So many thoughts, so little time

Today I had lots of thoughts about things to write but I had no time to write. Now that I have a little time, I can't think of anything to write about! Truth be told, I don't actually have any time to write, what I'm really doing is procrastinating. I was about to leave the office with time to spare so that I could stop at Jewel to buy some food. But I hate the thought of grocery shopping so I decided to blog about it instead of doing it.

In our household's division of labor, my hubby has taken on the role of designated grocery shopper. He's actually the designated shopper for pretty much everything except clothes for the kids and make up products for me. The reason for this is simple. He's a great shopper and I'm not. He makes good decisions - knows a good price when he sees it, is efficient when he shops and rarely makes impulse buys. I, on the other hand, tend to wander around the grocery store consumed by aimless indecision, dreaming about elaborate meals involving exotic things like eggplant and cous cous that I will never actually make (and my kids would probably never eat). I am also the queen of the impulse buy (those Double Stuff Oreos are really hard to pass up). So, after twelve years with Big D, I am unaccustomed to grocery shopping and feeling great dread about the three to five months ahead of me during which I will need to do the shopping.

Ok, I am being a bit over-dramatic. I know that if I'm really petrified of actually going to the store (or if I get really lazy about it), I can use Peapod. And I'm not really petrified anyway. The truth is, I'm lazy. I don't feel like going to the store and - more importantly - I don't feel like cooking dinner. So M-Girl and I are going out to dinner tonight - probably to California Pizza Kitchen. I have a special birthday coupon they sent for M-Girl and I could use a margarita. And the M-Girl looooves eating out. So, there you have it. I've blogged myself into staying away from Jewel (at least for today) and eating out. I think I like this blogging thing!

Totally cool

I am sitting at my computer in Chicago watching A-Girl sitting in her hotel room in Hong Kong. She's making faces at herself mostly and also blowing kisses a lot. We talked for awhile through Skype and Big D even brought his computer with the camera over to the window so I could see the view from their room. I love technology! We just have our webcams on now so we can see each other and we're IM'ing when we have something to say. It's almost as if they were home, but not really. Technology can't replace a good old, in person family hug. But these webcams sure are cool!

They made it to Hong Kong!

They got to Nagoya, Japan around 6:30pm and were able to get on a cargo plane (!) from Nagoya to Hong Kong at 10:30 pm. So they made it to Hong Kong without having to go through customs in Japan in order to sleep a few hours and then get back to the airport with a gillion pounds of luggage.

I was able to speak to them through Skype, a great free program that allows you to make free phone calls anywhere in the world via your computer). Other than a pretty significant delay, it was like they were next door. They sound like they're in good spirits.

A-Girl has rehearsals for their performance during the Miss Hong Kong pageant on Friday starting at 5 and again most of the day Saturday so the work starts right away. She's really excited. Big D has her writing about her experiences and feelings - once we get a website up and running, they'll put it all online.

The house was so quiet last night and this morning. School doesn't start for a few weeks and camp is over so there's no mad rush to get ready in the morning. I got up and did yoga for about half an hour (which is about all I could take given how out of shape I am). I was actually ready to go to work when the babysitter arrived, which is not something that happens often. It probably had something to do with the fact that M-Girl slept late. We'll see what happens once I have to get the little non-morning person out of bed and ready for school on time!

And they're off . . .

Just a quick note to say that A-Girl and Big D left for Asia this morning. Actually, they are now sitting at O'Hare Airport waiting for their flight which has been significantly delayed. It was originally scheduled to leave at 12:40 p.m. but was delayed until 2:45 p.m. Then it got delayed until 3:30 p.m. They will miss their connecting flight from Nagoya, Japan to Hong Kong and, just to make matters worse, their connecting flight was the last of the night. They will have to stay overnight in Japan and fly out the next morning.

That wouldn't be so bad but they have six heavy suitcases, two heavy backpacks and an American Girl doll. (They'll be gone for three to five months - they need a lot of stuff!) Big D can't carry all of that himself and A-Girl isn't big enough to be much help. American Airlines told him that they won't check the bags through to the next day's flight so he has to get the bags and somehow get them to the hotel and get them back to the airport the next morning. And then get them to the hotel in Hong Kong.

On top of that, on Friday afternoon, A-Girl has a rehearsal in Hong Kong for their performance at the Miss Hong Kong Pageant on Saturday. We're hoping that A-Girl will make it to Hong Kong before the rehearsal starts. They do have another rehearsal scheduled for Saturday morning but it's too bad that she won't have been in Hong Kong overnight so she could start Friday fresh and ready for rehearsal. Instead she'll be flying in from Japan at the last minute.

I'm confident that it will all work out in the end but I feel bad that Big D has to go through all this stress to get there. On the bright side, they will be sitting in business class all the way to Japan so they'll have plenty of leg room, snacks and entertainment. Hopefully, they'll be able to get some sleep!

It was so hard to say goodbye - I sobbed while they got in the cab. A-Girl was talking about the mixed feelings she has going away - she's excited and happy but she's also sad and scared. I totally know how she feels! I know it will be a great experience for her. I only wish I could share more of it first hand.

On another note, M-Girl is doing better and eating a little bit more each day. Her voice still sounds a little funny but hopefully that will get better as she heals. She had a tough night last night knowing that Big D and A-Girl were leaving today but she's off at Navy Pier with her favorite babysitter so she's doing ok. I think the next couple of days will be difficult for her as she realizes that A-Girl and Daddy aren't coming back right away. I need to find a way to help her through the tough times without spoiling her (or myself).

The party's over . . .

Yesterday we had a going away party for A-Girl and Big D. This is the first time we've really entertained at our "new" apartment. We moved in a year ago so by "new" I mean that we haven't fully unpacked yet. So yesterday we ran around like maniacs unpacking boxes, cleaning and decluttering before the guests came. It was a little nuts. Ok, it was a lot nuts.

But the party turned out great - there were about 40 adults and 30 or so kids. We had the kids on the 12th floor swimming and eating pizza in the party room while most of the adults were up in our apartment eating good food and drinking. We had three lifeguards/babysitters at the pool to watch the little buggers while the adults had fun. Then we had this guy come to entertain us. He's a really funny magician and self-described "balloonatic." He performs at Navy Pier and other places around Chicago so definitely check him out if you're in town.

So now we're all completely exhausted but we still need to get A-Girl and Big D packed and ready to go by Wednesday morning. M-Girl's still healing - it's slow going but she's doing better every day. I am actually going to attempt to go to work tomorrow so we'll see how that goes. Even though I've been at work for the last couple of weeks, I haven't really been there, you know? I'm hoping that I can get into some kind of routine once they leave. It's the anticipation and all the planning and preparation that's exhausting. And there's still lots to do . . .

Another quick update on M-Girl

She's doing a little better today but she hasn't eaten much in the last few days. Pretty much all she's managed to eat is ice cream and milk shakes from McDonald's. Big D and I really try to keep the kids' sugar intake at a low to moderate level so giving her ice cream every day is not something we feel very good about.

Although I hate to accuse my kids of being Machiavellian, she may be taking advantage of the fact that we get a bit soft when our kids aren't feeling well. She's no dummy - she's figured out that we aren't going to force her to eat anything in particular right now. Our babysitter managed to get her to eat some yogurt and cottage cheese yesterday by having M-Girl take two bites and then letting her play for a little while before having her take two more bites. Good thing our babysitter has a level of patience that I don't possess.

The other thing that's hard is keeping her from being too active. She's supposed to be taking it easy right now but at certain times of the day, she's got so much energy that it's hard to keeping from bouncing around (literally - she doesn't walk, she bounces and jumps - we should start calling her Tigger). I tried to explain to her that she has scabs in her throat and if she's too active, they could open up and start bleeding. And if that happens, she might have to go to the hospital - graphic, I know but she's one of those kids that picks at her scabs, she understands what I'm saying. She nodded her head and said "Ok, mommy." And the next thing I know, she's doing wind sprints up and down the hallway!

A-Girl's having a hard time with the situation because she really wants more of my attention before she leaves for Asia. She's going to be gone for at least three months and although I'll see her when M-Girl and I visit in October, that's still two months that we'll be away from each other. We've never been apart more than a few days at a time. I'm sure it will be hard on both of us. The last few days, she's felt like M-Girl was getting all of my attention and she's not entirely wrong about that.

It's another one of those situations where I feel stretched in too many directions. There are so many things I should be spending time on and I'm not spending enough time on any of them. There's the kids, Big D, my work, cleaning the house, preparing for a going away party on Saturday, helping Big D and A-Girl get ready to go, the usual care and feeding of the house and the family. This list doesn't really give a sense of the sheer volume of things that need to be done and the significant lack of time in which to do them. Big D hasn't slept enough in weeks, he wakes up in the middle of the night and starts working. I sleep but then I feel guilty about it - not the most effective reaction, is it?

However, this afternoon I am getting a massage, facial and haircut. Tomorrow morning I'm getting my highlights touched up. So I have a bunch of things to feel guilty about. Oops, I mean I'm taking care of myself and that's good, right? Also, it makes Big D feel good because I'm taking care of myself and using gift certificates (for today's pampering) that we've had lying around for over a year. Ok, I gotta get back to work now. The overwhelming desire to procrastinate is being taken over by the overwhelming guilt caused by not getting any work done.

Update on M-Girl

She's doing better today although she woke up with a low-grade fever. She slept with me again last night but made it through the whole night without any Tylenol for pain, which is good. She's a tough kid.

Yesterday, she didn't eat much. I gave her some Tylenol in the afternoon which apparently didn't sit well with her relatively empty stomach. The poor thing tossed her cookies in our bed. I got her in the bath which really helped her feel better. I cleaned off the bed as quickly and thoroughly as I could. Apparently I didn't do a good enough job, because the last thing M-Girl said to me before she fell asleep was "Mom, the bed smells a little like throw up." Unfortunately, she was right. I loved our pillow top mattress until now - that sucker soaks in puke like nobody's business.

M-Girl's surgery

M-Girl had her tonsils removed yesterday. She also had her adenoids removed (again) and tubes put in her ears (again). She got through the surgery really well and we were home last night. This is a tough morning for her, though. It's so sad to see your baby in pain and not be able to do much about it. I'm supposed to be giving her Tylenol with codeine every few hours. It was really fun having to wake her in the middle of the night to give her medicine that makes her gag. But the nurse said that if you go too long before you give them pain medication, the pain can get so bad that you can't get them to take the medication and they stop drinking fluids, which is bad. This morning I had to give her antibiotics and ear drops. The ear drops are really uncomfortable for her and - oh goody - we get to do them three times a day for five days.

Now we'll spend the next 14 days trying to figure out how to get her to eat soft foods that are relatively healthy. She informed me that she does not like jello unless it has "toppings" (meaning Cool Whip). She doesn't like oatmeal and isn't a big fan of scrambled eggs. She loves yogurt but we're a little concerned about giving her too much dairy since she's kind of phlegmy as it is. She also loves ice cream - 'natch. It appears that if we offer to let her have ice cream if she eats something healthier first, she's willing to compromise. And that's a good sign.

Help me, please.

I'm trying to decipher the care label on some "squishy" pillows I bought for the kids. Apparently, the Japanese have a separate standard for care labels. . I'm pretty sure I can wash this in a front loading machine in cool water but I can't figure out what the last one means. Given the gazillion things I should be doing right now, deciphering the label on a pillow should be at the bottom of my list, right? Please put me out of my misery and help me figure out how to clean these puppies. Much appreciated!

Dancing in the streets

One of the activities at summer camp was a dance class where each age group was taught a different dance or two. It was run by a young woman who is starting her own dance studio in the city. The little ones did a dance to Hard Knock Life (with a cute middle section that had them dancing to some rap music) and the older ones did a dance to Car Wash and Switch. Yeah, I didn't know what Switch was either. The tune is catchy but the only word I understood was "switch." Go figure.

Anyway, today there is a Children's Art Fair one block from our house in the "Cathedral District." At noon, they had the kids do their dances. Dave brought his new toy - a video camera with a wide angle lens and got some cute footage. It's a beautiful day, in the shade, but we were sitting in the very hot sun and, I swear, my eyeballs were melting.

Now I'm going to Marshall's with A-Girl to do some clothes shopping. There's a big sale and there aren't many things I like better than a big sale. My motto - "Never buy retail." Ok, I think I stole that from someone but I can't remember who.

Happiness #3

Living in the city makes me happy.

There's a good energy here in Chicago. The entire lake front belongs to the public. We have Lincoln Park, Grant Park and Millennium Park. I love the theaters and museums (although I don't get to the museums as much as I'd like). I can walk to work. If I take a cab, I can be at work in five minutes, which is handy when I oversleep. And, I don't have to get up at the crack of dawn to catch a train to get to work by 9:00am. If there's something going on at the kids' school, I can go there during the day without having to take a whole day off like my suburban colleagues. We don't have a lawn to mow! We have two big movie theaters within waling distance and all the shopping you can stand. There are tons of great restaurants. Most of the time, the massive amounts of tourists walking around our neighborhood don't bother me.

There is one thing about the tourists that I can't understand - why in the world would anyone wait over an hour for a table at Giordano's? I mean, it's good pizza and all (it's the only kind we order in) but seriously - waiting over sixty minutes to eat pizza? Eating at Hard Rock Cafe or Rain Forest Cafe makes more sense than that. And I really can't understand why anyone would eat at either place with all the other fabulous and interesting places to eat. But I digress.

Other things in the city that make me happy: Good street performers, the great landscaping along Michigan Avenue, Buckingham Fountain. Did I mention that we don't have a lawn to mow? I like that.

BTTW

Ok - I know Morphing Into Mama isn't the only one curious about what "BTTW" means. So here goes. It's something that little M-Girl has been saying for awhile. She'll say "I love you bigger than the world." Sometimes it's "I love you bigger than the universe." Isn't that sweet? So that's what Dave meant by BTTW.

We are really mushy. Hope not too many of you lost your lunch reading this!

Happiness #2

My husband, Big D, makes me happy. He is, with all appropriate deference to James Brown, the hardest working man in America. And most of what he does is for his family and friends.

I love you, honey!

Happiness Challenge

Well, I stumbled on The Happiness Challenge suggested by Pretty Purple Princess and decided it would be a good idea for me to try it out. She suggests that we do one post a day about something that makes us happy. I have so much to be happy about and thankful for and yet I'm a big whiny-pants complainer most of the time. So, here goes on my first Happiness Challenge post:

"Family Hugs" make me happy. We've been doing them since the kids were babies. We pick the girls up, we all hug in a circle and yell "Family Hug!!!" I hope the kids are never too old for Family Hugs.

Family Hugs to all of you today!!!

Not at all satisfying

Well, I did get to send the email I talked about in my last post but SOMEONE simply didn't get it. He sent me a reply that made no sense at all. Even worse, his reply did not contain the one thing it should have contained - an apology. I know my dear husband will laugh at this coming from me but I'll say it anyway - some people just cannot admit when they are wrong.

I told you so

I love saying "I told you so." Or, more accurately, I love being in the smug position of being able to say those words, even if I don't actually say them. This has to do with a situation at work and only us dorky lawyers who specialize in mutual fund matters would be remotely interested in the details so I won't bore you all to death with them.

Suffice it to say that my (bad) habit of never deleting emails unless I have to has served me well today. I found the smoking gun - a Powerpoint presentation that was sent to someone in April. The other day, while this someone was firmly planted in the saddle of his high horse, he claimed that we hadn't told him that a particular transaction was due to settle in July. He said we told him it would settle "later in the year" (something that was never uttered from my lips).

This someone is from a very big, very important client of ours so he needs to always be right. So I can't say the words I long to say. I will get to forward him the "smoking gun" email that he received in April and I will get to say something like "just wanted to point out that the information was in this presentation that you received . . ." and I will do it as a response to his "high horse" email where he said it was all our fault because we didn't tell them. I have to be nice though, which kinda sucks, but at least I can rub it in, just a little.

Another stage mother post

Christine asked about how A-Girl got into the business and whether the money is good enough to make it worthwhile. I was going to email her an answer but thought that other people might have the same questions so I thought I'd do a post instead.

I hesitated to do this because what I'm going to say here might come off as bragging about my kid. What I want to do is give people an idea about what it takes - in my opinion - for a child to be successful in this business. I have to preface all this by saying that I'm not an expert. A-Girl's been doing this for about two years and I worked in commercial production about 15 years ago. That's the extent of my limited experience.

Ok - here goes. Here are the things that I think have contributed to A-Girl's success:

1) She wants to do this. It has been her idea from the beginning. When she was about three, she started asking us when she was going to be on TV and when she'd get to be in magazines. We thought it was cute but we didn't really take it seriously. Having been in commercial production and not liking certain bullshit aspects of it, I was hesitant to try to get her into the business. It wasn't until she was about five and she still wanted to do it that we finally decided to take her to an agent that specializes in kids. She loves auditioning even when she doesn't get hired. She loves working. We have always told her that she can quit any time she wants.

2) She works hard and the whole family makes sacrifices. She memorizes and practices lines before auditions and jobs. She takes direction very well - directors like to work with her because she doesn't goof around a lot and get distracted like some kids. She has dealt with eight-hour work days without complaining and without losing her energy level. Big D and I have had to take time off of work in order to take her to jobs and auditions. Luckily our bosses have been understanding and flexible with us. Our babysitters have to be able to drive so they can take her places. Her younger sister has had to go to auditions with her on numerous occasions. My husband left his job in order to take her to Asia. I've compared it to having a child that is an Olympic hopeful - they simply can't do it without the whole family making sacrifices.

3) She can talk to anyone of any age about pretty much anything. She can walk into a room full of strangers and not be nervous (or at least not let her nerves get the best of her). She likes being the center of attention (which is not always a good thing). We sometimes call her the "black hole of attention" because when she's around, she has a way of getting most of the attention. There's something about her that draws people in. She's got lots of personality. She's cute but not gorgeous - she looks like a regular kid, approachable. One producer told me that she's met kids (particularly in L.A.) who, at six or seven, talk to her like they're "working the room." She told me that she likes A-Girl because A-Girl's a real kid who happens to be mature enough to do the work and isn't jaded by the business. (Let's hope it stays that way).

4) She's been lucky. A-Girl has a lot going for her and she works hard but being in the right place at the right time helps. There are tons of cute kids around. Most of the time, it depends on the "look" a director is seeking. It can also depend on which actors they get to play the "mom" and "dad" and "brother." If they hire a blond mom, A-Girl isn't going to get hired. Also, she ended up with the part in Sound of Music, we think, because another girl turned it down. It doesn't mean the other girl is more talented than A-Girl, although she might be. It may have been that the other girl has theater experience and A-Girl doesn't. It could be because the other girl was blond and shorter than A-Girl. In the end, A-Girl's going to Asia and getting the experience, in part, because she was lucky.

So - the things that I think are important for kids in the business is they have to want to do it, they can't be shy or cling to their parents, they need personality, they have to have someone who is willing and able to schlep them around to auditions and jobs and they have to be in the right place at the right time.

By the way, most people in the business will tell you that it's unnecessary to pay thousands of dollars for headshots and "classes" provided by the Barbizons of the world. (I feel like I have to say this because my sis-in-law almost did that with her kids before I talked her out of it). Get a reputable agent (preferably one that's SAG sanctioned) and decent photographs. I think we spent somewhere around $500 for A-Girl's first set of headshots. (That's about $300 for the sitting fee and the rest for printing fees). We didn't get new headshots until A-Girl could pay for them herself!

Doing commercials can be highly lucrative - especially national commercials. A regional commercial that runs for a long time can also be good - A-Girl did a Meijer's commercial about two years ago and it's still running. Catalog modeling does not pay well - it's generally $75 per hour, minus 10% agent fees. The few jobs she's done have only been one hour each. Once we went to the suburbs for a job - we won't do that again. Print modeling (i.e. magazines, billboards etc.) pays ok - there's no union and the agents generally take 20% because collecting the pay sometimes takes more work (because it's non-union) but it's ok. Voice-over work is great - it's fairly easy, the jobs generally take very little time and the pay is good, especially since the time commitment is small. Theater doesn't pay very well but most people in theater will tell you that they don't do it for the money. In the end, A-Girl's Asia tour will likely cost us more than she makes only because Big D's leaving his job. She does get paid, housing for her and Big D is covered and they get a sufficient stipend to pay for food. Mostly we're doing it for the experience, to help her career and because she's so happy doing it.

I struggle to make sure I don't get invested in A-Girl being in show business. I went to a theater camp for ten years. I love musical theater and almost went to college at Bennington to study dance. At one point, I wanted nothing more than to be a movie producer. But I chose a different path for my life and I'm happy with my choices. She has to choose her own path without feeling like I'm living vicariously through her. I try not to behave as if she is a reflection of me. She is her own person and her success is her own (although see point #2 above). I will admit, though, it's really cool seeing my kid on TV!

Warning - stage mother post!

Just thought I'd let you all know that the Elmer's Glue commercial that A-Girl did in March is finally playing. You'd know it if you saw it - it starts out with her "mom" having a flashback to the 70's remembering how she and her mother did crafts using Elmer's Glue. It jumps to the present where A-Girl asks the mom what she's thinking about and the mom says "I was just thinking that you can't go back to school without your Elmer's Glue" and then they talk about Elmer's new washable purple glue sticks. It's very cute. I know I'm biased, but I think A-Girl did a great job. Credit goes to the fabulous director, Karen Carter and the great teams at SBC Advertising and Elmer's Glue. They were all so great for A-Girl to work with.

(Yes, I know. I'm a disgusting, gushing stage mother but I'm really not brown-nosing. As far as I know, none of those people reads my blog and even if they did, what I say has absolutely no bearing on whether my kid gets hired. I just want my few readers to know that I realize that the cuteness of the ad is not all due to my darling daughter's talent - as fabulous as she is. Plus, I think Karen is great. She's also pretty much the only director that hasn't treated me like I'm a necessary evil on set. And I like that.)

It's hard to express what a thrill it is to see your daughter on television. The other cool thing is that on some channels, they've been playing the Elmer's commercial and her McDonald's commercial back to back. That's pretty cool for a seven year old.

It seemed like a good idea . . .

Way back in early June, we were at a charity silent auction. Big D bid on and "won" a sailing charter for six on Lake Michigan. At the time, we figured it would be a great thing to do with his cousin (C) and her husband (T) who are here visiting this weekend. The Chicago skyline is beautiful from the lake and we thought we could bring some nice food and wine. If the weather cooperated, it would be a really nice night. We even negotiated for an extra hour - four hours boating on the lake. It would be great!

At the beginning of the week, the weather sucked. It was hot and humid and just generally sucky. But Thursday came around, the heat wave broke and Friday, the day of our sailing trip, was a gorgeous day.

Big D and T went to Whole Foods and got some yummy treats. We packed a cooler and went to the boat at 5 p.m. The boat was beautiful. I don't know much about sailing or boats or anything but this was pretty nice. It had two bedrooms and bathrooms, a teeny kitchen, a table and a small desk. The benches were covered in a creamy, soft leather.

As we moved out of the harbor, we all went on deck to feel the cool breeze. It started out great. M-Girl asked for some food so we broke out the shrimp. She, A-Girl and Big D ate a few. I was worried I might get queasy so I held off on the food which turned out to be the best choice. As soon as we got out of the harbor, we hit the choppy waves. Apparently, the Northeast wind brings cool breezes but also makes the lake near Chicago quite wavy. (As I write this, I'm feeling the sensation of the boat moving with the waves!). After about five minutes, I looked over at T and could tell he wasn't feeling very well. He made his way to the front deck and not long after that, my husband went to the side of the boat. You can guess what happened to both of them eventually.

After an hour, my husband asked the captain to turn around and head back. In the meantime, M-Girl fell asleep on my lap. A-Girl and C were the only ones doing well. I was ok as long as I kept looking at the horizon. If I looked down at all, the queasiness started and I had to look up again. I couldn't even look in a camera lens long enough to take a picture (although I did manage to get two pictures of M-Girl helping to pilot the boat after she woke up).

When we were getting fairly close to the harbor, M-Girl had to go to the bathroom which was below deck. Big D and I looked at each other in a panic, knowing that neither of us could go below without throwing up and he said "Can't you hold it?" She, of course, said she couldn't. One of the crew members was a wonderful woman and she took M-Girl to the bathroom but as soon as M-Girl got back up, she joined her father at the side of the boat and promptly threw up what little dinner she ate. Here I am, staring at the horizon watching my little one toss her cookies out of the corner of my eye while a virtual stranger holds on to her and brushes her hair off of her face. Yet another great moment in parenting!

A-Girl was ok until near the end when she made the mistake of covering her face with her sweater. Within minutes she joined M-Girl and her dad at the side of the boat.

What I feel the worst about is that we put our guests through that experience! T's a surfer, I guess we figured he'd like being on the water. Now I know that being a surfer doesn't make one immune to sea sickness. Unfortunately for T, I had to learn that at his expense.

I would hate for our experience to reflect poorly on the charter company. They were fabulous and our problems were a result of our own weak constitutions! For anyone who is into sailing, it's a really nice boat and Joe and Daneen (the captain and crew) were wonderful. If you're ever in Chicago and want to try it out, I would recommend it. Go to Windy City Sailing for more information.

I'm overwhelmed. And tired. I need a break but don't really have time. I'm slacking off at work because I'm so tired I can barely concentrate. My office is a mess. I should be cleaning it but I don't want to. I should be doing a lot of things that I just don't want to do. If I was saying this out loud, I'd sound like a four-year old - (imagine, if you can stand it, an irritating whine) "But I don't wanna do it!"

Here's what I want to do. Go home. Take one or more of the several books I am reading and go out on my balcony. With a beer. And sit. Until the sun goes down. Then I want to get in bed, put on some CSI re-run and knit. Then sleep. And sleep. And sleep. Until I wake up on my own - without an alarm and without a child waking me up. Then I want to go to Starbucks with my laptop, have a latte and write and read. For the whole day. Without interruption. And then I'd go to a movie. And then I'd sleep, a lot.

Unfortunately, I can't do that. I can't do anything even close to that. We have houseguests again and we're taking them on some charter sailboat which under other circumstances would be really fun. But today - I'm not sure. At least the weather is very nice, finally. Hopefully I won't get seasick!

The green eyed monster

Technically, I have no time to post. But I just had to share the reason I'm an green with envy at my husband. I really am ok with the fact that he gets to take A-Girl to Asia. (No, really, I am. And for those of you who haven't read my archives - my daughter is in the Asian tour of The Sound of Music this fall as Marta.) It was the best decision for all involved but I do have some level of jealousy at the fact that he gets to travel around Asia watching our baby perform in a really big shooow. And he'll get to see all kinds of cool things without me. I was used to that level of jealousy and just starting to get over it.

But now - now I am really jealous. Here's why: they get to attend the grand opening of Disneyland Hong Kong. I know, how disgustingly touristy and American of me but, seriously - how cool is that going to be. And given that the kids are going to get to sing at the Miss Hong Kong Pageant and do all kinds of other neato promotional stuff, there's a good chance that they'll be special guests of some kind at Disney. They might not have to wait in line for the good rides!

Well, now that I'm done whining, I have to go home to get ready for the "cast party" my husband planned this evening. A-Girl is in rehearsals all week with all of the other kids in the cast and she's the only one from Chicago. So, Big D invited everyone over for a pool and Chicago-style pizza party at our apartment. I'm excited to meet the people they'll be travelling with so that's good but I've been in Board meetings for two days straight and I'm sort of in the mood to knit and watch hours of CSI. But that will have to wait!

An ode to caffeine

I don't fall asleep in meetings. Well, ok - when I was still nursing at all hours of the night, I was known to nod off during the day now and again. But now that I'm back on the sauce (coffee), I don't fall asleep anymore - until this morning. For the first time in forever, I didn't have time to get coffee on my way to work this morning. I had an audit committee meeting to attend and I didn't want to be late so I came in without my java. I'm sure it will come as no surprise to hear that audit committee meetings are generally boring. Very, very boring.

I managed to make it through the first part of the meeting ok but after an hour, I just couldn't take it anymore and had to close my eyes. Hopefully I was covering it well. I use a Tablet PC to take notes and I usually have it on my lap because it's more comfortable that way. So I was looking down with the "pen" in my right hand and my head in my left hand (to prevent the head bob thing). Don't know if I succeeded in looking more like a serious note-taker than someone struggling to stay awake. On a good note - I did learn that I can take notes with my eyes closed! And they're almost legible!

To struggle is to learn

I watch as M-Girl struggles to keep her head above water. I want her to wear her water wings but she really doesn't want to. She can't quite swim - she can tread water and she manages to move small distances. She generally stays near the wall or the lane markers so there's always something to grab onto. But I wish she would wear the water wings until she's a stronger swimmer. Then I realize that she won't become a stronger swimmer wearing water wings. She'll only become stronger through the struggle.

I've always had a hard time watching my children struggle. When A-Girl was first learning how to put on her pajamas she'd always put both legs in one pant leg. It drove me crazy to watch so I'd help her. Then it dawned on me - the reason I'm able to put my pants on correctly is because I've had many, many years of practice. I had to learn to allow A-Girl to struggle to do it on her own and she's been a pro at putting on her own clothes for a few years now. I didn't actually get comfortable with watching the struggle. I just learned to leave the room whenever I had an overpowering urge to help when I shouldn't.

I imagine the same policy applies to all kinds of things. It's natural to want to help our children avoid mistakes that we've made. It's important to provide guideance and advice. But to do it too much robs them of experience that's important to their development. We have to let them struggle sometimes so that they can grow.

Ranting about Goody Bags

CityMama had this to say about goody bags today. I was going to comment on her post but realized that I have a lot to say about goody bags so I thought I'd do my own post. I also have lots of rants on kids' birthday parties generally but that will have to wait until another day. So many complaints, so little time . . .

First of all, I agree with her dislike of goody bags - or at least the types of goody bags that are given out at parties here in Chicago. In my experience, there are three types of goody bags: 1) just plain junk including any type of sugar and choking-hazard plastic toys; 2) the way-over-the-top party favor that includes gifts more expensive than the gift you got the birthday kid and 3) the just-right party favor that's not junk, not candy and not too extravagant. As you can imagine, I strive for the third type.

We have a rule - we will not give candy in goody bags. We allow our kids to have a reasonable amount of sugar - we don't deny it completely - but moderation is a good thing. Kids generally get more than enough junk food and they ALWAYS get cake at a party. There's no reason to give them more sugar after the party.

At A-Girl's fifth birthday party we gave Hello Kitty notepads, erasers and pencils. We actually spent a lot of time thinking of something that would work for both boys and girls (the boys got a notepad featuring one of HK's male character friends). We made sure we had matching bags and twist tied each one. After I handed a bag to one of A-Girl's classmates, she immediately looked inside and said "Where's the candy!? There's no candy!" My mouth fell open. I looked at the child's mother who was standing.right.there. She said nothing. Nothing! I would have been mortified if my kid did something like that (and as you can tell from yesterday's post, I would have corrected her immediately and had her apologize).

M-Girl was at a party for a classmate who was turning four. All nineteen kids in the class plus other friends, plus lots of parents, were there. The goody bags were actually shoebox-size pirate chests filled with candy, plastic rings, a fairly large action figure toy and a pirate costume (hat, bandana and eye patch). The kids got Crayola umbrellas at one party and 200 piece Crayola crayon/market sets at another (same crazy mom who happens to be a good friend). Recently, they each got really nice books on Rainforest animals that have a puzzle on every page.

I don't judge what other people do. I realize how easy it is to go to the party store, pick up a bunch of plastic do-dads and toss them in plastic bags just so that you have something to give away. I also realize how easy it is to throw some candy in there to appease the savages. I also know the urge to do something different that perhaps gets a bit out of hand and ends up on the pricey end of things. Pretty much everyone gives goody bags or party favors so it would feel chintzy to me not to give something. Plus the kids like brainstorming about what to give and helping to put the bags together.

This topic reminds me that M-Girl's birthday party is a little more than a week away and I have no idea what to do for goody bags. Given how crazy things are these days, that junk aisle at the party store is looking pretty good right now.

Philosophy of parenting

“If you treat an individual as he is, he will remain as he is. But if you treat him as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become what he ought to be and could be.”-Goethe

I saw this quote today and it sums up our parenting philosophy so well I just had to share it.

It makes me want to scream when I hear parents say "Boys will be boys!" while watching their little hellion run roughshod over other children at the playground. I shudder when I hear parents say "Oh, she's shy," while their daughter refuses to reply to someone who's asked her name.

The fact is, if you believe that boys cannot control their impulses you won't teach them. If you don't teach them, how are they going to learn to do it? If you don't start teaching them when they're toddlers that it's wrong to cut in front of another child at the slide, when exactly are they going to learn? Do you think they'll arrive at kindergarten all ready to stand in line and sit in a circle? Not if you haven't taught them that they need to do it and, more importantly, that they are capable of doing it.

If you don't tell your child that it's rude to ignore someone who's speaking to them, how are they going to learn to respond politely? If your child hears you say that she's shy, she'll believe it and continue to act shy.

(This one is a particular pet peeve of mine. When our youngest had hearing problems, she would often not respond because she couldn't hear the question. However, people so quickly jumped to the conclusion that she was shy and would say that to her as if it's ok, or even good, to be shy! The day we heard her older sister use that as an excuse for M-Girl, we put a stop to it. We repeatedly told M-Girl (nicely) that it was rude not to respond when someone speaks to her. If someone said "Oh, she's shy," we immediately said "No, she's not" and we'd press M-Girl to respond. She didn't always respond but we kept reinforcing the lesson. One day, she said "hello" to someone before they even spoke to her. She looked at me, beaming, and said "Mommy! I said hello to that man!" She was so proud of herself. She's not as verbal as her older sister - few people are - but she's friendly and much more outgoing than she used to be because she learned to be. But I digress.)

As long as your expectations are reasonable, your children will strive to live up to them. I'm not suggesting that you should expect your one-year-old to be able to stand in line. But just because she's not ready to do it doesn't mean you shouldn't correct her when she cuts in front of another child. If she hears the lesson consistently, she'll be able to comply by the time she's two or three. If you wait until she's three to start teaching the lesson, she'll have two years of bad habits to overcome and she's a lot more likely to fight you on it.

We do our children (and ourselves) a disservice by not teaching them how to behave from an early age. It's important that, as they grow up - and even once they're grown - we see them and treat them as their "best" selves, even though they won't always act that way. That doesn't mean being blind to their faults and praising them even when they don't deserve it. It means teaching them that they are capable of being polite and respectful while having fun. It means showing them the value of hard work and perseverance.

Ok. I'm off my soapbox. We now return you to our regularly scheduled navel gazing . . .

Responsibility

*This post is my first entry into the Blogging for Books contest*





Write about a pivotal point in your life as a parent, OR write about a pivotal point in your relationship with one of your parents.

The quarters were disappearing.

We kept them on my dresser in the "wedding box" - a small, cheesy jewelry box decorated with shells, glitter paint and a plastic wedding cake couple. They were for the giant washing machine in the laundry room that we thankfully didn't need to use much. We also tossed a few in the car now and again for toll-booth encounters during our bi-annual trips to Wisconsin.

I never checked the box and I never knew from one day to the next how many coins were in there. It's not my thing. My husband is the money person in our family (and the math person - I'm the one who writes the thank you notes). He noticed one day that the level of quarters seemed a bit low since he had just put a handful in the box a few days earlier. He asked if I had done any laundry in the laundry room lately, but alas, I hadn't had much time to wash the comforters since our three-year old daughter was born. And with a new baby in the house . . . well, washing a comforter wasn't real high on my list of things to do at the time.

My husband suggested that perhaps the nanny was taking the quarters, which was highly unlikely since our nanny's family back in Mexico had more money than God and she was only doing this job for "fun" (and to get away from her rich family for awhile). Not that rich people don't swipe other people's quarters, she just wasn't the type. And I didn't want to contemplate the possibility that we were leaving our children with someone who could have even such minor criminal inclinations.

I promised to keep my eye on the wedding box for awhile to see if I could figure out where the quarters were going.

One night, I was folding laundry in my bedroom with my three-year old running back and forth between my room and hers. After one particularly quick round trip, she jumped up on my bed and giggled. My child laughed often but she wasn't much of a giggler and this particular giggle sounded mighty suspicious.

I gave her my serious mommy look, "What are you doing?"
*giggle* "Nothin'" *giggle* *smirk*
Narrowing my eyes and leaning closer, "Ok. What's up? What were you doing in your room?"
*giggle* "Putting moneys in my piggy bank." *giggle*
Hmmm. "What money?" Click - lightbulb. "Are you taking quarters out of the wedding box?"
"Uh huh!" Full out laughter now.
I started to laugh with her.

And then it hit me. She was stealing. Granted, it was small and in the scheme of things, it wasn't a big deal. And she was young. But the responsibility for teaching her right from wrong falls to me and her dad and we believe that children are never too young to start learning important lessons. And as much as I wanted to laugh with her and be her friend, I knew deep down that although I am and will be many things to her throughout the rest of my life, I cannot be her friend. I am her teacher, her mentor, her shoulder to cry on. I am her rock, her role model and her coach. At that moment, I realized how much responsibility it is to be a parent.

So, I lectured her on the evils of stealing, sent her to a time out and took her favorite doll away. Then I went back into my room, closed the door and laughed my ass off.

War of the Worlds

I saw it. I liked it. Ok, it scared the bajeepers out of me but I still liked it. I feel the urge to stock up on bottled water and canned goods. And also build a bomb shelter in my basement. But I live in a high rise so that probably wouldn't work. Maybe we could use our storage lockers, though.

My favorite line (that no one else laughed at - go figure):

Son: What's happening Dad?!?
Tom Cruise: We're being attacked!
Son: By who? Terrorists?
TC: No, they come from a . . . different place.
Son: What, like Europe?
TC: NO! Not Europe!

I thought that was hilarious.

Although the movie has its amusing moments it is definitely not for children. We took our kids to Star Wars but the scary parts of that movie are relatively easy to explain. And I covered their eyes when I didn't want them to see something. But this movie is different - in the beginning, it looks and feels like every day life and that's what makes it so scary. Not that I think aliens are going to attack. But movies like this remind me how fragile life is and how much we take for granted. You'd think I would get that from the daily news but (a) I don't watch the news because it's depressing and (b) there's nothing like a giant screen full of people getting vaporized by aliens in surround sound to bring home the point.

Seriously though, I think War of the Worlds scared me because A-Girl and Big D are going to Asia and M-Girl and I will be here without them. Life will feel less safe and secure when our little family isn't together. Big D and I talk on the phone at least four or five times during the average work day. What if there's an emergency here or in China? What if Big D and I can't communicate for some length of time? Even when things are fine, we probably won't be able to talk every day but if there's a problem and we can't touch base, I'm not sure how I'll be able to handle it. Hopefully I won't stand around in my high heels screaming ineffectively and waiting for the hero to come save me. That would really suck.

The devil is in the details

Do not accuse me of being detail oriented. Really, don't. Because I have proved yet again that I am not so good with the details.

M-Girl's 5th birthday is coming up and we're planning a party. She has asked me everyday for the last week "When are we going to do my birthday cards?" (translation: cards=invitations). Last night when she walked in the door there was no "Hi, Mom!", "I love you, Mom!" or "What's for dinner?" It was "Mom! Did you buy the things for my birthday?!?!?" (translation: things=invitations). Luckily for me I had and after dinner we set out to fill in the blanks. Big D and I decided to start the party at 10:30 am because that would give the kids time to swim before we eat lunch around noon and then the party would end at 1:00pm.

M-Girl and I managed to finish 16 of the 20 invitations before she was falling asleep at the table, gel pen in hand. Big D and I addressed, sealed and stamped the completed invitations. M-Girl woke at the crack of dawn asking to finish her invitations. (Yes, this is the same child who can't get out of bed most mornings without much coaxing, cajoling and general coddling.) So we finished the last four and she proudly showed one to her sister who furrowed her brow and said "Mom, why does the invitation say 11:30? I thought you guys decided on 10:30?"

You guessed it, on every single one of the invitations, I wrote 11:30am as the start time instead of 10:30am. I can just see us now, sitting in the party room for an hour wondering where the hell everyone is! And having everyone wonder why M-Girl's party was only an hour and a half instead of the traditional (and reasonable) two to three hours.

I tried to steam the envelopes open but I burned my fingers and ruined the invitation on the first one so that wasn't going to work. I ended up opening every invitation with a letter opener, changing the time and taping the envelopes shut. So instead of wondering why M-Girl is having a short birthday party, everyone will wonder which of their neighbors opened their kid's mail! Nice.

Thank goodness A-Girl has a fabulous memory and is far more detail oriented than I am. Big D is very detail-oriented but I apparently have far too much faith in my ability to get the details right and I didn't ask him to check even one of the invitations to make sure I got it right. I'd love to say that I've learned my lesson but we all know this will happen again. I just hope that someone like A-Girl or Big D is looking over my shoulder!

Slacker

I've been really slacking off with my posting. Bad girl. As you can imagine, things have been a bit crazy while we try to get everything set for A-Girl and Big D to go to Asia in less than two months. Big D is officially leaving his job at the end of July and they leave at the end of August. There's so much to do, our heads are spinning.

Besides getting A-Girl and Big D ready to leave the country, here's what's been going on:

We went to Big D's 20th high school reunion in Waupaca, Wisconsin last weekend. It was fun - I always have more fun at his reunions than at my own. Partly because Waupaca is a bit more down to earth than Highland Park, Illinois and partly because there's really no pressure to live up (or down) to anyone's expectations like there is at your own reunions. Plus the band was rockin! Big D's long time friend Tim plays in the band (which, by the way, is called Mr. Vargas) and they're the most awesome cover band I've ever heard. If you're ever in the Fox Valley area of Wisconsin, I suggest you try to see them. Big D spent a lot of time and energy helping to plan the reunion and all the hard work really paid off.

I'm in the middle of my fiction writing class and I've been trying to write a little at least every couple of days. I really need to write every day so I can get in the groove. I have a tendency to over think my writing - I spend a lot of mind space thinking about the plot and the characters but I don't get things down on paper. But when I do actually start writing, at least sometimes things just seem to fall into place without a lot of agonizing. Part of that is because of the upfront thinking I do but most of it is just the flow of writing. Anyway, that's at least partly my excuse for not posting more. I'm sort of happy with what I've written so far. The biggest problem is that I haven't fully fleshed out the plot yet so sometimes it's hard to write individual scenes. Funny that I used the word scene instead of chapter. I've been feeling like what I'm writing might be more suited to a screenplay rather than a book. Once I flesh out the plot, we'll see what it wants to turn into.

We're trying to be more sociable so we've actually invited friends over. These are new friends so they've never been to our apartment before and they don't know what clutter-hounds we are. So far the only friends that have come over are people that have known us for years and we know they'll love us even if our apartment isn't spotless. Dave and I have a similar problem with clutter - perfectionism - but it manifests itself in different ways. He has a hard time starting anything unless he has the time to do the whole project perfectly at one time. I can start things but I don't finish and I don't go about them efficiently. His method completely overwhelms me because I can't get myself to spend a whole day cleaning! We also have a tendency to get caught in busyness so there doesn't seem to be a lot of time to do those "big" cleaning projects.

So, now I'm trying to balance work (which is now a bit more pressured because I will be the sole breadwinner for a little while) and personal tasks. Posting to my blog is most certainly a personal task which is now interfering with my job so I'll sign off for now.

Love, Freudian style

M-Girl is generally not a morning person. She simply cannot get out of bed in the morning (at least not on school days) without a generous amount coaxing from mom and dad. On Saturday, however, she was going to a pool party so she was up at 6:00 a.m. (yes, 6:00 a.m.) with her bathing suit on when she jumped into bed with us. If she wasn't so cute . . .

So, we talked to her for awhile and at one point I said "Gosh, M-Girl. You're really growing up." And she said "I don't want to grow up." When asked why, she replied "How am I going to find a husband?" Huh? We said, "Well, when you're older, you'll find the right person." She turns to her dad and says "But I want you to be my husband." He said "Well, I can't because I'm already married to mommy." She said "Noooooo, I want you to be married to me."

Not that I'm an expert or anything but according to some stuff I just read on the Internet, the Electra Complex describes the point in a young girl's development where she develops a romantic attachment to her father and a hostile attitude towards her mother. That's not really what appears to be happening with M-Girl. She's not hostile towards me in particular (she's equally hostile to me and everyone else when we tell her to eat her oatmeal). Whenever I ask her what she wants to be when she grows up, she says "You know mommy. It's you!" It's more like she knows that she's a girl and she wants to grow up to be like her most important female role model.

I never really felt this with A-Girl. She was jealous whenever Big D and I so much as held hands when she was a baby. She would scream bloody murder when we'd kiss each other. Even now, at 7, she'll try to squeeze between us sometimes when we're hugging. I don't think it's because she was jealous of me and wanted Big D to herself. My theory is that she just doesn't like it much when the attention isn't on her. She's mature enough now to realize that she isn't the center of the universe (although she sometimes needs reminding) so it doesn't happen all the time. I don't particularly remember her wanting to marry her dad and she definitely doesn't want to be me, which is good.

It's good for me to have reminders that I'm a role model. Scary thought, that.

Is it time for lunch?

I really wish I had something clever and amusing to say. I read other people's blogs and online journals and think, gosh, I wish I was that interesting. And all I can bring myself to do here is gaze at my own navel and think of . . . nothing! Ok, maybe not nothing. I'm thinking about coffee and lunch. How's that for fascinating.

I finally signed up for a fiction writing class. And I love it. And everyone in the class is so smart and literate and, so far, what I've read of their writing is really good. So now I have to come up with something to post and I'm absolutely frozen. I can come up with characters, sort of. My problem is that I can't think of anything interesting for them to do. My teacher said to figure out what my characters want and then throw obstacles in front of them. That sounds so easy! But everything that pops into my head has already been done. I am so derivative!

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a scientist because I thought it would be cool to discover new things. But then I realized that there would be nothing new to be discovered by the time I was actually old enough to be a scientist. Now I want to be a writer and everything worth writing has already been written. That really sucks. I think I'll go eat lunch.

Stress, stress and more stress

So here's the latest . . . we feel it's important to allow A-Girl to be in the Sound of Music and to live in Asia for a little while. It really is a once in a lifetime opportunity (and as my husband and I joke, it could lead to other once in a lifetime opportunities). I can't really get any significant time off of my job and I make enough to support the family for a while so, Big D is leaving his job to take A-Girl.

It's a huge leap of faith. One we take willingly but with some trepidation. We simply decided that we didn't want to let money get in the way of A-Girl's chance to do something she's worked so hard to do. And something she really wants to do as well. I'm pretty sure I've already said this but it's akin to having a child that has an opportunity to be in the Olympics - would you pass that up? So, we'll do without window treatments and rugs for another year. Big deal. So I have to cut wayyyyyy back on my Starbucks habit. I'll survive. I think. We probably won't take a vacation next year. The point is, we'll be fine financially. So why shouldn't we do this?

But it's scary - even if our reasoning is sound. And believe me, we've been over and over the pros and cons of this decision and, frankly, it ended up being not as close a call as people might think.

So, it looks like A-Girl is going to Asia after all. I won't get to go, except for a one or two week visit with M-Girl. But that's ok. I'll miss A-Girl and Big D terribly. It'll be hard to be a single mom for five months. But M-Girl and I will be fine and she'll get more attention than she's ever had. And that's not a bad thing. I actually fear that she'll get too used to having all that attention and it'll be downright hard on her when A-Girl comes home!

There's so much to do before they go - it's only two months away. Funny, I used to think the summers were sooooo loooonggg when I was a kid. Now I know better.

Yeah summer camp!

The kids started camp yesterday. Including my two girls, there are eight kids in our building that are attending the same camp and seven of them ride the bus together. There's also two other little girls that get dropped off at our building to take the bus. Mornings will be fun this summer - the kids all like each other and they run around in front of our building like maniacs. It's like a little community - the kind people in the suburbs talk about - only we get to live in the city.

M-Girl actually woke up on her own this morning and got dressed without any prompting, cajoling or yelling from her parents. All hail the mighty swim class - she knew that she'd get to wear her bathing suit to camp this morning and that's the only reason she got out of bed. Whatever it takes, I always say. Did you know that M-Girl means "queen of the sea" in Welsh? Well, it does. And although she was terrified of the water at first, she is now officially a fish. She still can't really swim without water wings but I think by the end of the summer she be able to swim at least a little bit without help.

Ok, this is as boring for me to write as it is for you to read. So I'll be going now.

What would you do?

I got on the bus this morning with the girls - A-Girl is 7 1/2 and M-Girl is not quite 5. Keep in mind that although A-Girl looks like a 9 or 10 year old, M-Girl is a little peanut. The bus was very crowded and every seat was full. Not one person offered their seat to M-Girl.

A couple weeks ago, my husband and I were on the bus. A cab unexpectedly stopped short in front of the bus and the bus driver had to slam on the brakes. Everyone standing went flying forward and my husband cut his hand on a piece of metal. I told my kids this story this morning as a warning and an explanation why they had to hold on tight. I told this story within ear shot of several people. Still - no one budged.

I'm sorry but I would have given up my seat immediately for a small child. Mind you - there were many able-bodied, young people that sat there and stared at us as I continually urged M-Girl to hold on to the pole with both hands. I was holding a briefcase and a purse and trying to make sure that two kids were safe - would it have been too much for ONE PERSON to give up their seat?

On top of that, before the bus came, the girls and I tried to get a cab. A woman at the bus stop saw us unsuccessfully trying to flag down a cab. Apparently, she decided that she too wanted to take a cab, so she walked just a little in front of me and started waving for a cab. She was trying to steal a cab from me and my kids. That's just rude - I called her on it, too. Nicely, but I did speak to her saying that we had been trying to get a cab for 10 minutes. She walked to the other side of the street - she still would have taken a cab from us had she not walked away in frustration. I just don't get people.

The hills are not so alive . . .

So maybe we won't be going to Asia after all. Although my boss is supportive, and his boss is somewhat supportive, the head of HR was apparently very negative on the idea of accommodating me. My boss thinks we can find a way to make something work but there's probably no way I'll be able to go for three months and still get paid - even if I work every day while I'm there. He said maybe they can let me go for six weeks but that's only his idea and no one else has signed off. They're concerned about setting a "bad" precedent that will put them in the position of having to provide the same accommodation to others in similar situations (but really, this is pretty one-off, don't you think?). I understand their position - to a point - and I'm trying not to be upset about it.

Big D and I were thinking that maybe we'll say that we can only sign a contract for A-Girl that commits her until November 15th which is currently the end of the run in Hong Kong. We could each go for seven weeks and be done with it. Even that's looking like it might not work if my company insists that I limit my absence to six weeks or less.

We talked to A-Girl about it and she says that she won't be disappointed if she doesn't go. We believe her, too. She's really worried about missing her friends and she's upset that she won't have her birthday here. What happens if we do take her there and she gets so homesick she can't stay? She's had dance recitals and chorus recitals but she's never performed live in a professional venue. What if she freaks out? I don't want to underestimate her - I really do think she'd be fine but my boss (admitting that it's totally not his place to say anything) asked whether we thought jumping into the deep end was a good idea for a child who's never been in the water. He has a point. She's never done any theater - ever. As much as I loved doing theater, she might hate it. (I doubt it, but it could happen).

What should we do? I don't know. And my husband doesn't know. And we don't really want to say no to this but we're concerned about saying yes and time is ticking and the decision isn't getting any easier. Part of me totally wants to throw caution to the wind and go for it - when would we get an opportunity like this again? Part of me understands how selfish and unrealistic that is. We want to travel to China some day and we will. We can afford it, so it's not like this is the only way we'd be able to travel. A-Girl has been working fairly steadily all year. She'll get other jobs. And it's highly likely that she'll get other opportunities to do theater. Although this feels like the chance of a lifetime, it really isn't.

As much as I want to go, I'm realizing that it may not be possible. If it isn't possible, I'll be disappointed. But it isn't about me, is it?

Tough decisions

So now that the excitement over A-Girl's job offer is dying down a little, we're working on the difficult issues like how the hell are we going to work out who goes with her, when and for how long. Big D and I both have full time jobs. We're talking to our bosses and they're supportive but there's this sticky issue about compensation. We definitely can't afford to lose our compensation or health benefits. The question is, how much of a reduction in our compensation are we willing to suffer in order for A-Girl to do this? It's not like A-Girl will get paid a ton of money and they'll only pay for one round-trip ticket for a guardian to join her. If we have to swap out guardians once or twice it's on our dime (or, more likely, A-Girl's dime). We have some friends, former babysitters and family members that might be willing to go. But we either don't really trust those people to do the job or they can't leave their lives for more than a week or two and that just won't work airfare-wise.

Then there's the impossible to quantify issue of M-Girl's feelings. How will she feel being without one parent and her only sibling for several months? On the one hand, she'll be an only child for the first time in her life but she'll have a single parent. She might feel left out, the at-home parent might feel more stressed. On the other hand, it might be nice to have just two people in the house for a little while.

Being totally honest, I would personally really love to go to Asia. I think it will be a great opportunity, not only for A-Girl, but for me, too. This fact is something that bothers my husband more than a little. He feels that I'm too invested in having A-Girl go and that my desire to go will render me unable to make a decision that's right for the whole family. And he's probably right, at least to a point. I see this as an opportunity for me to do something different, to spend at least a little time writing and working on some creative endeavors that I can't seem to find the time or energy for right now. That's not to say that I would press to go no matter what. If my boss says that I would have to take an upaid leave and lose my health benefits unless I pay the premiums, that would clearly be a deal-breaker - at least as far as me going for any longer than a few weeks. If I really thought that M-Girl would be crushed and that it would ruin her life if we did this, that would be a deal-breaker, too. I just don't think either of those extreme scenarios is the likely outcome. As usual, the likely outcome is somewhere in the gray area where decisionmaking is hard.

Is it selfish for me to want something for myself and to try to factor my desires into the situation? How important should money be in this situation? Clearly we aren't doing this for the money but is it appropriate for us to lose more money on the deal than A-Girl could possibly make? How much can we ask M-Girl to sacrifice for her sister - especially since she's too young to be a participant in the decision?

I find myself wondering how families of Olympic hopefuls handle their situations. They aren't doing it for the money, that's for sure. Often their significant sacrifices are over a period of many years, not months. And in the end, their payoff is highly uncertain. The payoff to us is uncertain as well, but this can't hurt A-Girl's career. On the other hand, if she stays here, she could (hopefully) continue to book commercials and she'll likely get other opportunities to do theatrical work during the time she would have been out of the country. She can join the Chicago Children's Choir this year instead of next year. She won't have to miss her friends and her sister won't have to miss her. And my husband and I can keep our day jobs. But we won't get to live in Asia for four months. What's that experience worth? That's the $64,000 question that I can't answer. And it's driving me nuts.

What the . . ?

Ok - so my husband was walking to meet me and the girls at the local Blockbusters and he saw an accident. A valet parker apparently backed up through an intersection, lost control of his car and hit a parked car. Luckily, no one was hurt. However, because the owner of the parked car wasn't around and because valet parkers are as dangerous as drunk drivers, my husband called 911. (There's a whole long story here that I won't bore you with).

Anyway, my husband and I are eventually face to face with the culprit, waiting for the cops to get there. When he complains that we've called the cops, I say "You could have killed someone." He says, "I made a mistake. My brakes don't work good, that's why I hit the other car." So I say "You were driving that you KNOW has defective brakes?!?" He says "Oh, you know everyone drives with defective brakes all the time!" He follows this up with "I back up through that intersection ALL the time and I've never killed anyone." Oh, ok. Sheesh. Thank goodness the cops finally showed up. They were very nice (to us, not so much to Mr. Defective Brakes).

She's going to Asia!

Well, A-Girl got the role of Marta in the Asian tour of Sound of Music! We're thrilled and not a little shell-shocked. She's very excited, although she's worried about missing her friends. This is the child who, several times a day during our vacation last February, would ask us what time it was at home. She'd then tell us what her class was probably doing at that moment. It'll be tough for her to be gone for four or five months, knowing that her friends are home together. She and I talked about the possibility of her starting an online diary/journal that her friends can read and comment on. I even suggested that maybe we'll see if her 3rd grade class can start a blog so they can tell her what's going on at school. It'll be a good education for everyone. Starting in 1st grade, kids in her school write in their journals daily. This will get her to write daily and it'll be a great record of the things she did during her time in Asia.

Because Big D and I both have full time jobs, figuring out who is going to be with A-Girl and when is going to be interesting. Big D already talked to his boss and now she's talking to her boss (and so on, and so on). I'm going to talk to my boss on Monday. He's always been very accommodating to me with respect to A-Girl's budding career. I think he will do what he can to make this possible for us. Much of what I do can be done from anywhere in the world with an internet hookup so I'm hoping I can leave for three or four months but still get paid and keep my benefits (I don't ask for much, do I?). I guess we'll see. Pretty much everyone we know has offered to go for awhile but paying for airfare every other week is really not in our budget. Realistically, it would be tough for anyone to take more than a couple of weeks away from their lives (and paychecks) and we can't afford to pay someone to be with her. Besides, we want to be there, too!

Curly top

I got a perm today! I love having curly hair. I don't exactly love paying $150 to get it but if that's the price of younger-looking, easy to care for hair, then that's what I'm willing to pay right now.

There's a classic "the grass is always greener" thing going on here. I have friends with curly hair that would love to have my stick straight hair and all I want is their curls. Why is that? Why aren't we ever satisfied with how we naturally look?

It's not like there's something inherently great about having curly hair. I just happen to like it. I'm sick of blow-drying my hair every morning and despite the fact that we have air conditioning, I hate using a blow dryer in the summer. I can't for the life of me figure out what curly-haired people find so compelling about straight hair. Of course, they like the kind of straight hair you see on the Pantene commercials, all shiny and full with just the right amount of curve and in just the right way. My hair is s.t.i.c.k. straight with curves in the wrong way and in the wrong places. When I keep it shorter, it has some bounce to it and looks ok but once it grows a little it's flat and boring and old. Oh, and getting gray. Not the good kind of gray, either. Not the silver kind that looks dazzling on fashionable women of a certain age. The mousey wiry gray of an evil queen turned witch. Not good. I've been highlighting my hair for a couple years now - something I swore I would never, ever do (why? because I'm a "natural"girl, of course). But now that I'm creeping closer and closer to that certain age myself, I'm realizing the benefits of highlighting.

So, for now at least, I have curly hair. Not only do I look a few years younger, I feel younger. And that's worth the price!

The clothes make the girl?

A-Girl has always liked what she calls "belly shirts" - shirts that are a little too short and rise above her belly when she raises her hands above her head. Her dad and I haven't been big fans of belly shirts but that's what she likes and they aren't so short or small that I would say that they're inappropriate for her age. We pick our battles and this isn't one we generally choose to fight.

Today she tells me that she doesn't want to shop at Marshall's anymore. She says that every time she goes there she ends up with belly shirts (not really true but . . . ) and her friends have said that she wears too many belly shirts. Her friends have also suggested other places to shop like Target and Limited, Too. Remember - these are 7 and 8 year old girls.

One relevant piece of information is that there is one girl she calls her best friend (let's call her Friend A). This girls considers A-Girl one of her best friends but has other friends as well. A-Girl has been struggling with jealousy in this relationship. It is apparently Friend A who says that she doesn't like A-Girl's belly shirts. So the concern is that A-Girl wants to change what she's wearing and where she shops in order to please said friend. Big D rightly said, "Look, if she doesn't want to be your friend because you wear belly shirts, then she's not a very good friend." Amen to that. He also said, "You shouldn't change yourself for anyone, except your parents." She rolled her eyes.

It's not that I have anything against shopping at Target. In fact I love Target and if I'm there without proper supervision, I spend way too much money. Limited, Too I have mixed feelings about but at least it's within our budget. But what happens if she wants to be friends with someone who tells her to shop at Prada? Two words - no three - no f-ing way! I know, that's sort of beside the point but what if?

I'm just not prepared for these conversations. I can't remember caring about clothes quite this much until I was about 11 or 12. Or maybe even 13 - that's when I really, really, really wanted a cashmere sweater and I got one for my birthday and the housekeeper shrunk it in the wash and that's when I started doing my own laundry but that's a story for another time. She is not supposed to grow up so fast. So, after my husband imparted his very practical advice, all the wisdom I could muster is "Act your age, not your shoe size." (She wears size 13 shoes - get it . . .?).

bad.day.

This is not a good day. I woke up late. The kids were late to school (again). I couldn't figure out what to wear. I dropped my iPod and it won't work. I missed two buses and couldn't find a cab. I had to walk to work and it started raining. I was late for a meeting. I was late sending an email out and people were getting anxious about it. And this was all before 9:00 a.m. I was crabby. I was mean to my dear hubby. We had a fight. I cried off all of my mascara. We made up and that's the only good part of my day so far. And it's only 12:30 p.m.

The kids have been late to school so often that A-Girl asked me yesterday if it would go on her "permanent record." How does she even know the term "permanent record?" And what in the world is a 7-year-old doing worrying about her permanent record? And, most importantly, why am I not making sure that they aren't late to school so that she doesn't need to be worrying about her permanent record? Just another great moment in parenting . . .

Who am I, really?

At 40, I'm finally stopping to think about who and I am and what I want. It doesn't mean I'm reconsidering my marriage, kids or job. I love all of those things and, at least with respect to the marriage and the kids, I wouldn't change them for the world. As for the job, it's great and all but the fact that I'm sitting here writing online instead of doing the work I get paid for says something, I guess. I'm just looking at the way I spend my time, how I treat myself, thinking about what I could be doing differently and, hopefully, making some changes.

I don't want to be afraid to take chances anymore. I've stayed within my comfort zone too long and it got smaller and smaller. Sometimes, I feel like I can barely move. I know, sounds a bit dramatic doesn't it? It's probably just PMS talking, but still, it's how I feel even if it is a tad irrational.

I want to plant growing things on my balcony but I'm afraid that the plants will die. I want to take a dance class but I'm afraid people will laugh behind my back. I want to write but I'm afraid no one will think my writing is worth reading. I want to be a normal person but instead I'm a big, whiny baby. Ugh. I need to go for a walk.

Dance like no one's watching

I was a dancer, when I was young. I was good, too. During my junior and senior years of high school I took dance lessons just about 7 days a week and I spent a hugh chunk of my weekends at the studio taking multiple classes. I studied ballet, jazz and modern dance. Dancing made me feel wonderful. For me, it was pure expression and I loved it. The summer after high school, I quit taking dance lessons. I quit because I was going to college in the fall and I wasn't going to study dance, I guess. Go figure how I made decisions as a 17 year-old.

Looking at colleges, it came down to a choice between studying dance at Bennington (a school that I didn't even visit or end up applying to) and studying goodness-knows-what at the University of Michigan. I visited Michigan - 35 people from my graduating class went to Michigan even though I grew up in Illinois. I had a great time when I visited and they had a really good football team. There's that decision-making skill at work again! It was a matter of comfort. I've never been much good at pushing beyond my comfort zone.

Why did I quit dancing? I'll never know for sure but I think that once I decided I wasn't good enough to be a professional dancer, I thought I had to stop dancing. It's not that I picked up another hobby or spent my time in a different endeavor. I. just. stopped. I've never found anything else that makes me feel as good as dancing felt. And that's just sad. Maybe this is part of the reason why I haven't been able to stick to an exercise program. Most exercise is just plain boring to me and my body wants to dance, not spend 20 minutes on the treadmill.

So, I've decided to take dance classes again. Yes, as an out of shape, slightly over-weight 40 year old, I am going to start dancing. I called the studio I'm thinking about going to and asked whether a 40 year-old woman would be totally out of place there and the young, perky sounding woman who answered the phone assured me that they get students of all ages. I'm going to take her word for it and try to start classes next week. (Although I just realized that the time for the class conflicts with the time slot for Meredith's piano class so I'm going to have to see what I can work out - there's always an excuse, isn't there?)

The black hole of attention

Ever since M-Girl was born, we've called her older sister "the black hole of attention." Even when she doesn't encourage it (which she often does), A-Girl just seems to become the center of attention no matter where we are or what's going on. I'm sure that's part of what has helped her acting success but within a family, it can be tough to handle.

M-Girl is positively adorable in her own right but when people see the two of them, comments to her are often an after-thought. It doesn't help that she puts herself in the background and speaks almost in a whisper. When you have her one-on-one or when she's in a familiar place with familiar people, she comes out of her shell a bit. When I brought her to my office once, two people at separate times said "Oh, look. You're a little A-Girl, aren't you." I tried to be nice but I said "You're not a little A-Girl. Tell her that you're a big M-Girl."

Big D and I make a huge effort to take her places without her sister so that she can shine on her own. We've also fought hard against the perception of M-Girl as "shy." Those labels so easily become self-fulfilling prophecies - if she hears adults telling her that she's shy all the time, she's sure to start believing it and acting that way. Every time someone says "Oh, she's shy," we say "You're not shy, M-Girl. Be polite and say hello." And she usually does - in fact, she's downright proud of herself when she speaks up. But it's so hard for her when A-Girl's around and frankly, I don't blame her.

This morning she broke my heart when she said "Mom, tonight can I have some alone time with you and Dad? Yesterday at breakfast you spent the whole time talking about A-Girl and you didn't talk about me." And she was absolutely right. We had breakfast with an old high school friend of my husband's who he hasn't seen for 20 years. Since A-Girl's career is a big part of our lives right now, it was natural for us to talk about it. And we did. A lot. Too much. And we didn't really talk much about M-Girl (except to say that she got her very own guitar on Saturday - more on that another time). She's very perceptive and sensitive. When Big D and I talked about it, he pointed out that it's pretty amazing that not only did she notice what was going on but she was able to articulate her feelings about it. I don't know very many four year olds who can do that.

So we owe her an apology and a promise to try to keep things a bit more balanced in the future. She's a very special person, it isn't hard for us to find things to say about her. It's just that while those things are very interesting to people who know and love her, they probably aren't all that interesting to people who don't know us well.

So here are some great things about M-Girl: She has an incredible eye for patterns and she's really good at math - she just gets it. She's been writing her letters and numbers like a pro for pretty much the whole school year and she's already writing whole words (phonetically spelled). She's starting to read in a way that's different from other kids (in my limited experience) - she concentrates more on whole words rather than sounding out parts of words. Phonics don't resonate with her as well as they do with other kids, although she's getting used to it more lately. She shares her things better than any child (and some adults) I've ever met. She will routinely give other people the last bite of her dessert. On an almost daily basis she says things like "Mommy, I love you bigger than the whole world." Yesterday she said to Big D "Daddy I love you so much I want to squeeze you bigger than the whole world." I can't get enough of her saying "You're the bestest Mommy in the whole world." The other day I asked her if I could borrow a necklace of hers (it matched my sweater!) and she said "Of course you can, Mommy. You don't need to ask permission to borrow my things." So sweet, I get cavities just being around her. And she's athletic, tougher than nails when it comes to tolerating pain and a spitfire when she wants to be (which is not always the most pleasant trait but as she matures and learns to tame it, it will probably serve her well.)

We'll try to help M-Girl find her own ways to shine and make more of an effort to counter act the gravitational pull that is her sister.

Art as a required activity

Last night I dreamed that I was still in college and I was enrolled in an art class but never went to the class. I was too busy and kept putting it off. My friends in the class were showing me all the projects that they were doing. I told them that I was going to talk to the teacher about making up the classes I missed and if the teacher wouldn't let me, I was going to drop the class. My friend said "You can't drop the class. It's required."

So what does it mean? I think I'm beginning to realize that for me creativity is a required activity. I've lost myself in a kind of busyness that doesn't allow for the creative endeavors that make my life truly satisfying. When I was younger - before I was married and had kids - I was always doing something creative. I was taking dance lessons, playing piano, singing, knitting, drawing, playing with clay, trying (usually unsuccessfully) to grow plants. I was also more spiritual, I read more and spent more time just thinking and contemplating life. Living in a high rise, working in an office building, I feel so out of touch with nature and with myself.

Writing this blog has helped but the fact that nobody reads it makes it less than fulfulling. I hadn't realized until now that as much as I like to write, what I really want to do is publish. I guess that shouldn't be surprising - I suppose that's what most writers want to do. I haven't yet tried to write anything for publication, though. I'm a little scared - what if I submit something and it gets rejected? I feel stuck for ideas on what to write about which probably stems from the fear of failure - I'm worried that it won't be good enough.

I've told my kids that if they're afraid to do something, they should do it anyway and they won't be afraid anymore. It got them to try the monkey bars - maybe it will work for me!

Micky D's (yes, again)

Ok - this is the last time I'll talk about the McDonald's commercial (at least until we actually see it on TV!). A-Girl had a great time filming yesterday and, according to her very proud stage dad, she was her usual professional self. I worked in the business before and I know that for the most part, people in the business are full of crap. That said, when a VIP like the director or agency producer goes out of his or her way to tell you that your child is a great pleasure to work with, that means something. It also says something when production assistants, wardrobe people and craft services tell you the same thing. She's a nice kid and treats everyone with respect. I'm bubbling over with pride. (Can ya tell?)

I give Big D a lot of credit for coming up with the idea to tell her - before her very first job - that the people at the shoot are working, just like Mom and Dad work at their offices, and that when she's on set, she's working too. We explained to her that if she goofs around and doesn't do what they ask her to do, she's wasting their time and might make it so that they are late getting home to their families after work. We also told her that if she wants to keep working, she needs to be a good worker. She really took it all to heart and, man, is she good.

Big D has been wanting to see her in action for awhile but I've been a "job hog" and insisted on going to every one of her jobs myself. Since I have big, unmissable meetings this week I had to let him go and he had a good time. For the most part, being on set is pretty boring and involves a lot of waiting around. But he got a kick out of seeing her do her thing and this was an especially fun shoot with the flying around like Tarzan stuff. We totally can't wait to see the finished product.

On another note, she did a radio commercial for Bob Evans Restaurants today. Big D got to go to that one, too. I'm bummed because they were recording at my favorite studio in the Wrigley Building - they have a kick ass, new fangled coffee machine. I never can get enough, can I?

I'm still dreaming about Sound of Music and the possibilities it holds for our family. I really need to do something about my life so I'm not living so vicariously through my daughter. I gotta, gotta get my ass in gear and try to write something publishable. Maybe when sweeps month is over . . .

The hills are alive . . .

A-Girl got a callback for Sound of Music! I'm used to commercial work where things move very quickly and callbacks are within a day or two of the initial audition. The Sound of Music audition was two weeks ago so we pretty much thought she didn't get it. It's still a long shot anyway but it's a nice vote of confidence for her. This was her first singing audition and although she said she felt confident, I think she was a bit nervous (but maybe not as nervous as I was).

Big D and I have no idea what we're going to do if she gets it. It's possible that Big D will quit his job and tour with her (of course M-Girl and I will join them for awhile). On the other hand, I'm the one that wants to write. What an opportunity it would be to write a book or a series of articles about the trip! I don't know the whole itinerary but it includes stops in Singapore and Hong Kong. We'd also be able to visit my husband's family in Taiwan.

I know it's a bit crazy of us to even think about doing this. We have a home (with a big mortgage) and good jobs. The kids are enrolled in school for next year. It may be impossible for us to take leaves of absence from our jobs to do this. I know my boss will be happy for A-Girl and would do what he could to give me the flexibility I need but giving me four months off is probably more than he can do. I might be able to do some work out there with some good technology but the time difference may be too much to overcome.

I guess we'll cross that bridge when - and a big if - we get there. In the meantime, it's nice to dream about the possibility.

Getting ready for Micky D's

A-Girl had her wardrobe fitting today for the McDonald's commercial. For the uninitiated, the wardrobe fitting happens the day before a shoot and is usually fairly chaotic with all kinds of people running around and the wardrobe person shouting "I will never get the shopping done before the stores close! Get me some straight pins, stat!" This wardrobe fitting was positively mellow and actually lots of fun (for A-Girl, that is).

She'll be in three different costumes, a maiden (which looks like a princess but apparently isn't), Jane (as in Tarzan and . . .), and a surfer girl. The maiden's dress is purple (yeah - we like purple) and quite pretty in a Halloween costume kinda way. The surfer outfit is fairly standard and she'll be wearing a life jacket (because apparently, McDonald's requires safety equipment in all of their commercials - not a bad rule). The piece-de-resistance, however, is the Jane outfit. They'll be putting her in a flying rig (under the standard leopard print one shoulder Jane costume) and she'll get to "swing" on a rope (while holding a Happy Meal box, of course).

They put her in the rig today to get it set up and make sure she was comfortable and she had a ball. As usual, everyone was really nice to her, doing way more than enough to make her feel comfortable. They told her she didn't have to do the flying if she didn't want to or if she was scared but trooper that she is, she said she'd give it a try. Within minutes she was yahooing it up, swinging like a pro.

It's amazing to me to watch her work. She's such a pro already. She's comfortable with adults, has no problem having a conversation with pretty much anyone and takes direction really well. Of course, I'm sort of biased being her mother and all. But, being as objective as possible, if I was in the business, I'd want to work with her. She's a nice kid, she doesn't waste people's time and she has fun no matter what's going on. She doesn't generally complain, is more patient than lots of adults and isn't afraid to take risks.

I never wanted to be a stage mother - at least not the stereotypical stage mother pushing her child to perform regardless of how the child feels. Sometimes I worry that she does this just to please me but when I see her working, I don't worry about that anymore. She has fun and it's clear that she wants to be doing this, at least for now. There may come a time when it's not fun anymore and she'll want to stop or maybe the jobs will dry up when she gets into those awkward tween years. Either way, I'll be glad that we were able to give her the opportunity to do something she so clearly loves to do.

Happy Mother's Day!

We've had a very nice day today. My wonderful husband made sure the kids stayed quiet until I woke up and as soon as I woke up the kids came in with fabulous cards they picked out. We had breakfast at our favorite neighborhood place, went to lunch at our neighbor's big family party (excellent noodle kugel, by the way) and then M-Girl and I went swimming.

M-Girl crossed a big milestone while we were swimming - she decided to take the floaties out of her bathing suit and try to swim all by herself. As she was explaining it to her dad she said "I drownded a little bit" meaning that mom let her see what it's like without floaties and let her go under for a second. We practiced swimming and floating and treading water, all with me holding her hips as little as I could without letting her sink too much. I was so proud of her. When she's ready for something, she jumps right in but heaven forbid you should try to make her do something she isn't ready for!

All in all, it's been a great day. Happy Mother's Day to me!

Micky D's

For the past few months, the holy grail of commercial work for my daughter has been doing a McDonalds commercial. When people would ask her what commercials she's done, she'd say "Well, I haven't done a McDonalds commercial yet." She's auditioned for several and has gotten called back but wasn't booked, until yesterday.

I think it has to do with the fact that McDonalds is such a large part of her life (more great moments in parenting from yours truly). There was a McDonalds one block away from our old apartment; our new apartment has at least two within three or four blocks, including the brand-spanking new tourist destination on Ohio Street. When they were toddlers, both girls used to call it Old MacDonalds, for fairly obvious reasons. Everytime we go on a road trip, we invariably stop at McDonalds to eat.

Secretly, I think she also figures that a McDonalds commercial is one that her friends are likely to see. She wants to tell her friends all about her "other" life but we've encouraged her not to talk about it. We figure that if she tells the kids at school that she does commercials, it will put more pressure on her to get jobs where now it's the no-big-deal that it should be. This business is feast or famine and the work could completely dry up at any time for no reason at all except that she grows out of the little kid roles and there are much fewer roles for "tweens." If other kids know about it and ask her about it, she could start to feel like she needs this business to keep friends. And if she feels like she needs it, she'll focus way too much on her looks and other externals. And that would be bad. Not to mention the fact that kids can be mean and I know that she'll get teased about it at one point or another (although every kid gets teased for something).

On balance, it seems to me and the hubby that the negatives of telling other kids outweigh the possible positives - especially in a place like Chicago where there aren't a lot of kids in the "business." If we lived in L.A. or New York, I'd probably feel differently. In the end, though, it has to be her decision. We can't save her from pain inflicted by other kids. If it isn't this it will be something else and, like the rest of us, she'll need to find her own way (with our help, hopefully) to deal with it.

Blahhhh

This sucks. I'm at home with two sick kids. I don't feel well. The hubby doesn't feel well. It's freakin' May and it's freezing out. And cloudy. Oh, and I have my period. Did I mention that this sucks?

I suppose I should be glad that the babysitter arrived about 30 minutes ago so I no longer have to try to work (er, procrastinate by surfing the web reading blogs of total strangers) with Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends screeching from the TV. Now I can procrastinate in peace and quiet while she uses her young person's energy and creativity to occupy my kids.

More great moments in parenting . . . although I swore I wouldn't let the kids watch TV all day just because they're sick, they've probably watched more than three hours total. I did have them do some workbooks for a little while so it was kinda like school, only not really.