of being regarded with honor or esteem.
3. Willingness to show consideration or appreciation.

Tae Kwon Do assists in the development of respect in many ways. The manners of Tae Kwon Do require respect for instructors and higher ranking students. In showing respect for others and respect for the etiquette of the dojang, we also develop respect for ourselves. As we learn new and more difficult techniques, we begin to appreciate the strength of our bodies. Self-respect improves as we achieve higher levels of mastery. We will be regarded with honor by others for our achievements and, more importantly, for our willingness to treat those around us with respect. Finally, Tae Kwon Do teaches us that if we are willing to show consideration for others, we will receive consideration and respect in return.

Thursday Thirteen - "Interesting" people

Thirteen "Interesting" people Jessica has met 1. Freshman year of college, I had a roommate who was known on campus as one of "The Twins." She and her sister were pretty, blond, wore lots of makeup and quite large breasted. (I was none of those things - but I digress.) The Twins were also drug dealers who sold cocaine to members of the football team. 2. My roommate's boyfriend (then fiance and finally husband) was a drug dealer who dabbled in insurance fraud outside of Boston. He carried a gun. How do I know he carried a gun? Because when I went to see my roommate during spring break, he came home at lunch and took off his sport coat so I would see his gun in the holster thingy he wore on his chest. Needless to say, I didn't eat much lunch. 3. When I lived in New York in the mid '80s, I had several friends who worked at investment banking firms. One memorable summer, a bunch of us rented a house in the Hamptons. I could only afford a share of a few weekends. (Well, actually, I couldn't afford shit. My mom gave me the money because she felt bad for me even though she couldn't really afford shit either). Anyway, in about May of that year, one of the guys - my friend's boyfriend - was indicted for insider trading. He was accused of selling information to a Taiwanese business man. He, of course, lost his job and spent the entire summer at the house in the Hamptons (rough life) dodging the press that couldn't seem to get a picture of him. (Geez, now that I think of it, I could've taken a picture and sold it for enough to buy my own friggin' house in the Hamptons. Man, I was short-sighted.) Anyway, the guy was eventually convicted (or maybe he plead guilty, I can't remember now) and did some jail time. 4. Back in March, I talked about my "roommate" in Connecticut during the summer that I housesat. He was a Christian Rock singer from Oklahoma. It's almost unfair to call him "interesting" in the way I consider my top 3 people "interesting." He was a nice guy. Just really, really different from me. I have nothing against Christian Rock singers from Oklahoma. Seriously. 5. In that same Thursday Thirteen post I talked about most (if not all) of my crazy bosses. So I'll lump them all together for #5 - the severely obese manager of the local Baskin Robbins who didn't like kids, the crazy "creative" guy who nearly threw a Pitney Bowes stamping machine at my head and the other crazy creative guy who didn't like the fact that I left my computer on overnight (among other things). 6. When I lived in New York, I had a boyfriend who was a bike messenger. With an earring and a tattoo. If you knew me in person, this would really surprise you. I mean, come on - I'm a lawyer for a very WASPy company in Chicago, I send my kids to private school and I'm wearing a sweater set at this very moment. People like me don't date bike messengers. Usually. (Not that I have anything against bike messengers. Seriously.) At the time, I was having a mid-twenties crisis or something. But when I found out that he had been a heroin user (and might have still been at the time we were dating) I got out right quick. Plus he had a cat that hated me. And that was a serious deal-breaker. 7. At one point in between stints in NY after college, I worked as a temp in the law office where my Mom was a legal secretary. I was one of several temps working on a project where various franchise documents were converted from one word processing system to another. We sat in a windowless room every day, eight hours a day, proofreading the most boring documents ever written. So we spent most of the time talking to each other and became friends, of sorts. There was one guy who was probably the most socially inept person I've ever come across. He would wear the same shirt every day - even when he got blood stains on it from cutting his chin shaving. He didn't shower very often and was a big fan of Edgar Cayce. (Not that I have anything against Edgar Cayce fans. Seriously.) 8. One of the other guys was a former model and member of some band in London. He was one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen. And he was a really nice guy. And he wasn't gay. Seriously. But he was painfully boring (not that I wouldn't have dated him if he was interested, but he wasn't). We went out to dinner once, just the two of us. I've never been out with someone who turns heads like he did. People would stop in their tracks to look at him. He'd have people literally staring at him and either he was totally oblivious to it or he simply learned to ignore it. I am so sure that people were saying to themselves "What the hell is a gorgeous guy like that doing with that average looking thing?" 9. We had a nanny for our kids that was so pretty, most men would do a head turn thing when they saw her. It really made her uncomfortable. She was interesting because she came from a very wealthy Mexican family - they own a chain of hotels and lots of real estate. She grew up with servants. Literally. At the time, she was here with her boyfriend who was from a working class family. He worked delivering pizza. She wanted to see what it was like to work, she wanted to speak better English and she likes kids so she got a nanny job. We've never had anyone who worked harder than she did. The kids were well taken care of and the house was spotless when we came home. She would work with our oldest daughter to teach her how to clean her room and put her own clothes away (with our blessing, of course) because she said, "I don't want her to learn to be lazy, like I was as a child." 9/11 really freaked her out and she went back to Mexico a few months later. She has since dumped her working class boyfriend (who is still working here for the pizza place) and is apparently going to marry a guy from another really rich family. And she's not working anymore. Go figure. 10. I know this doesn't really count because I didn't actually meet the guy, but when I was working for the TV commercial production company, Tom Petty called to talk to one of the directors (who had been a big music video cinematographer) and I answered the phone. I said "May I help you?" to Tom Petty, people! You so want to be me. 11. And while we're on the subject of famous people I've come into contact with, this guy is one of our neighbors (ok, so he's only sort of famous and only in Chicago. But still.) See, you DO want to be me. 12. Staying with the theme . . . I had lunch (and several Bloody Marys) with this famous blogger. I can honestly say that I knew her before she had a following approaching that of The Dooce. Does that give me extra brownie points? 13. I know I'm cheating you out of a thirteenth but a girl can only know so many "interesting" people in her 41 years. Give me a few years - I'm sure I'll have more! See the Sidebar for loads of links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Enough already

I am soooo soooo sick and tired of hearing about Tom and Katy and Suri and Britney and Kevin and Paris and Nicole and Branjelina and whoever the hell the other "it" people of the moment happen to be. It's not like I'm so damn serious that I want to hear only about the war in Iraq and how ridiculously high oil prices have gotten. I'm ok with hearing about the occasional celebrity siting, new movie premiere, sports star shenanigans and other lighthearted fare. But, seriously, enough of the obsession with the lives of people that happen to make movies for a living. They are NO DIFFERENT than you and I except they have gobs more money and think it's a good idea to inject obscene amounts of collagen into their lips and other body parts.

That explains it

I took my five year old daughter to the zoo yesterday. Our neighbors joined us with their six year old daughter and four year old son. We were in line for lunch at the food court and I was goofing around with their son. He said "You're crazy!" and my daughter said (quite loudly for someone who is usually so quiet we constantly have to tell her to speak up) "She's not crazy. She's old! She's 41 years old you know."

Ouch.

Check it out!

Check out my new "tag cloud" in the sidebar by a site called ZoomCloud. Apparently, this thing looks at the last 10 or so posts and pulls out frequently used terms. Then it weights them, putting the most used terms in the biggest font and places them alphabetically in the "cloud." If you click on a term, it will take you to a list of posts on my blog that use that term.

I know it's in alphabetical order but I find it somewhat disturbing that "attachment parenting" is the first thing on the list and is in a HUGE font. (Great, now that I've used that term again, it'll stay huge for the next two weeks!). I only used it in one post. Okay, two. If you read the post where I referenced the parenting strategy that shall no longer be named, that was the "ideal" espoused in certain parenting books that made me feel horrible about myself.

There is a function that helps you help the tag cloud figure out what terms to highlight. So I guess I can go in there and tell it NEVER to mention that particular thing again. But I think I'll let it do its thing for awhile and see where it goes.

I love technology. But if I'm being honest, I love it mostly because it gives me great little toys to play with while I procrastinate!

Happy Friday!

Thursday Thirteen - Space Cadet version

Thirteen Examples of Jessica's Space Cadet Nature 1. Last week was spring break. Before break, there was an announcement that the school would have a spirit week, starting with Pajama Day on Monday. We weren't sure whether spirit week was the week after break or the next week. My kids thought Pajama Day was the Monday after break. Not wanting them to be embarrassed by being the only kids in school wearing pajamas, I thought it would be a good idea to check the school's online newsletter. Which I did. And I told the kids they were right so they wore pajamas to school on Monday. You guessed it - Spirit Week is NEXT WEEK. My kids were just about the only kids in school with their pj's on. 2. I was so upset with myself and apologized to them about one hundred times. My five year old said "That's ok Mom. It wasn't as bad as the time you switched our lunches." Oh, that makes me feel so much better! 3. M Girl wanted bacon for breakfast last week. I look in the fridge and said "There's no bacon." My husband (who does all the shopping and generally knows these things) said "Check again, I think we have another package." So I checked again and confirmed that we were out of bacon. You are so smart - you guessed it again! We had a package of bacon. Right in the drawer where I looked. Twice. 4. We're finally putting our balcony gardens together. We have three balconies - one attached to each of the kitchen, dining room and den. We've put some planters on the kitchen and dining room balconies. Before I went to work, I wanted to ask my husband to check periodically during the day to see how much direct sun the balcony off the dining room gets. He kept saying "Wait. I'm confused. What balcony?" And I kept repeating myself. Three times, I think. Finally he came up to me, looked me in the eye and, with a smile (bless him) said "Honey, are you sure you want me to check the DEN balcony? Or are you talking about the dining room balcony? You keep saying den." 5. I am so lucky to have a husband who knows he should listen to what I MEAN and not what I SAY . 6. Where was I? 7. Oh, right. I was writing about how spacey I've been lately. 8. I realize that the title of this entry is misleading. I don't actually have thirteen examples of how spacey I am. Well, I suppose if I could remember things better, I might be able to come up with thirteen. But the point is, I'm not thinking very clearly these days. 9. Does anyone think I need a vacation? Or maybe a nap. A vacation takes too much work. (Says the woman whose husband does the vast majority of the vacation planning). 10. Have I mentioned lately how lucky I am to have a husband who accommodates my spacey nature and loves me anyway? 11. Love you, honey! 12. Oops. I just realized I forgot to eat lunch. I think I'll go do that. 13. Have a great week everyone! See the Sidebar for loads of links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. ItÂ’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Why?

"BAGHDAD, Iraq - Separate groups of gunmen entered two primary schools in Baghdad on Wednesday and beheaded two teachers in front of their students, the Ministry of State for National Security said."

Why? Who could do such a thing? What purpose could such brutality serve? I ache for those children . . . for all the children in the world that are growing up amid violence and hatred.

Maybe I'm just grumpy . . .

Am I the only person bothered by the title of this book (12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know : Getting Back to Basics and Raising Happy Kids). The reason it bugs me is that it implies that "real" moms know something that the rest of us "fake" moms don't know. And the kicker - the stuff real moms know is really simple so if you don't know the same stuff, not only are you a fake mom, you're stupid too. Also, I'm not sure it's our job to make our kids happy (especially because our kids would be happy if we gave them a dumpster full of candy and let them watch Cartoon Network every day but that really wouldn't be good parenting, now would it?) - but that's a whole other post.

As regular readers of this blog know, I am a total self-help book junkie. Maybe I'm pulling back from that addiction because this is totally a book I would have bought a few years ago. But now, with the benefit of nearly 8 1/2 years of childrearing experience, I can say with confidence that any book that claims to have simple answers to questions about raising kids is full of shit. Of course, that's just my opinion.

The truth is, after our second daughter was born, I gave away every child rearing book we bought (with only a couple exceptions). Not because I thought we knew all the answers but because the books only made me more confused, less likely to follow my own instincts (and my husband's) and made me feel guilty for not being the kind of mother the books said I should be.

For instance, the books about attachment parenting by Dr. Sears made me totally nuts. I think I was about as attached as a parent could be after A Girl was born. That kid was constantly attached to one breast or another. Seriously. I was a human pacifier. I am still amazed that I was able to go back to work without her still attached to me. The attachment parenting books said things like "an attached parent instinctively knows what her baby wants when she cries." Ok, maybe some people are infant mind readers but not me. I think I had it easier than the average parent because when she cried, it pretty much meant I needed to whip out a boob and all would be right with the world again. But there were times when I had no clue what the hell she wanted and frankly, I'm convinced she didn't either. (In fact, just last night she asked me "Do you ever just feel like crying for no reason?") I won't opine on whether attachment parenting is good or not because I couldn't bring myself to finish the book.

Then there are the books designed to get your child to sleep. Don't even get me started. Every book out there claims to have THE answer to solving the baby sleep problem. The book that so many people rave about - the Weissbluth book - was my least favorite. He happens to be the head pediatrician at the practice our children go to. I've met him briefly and he seems to be a nice man. However - he has a whole chapter of his book devoted to blasting mothers who don't let their children cry it out. He says, basically, those mothers have bad relationships with their husbands and are using the child to avoid their relationship issues. There's also language in the book that made me cringe about kids who don't sleep well growing up to be fat and stupid. I know first hand the evils of sleep deprivation. I know that it's important for kids to learn to fall asleep on their own. I also know that my desire to "rescue" my baby from crying too much was not necessarily in her best interest in the long-run. BUT - to malign all mothers who find it difficult to let their babies cry until they throw up (the babies, not the moms) is ridiculous. The whole tone of his book is that if you don't do what the great doctor says, you're a bad parent and your children are doomed to a life of sorrow. Maybe in my sleep-deprived state I was a tad sensitive but, honestly, I think that's the LAST thing new parents need to hear.

So, back to the reason I even started this post. To me, there's no one right way to do things when it comes to raising a family. There's only a right way to do things for your family. Unless you're outright abusing your kids, no one should judge you for making the choices that work for your situation. Some people swear by the cry it out method of getting your kids to sleep. We tried it and it was a complete failure (mainly because my oldest was as stubborn as they come). Eventually, we figured out a few things that worked for us and she's a fairly well-adjusted 8 year old who sleeps very well. With our second, I don't remember it being as big an issue. I was lucky enough to be able to nurse our kids for a full year each and I used to be pretty judgmental about mothers who didn't nurse. But I realize now that everyone faces their own challenges and what worked for me and my family might not work for them. Maybe I should write a book about it and call it "Raising a Family: Some stuff that worked for me and might work for you but if it doesn't that's ok." What do you think?