Daydreams and Musings

Please don't watch this tv show . . .

2007-08-23T10:37:00.000-05:00

I haven't been blogging much for a variety of reasons. I've been busy with a new job but, more importantly, I started becoming more concerned about my kids' privacy and safety. Because of their more or less public extra-curricular activities, having personal information about them on the Internet becomes more dangerous for them. Plus I've been feeling ambivalent about my stagemotherness - I don't really care how it might reflect on me but I care how it reflects on the rest of my family. So I decided that when I start blogging again, I need to try to steer clear of more personal things.

So what topic has brought me out of my blogging stupor? My anger at CBS about its upcoming reality show, Kid Nation. (I refuse to link to CBS' website for the show for reasons that will become clear).

CBS took 40 kids and plopped them in a "ghost town" in the middle of the New Mexico desert without running water or electricity for 40 days and asked them to "build" a new society. The parents weren't allowed regular contact - most, if not all of them, were not even in New Mexico during filming (none of the kids were residents of NM). It's no accident that - until recently - New Mexico was the only state without child labor laws. It's also no accident that none of the kids in the production are from California or New York - two areas where parents are more savvy regarding the child labor and safety rules. (And, of course, none of the kids were in the union so union safety and work hour rules didn't apply). This was (apparently) billed to the parents as an experience akin summer camp. Except with cameras on 24/7. And no camp counselors. And no state oversight/permits/inspections.

Here's a recent article from the New York Times about some of the controversy surrounding the show and the contract the parents and kids were made to sign. If you're interested, The Smoking Gun has published the entire contract here. Warning - if the idea of signing away your child's privacy, safety and life story ("in perpetuity and throughout the universe") bothers you, don't read it.

CBS claims the kids weren't "employed" and therefore no work permits were required and they weren't required to follow work safety rules. At least not for the kids. The crew was employed by CBS so presumably their unions had jurisdiction and all safety rules were followed for them. They didn't have to work 24/7. They didn't have to sign away their privacy rights or their right to say whether anything bad happened to them on the job.

CBS also claims that there were plenty of adults around to ensure the kids' safety and well-being. But the main job of every one of those adults was to make good television. All of those people were on the payroll of CBS. None of them were required by law to report signs of child abuse (unlike teachers and doctors). And since the families signed away their ability to talk honestly about their experience (or be liable to CBS for $5 million for breaching their confidentiality agreement), we'll never really know what happened during production. CBS can claim all it wants that nothing bad happened and no one with any first hand knowledge can contradict them without subjecting themselves to significant financial risk.

These kids were out of school for eight to ten weeks without a set teacher or other tutoring. Don't we have mandatory schooling laws in every state? I'm all for the idea that life experiences are as important (if not more important) than classroom learning. But how could parents have known in advance that this experience would be a good one? Sure, it could be a good experience but isn't there a significant risk that it would be a bad experience? Would you take that risk?

One of the reasons this bothers me so much is how it makes "stage parents" look. Just because we allow and encourage our children to act, doesn't mean that we would go to any lengths to get our children on TV or make them "famous" at all costs. Most parents of acting children take their child's safety and mental/emotional well-being very seriously. But these parents signed away their children's rights and their own parental responsibility just so their kids could be on TV. If this show is successful, it tells production companies that the public doesn't care about child safety and welfare on set as long as it's entertaining television. It tells them that it's ok to look for loopholes in the law and union regulations. It sets back children's rights on set immeasurably.

You'll see people compare this to summer camp or boarding school but those are very different. Those are ostensibly in business to educate children in one way or another. In most cases, parents aren't prevented from seeing or speaking to their kids. The kids do not sign away their right to privacy or their life stories. This was a TV show. The purpose is to sell advertising time and make money for CBS and the producers. These kids were exploited - whether they feel that way or not.

CBS is currently casting the second season. From what I understand, the child labor/safety laws in every state (now that New Mexico changed their laws) would prohibit CBS from filming the show (at least the way they did the first season). I don't know where they plan to film the show but they've asked those who are auditioning to bring their passports. Unfortunately, there are still places in the world that allow child exploitation. I'm sure the CBS execs will have fun jetting around trying to pick just the right one.

I fell for their beauty . . .

2007-06-20T20:34:00.000-05:00

but my feet are paying the price. My nine year old warned me before I went shopping at the Nordstrom 1/2-yearly sale (LOVE that sale). She said "Remember - don't fall for the beauty of the shoes!" (That's her code for "I know you like totally impractical shoes with ridiculously high heels but those aren't good for your feet so be practical and get something comfortable." Or maybe it's code for "Act your age, not your shoe size." I'm not really sure.)

Unfortunately, I can't be trusted to shop on my own. But she's in California so she doesn't get to supervise my shoe shopping.

But tell me - are these not totally pretty shoes! I got the white patent leather. The pictures are deceptive. Note that the heel is 3 1/2". Um, yeah. That's a bit high. But I swear they didn't feel that high at the store yesterday. Really.

Ok, I gotta go soak my feet before they rebel and refuse to take me to work tomorrow.

Santa Barbara

2007-02-25T19:40:00.000-06:00

I'm in Santa Barbara and this is the second time I've been here. I'm not sure how it happened but I actually forgot how incredibly beautiful this place is. The last time I was here (about two years ago, I think), we stayed at San Ysidro Ranch and this time we're staying at the Four Seasons Biltmore. (One of the very few perks of my job is getting to go to these "off site" meetings at super nice resorts.)

The Four Seasons is a beautiful place and, for some unknown but very welcome reason, my room got upgraded to a suite. I have two rooms, a king size bed, two flat screen TVs, a balcony that looks out over the ocean (but first it looks out over the entrance to the hotel but who's complaining) AND the bathroom has a steam shower and a warmed tile floor. The only thing that could make this better is having my husband here with me. Oh, and not having to spend most of my time in a conference room.

One thing I haven't been impressed with here is the food. At dinner last night I had a $40 piece of salmon that I couldn't eat. It was supposed to be "lightly smoked and slow-cooked" which really meant heavily smoked and dry as a bone. And the garnish was awful - too salty eggplant slivers, weird tasting black potatoes and some other unidentifiable vegetables. I also had mushroom soup which was okay but the mushroom soup in our office cafeteria is equally as good (seriously) and a heck of a lot cheaper. Plus, one of the waiters spilled a carafe of hot soup on one of the other diners in our group. Right down the guy's back! And they originally gave us the wrong menus. I think it's reasonable expect better from a place where the bill was over $500 for six people. But the wine was good. We got a bottle of Pinot Noir from Hitching Post Winery which is the place from the movie Sideways. So, that was cool but not cool enough to make up for the bad food and the equally bad service.

This afternoon I had time to take a walk. I actually brought my iPod with me but when I thought about it, I realized that it's one thing to drown out the nerve wrangling sounds of the city with my own personal soundtrack but it's just ludicrous to drown out the calming sound of the ocean. So I walked and actually listened to the sound of the ocean and the sea birds and the screaming of kids running away from the waves on the beach. And the sound of my own thoughts (which is something I do way too little of). Actually, I spent most of the walk composing this blog post and I'm not sure what that says about me.

I ended up walking into town, or what seemed like "town" because there was a boulevard, with parking and lots of little shops. It reminded me a little bit of Port Clinton Square, a sort of in-town walking mall-type area in Highland Park, IL where I grew up. Except this is prettier, smells nicer (because of the gardenias) and has lots more high end real estate agencies. And as it turns out I had walked into Montecito which is really a suburb of Santa Barbara. I ended up walking farther than I planned so I had to stop for refreshment on my way back. I stopped at Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf for the best Chai Latte I've had (yes, even better than Starbucks). It kept me warm for the rest of the walk back. (I know, I have no right to complain about it being cold here when it's a heck of a lot better than the weather my family is suffering through in Chicago.)

For dinner, a few of us went to Downey's which is apparently one of the best restaurants in Santa Barbara. It certainly lived up to its reputation. For an appetizer, I had crab toast with curried fruit. Sounds weird but tasted awesome. Then I had a salad with garlic and Stilton cheese dressing followed by a lamb loin with green beans and mushrooms. But the kicker was the dessert - I had their version of Mille-feuille (I totally had to look that up). Freshly made pastry filled with creamy white chocolate mousse and fresh raspberries. Yummy. Oh, yeah and we had some terrific Santa Barbara wine. But not too much.

The only bummer of the night was that I missed the entire Oscar telecast. It's one of my favorite TV shows of the year so that sucked. As we finished dinner and headed back to the hotel in a cab, the CEO of my company used his Blackberry to look up the winners. Thank goodness for technology.

So now I need to get some sleep. Did I mention that I have a king size bed? Nighty night!

Too little time

2007-02-20T17:10:00.000-06:00

Work is (again) kicking my ass. I'm getting ready for a Board meeting that starts on Sunday. Yes, Sunday. The good part is that the meetings are in Santa Barbara and L.A. And I'll be staying at really, really nice hotels. The bad part is - well, there are several bad parts. I won't be with my family. I'll be sitting in conference rooms most of the time and won't get to enjoy the California sunshine. Also, there's a reason they call them "board" meetings. (ha, ha - I totally crack myself up). Did I mention that I won't be with my family?

My little family is the only thing that keeps me going some days. I hate like heck being so far away from them.

So now I better get back to work so I can go home at a reasonable hour. To watch American Idol. I hate to admit it but I love that show. Watching it is one of my guilty pleasures.

Car trouble - Blogging for Books

2007-02-11T14:50:00.000-06:00

Here's my entry in the February Blogging for Books contest. Jay says we have to write something about a dream we had - either waking or sleeping.

As a kid, I was a sleep walker. I also talked in my sleep. A lot. According to my parents and my bunk mates from summer camp, I was capable of having whole conversations, although none of them made much sense. I never remembered any of it when I woke up which, I guess, is par for the course.

I don’t do much sleep walking anymore but there are times when I wake up standing next to my bed wondering what exactly I’m doing standing next to my bed. Sometimes I wake up thinking I need a glass of orange juice even though I rarely drink the stuff (and we don’t even have any in the house). More often I have dreams that a spider is swinging down towards me from the ceiling above my bed and I wake up swatting at it. That used to freak me out but now I’m able talk myself out of an imaginary spider-induced panic. Most of the time.

As annoying as they are, these night wakings don’t usually hurt anyone. But a few years ago I had a dream that there was a shelf above our bed. On that shelf was a toy car – a big one that a child can ride in. Suddenly the shelf tilted and the car started sliding down and was going to land on my husband. Being the good wife that I am, I tried to protect him. I’m sure he would have appreciated my heroics if he hadn’t been sound asleep and if I hadn’t punched him in the nuts in the process. Lucky for me, he’s still willing to sleep in the same bed.

More from the stage mother

2007-02-02T14:00:00.000-06:00

I've written a lot about my stage mother tendencies. I think I'll always struggle with that aspect of my personality. I'm so damn proud of A Girl - not because she's a good actress (and I mean that in the most non-stage mothery way) but because she's a good person. She's focused and hard working but she's also a really nice kid. She has fun with what she's doing even though her schedule would challenge the most driven Type A personality you know.

Despite her success and the fact that people often say super nice things to her, she's still down to earth. This is due primarily to my husband's influence. As I've said before, he has always maintained that acting is merely an extra-curricular activity for her. He's tried to help her see herself not as an actress but as a kid who likes to act. He doesn't want it to define her because if it does, she's more likely to be crushed when (if?) the work dries up or if she doesn't get a role she wants.

I whole-heartedly agree with his approach but I struggle to keep myself from being too invested in her success. Part of it stems from my own childhood desire to be an actress. Part of it stems from plain old mother pride.

She's currently in a show at a theater near our apartment (very convenient). They've been in rehearsals since the day after Christmas and they open on Saturday. The rehearsals in the three or so weeks prior to the open are called tech rehearsals - that's when they rehearse on stage and work out all the technical aspects of the show - lights, sound, costumes, stage set. During the last two weeks of tech rehearsal, they have shows that are called previews. These shows are basically dress rehearsals that people pay a discounted price to see. At this point, they don't have all the kinks worked out so previews can often be a bit rough around the edges.

Last week I went to pick A Girl up after one of the first preview shows. As I was walking into the theater, the last of the patrons were walking out. As I walked past one couple, the woman said "Well, they do one bad show a year and this one is it." I felt like someone kicked me in the gut.

Rationally, I know it's not a big deal. There is no reason for me to take that personally but I did. I know and respect all the actors, the director, the crew. I know how hard they've worked. I like the script (but I haven't seen the show all the way through) - it's a funny and heartwarming story. My husband and I have talked about how we would handle it if A Girl got a bad review. He's always given her great advice about this - "Don't believe all the good things people say about you because then you'll have to believe the bad things, too." We're prepared for that if it happens. It just never occurred to me, until that moment on the theater stairs, that anyone would dislike the show as a whole. I wasn't prepared for that.

The show she did this fall was controversial to begin with. When the show was performed in New York, there were people who left at intermission. The same thing happened in Chicago. And although it was a critical success there were lots of people that didn't like it. But because I was prepared for that it didn't bother me. But A Girl didn't have a large role in that show but in this one she plays a lead. It just feels more important.

I still feel a twinge when I think about it but I've pointed out to myself that there are plenty of shows - at this theater and others - that I haven't liked. This was during previews so her dislike of the show might have been due to the roughness of the production. In the end, it is what it is - one person's opinion. Even if the show's a flop and even if A Girl never works again, it's not the end of the world. I truly believe that this work shouldn't define her. Not just because she's too young for that. Being successful in show business depends so much on external factors - how other people view you, whether you're lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time - it's not healthy to invest your self esteem in that.

That's all easy to say and easy to believe. It's just hard in practice for me to separate myself emotionally. Thankfully, A Girl seems perfectly able to maintain that healthy separation so far. I just worry that my stage mother tendencies will somehow make her think that I'll only be happy as long as she's successful in "show business." And nothing could be farther from the truth.

The kid's gotta eat

2007-01-30T13:00:00.000-06:00

I've been out of the breastfeeding business for five years now so I haven't read much about breastfeeding lately. I was really surprised when I read this article talking about problems that nursing mothers are having with breastfeeding in public. I find it so funny that people make a big deal out of mothers feeding their babies just because it involves boobs. As someone says in the article, people are so overly focused on breasts as sexual objects that they tend to forget their practical and very important use as a food supply unit.

I breastfed both girls - A Girl for well over a year and M Girl for a year - while working full time. I have such wonderful memories of that time with them - even though it was a hugely painful struggle at first and even though I had to lug a ridiculously large and heavy breast pump to and from work everyday. (Of course now they have these small yet powerful pumps that get stowed in a cute black backpack. They also have maternity clothes at The Gap when all I had was the mu mu crap from Motherhood Maternity that I could only find at sprawling suburbans malls. But that's a rant for another day.) I fed them in public many times without incident. Of course I didn't make a big deal out of what I was doing and I tried to be discreet.

One time I fed A Girl at the table while we had dinner with friends at a busy restaurant - and no one noticed. Our table was right next to the hostess table so there were people all around. A Girl was in her stroller, pulled up to the table. She got fussy so I picked her up and managed to get her latched on without lifting my shirt all while carrying on a conversation. When she was done, I put her back down and my husband (who is the most observant person I know) said "Don't you need to feed her?" Granted, it was fairly dark in the restaurant, which helped a lot. And to be fair - A Girl and I were a veteran nursing pair by then. I couldn't have done that within the first three or so months. The point of the story is that it's possible - in many situations - to be discreet about breastfeeding.

The article talks about a woman who was kicked off of a plane because she refused to cover up while she was breastfeeding. I always had a blanket or shirt or towel draped over my shoulder. It's not because I was ashamed of breastfeeding but because it's polite to at least try not to offend the people around you - even when you think they shouldn't be offended. You can't tell from the article but I wonder how exposed she was and why she didn't cover up when asked. Even if the flight attendant was being prudish and stupid, why make a big deal out of it? It's not like they were asking her to feed her baby in the plane's bathroom. Frankly, the stress on the mother (and the baby) of fighting about it was probably more of an issue than just putting a damn blanket over the offending boob and being done with it.

Food follies

2007-01-26T15:00:00.000-06:00

While waiting in the cafeteria line, I glanced at the packets of condiments on the counter. I'm all for truth in labeling but I found it odd that the Hellman's mayo packet was announcing, with a big zero in a noticeable red circle, that it had zero grams of carbs. I don't know about you but I was never really worried about the carb content of my mayo. Fat content, you betcha. Carb content? Not so much.

Apparently the packaging design people think consumers are going to say "Wow! I'm worried about my diet so I'll choose this awesome mayo with NO CARBS! Slather it on!"

I can't really blame the food companies for packaging stupidity. People want to have their cake and eat it too (pun intended) when it comes to eating junk food. They'll grab on to anything to make themselves feel better about eating crap (myself included). I've said before that I think Snack Wells and their ilk have contributed to the obesity epidemic in this country. Somehow, people have gotten the idea that they can eat as much low-carb crap as they want without gaining weight. Trans fats are the new carbs - every snack food that can get away with it screams about having little or no trans fats. Guess what - if you fill up on junk (with or without trans fat, low carb or otherwise) - you're going to gain weight. There is no such thing as a free bag of chips.

On the subject of blaming everyone but ourselves (read: food manufacturers and fast food companies) for our obesity, I read an article this week about an interview with supermodel Gisele Bundchen. She was discussing the recent trend of fashion shows refusing to allow underweight models to participate in runway shows. There have been recent accusations that the use of too-skinny models is leading to anorexia. She said it's not the fashion industry that causes anorexia, it's screwed up families that cause anorexia. Although I'm not ready to let the fashion industry off the hook completely, she has a point. But the best point she made was that modeling is all about genetics. There are certain people (like herself) who have the right genes to be a model. If you have to starve yourself in order to have the "right" body, you don't have the right genes and maybe you should think twice about your choice of profession.

The same is true of professional sports. Although there are legions of young boys who want to play in the NBA, there's about a million to one chance that any one of them will get there. For the most part, they won't have the genetics. Regardless of talent and no matter how hard you work, if you aren't very tall, you aren't going to be a professional basketball player. Play the game for fun but make sure you do your homework - don't count on that multi-million dollar contract to support your family.

I guess the bottom line of this post is that people don't like facing the simple fact that you can't have everything you want and sometimes the things you want aren't good for you. You can't eat all the junk food you desire and be healthy (or thin) - even if the junk food you eat has no trans-fats or carbs. You can't be an NBA superstar unless you're born with the right combination of genes. If you need to starve yourself to death to be skinny enough, you shouldn't try to be a runway model.

And if you don't like the media images of too-skinny models, stop buying clothes from designers who promote that kind of body image. Stop buying the magazines that sell those clothes. Or do what I do, refuse to go clothes shopping until you have nothing to wear (except horrible 1980's era suits with shoulder pads). It doesn't help anything but it gives me something to bitch about.

Mouths of Babes

2007-01-22T10:10:00.000-06:00

Every once in awhile M Girl (our six-year old) asks for a baby sibling, even though I've told her that it ain't gonna happen. This time she said she wanted me to have a baby so she could go to the hospital and see how the baby gets out. (This isn't unusual since she always wants to see for herself how everything works). I told her that even if I did have another baby she probably wouldn't be able to be in the room when the baby was born. To her indignant "Why not?!" I explained that it can be scary for kids to see that because as wonderful as it is, it can be painful and she might get upset seeing mommy in pain. We talked a little more about the birth process which fascinated her (especially the part about how the baby gets out through such a small opening).

Later as I was telling my husband about that conversation, she said "Daddy, I really want mommy to have another baby. Can you make that happen?"

Dear Diary

2007-01-15T22:47:00.000-06:00

January 8, 2007 - Ok, Blogging for Books is on for January. Diary, I swear I'm going to stick with my resolution to write more. I'm definitely going to write a B4B post this month. The topic is great - you have to write about something having to do with "time". It's a nice, broad topic - I can just run with it. And I will. Right after I catch up on all the episodes of Without a Trace I have on TIVO. Can't let the TIVO get too full or it might not record all the episodes of American Idol. And besides, I have a whole week to do it. Plenty of time.

January 10, 2007 - Has it really been two days since I've written? What with work, catching up on my TIVO backlog, doing the dishes and spending quality time with my husband and kids, I haven't had time to write my B4B post. So - what should I write? Maybe I should do some fiction. Here's a thought - I'll write about this guy who's retired and has no family left so he's got all the time in the world but he always complains about not having enough time to do what he wants. That's great and I'll get to it as soon as I finish making blueberry muffins. Can anyone really write excellent fiction without good muffins? I didn't think so.

January 11, 2007 - Diary, I had another thought about that B4B story. What if the guy was always late to everything his whole life? I can hear his mother yelling "Sammy, you're late for school!" and then his wife yelling "Sam! You have to get up for work!" He never really learned the importance of being on time. I think I'll run with that. As soon as I get home from work. After all, I can't let blogging interfere with work can I?

January 12, 2007 - Damn. I can't believe it's the 12th already and I haven't really started on my B4B entry. Ok, getting down to work. Now. Hmmm. I don't think that idea about Sam who's always late is going to work unless I have some other conflict. Maybe he's late for work one day and he gets into an accident, killing someone. Now his being late isn't just an irritation to his family, it's impacted other people in a horrible and irreversible way. And then he gets depressed and stops going to work. His wife leaves him. His family won't speak to him. Man, this is depressing. I need a drink.

January 13, 2007 - Two days to go - I better get to work on that B4B entry. So, where was I? Ok, Sam has killed someone and lost everything. Has he learned his lesson? Let's say we meet up with Sam when he's a cranky old man. He yells at the bus driver because the bus is late. The bus driver guns it and make Sam spill all his shopping bags on the floor of the bus. What does Sam do? Think, think. Sigh. Oh, look - the shower curtain needs to be washed. If I don't get that done, I won't be able to concentrate on writing. I'll be right back.

January 15, 2007 - Whew! Cleaning that shower curtain was hard! Took lots longer than I thought it would. Shoot - I only have the rest of today to write my entry. Damn. I don't have enough time to do a really good post. I can't figure out how to end the story. I'll never get in the semi-finals. I'll never be a writer. I'm doomed to a life of mediocrity. What's that you say, diary? Maybe if I didn't procrastinate so much, I would have written a decent post? Well, I don't know about that. I mean, I have to work, right? And I couldn't possibly concentrate on writing without having a clean shower curtain. And unless I finished my daily Sudoku. And, of course, what kind of wife and mother would I be if I didn't spend time with my family? And who asked you anyway?

Next month. I swear, diary, next month I will submit a kick ass B4B post. It'll be the best post ever!. This time things will be different. I've changed. I mean it this time. Really.

Funny phishing

2007-01-11T11:15:00.000-06:00

I got an email today (on my WORK email no less) that was supposedly from Bank of America. It was "About your accounts with us!" (Hyperbole theirs). In addition to a link that I wouldn't ever click without a gun pointed at my head, there was this amusing tidbit (word for word):

"Following these, the cycle would start again. administratrix congressional But oh, Mr Rancho Grande!

(PILINGS its PILINGS there are TWO okay there are two fine now just hush just you know hush shhhhhh) and made it seem gone for awhile. You'll mend faster when you're working, I'll bet! She turned and walked toward the pantry. "She hugged him. After he did, he grayed out again. "she screamed, her mouth yawning wide, and he was suddenly looking into the dank red-lined pit of the goddess. Her hands had begun to spring limberly open and then snatch closed again, catching air and squashing it. denature"

I think my new favorite phrase from now on with be "But oh, Mr. Rancho Grande!"

Decisions, decisions

2007-01-08T17:05:00.000-06:00

I'm in a meeting (I spend the better part of my life in meetings) but I feel the pull to write. Maybe I should adopt a motto: Never let work interfere with blogging.

A Girl is in rehearsals for a theater production and I was able to watch them run through the second act yesterday. I doubt A Girl understands how lucky she is to be working with professional, experienced actors within an established theater company. There is so much "small" theater out there but there are few such established companies and very, very few good roles for children. She is one lucky kid.

As I was watching the actors yesterday, it struck me that several of them are supporting families while working as actors. (Well, most of them have "day" jobs - as teachers of theater or other theater-related activities. But they work pretty regularly as actors.) This particular ensemble has been around for 20 years - it started when the founders were in college together and many of the founding members are still regularly involved. That's some serious dedication.

As I watched them work I thought how lucky they are that they can pursue their passion. For the most part, they don't have to go to an office (and sit in unending and very boring meetings about the accounting treatment of various investment products). They get to do fun stuff like play different characters, learn a new dialect, and perform for an audience.

But the reality is that I don't have to sit in those meetings either. I'm free to pursue my passion, too. I'm also free to tell my family that we can't afford our mortgage or school tuition. Because for most actors (and people in the arts generally), that's what it means to pursue your passion. It means you give up what you can get from a more practical (but far less creative) job as a lawyer or accountant. Although I didn't think about it this way at the time, when I decided to leave the commercial production industry to go to law school, I made the decision to take a more practical road. I didn't do it because anyone was telling me I had to. My parents were as supportive as anyone could hope for. I just didn't have it in me to live in a studio apartment smaller than a postage stamp any longer. I was at the point where I would have needed to work freelance in order to move ahead and I couldn't see myself living job to job.

I'm sure my husband will agree (probably a little too whole-heartedly) that I often don't use a very good decision-making process. I'm a "wing it" person who makes emotional decisions which drives him nuts because he's a logical planner. (Before I continue, let me fully acknowledge for the record that going the "planner" route is generally far more successful than going the "wing it" route.) I bring this up because many of my life decisions - including leaving a creative job for law school - were not very well considered. It was an emotional decision brought on by fear and by the high level of comfort I thought I had with what it meant to be a lawyer. My dad was a lawyer. My mom was a legal secretary. All my friends' parents were lawyers (or doctors or accountants). I knew what to expect from going to an office every day. I knew that I would be able to afford the lifestyle I grew up with. I didn't know what to expect working freelance as a production coordinator except that if I didn't work regularly I would have a hard time paying rent.

I'm not saying I made the wrong decision. Maybe if I had thought about it a bit more and considered all my options, I still would have decided to go to law school. But I wouldn't then look back (as I sometimes do) and wonder what the hell I was thinking.

One thing that A Girl will have is an understanding of what it means financially to be an actor. And to give credit where credit is due - this was my husband's idea. He has explained to her that most actors (particularly those in theater) don't make enough money from acting to support themselves and that they have to do other things (wait tables, do TV commercials, have a regular day job) so they can pay the rent. She's learned that to be a successful actor it takes a combination of talent, hard work and luck. Too many people think that if they're talented, they'll be successful but the world is full of talented, but unemployed, actors. Even hard work doesn't get you very far if you aren't talented AND if you aren't lucky enough to get the right opportunities.

My husband and I believe that it's important to encourage our kids to follow their dreams but it's also important to help them understand the realities of certain career/life choices. I had unrealistic expectations of a career in the arts and when things didn't turn out as I thought they would, I cut and run. I'm not complaining - I have a really good life. But there is a part of me that wishes I would have had the guts to stick with a more creative career path. Whatever our girls decide about their careers, I hope their decisions are made based on a reasoned analysis of their numerous options and not based on illogical and hormone-driven emotion.

In other words, I hope they take after their father.

Picky, picky

2007-01-04T10:12:00.000-06:00

In the two spare seconds that I have to post today I decided that I had to write about some coffee related topics.

First there was the woman in front of me at Starbucks who ordered a venti, no foam, soy latte at 140 degrees. Seriously - who orders a drink at a specific temperature? What would happen if your latte was only 135 degrees? Or - god forbid - 143 degrees! And who orders a "no foam" latte? The whole point of a latte is the foam. It's NOT a latte if it doesn't have foam. It's espresso with warm milk. Yes, I'm a Starbucks geek.

I'm sure there are people roll who their eyes at me when I order my 1/2 decaf grande non-fat latte. They probably think "What's the point of getting decaf? Isn't the whole point of coffee the caffeine?" They also probably say "Who puts non-fat milk in their latte?" Or something like that. People are so judgmental (she says without a hint of irony).

The other thing that made me go "Hmmm" today was an advertisement I saw on the bus for a coffee grinder/brewer that also gives you the weather. Why the weather? Why not the traffic report or headline news? The tag line for the ad is "I could have told you to wear snowshoes." Seriously - does anybody really need a coffee maker to tell them that it's snowing?

It's the Best Post Ever!

2007-01-02T14:31:00.000-06:00

I've really been struggling with this post (which means I've typed and erased about 100 lines of text - one at a time) because I feel like my first post of 2007 should contain profound wisdom, thought-provoking ideas and/or really funny stories. But the pressure is too much for me so we'll all have to settle for my usual ramblings.

It's all about expectations and mine have always done me in. I'm a dreamer; my imagination and hopes unconstrained by reality. But when fantasy collides with reality, reality almost always wins. That's why I stopped trying to have the "best holiday ever" every year. (For those of you who have Spongebob fans for children, you might now be hearing that catchy ditty Best Day Ever from a recent episode. It'll probably be stuck in your head for a week or two. You're welcome.)

When I was single, I was always worried about being alone on New Year's Eve. Or worse, being a third or fifth wheel with my hooked-up friends who pitied me and let me tag along. When I was living in New York the pressure was especially intense. Partly because everything in New York is especially intense. Partly because I was there in the late '80s when everything had to be bigger and better and more fabulous all the time. But mainly because I had reached an age where I expected to be married or at least on the road to being married. I hadn't yet met anyone I was remotely interested in marrying (unless you count this guy but since he was never interested in me I don't think he counts) but that didn't stop me from feeling like a failure at the tender age of 23. Each new year that came and went in my mid-20s was a harsh reminder that my reality wasn't matching my fantasy.

I read recently that if the map doesn't match the ground, the map is wrong. Like my favorite gender-difference example - if the clothes don't fit a man, he gets a tailor but if clothes don't fit a woman, she goes on a diet - I always figured that if my map didn't match the ground, I just wasn't reading it right. I thought I should be married by 25 and if I wasn't, it was my fault. It never occurred to me that the goal itself was screwy. Of course, once I stopped expecting to find my soul mate, I found him. And it was in a place and at a time that was totally unexpected. No pressure. Funny how things work.

So now I just try to take the holidays in stride and not expect too much. We try to keep things simple - we don't need grand plans and big parties to feel like we've celebrated. Since I learned to manage my expectations for the holidays, I've avoided putting pressure on my family to meet my unrealistic fantasy and everyone has a much better time.

Now if only I could manage my expectations about keeping my (unrealistic) New Year's resolutions . . .

Stage mothers from hell and their evil spawn

2006-12-18T20:03:00.000-06:00

I've written before about my struggles with my inner stage mother. "Hello my name is Jessica and I'm a stage mother." I admit it and I've given myself over to a higher power to assist me in my efforts to talk about things other than my children and their forays into show business.

But my recovery efforts were hampered today because I took A Girl to a shoot for a McDonald's commercial this morning. I thought I could do it - I've been away from other stage mothers for some time now. My husband usually takes her to auditions and jobs and he's able to ignore the stage mothers. He doesn't get involved in the one-upsmanship (one ups-mothership?) that goes on. He reads the paper. He reads a book. He's perfectly comfortable sitting in a room with other people and not actually conversing with them.

I, however, feel compelled to converse. It is my sickness. I must help fill the silence. But when those other people are stage mothers, things can get ugly. I at least half-heartedly try not participate in the competition. I can dish it, when I feel like it. I can talk about the work A Girl does, compare different agents, dish about other stage mothers and just generally talk the talk. But nothing I've experienced before could have prepared me for today. Today I met THE stage mother from hell. And her evil spawn.

A Girl was working with two boys. The mom of the first boy - we'll call him "Al" - was about as close to normal as we stage mothers get. Other than talking about Al (and her three other children in the business) and how "special" he is, she talked about the pool in her backyard, the numerous restaurants her parents own (one of which she used to manage until she quit to be a full-time stage mother) and the mansion her parents lived in before their divorce. The mansion with the movie theater complete with stadium seating. And cup holders.

The second boy - evil spawn - shall be known as "Freak Boy". His mother was quite possibly the most annoying person I have ever met in my 42 years. And I have met some REALLY annoying people. This woman was not even in the same universe as reality. She was so full of shit. Because I want to share my pain, here's a sampling of the things this woman said (and I SERIOUSLY am not making up one word of it):

"I love my son's school. I gave everyone on the staff a three day vacation as a holiday gift from Freak Boy. There are only 65 of them so I thought it would be nice to treat them all to a little vacation." Assuming this is true (and I have little doubt that it's utter bullshit) I can't even begin to articulate how inappropriate it is to do and even more inappropriate to talk about with total strangers.

"My mom isn't feeling well. I bought a vintage mansion in Hyde Park so Freak Boy and I can move in with her. It has 8 bedrooms and 11,000 square feet. Well, that includes the basement which is about 3,000 square feet so we have 8,000 square feet of living space." Um, I can do the math, thanks.

"This will sound corny but I was watching Richie Rich with my son the other night and I realized that kids today need to know about a lot of different things to be successful. Like investments. I want my son to be at a school that has a class in investments for nine year olds." Yeah, I'm pretty sure there aren't any of those. Because it makes NO FUCKING SENSE.

"It's not like we're rich or anything but I find that the other parents at Freak Boy's school don't have the same goals we have as a family. I mean, the other parents voted NOT to have Japanese taught at the school. They just don't understand what it takes to be successful." If it's so important to you and since you apparently have more money than God, I'm sure you can afford a Japanese tutor for Freak Boy. But just because you want it doesn't mean that the PUBLIC SCHOOL your child goes to should pay for it (assuming it can actually afford it).

"My son is in the gifted program at xyz school. He got 99.6% on their gifted test. So that's why I decided to send him to that school. They have an excellent gifted program." Um, ok.

"I told my son that he can't do commercials if he doesn't maintain all A's in school. He's really smart." Yeah, ok.

"I tell my son all the time 'You're a winner!' That's why he's so successful." Really? Wow, that's just stupid.

"I don't want my son to be able to see me while he's working. When he sees me, he tends to over-achieve. He always wants to be the best when I'm around." Actually, he's just trying to get your attention. You apparently are so busy imagining that you're buying mansions and giving inappropriate gifts to the school administration that you forgot to pay attention to your child. I'm totally going to call DCFS on you.

I'm sure you'll believe me when I say that being in the same room with this woman for over an hour was positively excruciating. But because I'm dense and didn't see the warning signs (see especially the last two quotes), I wasn't prepared for Freak Boy.

After the kids were done getting their wardrobe and make up and stuff, the production people were nice enough to allow us to hang out at the back of the set. I was able to indulge myself and take a picture or two (or five, but who's counting) and be there to help A Girl relax during breaks.

In the commercial, the three kids are sitting at a table playing with Happy Meal toys. Not surprisingly, they're supposed to be talking to each other, laughing and showing each other their toys. Instead of playing nice (and being a normal human being), Freak Boy decided it would be more fun to "torment" (his word) my daughter. Despite the fact that the director had to tell him - before, during and after EVERY take - to stop tormenting A Girl so much, Freak Boy didn't let up. The "mom" in the commercial kept saying through clenched yet smiling teeth "Freak Boy, play nice."

During breaks, he wouldn't leave her alone. The kid cannot shut up. He talked back to the director. He talked back to the assistant director. He talked back to the producer. God help me - I wanted to drop kick that kid across the room. All the while, his mother stood there beaming. Positively proud of her evil spawn and his cheeky ass ways.

The other kid was a little better. At least he wasn't tormenting my daughter or talking back to everyone in sight. But every time they took a break, Al ran over to his hand held video game toy and started playing. Every time they wanted the kids back on set, they had to pry that thing out of his hand. His mother stood there, watching this and essentially forcing the assistant director to spend his precious time getting Al to do the work Al was being paid for.

I'm not saying my daughter is perfect and I fully admit that I'm a stage mother. Most likely, I've annoyed more than my fair share of other people. But my husband and I spend a lot of time and effort making sure that A Girl understands the importance of being professional. Virtually everyone who has worked with her has commented on her focus when she's working. She takes direction well. She doesn't goof around and waste people's time. Off the set, she's a normal kid. But when she's working, she's more professional than many adults. If she was bothering someone on set or talking back to the director, she'd hear it from me or her father at the earliest opportunity.

Working with Freak Boy was really hard on her. It made it hard to do her job and that's what really pissed me off. Even more frustrating is that I couldn't do a thing about it. The production people were doing what they could to stop him, he just wasn't listening. He wasn't actually hurting her and I didn't feel that I could step in to demand that he stop annoying my child. It's not my place and would hurt her more than help her. All I could do was keep him away from her during breaks. And that wasn't easy because he appeared to want her attention more than anything. Even more than his mother's attention. Or maybe he figured that was a lost cause.

Travel blogging

2006-12-04T22:11:00.000-06:00

Apparently traveling dampens my desire to write. So much for my dream of being a travel writer. Right now I'm my room at the JW Marriott on Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington D.C. Nice hotel but I'd rather be at home with my family. Anyway, I figure that I should just force myself to write. My worry when I force myself to write is that what I write will be boring or weird or just plain bad. In our house, when you're afraid of something, you have to do it anyway. So here I go.

On the flight to D.C. I sat next to a 6 foot 4 inch Marine on his way to a conference on new helicopter weapons systems. He's one of the guys responsible for quality control in the aircraft the Marines buy. In my job, when something gets f'd up, I'm prone to saying "Well, nobody died and nobody went to jail so let's not get freaked out." So here's this guy who has a job where when something gets f'd up, people actually do die.

He's new to this particular job and said he still can't get over the fact that the Marines had a contract to pay $9 million for an instruction manual for just one part of the weapons system on one particular helicopter. Then the manufacturer said, "Well, some things have changed so now we have to charge you $18 million for that manual." So tell me - who the hell buys a multi-million dollar helicopter that doesn't actually come WITH the instruction manual?

I usually sit next to interesting people on flights between Chicago and D.C. The last time I was here, on my flight home I sat next to this guy's sister. Ok, so she was kind of an indirectly interesting seat mate - but actually she was really nice and equally as chatty as me. Which is hard to find. Come to think of it, the Marine was particularly chatty too - surprising since I tend to think of Marines as the strong, silent types. Funny how generalizations tend not to fit when you actually talk to someone you've generalized about.

I'm back!

2006-12-01T13:01:00.000-06:00

I can't believe our long-awaited vacation has come and gone. I would love to tell you all about our great trip to Maui but jet lag is kicking my butt and I can't blog with my eyes closed. For now, I'll just say that Maui is one of the most beautiful places I've ever been.

We came home on Wednesday to a balmy 60 degree day so the re-entry was smooth. It's a good thing we gave Pele back her lava rock before we left. Otherwise the snowstorm that has virtually shut down O'Hare Airport today probably would have shown up two days early.

More first grade ficshun

2006-11-12T21:30:00.000-06:00

M Girl made up a story for me tonight before bed. I can't recall how we got on the subject of rain and umbrellas but somehow we got to this:

Once there was a man who didn't have an umbrella. He was the only person in the whole universe who didn't have an umbrella. He never went out in the rain and he never bought an umbrella. One day he bought an umbrella and he went out in the rain and he died.

You can see from this story and this story that she has a slightly dark and twisted sense of humor, which I love. (Kind of like Alanis Morissette, I guess.)

Like a good neighbor

2006-11-12T10:46:00.000-06:00

Late Friday afternoon we were treated with a torrential, start-building-the-ark, downpour. In keeping with our Murphy's law lives, one of the tires on our car blew out while my husband was taking M Girl to gymnastics. Lucky for us we have AAA but they said it would take two hours before they could get there. And two hours from then was the time A Girl needed to be at the theater where she's performing.

So I left the office a little early, made it home on the bus and contemplated the sheer impossibility of getting a cab to take me to the gymnastics place to pick A Girl up and then take us to the theater. I also contemplated the vast amounts of cash the long cab ride would cost at rush hour. Then I remembered that our neighbors had offered to lend us one of their cars if we ever needed it. Thankfully, they were home and were glad to help.

I drove more carefully than I have ever driven in my life. The last time I can remember driving someone else's car, I got into an accident on a California freeway. (This is something I'm surprised I haven't blogged about - but that's a long post for another day. Suffice it to say that the accident wasn't my fault - really.) Anyway, I drove slowly, not in a rush. I barely even swore at all the crappy drivers on the road! I didn't want my negative driving mojo to infect their car. I picked up A Girl, got her to the theater on time and was happy that the rain was down to a mere drizzle as I made my way home - with the neighbors' car still intact.

I got into our garage and wound my way up to the 9th level where they park. I had a little trouble finding their parking space (I met them in front of my building - I didn't have to get the car out of their space earlier.) Much to my dismay, their space is a bit tight, with a concrete wall on the right and someone's nice little Lexus on the left. Also, their car is a smallish SUV - I've never really driven an SUV so it's hard for me to know exactly how wide the car is. (You know where I'm going with this, don't you.)

I realize how small the space is so I back up, realign the car and slowly start to pull in and then I hear "SCRRRAAPPPPEEE!" from the right side of the car. Holding back tears, I pull back, adjust and pull in again without incident. I (carefully) jump out of the car and run to the other side where I see a huge scratch along the front passenger door. I stare in disbelief. I try to rub it out (yeah, I knew that wasn't going to work.) I briefly contemplate not saying anything and hoping they don't notice. (Yeah, I knew that wasn't going to work either and I enjoy being able to live with myself.)

I nearly start crying in front of the doorman when I leave the keys at the front desk. I ask for paper to leave a note. It says "L & J - Thank you so much for lending me your car. I'm really sorry but I scratched the door. Of course I'll pay to fix it. Please call me." I left a message on the wife's cell phone, amazed at my ability to do so without crying.

They called me around 10 p.m. and they were laughing. Yes, laughing. The husband (whose car it was) said "Are you sure you did that? I got a little scratch on that door awhile ago." Since I would never have called that scratch little, I said "No way. I heard it scrape on the concrete. It's a bad scratch." The wife told me that she's been in so many fender benders in the school parking lot that it's not even funny. She told me to take a look at her car next time I'm in the garage - which didn't make me feel any better because it was her husband's car that I scratched. They were unbelievably nice about it. They said they could care less about scratches on their car and they would let me know if they were going to fix it but in the meantime I shouldn't worry about it.

I felt a little better having talked to them but I couldn't help thinking they might be singing a different tune when they looked at it the next day. It was a serious scratch people!

In the afternoon they called, laughing again (these people laugh a lot). The husband says "Guess what! You scratched the step, not the door. I told you there was already a scratch on the door. There's a black mark on the wall where you scraped by but who gives a [hoot] about the step. Nobody gets the stepped fixed. But if you want to pay to repaint my door, you've got a deal."

Welcome to the neighborhood!

2006-11-10T16:17:00.000-06:00

Sarah at Sarah and the Goon Squad wrote a post about her first experience with fall weather. She noted that when she didn't rake her leaves one week, her neighbor came and did it. And that reminded me of this story . . .

When I was a teenager, my dad remarried and we blended two families of three kids into one house (lots of stories for other posts). We moved into our new house at the beginning of the school year, just before the leaves started falling. Our parents thought - well, we have six kids living in this house, they'll rake and mow the lawn as part of their chores. (Yeah, maybe in a parallel universe where they actually had some semblance of control over the children in the house). Anyway, the leaves didn't get raked - for several weeks into the season.

Then one day a note appeared in our mailbox - type written, unsigned - that said: "The leaves from your lawn are blowing all over the neighborhood. Your neighbors spend lots of money maintaining their lawns. A pox on you for messing everything up." Or something like that. Clearly our neighbors weren't as neighborly as Sarah's neighbors!

So the next day my dad hired the landscapers that everyone else in the neighborhood used. (As I mentioned the last time I wrote about this story, it's entirely possible that it was the landscapers that left the note - excellent marketing technique, I might add). Nothing worked on my parents like a little neighborhood peer pressure.

Why I hate February

2006-11-07T22:27:00.000-06:00

Here's my entry for this month's Blogging for Books contest. We're supposed to write something about the weather. This is a little difficult to write today because it is a beautiful, sunny and surprisingly warm fall day here in Chicago. But having lived through a few too many Midwest winters, I can summon the painful memories long enough to write this . . .

Why I hate February - specifically.

When I was a junior in high school, it got so cold that there was ice on the walls of our house. On the inside. I remember doing my homework in front of the fire with a crocheted blanket on my lap. Kinda like Little House on the Prairie in the suburbs.
In college I went to a toga party. Don't ask me why someone had a toga party in February in Michigan. We were 19, and apparently we weren't very bright. So, at this toga party I sprained my ankle. The very next day there was an ice storm. Picture me trying to "walk" on crutches across The Quad, on the ice, with a backpack.
In law school, for reasons that are now lost to me, I had to get up at Oh My God O'clock and serve coffee to my fellow law students a few times. One particularly lovely "morning" as I walked to school I felt the tears in my eyes freezing upon contact with the cold wind. When I walked into the over heated building, I felt those tears melting down my cheeks, along with my mascara.
Let's go back to college, shall we? Ski trip with the girls up to Boyne Mountain. There's so much damn snow piled up at the side of the road that the streets are no longer wide enough for two cars. When the driver of our car tries to slow down to try to navigate past an oncoming car, the rear of our car slides out into the street and collides with the oncoming car. Not only was the car nearly totalled, one of the girls in the back seat broke her pelvis. Seriously.
And finally, have you ever tried to push a 20 pound stroller containing a 10 pound child along a slippery, snowy unplowed sidewalk? How about trying to get that stroller across the street after the plows have been through and there's a foot of snow along the curb? So - don't use a stroller, you might say. Well, it's also not fun carrying your precious child in the Baby Bjorn while attempting to navigate around ice patches and over piles of snow all the while praying that you don't fall over and crush the baby. (Try while dangerously sleep deprived, that's when it's the most terrifying).

Did all these things happen in February, as opposed to January or December? Probably not. But I blame February for all of winter's ills. I like winter in December - it's essential to have a white Christmas. Otherwise how does Santa get his sleigh on your roof? (Forget for a moment that we live in a 50+ story high-rise. "Santa uses magic. That's how.") Also, I'm cool with winter in January. It's a new year, a new beginning. The cool air is rejuvenating and refreshing. Until February. At that point, winter needs to go away, but it hangs on and on and on. And that's why I hate February.

So after reading this, you're probably wondering why the hell I still live in Chicago. Partly because it's a vibrant city with lots of cultural and culinary delights. It's diverse, down to earth and still relatively affordable. But in part, I still live in Chicago because of days like today - sunny, 60 degrees, crisp and beautiful. When the weather is like this, there's no better place to live. So I guess just have suck it up and deal with the winter (at least until we're wealthy enough to be snowbirds).

I am not old!

2006-10-31T14:29:00.000-06:00

Apparently, my youngest child seems to think announcing her mother's age in public is a good thing. First there was the incident at the zoo and last night there was this:

We were at our local yuppie pizza restaurant for our older daughter's birthday dinner. The waiter (who my younger daughter started calling "Hungry Guy" because he kept begging her for a bite of her pizza) was guessing how old A Girl was. He said, "I know! You're 45!" and M Girl says (loudly, of course and pointing right at me) "No, but my mom's almost 45!" Cue embarrassed laughter from everyone in the restaurant.

It's not that I'm embarrassed about my age. I'm not - if you ask me, I'll tell you that I'm 42 and that I earned every gray hair that I haven't managed to cover with highlights. But I don't necessarily want to call it to the attention of the patrons of random restaurants and food courts across the city. But that's just me.

Lowest common denominator

2006-10-20T14:16:00.000-05:00

I was reading about this case (Brown v. Card Service Center). Since most of you would likely rather get hit by a truck than read judicial decisions, here's what it says in a nutshell:

If I owe on an account that has been referred to a debt collector (meaning it's way over due) the debt collector can't tell me "If you don't make arrangements to pay us within 7 days, we could sue you." It's not that the debt collector has no right to sue. It does. It's because the debt collector probably won't sue (since it's really expensive and doesn't make sense unless I owe a lot of money). And debt collectors aren't allowed to make false and misleading statements. This lawsuit was filed under a law that was meant to prevent debt collectors from threatening to break people's kneecaps and from doing stuff like bang on people's doors in the middle of the night or take their cars without notice. It wasn't (in my view) meant to prevent debt collectors from warning people about the potential consequences of failing to pay their debts.

Outside of the fact that it shouldn't be illegal to remind someone that they could get sued for failing to pay what they owe, what really bugs me about this case is that the court said that debt collectors can't assume that the debtor is a "reasonable" person. They have to assume that the debtor is the "least sophisticated" person. What this means is that, in addition to trying to figure out how to get deadbeats to pay their bills, debt collectors also have to figure out how stupid their stupidest debtor is and tailor their collection letters to that person.

So, in the interest of helping these debt collectors*, I've written a collection letter tailored to fit the court's decision:

See Jane. See the bank. See Jane borrow money from the bank. See Jane spend the money. Spend Jane! Spend!

See the bank ask Jane to pay the money back. Ask nicely bank! Jane did not pay the money back. Bad Jane. What will the bank do?

The bank will write a letter to Jane. The bank will remind Jane nicely. See Jane ignore the letter! Poor bank.

Bank will tell other banks that Jane is a bad person. Jane will not be able to buy a house. Jane will not be able to buy a car. Jane will not be able to buy a pot to piss in. Poor Jane.

*During one semester of law school, I worked for the U.S. Attorney's office and my main project was getting certain people (farmers and former medical students mostly) to pay back debts they owed to the government. These were not people who couldn't pay back their debt. These were people who didn't want to pay back their debt and did all kinds of crappy shit to avoid paying their debt. Lucky for the government, it has the resources of the U.S. Attorney to collect debts. Credit card companies and banks have to find other ways of collecting legitimate debts. Don't give me any "big business" crap - just because someone borrows money from a big company (or the "big" government) doesn't make failing to pay legitimate debts right. And it is plain stupid to make companies assume that everyone they're dealing with is a moron that can't understand the importance of paying back debt.

Thrursday Thirteen - Cincinnati version

2006-10-19T11:30:00.000-05:00

1. I'm sitting in a conference room with a view. Thank God because there are few things worse than a windowless conference room. The bad thing about most business travel is that you don't get to see the places you travel. At least I feel like I'm able to enjoy something real about Cincinnati even if it is just a small view through a window.

2. The office building I'm in appears to have been dropped into the middle of a residential neighborhood. I'm used to views of high rises so this is a nice change of pace.

3. In the rain, most of the trees still look mostly green but there is one lone tree that is defiantly dark red.

4. If I was an architecture buff, I could tell you the style of the homes in the neighborhood across the street. On the right ride are older houses that look kind of like farm houses but without the farms.

5. On the left side the houses are all nearly identical brick rectangles. The only difference appears to be the color of the brick. Some are light brown, some are dark. I live in a high rise and those things tend to be the epitome of cookie cutter. And here I am wrinkling my nose at cookie cutter houses.

6. I'm clearly a hypocrite.

7. I can see a church steeple over the trees not too far in the distance. Beyond that are tree covered hills rising in the mist. It's very peaceful.

8. But I'm in a conference room listening to a relatively boring discussion about option trading strategies. I'm trying to look like in taking detailed notes of the meeting.

9. I wonder if anyone even imagines that I'm actually blogging. I also wonder if many of them even know what a blog is.

10. We had dinner last night in a private room at The Phoenix. It's actually called a "gentleman's club" which just generally cracks me up. If it wasn't so archaic, I'd be offended.

11. Just in case you were wondering, there were no lap dances. It's not that kind of a gentleman's club.

12. The meeting's almost over. Now they're talking about legal issues which is my thing. That just means I don't have to work as hard to listen while I try to think about what I'm writing.

13. Now that the meeting's over, I can eat lunch and look out the window. And I don't have to be surreptitious about it.

I've been brought to tears but . . .

2006-10-18T16:58:00.000-05:00

I'm in Cincinnati right now. I wish I wasn't here. Not that it isn't a nice town (it's actually much lovelier than I expected) but I would really rather be home. Anyway . . .

I have a question for you, Internet (and I don't mean to be blasphemous or anything, I'm being serious here) - what does it mean to bring someone "to the Lord"? I'm asking because I sat next to a perfectly lovely woman on the plane. She was telling me about her visit with her grand kids in Florida and then she said "And then I got to bring my two grandsons to the Lord. And it was just a double blessing." And then she sat back and smiled at me in a way that clearly indicated that she thought I would know what she was talking about. I've heard about people "going to the Lord" when they're dead. I'm certain that she didn't mean that she killed her grandsons. She said the two boys are 14 and 18 - does it mean they were baptized?

I'm not anti-religion, but I'm not religious. Spiritual, yes. Religious, no. You can tell from this post that there's not a lot of talk about God in our house. Maybe I'm sensitive about it, but religious people seem to talk about religion to perfect strangers as if they expect that person to be as religious as they are. This woman is from Arkansas so there's a good chance that many of the people she comes across near her home are Christian. So maybe it's not such a stretch for her to imagine that the person she's speaking to is Christian as well. To be honest, I was really worried that the next thing out of her mouth was going to be "Have you accepted the Lord, Jesus Christ into your life?" I don't know what I would have done except thank the Lord (no pun intended) that it was only a 45 minute flight.

It's contagious

2006-10-16T13:59:00.000-05:00

Me to my six-year old: Your breath is a little oniony. Did you eat tuna salad today?

M Girl: No, but A Girl did.

Me: Um - onion breath isn't contagious.

M Girl: Let me smell your breath.

Me: Haaaa (exhaling in the general direction of her nose)

M Girl: Mmmm - broccoli.

Me: I didn't eat any broccoli today.

M Girl: But Daddy did.

First grade ficshun

2006-10-12T11:01:00.000-05:00

We went to the parent open-house at the kids' school last night and got to read our first grader's writing. I just had to share her first attempt at fiction (or ficshun, as she wrote it). I wish I could do it with her phonetic spelling but we couldn't take her journal home just yet and I can't really remember how she did it, so you'll just have to imagine it.

Once I was on an airplane. It was really windy out. When I opened the door I fell out but I had a parachute. Then the pilot fell out. He didn't have a parachute.

Maybe I'm just weird but I love that story. Even funnier - her older sister, upon hearing the story said "So what happened to the pilot?" (Apparently, she likes to have things tied up nicely.) M Girl said, matter of factly, "He hit the sidewalk and cracked his head." Her sister said "That's gross." So M Girl said "Ok, he fell on the sidewalk and broke his arm and got a cast." Talk about censorship!

In other writing news, our fourth grader's class had a project where they had to write the most important things about themselves. Our daughter wrote "The most important thing about me is that I have a great younger sister. She's really generous. Also, I have blue eyes and really white skin and I LOVE to sing." How sweet is it that she thinks the most important thing about her is her sister? I'm totally saving that to show her when she's a teenager and she wants to rip her sister's head off.

Shadow of a Girl - Blogging for Books

2006-10-05T14:16:00.000-05:00

It's that time again folks. What time, you ask? Why, it's Blogging for Books time!

The Zero Boss says:

For this month’s Blogging for Books contest, create an entry on one of the following themes:

A tale of a Halloween past, either from your own childhood or from your experience as a parent;
A “ghost story”, either real or sprung from your imagination;
Any time in your life when you were frightened out of your skull.

So here's my entry and it's called Shadow of a Girl.

She’s been on the corner of Madison and LaSalle, slumped incongruously in front of the ornamental cornices of the bank for as long as I can remember. Even though I saw her everyday, I didn't really see her. I saw her the way you see the No Parking sign you walk by on the way to work. You don't take note of it or think about it. You just keep going where you're going.

Today I stopped and looked at her. I don't know why I did. There didn't appear to be anything different about her that made me take notice. The same ratty, brown coat was pulled up around her neck. Her head was bowed but her eyes were turned up, as if she was afraid she’d get punished for looking at other people. I pulled a few coins from my purse and tossed them in the old coffee cup forever gripped in her small hand. Despite the rush hour foot traffic, mine were the only coins in the cup. I stood, riveted. And then, without moving, she began to speak.

“I'm invisible,” she said, her voice surprisingly clear and light. “Sometimes I wonder if I'm real. Then someone puts a coin in my cup and I know I’m still here. Sometimes I want to shout, “Look at me!” but I don't. It’s not good to draw attention to yourself. Only the crazy ones do that and I'm not crazy. Mostly I just sit and watch people walk by.” I swallowed the guilt and fought the urge to walk away.

She continued to talk, still hunched over. “Sometimes I walk around. If I find a good fare card on the ground, I ride the bus. I just take the first bus that comes along and I ride it until they go back to the garage and chase me away. Or until I have to go to the bathroom, whichever comes first. I don’t like to ride the trains. I don't want to go underground. It's dark and it smells funny. It's not a good place for girls like me. The crazy ones ride the trains and I'm not crazy.”

She shifted slightly and lifted her head, just a bit, as if she was just realizing that I was still there but she didn’t want to scare me away. I nodded to let her know she could keep talking.

“The night I left my sister's house I rode the train. I had nowhere to go and it was cold so I just went down in the subway and got on a train. When I first got on, there were a lot of people. I rode for a long time. I don’t know how long.

“I fell asleep and woke up to the smell of piss and booze. This guy with a stringy beard was pushing on me and breathing heavy, grabbing at me. I could barely breathe; he was heavy and smelled like a toilet. I pushed him away and tried to run but there was nowhere to go and no one there to help me. I banged on the door to the next car. I screamed as loud as I could but no one paid attention. The train is real loud. He grabbed me and pulled me to the floor. I hit him as hard as I could, slapped him in the face. He was grunting and pulling on me trying to get on top of me. When the train finally stopped, I kicked him hard. He rolled off long enough for me to get to the open doors. I ran away, off the platform, down the stairs, through the gate and into the street. I ran as fast and as far as I could until I couldn’t breathe. I walked until I found a doorway to a store and I sat down.” She took a breath and looked away from me. “That's the first night I slept on the street.”

She continued to look away from me, breathing heavily, but I didn't move. After a minute, she looked back at me, unsure. “Go on,” I said. “I'm listening.”

“My older sister had an apartment uptown. I used to sleep there on her couch. She had a TV and I would watch cartoons with her kids. I like cartoons, especially Sponge Bob. He’s crazy, Sponge Bob.” She laughed quietly and I could make out the faint outline of the girl she used to be.

“But her boyfriend? He didn't like me much. Said I was mooching and I was trash. Hit me once right here on my face. Real hard. His ring cut me. See the scar?” She pushed the hair off of her face, turning her left check towards me. I had to squat down to get close enough. She smelled like the alleys she surely slept in and I fought back the wave of nausea that hit me. There was a two-inch raised scar running from her prominent cheek bone to the bottom of her jaw. I sat down next to her, trying not to notice the passersby looking at me, puzzled. It must have looked odd – a middle-aged woman in a pantsuit and heels sitting cross-legged next to a homeless girl. I felt conspicuous while I sat with someone who felt invisible.

“My sister didn't want to get in the middle of it, said she had enough problems of her own so I left. I didn’t go back anymore. I don’t want to cause trouble.” She studied my face for a moment before she went on.

“I lived with my Momma before I went to live at my sister's. We had an apartment and I had my own bedroom. It had pink walls. I had a lamp that was pink, too. I like pink. It's a happy color.” A small smile and then the shadow of the girl she was faded as quickly as it came.

“It was just me and Momma after my sister left. Daddy died when I was three. Shot by a guy robbing his store. Momma got the insurance money but it wasn't enough so she got work as a cashier at the grocery store. After my sister left, Momma got married. Momma said we needed someone to take care of us; she didn't want to work anymore. She married a mechanic who lived down the block from us. He was fat and smelled like grease and beer. He was always sweaty. His hands were dirty; he could never wash the grease off. Whenever I came home from school, he was sitting on the couch watching T.V. He made me nervous so I spent a lot of time in my room.

“I remember one night I woke up and he was touching me. I screamed for Momma and she made him get out of my room. But the next day she said she didn’t want me around anymore. Said I was trying to steal her husband. Said I was a slut and I should go live on the street with the other sluts. That’s when I went to my sister's. I was 15.” She turned to me, looking at my eyes.

“Thank you for listening,” she said softly.
“I can listen some more, if you'd like.”

She nodded, looking down again. “After I left my sister’s, I tried staying at the shelter but I didn’t like it. It was too crowded. I had to share a room with these people. They took my stuff all the time. No manners. They're all crazy. I'm not crazy and I don't want to live with crazy people. The workers at the shelter, they tried to get me to go back to Momma’s. Momma said she wanted me back but I figure she just said that ‘cause she would look bad if she didn’t. He was still there so I didn’t want to go back. I can’t go back. Anyway, it’s better to just stay out here. I’m no bother to anybody. I keep to myself mostly.”

“Where do you sleep?” The question popped into my head and out of my mouth before I could stop it.
“In the park, under a tree.”
“Where? Grant Park?” Why in the world was I asking?
“Yeah. Do you want to see? I’d like to show you.” She said this and looked at me, smiling for the first time. It was as if she was going to show me her pretty pink room with the pink lamp.

As we stood up and I brushed the dirt off my suit I wondered whether I had lost my mind. Why in the world was I about to follow a homeless girl into Grant Park in the middle of a work day morning? I wasn’t the least bit concerned about my safety which I knew was crazy. Somehow I was drawn to her and knew I needed to go.

We walked the three blocks to the entrance of the park in silence. I followed her off the sidewalk and onto the grass. We walked to a cluster of oak trees rising above a set of park benches just off a path down to the lake. She stopped in front of the benches and pointed beneath the trees. I walked past her, around the bench and looked at the pile of blankets and crumpled plastic bags. Suddenly I knew why I was there. I knew before I saw the fingers sticking out from under the pile. I turned to look at the girl and wasn’t surprised when she was nowhere in sight. I pulled back the blankets. She looked like she was sleeping. She would have looked peaceful but for the familiar, jagged scar on her left cheek. I lifted her small wrist and searched for a pulse I knew I wouldn’t find.

Sorry John Lennon - sometimes, love isn't the answer

2006-10-04T23:19:00.000-05:00

I was reading this post by Landismom over at Bumblebee Sweet Potato and it got me thinking about the idea of diplomacy vs. the use of force.

First let me say this - I'm not a fan of war. I think the loss of life and waste of resources is horrible and sad. I would love it if the concept of the United Nations actually worked. Representatives of every country sit in a room and talk out issues and war is prevented. Wouldn't that be nice? But I'm realistic enough to know that there are times when a show of force, or even a full-scale war, is necessary. Sometimes you're faced with an enemy who isn't interested in talking. You can't (and shouldn't) always turn the other cheek when you're attacked or threatened. Sometimes, force is necessary.

If your child was being bullied and the bully wasn't willing to resolve things peacefully, how would you tell your child to react? I used to agree with the phrase "Violence never solved anything." But when my little brother was being bullied at school, and all attempts at playground diplomacy failed, my brother (at my dad's suggestion) punched the bully in the mouth. Voila - no more bullying. Sometimes, violence is necessary to STOP violence. Or, said another way - violence begets violence. The bully started it, my brother responded.

Similarly, look at what happened with Israel and Lebanon. Lebanon allowed Hezbollah free reign inside the country (kind of like my brother's school allowed the bully to push other kids around on the playground). Hezbollah had its own army and was openly threatening Israel. Israel kept warning Lebanon but Lebanon (like my brother's teacher) pretty much said "Well, there's not really anything we can do about it." And then Hezbollah started sending it's army into Israel, taking hostages and killing innocent people. So - should Israel have continued to try to talk to Hezbollah while Israel's citizens and soldiers were being kidnapped and killed? Should Israel have begged the Lebanese government to do something about a problem that the government had been unable or unwilling to deal with? Most importantly, how can diplomacy work in that situation where Hezbollah and their ilk refuse to acknowledge that Israel even has a right to exist? The ONLY thing that stopped Hezbollah (at least for the time being) was war.

I'm not going to express an opinion one way or another about the Iraq war mostly because I simply don't have enough facts to argue with the all-knowing Internet on the topic. (I probably don't have enough facts to argue the Israel/Hezbollah issue, either. But that seemed to be a pretty clear cut issue to me.) In all honesty, I don't know whether we did the right thing in Iraq.

But I feel very strongly that you can't negotiate with terrorists. We can't play by one set of rules (talk nicely and don't hit) against a team that plays by a different set of rules (it's perfectly okay to kill someone who doesn't agree with you) and expect to come out of it alive and well.

Communication, or lack thereof

2006-10-03T15:10:00.000-05:00

A note to my daughter’s first grade teacher:

We have been dropping our daughter off at school on time (admittedly, maybe a bit close to the wire sometimes, but still on time). Until you sent the school administration to talk to us, we had no idea that she had been late for class several times. Now that we think about it, we realize that she tends to be a bit slow in the morning and perhaps it’s taking her several minutes to put her backpack away and get herself situated. Now we know – we need to get her to school five minutes earlier. Problem solved.

But, in the future, if you have a problem with something we’re doing – or not doing – it would be really nice if you spoke to us first (or sent a note home or sent an email). Bringing this to the attention of the school administration and having them talk to us makes it seem like we haven’t been cooperating with you. That kind of escalation was totally unnecessary and really pissed me off.

If you had bothered to communicate with us directly, I think you would have found us to be very cooperative. Apologetic, even. Now we feel blindsided and a little defensive (although my husband did send you a nice email apologizing and assuring you that we would get her there on time from now on). I really, really wanted to come in and talk to you this morning. And ask you how you would feel if I went directly to the administration with a classroom issue instead of talking to you first. But my husband talked me off that particular ledge, pointing out that you’d probably interpret it as a threat. (Plus I'm PMSing and it would have come out all wrong and bitchy and would just have made the situation worse so thank god for my husband and his rational thinking.)

Instead, my husband went back to the administrator he spoke with yesterday. He explained that you had never spoken to us about this. He voiced our concerns that the administration would think of us as uncooperative “scofflaws” who don’t care to get our kids to school on time. She had no idea that you hadn't talked to us first and she told us that you gave her the impression that we were regularly getting our daughter to school very late. Thankfully, the administrator was very nice. She knows us and knows that we care very much about our daughters’ education. She knows that we make every effort to follow the rules and work with the school when there are issues.

It’s too bad that you didn't give us a chance to show you that.

Kids and food

2006-09-29T15:13:00.000-05:00

Sheryl at Paper Napkin followed up on my post from yesterday where I talked about the childhood obesity epidemic.

Sheryl asks the Internet in general: How often do you let your kids eat candy, dessert or sugared cereal? Do you take them to McDonald's, and let them eat chips? How often do you let them drink soda? Do you let them snack in between meals? How much TV do you let them watch? Do you encourage them to exercise a certain period each day? Do you make sure they're involved in sports? How much time do let them spend on the computer or in front of the TV? My inquiring mind wants to know.

Since my comment to her post got way, way too long, I figured it would be better to do a post of my own.

I had an eating disorder as a teenager/20-something. I'm very concerned about NOT passing on that legacy to the girls so we try hard not to make food a bad issue. A recent article in the WSJ talked about the influence mothers have on their children's attitudes towards food and weight. As if I needed more pressure . . .

We also have another issue - my husband is diabetic. Not because he's overweight - it's a genetic issue because his mother also had diabetes. That means that our children are significantly predisposed to diabetes later in life. We're very concerned about helping them be healthy children who grow into healthy adults. We have extra reason to limit the amount of sugar and carbs the kids eat.

We're big proponents of moderation. We figure that if we're too strict, the kids are more likely to rebel when they're away from us or become "sneak" eaters. If they eat healthy foods most of the time and get plenty of exercise, eating dessert a few times a week is perfectly ok.

They get mid-morning snacks at school and an afternoon snack (mostly because we generally don't eat dinner until after 6:30 p.m.) Snacks are yogurt, fruit, goldfish crackers, baby carrots with dip, a small bowl of cheerios, Fig Newtons, pretzels, small granola bars or Nutrigrain bars - apples with peanut butter is a big fave. For lunch my six-year old has been eating two slices of sandwich meat (no bread) with Triscuit crackers, baby carrots and fruit. My 8 year old usually has 1/2 of a sandwich with carrots and fruit.

Studies have shown that eating several small "meals" a day is better than eating three big meals. They have a good breakfast, a small lunch, two small snacks and a good dinner. Sometimes they're hungry before bed and we'll give them some fruit or cheese.

For breakfast we rotate oatmeal (the real kind, not the sugary instant kind), cream of wheat, eggs, cereal and yogurt or cottage cheese with fruit. We almost always have toast with cream cheese or peanut butter and we usually have sausages or bacon. On Sundays, my husband makes us the best pancakes in the world. (Seriously. They're the best. Ever since he started making them, I won't ever order pancakes when we're eating out because they simply pale by comparison to his homemade.)

We don't have dessert every night - maybe a couple times a week or on special occasions. (Like last night - Cold Stone Creamery had free ice cream. Free ice cream is always a special occasion.) When we have dessert, we have relatively small portions. And certain fruits count as dessert - like mango or pineapple - because they're special. My husband sometimes makes fruit smoothies (that we call "fruit soup"). When they get candy in goody bags or on Easter or Halloween, we put some of it away in bags that we keep on top of the fridge. Sometimes dessert is one thing from those bags - often it's a piece of chocolate or a lolly-pop. That's the kind of stuff that some people give their kids every day. But for our kids, it's a treat so they don't expect to have it every day. There's no sense of entitlement to sugar in our house.

We never have soda at home. Sometimes, at birthday parties or on airplanes, the kids get a little bit of Sprite as a treat - that happens maybe twice a year. Otherwise, no soda. This article talks about one of the studies showing how bad soda is for kids. Studies have also shown that drinking diet sodas can increase cravings for calories - apparently the sweet taste of the soda, unaccompanied by calories, triggers a craving. So, basically, any soda is bad for you. (Which stinks because I used to love Diet Coke). Juice is mostly sugar water and milk isn't necessarily good for you if you get sufficient calcium elsewhere. We drink water, almost exclusively.

Dinner is sometimes tough - I'm no June Cleaver and although my husband is a good cook, it's hard to find the time. We do pasta and meat sauce (ground turkey instead of beef), pork chops or ribs, soup, Hamburger Helper, Boboli pizza, roasted chicken from the grocery store, ground turkey with beans, mac n' cheese with chicken nuggets or Tombstone pizza (those last two are kind of last resort dinners when there's no time or nothing in the fridge). In the winter we make chili in the crock pot and eat leftovers for a few days. It's not gourmet stuff but it's fairly healthy and leaves us with time to sit at the table and talk to the kids.

I think the availability of Snack Well foods contributes to America's obesity epidemic - when SnackWell fat-free foods were introduced, Americans got the idea that so long as something was fat-free, it could be eaten with out limit. Now the craze is low-carb diets. Anything low-carb has to be good for you - right? An Australian friend once said to me, "Americans are weird about food. They eat all this horrible "diet" food and avoid the good stuff but they're still fat. Why don't Americans just eat the good stuff but eat less of it?"

As Sheryl points out, though, it's hard to know how much of the "good" stuff (as in, not so healthy but really tasty) is too much. With Supersized meals and outrageously large restaurant portions, Americans don't have a sense of appropriate portion sizing. I'm as guilty of that as anyone - I have a tendency to put too much food on the kids' plates (and my own!). If we're hungry, we'll eat so fast that our brains don't get the message from our stomachs that we're full before it's too late. We'll eat all the food on our plates and then realize we ate too much. Do that enough and you'll adjust to bigger portion sizes. My husband has helped me with this issue by suggesting that I visualize the size of their tummies and look at the food on the plate - the food on the plate taken as a whole shouldn't be a whole lot bigger than their tummies. We also try to remind each other not to eat fast.

We make sure that both girls have at least one after school activity that's physical, like gymnastics. On occasion we exercise as a family - this summer my husband took the girls to the park a lot to practice hitting and throwing a baseball, kicking a soccer ball, tennis and running. Living in the city, it's a little more difficult to get them outside play time because they can't just run out the back door and play with the neighbors like we did when we were young. You have to plan for it and an adult has to be around, which can be tough. We have a pool in our building and go swimming a lot.

TV and computer time varies - so long as they're getting enough exercise and spending time doing other things - practicing the piano, homework, etc. - then they can watch TV when they want to. If we think they're watching too much, we'll tell them to turn it off and go play with something. And they do. It just isn't really an issue most of the time. Also, our punishment of choice is to take away TV and computer time (and sugar) so there are times when they don't get to watch at all, which is just as well.

So, Sheryl, I don't know if this helps at all. There's no magic formula, unfortunately. As I said above, the bottom line is moderation. Lots of the healthy foods with a small amount of treats. Since my kids were toddlers, I've said to them "What's mommy and daddy's most important job?" And they learned to answer, "To keep me safe and healthy and to teach me stuff." After that, they don't fight us when we say "No dessert tonight, we had some yesterday." or "You've had enough mac n' cheese. How about some fruit?" Maybe someday they'll be using the same line with their kids!

Thursday Thirteen - Poor Parenting Edition

2006-09-28T12:41:00.000-05:00

Thirteen of Jessica's rants about poor parenting

(Warning - this is totally judgmental so if you don't like stuff like that, don't read on).

1. Before I rant about bad parenting, let me say that I am far from a perfect parent. Some of the things I'm going to rant about, I've been guilty of myself. But I'm trying to learn from my mistakes. Some of these parents won't even acknowledge that any of this is their responsibility.

2. Here's a link to a big story in Chicago today. A five-year old girl died after being sedated at the dentist's office. My first thought was - what kind of dentist sedates a child? Apparently, according to my dentist, it's done all the time. Even by the best pediatric dentists. This is because it's hard to do dental work on a squirming child and because they don't want the kids to be afraid to come to the dentist later. Fine. But why in the world are a child's baby teeth in such bad shape that they have cavities to be filled and they need caps?

3. So my rant is this - way too many parents abdicate their responsibility for their kids' dental health. This was a totally preventable death - not because she should have been better monitored while she was under sedation (she should have). But because she should never have been put in the position to need sedation in the first place! There is no reason for a child's teeth to be that bad. My dentist said it happens because parents put their babies to sleep with a bottle of milk. What the f***? Unless you're a street person or illiterate, you KNOW how important dental health is. Every baby care book says you should not let your child sleep with a bottle in her mouth - not only is it bad for the developing baby teeth, it's a choking hazard!

4. Which leads me to my next rant - the childhood obesity epidemic. The FTC is inclined to blame, at least in part, the significant number of advertisements for crap food that are geared to kids. News flash - it's not the ads that are making kids fat! It's the food they are allowed to eat that makes them fat. Parents have to take responsibility for teaching their kids good nutrition and not letting them eat junk all the time just because they want it.

5. My kids watch Spongebob, they see the same ads but they aren't obese. Why? Because we don't let them eat crap every day. They eat good food and learn about good nutrition at HOME so they can make good choices when we're NOT around. At least most of the time. They have desert a few times a week. We let them have candy occasionally. We don't want them bingeing on sugar elsewhere because they never get it at home. In fact, I'm having an easier time controlling my own weight because I'm trying to model good eating habits for the kids. Given the adult obesity epidemic, it wouldn't hurt the parents to eat better, too!

6. We go to McDonalds and other fast food restaurants on occasion. I don't have anything against it in moderation. However, when we go, all four of us split one medium order of fries. (Credit goes to my husband for that - given my absolute love of McDonalds fries, I wouldn't have been the one to suggest it!) Our kids get chocolate milk (usually - sometimes low sugar lemonade) and we never get soda. We never, ever supersize anything. It really makes me mad when I see children - CHILDREN - eating a supersize meal. Or walking around drinking a Big Gulp of soda. There is really no reason for that.

7. While we're on the subject of food - allowing your child to bring sugar to school for a mid-morning snack is not a smart choice. A sugar coated granola bar is NOT a healthy snack. Neither is a bag of potato chips. Same thing for M&Ms. Really. Not healthy. Every year the teachers beg the parents to give their kids healthy snacks - do these parents seriously not understand what that means?

8. Also, allowing kids to eat sugar cereal every morning is not good. Our kids get cereal maybe once a week. (Although - truth be told - if it weren't for my husband making a good breakfast virtually every morning, I would probably give them cereal way too often). Kids need a good breakfast. Too many adults don't eat breakfast and then they say "My kid isn't a breakfast eater." Gee, I wonder why. Moreover, kids need some protein in the morning to keep their energy level constant until lunch. Sugar (cereal, donuts, sweet rolls and juice) in the morning will give them a burst of energy for an hour and then they get the “sugar bounce” resulting in a loss of energy and ability to concentrate. How many studies need to be done that show that kids who eat a good breakfast perform better in school to get parents to understand the importance of this issue?

9. On to another rant - I've talked about this before but it really bothers me when parents take no responsibility to teach their children appropriate behavior. I realize that five year old boys can't be expected to sit still all day. I know that they - and many girls, as well - like to run around and might play rough sometimes. However, if you allow your child to hurt another child without correcting your child, you are abdicating your responsibility. I've controlled myself in the past but if I ever hear another mother justify her son's bad behavior by saying "boys will be boys", I will have to bitch slap her

10. Similarly, it drives me nuts when parents don't teach their kids to apologize. Kids who don't learn to apologize grow up to be adults who don't know how to apologize.

11. Basically, I have a hard time with parents who don't take responsibility for teaching their children. This applies to everything from being able to respond when someone says hello to them (even a child as young as three or four is capable of saying "Hello") to putting on their own clothes to eating well. These are learned skills. Although most schools have a unit or two in nutrition it isn't the school's responsibility to maintain your child's health. And the schools can only do so much to teach kids proper behavior. If the lessons aren't being reinforced at home, they won't be learned. Bottom line - parents are responsible for teaching their children, no matter how hard it is. Ultimately, we all pay for the poor health of other people and their children. Our insurance premiums and health care costs go up. Productivity goes down. It isn't just a personal issue - it's a societal issue.

12. Let me say again that I'm not the best parent in the world. I credit my husband with teaching me to be a good parent. Actually, more than a good parent - an effective parent. It isn't enough to love your kids. That, for most of us, comes naturally. It's the other stuff that isn't easy - denying them dessert despite the begging, telling them that no, they can't have Spongebob marshmallow cereal every day for breakfast. Disciplining them when they behave badly even though - gasp! - it means they won't get to watch TV for a week. (Try that one as a punishment - it's surprisingly effective AND it's good for them.)

13. One of our favorite quotes is from the movie Parenthood. "You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father." I know as well as anyone that babies don't come with an instruction manual. We all have to do the best we can, sometimes on little sleep, sometimes with not enough money or other resources. But there's not one thing I've mentioned in this post that isn't obvious - either from reading the most basic baby care book or the newspaper or just from having common sense.

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It's easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Out of pocket

2006-09-25T12:52:00.000-05:00

I was reading this post by Sheryl over at the ever-insightful and funny Paper Napkin and it made me think of a story that was in the Chicago Tribune this weekend. Apparently, the father of a high school student was peeved that his daughter wasn't good enough to make the volleyball team. He says the school should either have a no-cut policy and let everyone on the team who wants to play or they should provide intra-mural teams. Sheryl's post talked about books being "banned" from libraries and she points out that just because a book is not available at your public library doesn't mean you can't get it through other sources.

See the theme here? Just because you want something, doesn't mean it should be free to you. The "public" (read - taxpayers like me) shouldn't have to fund this one girl's desire to play volleyball and check Judy Blume books out from the school library. (Note: I read all the Judy Blume books and think they're wonderful but if a particular school district decides that those books aren't appropriate for their school library, those interested in reading them can buy them or borrow them.)

Clearly, certain people think that the "public" should support the things in which they want to participate. There are people who think the public library should stock books they like - even if, as Sheryl points out, a group of purportedly rational adults has decided that they don't wish to provide those books. It doesn't mean those books aren't available on Amazon.com or from your neighbor or another library. Similarly, there's nothing stopping the girl who likes volleyball from trying to drum up enough interest to start a volleyball club after school. If there is enough interest, they might find a teacher or coach willing to work with them. If her father really wants to provide her with an opportunity to play volleyball or any other sport, he can enroll her in classes outside of school or hire a coach to work with her until she's good enough to make the team.

Before you assert that I'm against the first amendment because I support the banning of books, read Sheryl's post. I agree with her point - the fact that the public library in your town doesn't carry a particular book doesn't mean it's been banned. If the government burned all the available copies of a book and jailed anyone who sold or read it, THAT would be banning a book. And THAT would be a violation of the 1st amendment (among other amendments, laws, rules, regulations and just plain old human decency).

And although I think all kids should participate in sports, I don't think that all kids should be allowed to be on the team of their choice regardless of their level of ability. Just because I want more than anything to be a Rockette doesn't mean the Rockettes will allow my jiggly butt to dance across their pretty stage. That's life. We don't all get to do what we want to do. We only do our kids a disservice if we pretend otherwise. Again - I'm not saying this girl should give up her dream of playing beach volleyball with Kerri Walsh. I'm only suggesting that her local high school doesn't have to fund her attempt to get better at the game.

The danger of "reply all"

2006-09-19T15:37:00.000-05:00

Dear assistant to our daughter's choir director:

If you're going to say something snarky about a child's parents in an email to your boss, you should make sure the child's parents aren't cc'd on your email.

And also, you shouldn't make assumptions about said child's parents based on the comments of a person who lost the child's paperwork and failed to notify the child's parents about the first choir practice until 15 minutes before the first choir practice started (and only because the parents called to ask when choir was starting). Because, you know what? The parents are perfectly justified in being a bit pissed off that the paperwork was lost and that they had to drive like maniacs in rush hour traffic in an unsuccessful attempt to get their child to practice on time.

And also, they had been told by two people over the summer that there was no need for their child to re-audition for the choir. It isn't surprising that they were a bit taken aback when they were told that their child, in fact, needed to re-audition and had missed the auditions. It isn't because the parents think their daughter is too good to be required to audition. They would have been glad to have her re-audition. If they had been told. But they weren't because the paperwork was never sent to them.

If you can't make allowances for our daughter to leave practice early a few times (because she's performing in a professional theater production with a major Chicago theater and has little control over her schedule), that's ok. Rules are rules and we understand that our daughter can't always do everything she'd like to do. There's no need to be mean just because we asked for permission to put choir second to another activity. We probably could have just done it - just pulled her out of practice early and dealt with the consequences later. But we were being up front and honest. We were acting like adults, which is more than I can say for you.

And also - BITE ME.

(Apologies to Kristen for stealing that last line.)

*Update* - We sent an email to this woman and various other people at the choir in response. It wasn't anything like what I wrote here but it was a bit pointed. Right after we sent it, one of the higher administrators at the choir called my husband and apologized profusely. Later, the woman who sent the email left a long and very apologetic voice mail. Although the beginning of the apology went something like "There was an email that was sent." "There was no intention to . . ." (It sounded like the kind of "apology" that reinforces the point of this post that people don't know how to apologize.) But apparently she was just warming up because by the end of the message she said "I beg your forgiveness and hope we can start fresh." You can't really ask for a better apology. There is a get together after today's practice so both my husband and I will be there and I imagine we'll have more apologies and discussions. I really hope we can move forward on a friendly basis.

*Update #2* - We went to an open choir rehearsal last night where parents were invited to listen in. There were apologies upon apologies - everyone from the choir director to the head of the community music school where the choir "resides" to the assistant who sent the email went out of their way to seek us out and apologize. My husband commented that in a way it's good that this all happened. Various people made assumptions about us based on a series of misunderstandings (none of which were our doing). Those bad assumptions would have continued - and maybe gotten worse - and we would have known nothing about it had this not gotten aired out. So, it looks like we will be able to move forward on a friendly basis. As my husband often says - everyone makes mistakes but if there's an immediate, appropriate and sincere apology, the hard feelings dissipate.

Random thoughts

2006-09-15T17:30:00.000-05:00

I was reading today's post from Home of the Fringe (about a dream Kristen had) and it made me think of the dream I had last night. I was on the beach somewhere - I don't know where it was but it was really beautiful. Blue sky, bluer water, white sand and rocks jutting out into the water past the little sandy beach. The tide started coming in and I realized that our piano was sitting on the beach near the water. As the waves started rushing up under the piano I was walking away thinking "That was really irresponsible of us to leave the piano there." But, true to form, I wasn't doing anything about it. Although, in my defense, I apparently had a pressing need (having nothing to do with the piano) to get off the beach.

Then I noticed that two women - total strangers - had dragged the piano off the beach and up a grassy hill into a house. They thought it was my house but it wasn't. I thanked them but kept wondering how I was going to get the piano back to our apartment (and why the heck two total strangers would move a piano). I never did figure it out because M Girl came in and woke me up. After a little "bad dream" cuddle time and taking her back to bed, I never did get back to the piano problem. Clearly it worked itself out as our piano was sitting in our living room, looking no worse for wear, when I left for work.

I watched parts of Survivor: Cook Islands last night. Of course I have it Tivo'd so my husband I can watch the whole thing together. I've always loved Survivor (and I'm not a reality show junky, I only like the good ones and not the bad ones). I think dividing the teams by race is an intriguing idea and I'm looking forward to seeing it play out. The little bit I saw in the first episode showed the different groups talking a little bit about their own ethnicity and what it means to them. It strikes me as hypocritical for the "Black, Latino and Asian Caucus" of the New York City Council to ask CBS to cancel the show because it is racially divisive. Hmm - a group of people that have come together in a way that highlights their own ethnicity are saying that dividing by race/ethnicity is racist? It seems to me that certain groups are against any talk about race that they haven't framed to their own ends.

I'm going to a benefit tonight but I really don't want to go. My husband isn't feeling well. My oldest daughter has been fighting a cold that I'm just getting over. It's been a tough week at work and I just want to hang out with my family. But I'm on the board of a theater group that is having its annual benefit tonight and I have to go spend some money. Usually it's fun - it's a blue jean ball so it's not dressy or anything. People actually drag out cowboy boots and hats and there's line dancing and Bourbon Daisy drinks (which are quite yummy). But I'm just not in the mood for a party.

A Girl is in a show this fall. The show started previews last night (previews are basically dress rehearsals that people pay a discount price to watch). My husband and I were more nervous than she was. She says she gets a little bit of butterflies before she goes on stage but she knows they'll go away once she's out there. It's amazing to watch her progress from audition to rehearsal to production. She's so happy doing this - all of it. She loves being a part of the whole process and she's such a professional - at the ripe old age of eight. Yes, I know, I'm a total stage mom. It's hard to explain, without seeming obnoxious, what it's like to watch your child do something that most kids (and even most adults) can't do. She has a kind of confidence that few people have, regardless of age. And she's managed to do well in this industry and not become like Varuca Salt (the "bad egg" and my absolute favorite character from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory). She's a good kid.

Speaking of good kids - little Miss M is joining the Brownies! I cannot wait to take a picture of her in her little uniform. They don't do the little jumper dresses anymore like we had. Brownies have evolved - check out the pictures of the new outfits here - they have skorts and pants for the active Brownies of today. We have such a crazy schedule that play dates are tough for us. So this will be a good chance for her to spend some time with her first grade girlfriends and do some fun stuff.

She got a Spongebob Squarepants Lego Set for her birthday last week and has spent all her free time since then working on it. I think she's always liked building-type toys but most of them are, for lack of a better word, boyish. We would have gotten them for her but she never really asked for Legos in the past because most of the sets are Star Wars-based and she's not really into that. They do have a line called Clickits that's geared to girls but as you can see from the link, it's very girly (as if boys are the only ones interested in building anything and all girls are interested in doing is decorating purses, picture frames and mirrors). I'm glad that Lego has come out with a building set that's more unisex. M Girl also likes Magnetix which are building sets with magnetic bars and balls.

Ok - enough procrastinating. I have to go act festive and spend some money. It's for a good cause but I really wish that I could do something like watch my favorite shows on TIVO for charity.

9/11/01

2006-09-11T11:32:00.000-05:00

Never forget.

Shut up already, Ed!

2006-09-06T15:35:00.000-05:00

I have been cursing my internal editor a lot lately. He is really driving me insane. Yes, although I'm a woman, I have decided that my internal editor is a man. If it was a woman, she'd have some pity on me. She would take a vacation every once in awhile. Or at least take a break for a spa day. But no, my internal editor is a type A workaholic who rarely sleeps. Aren't most of those men? I hate generalizations, except when I think they're true.

My internal editor, let's call him Ed (yeah, I know, not very original) sits on my left shoulder (my right shoulder is reserved for the good angel who reminds me to take my vitamins and tsk, tsks when I swear too much.) He sits there and whenever a story idea pops into my head, he takes out this big old fly-swatter and smacks that idea to oblivion. For some reason, he has it in his tiny head that any ideas that aren't fully formed, or don't hold together very well should never see the light of day.

I know, I know - I should write anyway. I should write stuff even if I know it's drivel. Then, in the editing process, I can separate the wheat from the chaff. Find the gold in the dusty gold mine. Shine the diamond out of the rough. (And perhaps I can do that without resorting to cliches.) But mostly my editing consists of hitting the delete button. And that's assuming I actually write anything.

I think about writing all the time. I have several story ideas that bounce around my head. Something comes up and I think "Oh, that would be good for xyz story!" Then I start thinking about the story line and, inevitably, Ed jumps out shouting "That makes no sense! That's not how real life is. And even if you're writing fiction, you have to be logical. No one will buy that premise!" He is deaf to my protestations that I haven't even figured out what the premise might be. That I have to write it down and see where it goes before I can determine whether it's going in the right direction. "Humph," Says Ed. "Go ahead. Write it down but you're just wasting your time. Go play a nice computer game or watch CSI. That's a good girl."

I've read a lot of books and articles about writing. There are some writers who write a first draft that's nearly perfect. I would call them the Mozarts of writing. They are geniuses and I wouldn't dream of comparing myself to them. But most mortal writers have to write and re-write before they get something even close to good. Why is it that I think I should be any different? Why don't I give myself the benefit of the doubt? Maybe, just maybe, even if what I first write is horrible, boring, illogical and poorly written, I might be able to work at it and create something that someone will think is worth reading.

But first need to find a way to stifle Ed. Does anyone have a teeny, tiny muzzle?

Being rich means never having to say you're sorry

2006-09-03T14:42:00.000-05:00

Apologizing is a skill that way too many people have failed to learn. A recent series of columns by John Kass in the Chicago Tribune provide an illustration of why people don't learn this lesson. I think it's because parents, in too many cases, don't teach their children how.

For those of you who aren't able to follow the links to the columns, here's the story: A long-time resident of Chicago's North Side was tending her garden when three boys from a wealthy suburb shot her in the face, arm and leg with a pellet gun. The three boys were working as summer painters for the nearby hospital where one boys' mother is a senior vice president. They shot 15 pellets into the woman's yard and fled when her son ran into the building to stop them. The police came and said the boys would be charged with aggravated battery. But the charges were lowered because they (and, I assume, their wealthy parents) convinced the police and prosecutors that it was all a mistake. A harmless prank by boys who "didn't know" they were shooting at someone. The boys were sentenced by a teen "jury" to 25 hours of community service. The woman is so traumatized that she can't bear to be in her garden alone anymore.

But the worst thing in all this isn't that the boys didn't get charged as they should have. (And try to forget the fact that if it was three African-American boys from the South Side, they'd be charged with the highest charge possible and probably tried as adults). The worst thing is that those boys have not apologized. Not once. And neither have their parents. Let's assume that it was a mistake. Assume the boys didn't see her in the garden and didn't know they were shooting at a person. If that's what happened, don't they owe it to her to say they're sorry they made that mistake?

I'm not suggesting that the boys' lives should be damaged by a felony conviction, maybe pleading down to a misdemeanor was the right thing to do. But ONLY if they apologized and made restitution to their victim. Otherwise, they haven't learned the lesson that you have to take responsibility for your actions and their consequences. Children who don't learn that lesson grow up to be adults who behave with impunity, without regard to how their actions affect others.

My parents never taught me to apologize. I rarely heard them apologize. And when they did it was along the lines of "I'm sorry if you think I did something wrong." Which doesn't count. If they never apologized, you can bet they never made us apologize. I certainly don't recall it happening. No one ever had to take responsibility for their actions. Things "just happened." Everything that went wrong was "an accident." I can't tell you how many times I heard my mother say "Oh, he didn't mean it," when one of my brothers did something totally obnoxious. And even when it was painfully obvious that he did, in fact, mean every bit of it.

If you can never admit you're wrong, you are going to have difficulty apologizing. That's the real issue in my family and one of the reasons that I'm estranged from my father (a long story for another day). He's incapable of admitting he was wrong. Incapable of apologizing. He felt entitled and he behaved that way. If he did something wrong - well, that was just the way it was, why should he have to apologize? If it hurt other people, it was their fault for being so sensitive. Because of that attitude, he's lost a relationship with me, my husband and our two beautiful daughters. And it truly is his loss.

Living where we live and sending our kids to a private school, we have many opportunities to see this kind of behavior in action. The other night we were at a school function, speaking to one of the teachers. We were in the middle of a conversation when another couple walked up and started talking to the teacher. Not once did they look at us and say "Sorry to interrupt." I know that's a small thing in the scheme of it all. But it's an example of people who feel entitled to do what they want, when they want to, despite it's impact on others.

Of course, because the parents don't know how to apologize (and rarely think it's necessary), the kids don't ever learn that skill. I can count on one hand the times I've seen parents make their children actually apologize for hurting another child. Most of the time the parents will half-heartedly tell their child to apologize, the kid doesn't do it and the parents don't do anything about it. What has the kid learned? That there are no adverse consequences to hurting someone else. That you don't have to take responsibility for your actions.

I'm not saying that all rich people are insensitive assholes and that those less monetarily fortunate are saints. I'm just saying that the sense of entitlement that wealthier people tend to have reinforces this kind of bad behavior.

I learned how to apologize from my husband. Among his favorite phrases is: "It's not the mistake; it's how you handle it that counts." Whether you meant to cause harm isn't the point - if you've done something wrong, own up to it, apologize, and fix it if you can. He has taught that to the girls pretty much from the day they could talk. I'll admit, it was hard for me at first. It's still hard sometimes (especially when I have PMS). I'm still learning to get over the urge to make excuses for my behavior. But I want to be a good role model to the kids and a kind spouse, so I'll keep working on it because love means learning to say "I'm sorry."

Thursday Thirteen - Girly Edition

2006-08-31T13:05:00.000-05:00

Thirteen Reasons that I enjoy being a girl

1. The shoes.

2. The clothes.

3. Accessories. Accessories. Accessories.

4. The amazing ability to give birth.

5. The ability to cry my way out of a speeding ticket. (I only did it once, I swear.)

6. I can do this

7. And this

without having to explain myself.

8. But I can also do this

without anyone questioning my womanhood.

9. I can admit that I love Chick Flicks and Chick Lit.

10. Did I mention the shoes?

11. I can also swear a blue streak when my browser unexpectedly closes and I lose nearly my ENTIRE *&amp;amp;;%$&*& Thursday Thirteen post because I failed to save it!!!

12. Not that long ago, I could comfort my babies with just the sound of my voice and my own two breasts.

13. But, in the end, no one can say it better than Maya Angelou.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
See the sidebar for lots more Thursday Thirteens - be sure and visit them!

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It's easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Memorial

2006-08-28T11:36:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, we attended the memorial service for my friend. I'm struggling to find a way to write about it - I've typed and erased seven sentences so far. We were close colleagues and he was my mentor. I should be able to find the words to express what he meant to me.

Maybe the fact that we weren't close friends makes it more difficult. There were a lot of personal things I didn't know about him and he didn't know about me. But I clearly had an emotional attachment to him that I wasn't aware of before his death. With close friends you know you have an attachment. If you're an emotionally expressive person, you probably tell your friends what they mean to you - at least occasionally. He knew that I credited him with getting me started in my current law practice area. He knew that I was happy to be working with him again and how lucky I thought my company was to have him. I never told him - at least not directly - that I considered him to be my mentor. It's a compliment that I wish I would have given him.

What I learned at his memorial is that he was a mentor to many people both personally and professionally. It was his nature to be a guide and a teacher. He had a positive impact on so many lives and will be sorely missed.

It's at times like this that I want to make bold plans. I want to say that in his memory, I vow to be more positive, less cranky and more helpful to those around me. I want to say that I'll be a better person and leave this world a better place. But I've been around myself long enough to know that I won't be able to make such big changes. I'll just end up feeling bad for yet again failing to live up to my own unrealistic expectations of myself.

Judging from what I knew of him and what I learned about him at the memorial, I don't think that's what he'd counsel me to do. I think he'd tell me to live each day with integrity - true to myself but thoughtful, honest and fair with others. He'd say to work hard but have fun. Be present for the people you love. Most importantly, he'd tell me to take it one day at a time. And so I will.

Goodbye, Jim. I'll miss you.

Thursday Thirteen - yet another random edition

2006-08-24T15:01:00.000-05:00

Thirteen Random Things

Yet again, I'm too busy (lazy) to come up with an actual theme, so here are random thoughts and stuff for this week:

1. I'm still really sad about the death of my friend. Being at work is hard because I still have emails from him in my inbox and projects pending that he would have been working on with me. His memorial service is Sunday. Maybe next week will be a little easier.

2. I can't believe the summer is almost over. Having kids reminds me of how long summers used to be. Someone once told me that summers get shorter as we get older because they make up a smaller percentage of our lives as a whole.

3. The kids have been taking piano for awhile now but it has just recently gotten to the point where they (at least the oldest) have actual songs to practice during the week. I really love when they're practicing as I get off the elevator coming home from work. The sound of the music is kind of like the smell of dinner. I know I'm home.

4. Work has been frustrating lately (if you define "lately" as, say "the last 18 months"). On a regular basis I'm just pissed off by the time I leave. Usually (as in right now) I have more to do than is humanly possible to get done in a reasonable period of time. That's one of the main reasons I haven't been blogging. I either don't have time at work to do a quick post or I'm too damn tired after work to do anything but spend some time with the family and then collapse. So, at least for today, I decided to take a little break and try to actually post a Thursday Thirteen.

5. I knit a baby blanket for the newly-born daughter of a co-worker. It's been done for several months, the baby was born a couple of months ago and I still haven't given it to them! We were supposed to plan a baby shower but the death of our colleague put that on hold. Maybe I should just bring it in.

6. On the stage mother front - our daughter got a lead role in a professional theater production that will run early next year. She's going to play a boy. She almost turned down the role when she found out that she'd have to cut her hair (I'm not kidding). But it's such a great opportunity that we all decided that a haircut (that they promise won't have to be too short) is a sacrifice worth making.

7. She's in a production at a different theater this fall and was on the short list for a feature film. She didn't get to the really, really short list for the film because she's only eight, the other contenders were at least nine and California labor law allows nine year olds to work one hour more per day than eight year olds. Not to say that she would have gotten the role if she was nine (I'm not that much of a stage mother), but she would have had a shot.

8. Sometimes I wish this blog was truly anonymous so that I could write more about my family. Not that I want to say bad things about them. But there are creepy and dangerous people out there. Who knows how they might use details from my blog - kids tend to feel more comfortable around someone who knows details about them. I'm not paranoid. Just more careful than I used to be.

9. I love reading the packaging for various beauty products because the spin those marketers put on things is downright hilarious. Tonight I noticed that my sample of Olay Definity cream says that it will help create a look that's "more flawless." How can something be more flawless? It either has no flaws and it is, in fact, flawless or it has flaws. Ridiculous marketing aside, I actually like the cream. It feels like silk on your skin.

10. I am totally running out of things to talk about. If you knew me, you'd think that was funny.

11. M Girl was procrastinating at bedtime tonight. I know, there's a surprise - a six-year old not wanting to go to bed. Anyway, as part of her procrastination technique, she almost convinced me that she did not know that there are 60 seconds in a minute. I am way too gullible.

12. I'm still not organized. Yet. I think about it a lot. Kind of like I think about writing but don't actually do enough of it. I'm trying to figure out what it is about getting organized that must freak me out on a sub-conscious level. My Tae Kwon Do instructor was telling me the other day that he realized recently that he was sabotaging himself financially because he grew up poor and his mother would always say nasty things about rich people. Now that he knows where his fear comes from, he's getting his finances in order. So what the heck could be keeping me from getting organized?

13. I'm really glad that tomorrow is Friday!

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
See the sidebar for lots more Thursday Thirteens - be sure and visit them!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. ItÂs easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Don't nobody bring me no bad news!

2006-08-10T18:30:00.000-05:00

I have a strict "one tragedy per summer" rule. So after this terrible accident, according to the rule, we were done. But apparently someone didn't get the memo. I found out yesterday that a colleague and friend died of a heart attack. He just turned 50. And I'm absolutely devastated. Everyone who worked with him is devastated.

I took the day off yesterday and while I was at Eddie Z's with my husband considering window treatments, my boss called on my cell. Not an entirely unusual event. But his tone was not good and he asked me if I was in a "quiet, relatively stable" place (whatever that means). Seeing as the Eddie Z's wasn't too crowded and was in fact quiet and on relatively stable ground, I said "Yes. What's up?" I thought maybe someone important had gotten fired or quit. Juicy gossip kind of stuff or get ready to work even harder, you know? I really, really wasn't prepared for this news.

This colleague and I went way back to when I was a baby lawyer (lots and lots of years ago). He was a senior associate at the same law firm and got me started in mutual fund law. He was, in many ways, my mentor and my career followed in his footsteps. We worked together at the firm for a couple of years before he left for a corporate position. A couple years after that, I also left for a corporate position. About a year ago, he came to work with us. We were so happy to get him. He's a like a rock star among chief compliance officers. (Seriously. We have rock stars. Just without the unusual hair, bizarre clothes and dubious musical talent.) He was the best. And I was really happy to be working with him again. He was smart, funny, personable - just a pleasure to work with. I learned a lot from him over the years and was looking forward to learning lots more. Of all the lawyers in our group, he's the only one who is simply not replaceable. I feel sorry for the person who fills that spot - they have supersized shoes to fill.

So now he's gone and I keep picturing him sitting in the chair across my desk. He was just there on Friday and for the life of me I can't remember what we talked about. I don't know why that bothers me so much but every time I think about it, I start to cry. Why can't I remember that conversation?

I just can't get excited about the work projects I need to get done (not even the bonfires that are erupting all around me). There are things we were working on together and I just don't know what to do or how to pick up the pieces. I can't even begin to imagine what his significant other is feeling. It seems silly for me to be fretting over how we're going to get the work done without him. How is his partner going to go on without him?

The irony of this whole thing is that his partner was hospitalized recently when he almost died of dehydration (and I'm not exaggerating) brought on by a severe intestinal illness. After that scare, my colleague was saying how glad he was that his partner had all sorts of tests at the hospital and was given a clean bill of health. How utterly tragic that my colleague then goes and dies of a heart attack just weeks later. I mean, that just sucks.

Sorry this blog is so damn depressing these days. Pretty soon I'll be able to stop crying at my desk and write something more upbeat. Just not yet.

Thursday Thirteen - Japanese Edition

2006-07-27T00:00:00.000-05:00

Ok - I don't have time for the template again, mainly because we have guests from Japan. So here are thirteen things on that topic!

1. My daughter is in a children's choir that is part of an international children's choral festival each year. It's held in a different city each year and every other year, it's in a city in Japan. This year it's in Chicago.

2. We're hosting three people from Hiroshima, Japan - a mother, her 9 year old daughter and a 12 year old girl.

3. They don't speak much English.

4. We speak even less Japanese.

5. They brought us some wonderful gifts including a map of Hiroshima. We asked them to show us where they live. They also brought us some kick ass cookies. They apparently know what Americans like.

6. They are very nice but I think they wish we could communicate easier.

7. They're staying for five nights. We need to provide them with breakfast and snacks most days. While we know a little bit about what they might like to eat (and we even own and use a Japanese rice cooker so we have that going for us) we don't really know what to feed them besides rice and vegetables that they might like.

8. And the fact that we can't communicate very easily makes the food thing a little bit harder.

9. We're lucky to have enough room to have people stay with us. They're lucky to be staying with a family that lives close to most of the drop off places. Some people are staying in the suburbs and the outlying areas of the city. They'll need to commute into the city every day.

10. Until my daughter joined the choir, I wasn't all that familiar with choral music. Now I love it - some of the arrangements her choir does are incredible. I'm really looking forward to seeing the Japanese choirs perform.

11. Um, I guess I don't have 13 things to say about this situation right now.

12. They only just got here tonight (well, last night now that it's midnight here so it's technically Thursday).

13. I'm sure I'll have more stories to tell by the end of the week! And hopefully they'll be more interesting than this list has been!

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As if I needed a reason to cry at my desk

2006-07-21T10:45:00.000-05:00

I usually like writing about good, nice, funny things because there's enough stuff out there to make us depressed. But today I found out that a colleague's six year old niece died in a freak camping accident when a tree fell on the tent where she was sleeping. Her parents were looking for the car keys so they could escape the dangerous weather. They weren't hurt when the tree fell but she died. What if they had gotten out five minutes earlier? What if they hadn't gone camping? I imagine that her poor parents will second-guess their decisions for the rest of their lives.

Until our first daughter was born, I was oblivious to the big and scary nature of the world. She was so tiny and I was overwhelmed by the responsibility of caring for her. I remember walking around with her when she was barely a week old and being terrified of the cars and trucks and construction cranes and all the noise. I was so focused on caring for this tiny being that everything else grew bigger and bigger in my mind until normal-sized people seemed like giants. Everything was a threat to her. Thankfully, as she got bigger and stronger and as I got more sleep, the world returned to normal size. But the fear that something bad could happen to her (and her sister) remains to this day.

It's nearly nine years after my first child was born and I still feel overwhelmed by the responsibility to care for little people who can't care for themselves. There are big and small decisions we make daily that impact our kids in the short- and long-run. What to feed them and when to send them to bed, whether to let them sleep at a friend's house, where to live and send them to school, who to hire as a babysitter, where to take them on vacation and whether to let them go out without a jacket. The need for decisions never stops. Don't you wish you had a crystal ball so you could avoid bad decisions and unfortunate wrong-place, wrong-time occurrences? I do. Daily. But I know that my energies would be better spent in improving my decision-making and parenting skills as best I can and worrying less so I can enjoy my time with them more.

I'm struggling to learn something from this tragic situation. I have a desperate need to convince myself that this would never happen to us because it hits so close to home. I tried the easy route by telling myself that we never go camping. But it didn't work. The fact is that freak accidents happen in all kinds of unlikely and otherwise safe places. Ultimately, we have to accept that the world can be unsafe and human life so fragile. Although we may want to, we can't wrap our children in a cocoon to protect them. We have to do our best to prepare them for the world and then let them go. And hope for the best.

Thursday Thirteen - Holiday Edition

2006-07-06T13:42:00.000-05:00

This is my first time hotlinking to a banner so let's see if this works . . . I picked this one in honor of the holiday week (but of course you knew that already)!

Also in honor of the holiday, here are 13 thoughts I have about holidays:

1. I like them, sometimes. More now than I used to because I enjoy sharing them with my husband and kids.

2. People tend to put way too much pressure on themselves and others with respect to certain holidays - Christmas and New Years especially.

3. When I lived in NYC, I hated New Years Eve. There was huge pressure (internally generated) to do something extra special but it was nearly impossible for me. First of all, I was single with no one to kiss at midnight, feeling like a third (or fifth or seventh) wheel most of the time. Second of all, I had no money and my friends (the corporate/investment banker-types in the go-go Eighties) had plenty so I couldn't afford the stuff they wanted to do. And they weren't rich enough to pay for me, too. Apparently.

4. I'm sure there were plenty of cool, creative, cheap things to do in NYC on New Years Eve. I just wasn't cool or creative enough to figure out where they were.

5. I like Thanksgiving, mostly because it involves food. And it's food that I can actually make without driving myself too crazy. (Except for that one year that I tried to make a Martha Stewart stuffing recipe involving capers. Not a good thing.)

6. The Fourth of July is usually fun. Getting days off in the summer is always a good thing.

7. When we first moved into our old apartment, we could watch the fireworks from our living room. With all the highrises that have been built during the last 10 years, that view is long gone. In our current apartment, we can see the fireworks in the western suburbs which is kind of cool even though they are pretty far away.

8. I used to be so-so on Christmas. Because my parents were divorced, we had to do two Christmases - one with my Dad and one with my Mom (the same was true of Thanksgiving but that didn't bother me as much - see #5). It was a hassle and just not fun. By the time they were divorced, we were over the whole Santa thing so it was just an obligation to be with family. It was a "You will have fun if it kills you" kind of thing.

9. Plus, I used to have to drive over an hour back and forth from my aunt's house in the "country" (back then it was the country, now it's a suburb) with my two brothers. One time they decided it would be really funny to pass gas the whole way home. It was 20 below, opening the windows was not a good option. This was over 20 years ago. Can someone please explain why I'm still pissed about it?

10. Now I love Christmas. We have a nice tradition of decorating the tree with the kids. Last year we used the really cool ornaments my husband picked up in Asia along with all the other ornaments and doo dads we've collected over the years. The only unifying theme for our tree decoration is our memories.

11. The kids still believe in Santa which is so cute it makes me want to cry. I know A Girl will probably figure it out this year or next year but I really hope she doesn't spoil it for her little sister. (She'd never do it on purpose but stuff happens). I'm not ready for that phase to be over.

12. Then there's all those other holidays that we celebrate but are mostly just an excuse to have a day off work. I do have a twinge of guilt on Memorial Day when I realize that I haven't taken more than a second to think about all the men and women who have died on the battlefield for our country. I don't even know what Labor Day is all about. Sad, but true. Am I supposed to think of labor unions?

13. More than any others, my most favorite holidays are my wedding anniversary and my kids' birthdays. I know, I know, those aren't real holidays. But frankly, those are far more important days for me personally than Abraham Lincoln's birthday, for example. Lincoln was a great guy. He did great things for this country. I'm glad to have a day off work in his honor. But if I'm picking stuff to celebrate, I'm going to celebrate those people that are nearest and dearest to my heart.

Thursday Thirteen - Things I'm good at

2006-06-29T15:10:00.000-05:00

Thirteen Things Jessica is good at

Two Thursdays ago I wrote about things I want to improve about myself. In fact, I spend a lot of time on this blog talking about that particular topic. So I thought I'd try to come up with 13 nice things to say about myself. Since self-deprecation is an integral part of my personality, I'm not sure I'll make it . . .

1. I'm smart, but not so smart that it's annoying.

2. I'm funny, but not so funny that it's annoying.

3. I make a mean baked ziti.

4. I can carry a tune.

5. I knit nice baby blankets.

6. I'm good at baking - so long as it isn't some fancy pants Martha Stewart recipe involving kumquats or something.

7. I'm a pretty good dancer (not "best dancer at St. Bernadette's" good, but I can hold my own).

8. I can talk faster than almost anyone I know and still be understood (sort of).

9. I type 80 words per minute. Now if I could only think that fast . . .

10. I have a great memory for song lyrics. They might not always be the right lyrics, though. Sometimes I just make up words if I can't figure out what it is.

11. I'm a nice person. Most of the time.

12. I can use the word "penultimate" in a sentence. This is the penultimate item. Really.

13. I apparently don't have an overly-inflated ego, judging by how hard it was to finish this list.

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New belt number 3

2006-06-24T16:20:00.000-05:00

I got my green belt today, which makes me a 7th Gup. I had a good test generally but wasn't able to break the board with my breaking kick. Mentally, I just wasn't there. Before the test I kept thinking about how I hadn't practiced this kick with the practice board as I had for my first two tests. So I didn't feel confident that I could break a board. It wasn't that I don't know the technique or have sufficient physical strength (it actually doesn't take much power to break a board). I didn't have the mental strength I needed.

Miss M got her orange belt, making her a 6th Gup. She broke her board and was so proud of herself. This time her dad got to hold the board for her. The instructor gave her a choice of a thinner, "kids" board (which she's been able to break before) or a "big kid" board which is thicker. She chose the kids board because she knew she'd be able to break it. But next time, she's getting the big kid board. Before her turn to kick she said to me "When I break the board, can I bring it home with me?" Now that's confidence. That's what I should have been thinking.

Tae Kwon Do belt testing

2006-06-23T22:36:00.000-05:00

So it's time for me to test for a new belt again! I'm not as comfortable with my breaking kick this time around so I'm nervous that I won't break the board this time. I also think my hubby and older daughter will be there - they haven't seen a test yet. Of course that will be the time that I don't break the board. Isn't that how this kind of stuff always works? Miss M is testing for a new belt tomorrow, too. She's such a little pistol and she concentrates and works so hard in class. I couldn't be prouder. When she practices stuff at home, she always points her finger at me and says "Mom. Don't help me. Even if you think I don't know. Don't. Help. Me." God, I love that.

Anyway, here's my belt test essay. Not my best effort, but I think it's ok.

What is martial arts spirit? How can you see it in every day life?

As we recite the student creed, we make promises to our instructor, our fellow students and ourselves. When we fulfill those promises – inside and outside of the dojang - we live the martial arts spirit.

We promise to develop and express our physical and mental abilities based on the martial arts spirit. We fulfill this promise by attending class, working on our techniques and having the right, positive attitude. But we can also fulfill this promise in the way we live and work outside the dojang.

We promise to seek truth and practice it and to promote the highest moral character through training and disciplining of the mind and body. When we live the martial arts spirit we respect ourselves enough to care for our bodies by eating well, getting sufficient sleep and avoiding unhealthy habits like smoking or excessive alcohol consumption. It might not be easy to pass up the coffee cake in the office or the dessert at home but making those tough choices to care for our bodies makes us stronger, not just physically, but mentally as well.

We promise to promote respect for the art of Tae Kwon Do through our actions and never use our martial arts skills for selfish ends. There are people who brag about their martial arts skills and try to make lower ranking students feel inferior. These actions reflect poorly on the study of Tae Kwon Do and show a weak character. Martial arts spirit teaches us to treat others with kindness and respect.

We promise to strive for justice, freedom and a meaningful life for ourselves and others; to promote trust and cooperation among all members of our society; to enrich our lives through knowledge and understanding of other cultures. An important part of the martial arts spirit is to look beyond our selfish needs and to care for others; our families, our friends and society in general. If we are respectful of others and worthy of their trust, our ability to promote cooperation among all members of our society will be enhanced. Our views are more likely to be trusted and respected. We cannot fulfill this promise if we do not have an understanding of other cultures, the strong moral character to stand up for what is right, and the strength to make the right choices.

We promise to use our strengths to positively affect the world we live in. This then, is the true essence of the martial arts spirit. If we fulfill the promise of the student creed, we can’t help but leave the world a better place.

Wish me luck!

Thursday Thirteen - self-reflection edition

2006-06-15T15:10:00.000-05:00

Thirteen Things Jessica needs to work on

I know this might come as a shock but I'm not perfect. Seriously. So here are some things that I'm working on. Or thinking about working on. Or should be thinking about working on.

1. Don't be so judgmental. I can get a bit preachy in my opinions. It's not that I'll stop giving opinions - solicited or not. (And this blog may get more opinionated and judgmental than it already is because, after all, that's more interesting than fair and balanced.) But in my "real" life, I need to be more aware of how my judgments about certain people affect the way I think about them and ultimately how I treat them.

2. Eat better. Ok, this one will always be on the list. The fact is, I like food. A lot. And, unfortunately for my hips, I like sugary and deep fried foods the best. But I recognize that I need to set a better example for the kids AND I want to feel healthier so I really need to do better on this front.

3. Get organized (and stay that way). I know, I know. This has also been on my list F.O.R.E.V.E.R. It's definitely a problem. I think I need to accept the fact that being organized involves the same struggle as balancing that I talked about in my last post. In order to stay balanced, you have to make constant adjustments. I have this fantasy that one day I'll get organized and stay that way without additional effort. I'll have to accept the fact that this will be a daily struggle for me.

4. Keep my promises. I'd like to think I'm getting better at this but I'm probably just getting better at not making as many promises. My kids know that I'm the queen of "We'll see" because I try hard not to promise them something if I'm not sure I'll be able to deliver. But the real problem is my bad habit of telling my husband "Sure, I'll take care of xyz." and then a week or two weeks later he asks about it and I haven't done it yet. I'll tell myself I didn't do it because I'm busy but there are plenty of busier people (my husband, for one) who manage to do the things they say they'll do. Part of my problem stems from issue #3 - if I was more organized, maybe things wouldn't fall through the cracks as much.

5. My writing. I really love to write. I think I could be a decent writer if I worked at it. One of my biggest problems is my fear of editing. I gotta get over that.

6. My upper body strength. Maybe if I work on this, my flabby arms will get less flabby. And then maybe my daughter won't say "Mom, I really don't think you should wear that sleeveless shirt. Try one of your short sleeve shirts instead." Ouch. But well-meaning and well-taken!

7. Get more knowledgeable about world events. This is another thing that will always be on the list. As opinionated as I am, I like to have at least one or two facts to back up what I'm saying. On certain topics, I am totally lacking in facts (but certainly not opinions).

8. Be a better friend. I'm not so good at keeping in touch with people. And if I haven't called someone in awhile, I feel guilty and then don't call them because I feel bad and before you know it, the friendship isn't there any more. Issue #3 rears its ugly head again - maybe with better organization and time management, I could schedule this kind of thing and actually do it rather than just relegating it to "later."

9. Quit whining so much. I have a great life. I need to remember that more often. For blogging, it's usually more interesting to complain about stuff than it is to be all "my life's so wonderful." I don't want to make my readers gag. But in real life, I complain too much. And I really shouldn't. It's not attractive.

10. Play the piano more often. This goes in the file of "Yeah, in my copious spare time" along with knitting. At least I can knit and watch TV at the same time. And, yes, I know. If I disconnected the damn TV, I'd have plenty of time to do other stuff. But I like TV and I love TiVo so that ain't gonna happen.

11. Get better at showing my husband how much I appreciate him. I tell him all the time. But I think I need to show it more. If you have any suggestions on how I might do that (other than writing about it in my blog where he'll see it - hi honey! - and hopefully smile).

12. Stop swearing so much. I go through phases in my life when I swear a lot. I'm going through one of those phases now. It's another thing I do that isn't so attractive.

13. Most importantly, I need to get over myself. This may come as a surprise but I tend to think about myself too much. In a way, blogging makes that worse. I tend to write about what I know - and I find the topic of me endlessly fascinating. (Truth be told, I think my husband and kids are also endlessly fascinating but I try not to write about them too much because they didn't agree to open their lives to the random -but so far generally very nice - people that read this blog.) Once I get over the idea that I need facts to back up my opinions, then I could write about all kinds of things and maybe then I'll spend more time thinking about something other than me.

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Hot Momma

2006-06-13T23:00:00.000-05:00

I was reading an article earlier this week about the "new" Hot Mom - a woman who manages to be hip and sexy and have her own life even after she has children. The Hot Mom stays sexy for her husband and still does "hip" things like travel and party with her girlfriends. The article quotes the founder of The Hot Moms Club as saying that a Hot Mom loves being a mom but doesn't get "consumed by the madness of motherhood." She "radiates confidence" and is able to "balance her needs as well as the needs of her family."

My favorite quote from the article was this: "When I became pregnant, I vowed that he would be integrated into the life we already had," Bolstad said. "Sure, we don't go out as much and maybe we don't go clubbing until 4 a.m., but I'm not going to stop doing the things I like." Maybe you don't go clubbing until 4 a.m.? Maybe?? I don't know about you, but I found it impossible to integrate kids into a pre-kid lifestyle. Those little buggers still won't let me read the Sunday paper in peace and what with all the dishes to do, manicures are a complete waste of time. It strikes me that you don't usually hear women saying "When I got married, I vowed to integrate my husband into the life I already had." I mean - isn't the idea of marriage to create a life together? Instead of insisting that our children be integrated into our pre-kid lives, shouldn't the goal be to create a new life together as a family? That doesn't mean you stop doing the things you love. My husband and I have always loved theater so now we make an effort to bring the kids to shows that are appropriate for them. Granted, if we were into the club scene, it would be a bit harder to include the kids . . .

I know I probably need to relax and get a sense of humor but this whole "Hot Moms" movement bugs me. Most mothers I know are under tons of pressure already. It's hard enough to juggle all our responsibilities and find even a little time for ourselves. I just figured out that I should stop trying to be the woman in the Enjoli perfume ad and now I hear that moms are supposed to be hip? And sexy? Maybe my irritation at the whole thing is just sour grapes because I'm so not hip. In recent memory, the closest I've gotten to being hip was doing the Electric Slide at the school picnic and embarrassing the heck out of my third grader. Which, come to think of it, was really fun. Especially the embarrassing my third grader part.

As a '70s kid, I thought I would grow up to be like the Enjoli woman, easily shifting from good mom to successful employee to great-in-the-sack wife without breaking a sweat or inappropriately allowing the different parts of my life to seep into another. I really thought I could have it all - at the same time - with a smile on my face. But the reality is that it's hard to juggle those roles. And I have it easy - I have a husband who does more than his fair share of the household duties. We're also lucky enough to be able to afford vacations and the occasional spa treatment.

The "Hot Mom" thing irks me for the same reason the book 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know : Getting Back to Basics and Raising Happy Kids bothered me. They imply that there's an easy formula - for happy kids, for a balanced life - and if you're struggling, there's something wrong with you. Have you ever watched someone try to balance on a big rubber ball? They're never standing still - they constantly adjust their position to stay in balance. If they relax, even for a second, they fall. A minor miscalculation throws the whole thing off. Keeping in balance is a constant struggle. It seems to me that if balancing your life isn't at least a little bit hard, maybe you're not really balancing.

And, finally, what's up with this whole idea of not being "consumed by the madness of motherhood?" Is that really possible? The moment I gave birth to our children I became insane - with love, worry, frustration and admiration. (Oh, and hormones, too.) I may not be a Hot Mom but I'm a better, stronger, less selfish person than I was before I had kids. Becoming a mother changed me. Consumed me, in a way. And I wouldn't change that for the world.

Reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated

2006-06-10T17:48:00.000-05:00

If a blogger blogs and no one's listening, is it still blogging? Ok, sorry attempts at humor aside, I am still very much alive but haven't been writing lately for all kinds of lame ass reasons. Mainly, I've been really, really busy. Excuses, excuses.

I have a great post in my head about our recent trip to Disney World (otherwise known as the fourth circle of Hell). I just haven't had time to write it. And I kept thinking that I didn't want to blog until I had time to write the perfect post about our "vacation". And since I'm incapable of writing a perfect post no matter how much time I have, I haven't written a word. And now it's been two weeks since we were in Florida and I'm starting to forget all the funny things I was going to write.

But since I am ever the optimist, I'm still hoping I'll get to it later. When I have time. (Cue maniacal laughter).

So, hi to anyone still out there. I'm going to take some time to visit my old haunts. Then maybe I'll be inspired to spend more time writing!

Thursday Thirteen - Things that make no sense

2006-05-11T17:25:00.000-05:00

Thirteen Things that make absolutely no sense to Jessica

1. Can someone please explain to me why Chris Daughtry was voted off American Idol last night instead of Kat? She is so not a clutch performer my friends. Don't get me wrong, her voice is fabulous and she's pretty but she freaks out under pressure as evidenced by the last two weeks of ridiculously over the top performances. If it wasn't for Taylor, I would seriously consider not watching any more.

2. Last Sunday's episode of The Sopranos. Seriously, I didn't really get it. Christopher has been all sober and everything after going to AA, he gets married because his girlfriend (who we've never really seen in the show to date, by the way) is pregnant and then his "friends" tell him that it's ok to drink a little wine (that they just stole from a biker gang) and do just a little heroin. With friends like that . . .

3. Staying with the TV theme, given the seriously bad dialogue, why do I keep watching CSI:NY? Here's why. So maybe it does make sense after all.

4. The fact that it rained last night but not one drop managed to touch the plants on our balconies.

5. I can talk and talk and talk in real person but when I want to write 13 little things, I can't seem to think of a single thing to say.

6. A Girl's classmate and good friend can't come back to school next year. The Principal doesn't like her mom (because she expressed concern about some school policies and teacher turnover) so he cancelled their contract (it's a private school). Apparently, the fact that the girl is a good student, well-behaved and well-liked doesn't matter. Admittedly, this woman tends to be a bit too outspoken (and I warned her to tone it down but it's hard for her). But they did it without warning, and with no opportunity for appeal. Not only does that make no sense, it's just not fair.

7. Tori Spelling.

8. The sheer number of meetings I attend. I am trying (in vain) to go to fewer meetings, most of which are time wasters of major proportions. E-mail me, people. I don't actually have to see you in person all the time.

9. Speaking of meetings, I am currently on a conference call (gotta love multi-tasking). They don't really need me on this call but I'm like a binky - they've gotten used to having me around to answer random questions so they start to think they need me. I guess I shouldn't complain, but you know I will.

10. I almost missed my bus this morning because I was searching through my purse for my iPod headphones (which I had left at the office the night before). You'd think I'd be smart enough to get myself to the bus stop FIRST. It's one block away. Can I walk ONE BLOCK without a soundtrack? Apparently not.

11. The fact that I'm still sitting at my desk, writing this and half listening to a conference call that doesn't really need me when I really, really need to get home.

12. Getting my period every 21 to 24 days. If menopause didn't suck, I'd be begging for it.

13. The fact that white chocolate isn't really chocolate. Then why is it called chocolate? Are they trying to fool us into thinking we're eating chocolate when we're not? What purpose would that serve?

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Thursday Thirteen - Concert edition

2006-05-04T14:18:00.000-05:00

Thirteen concerts Jessica has seen, wants to see or would never be caught dead at

Writing yesterday's post made me think about all the other concerts I've been to, and some I wish I could see and some that wild horses couldn't drag me to. So here goes:

1. I saw the Rolling Stones at Rosemont Horizon. We had kick ass seats on the main floor (it helps to have a father with connections). At one point, Mick Jagger ran down the center aisle. My girlfriend, G (famous for locking her keys in the car at the Springsteen concert) ran to aisle. As Mick made his way back to the stage, G came running back, breathless. "I touched him! I have Mick Jagger's sweat on my hand! I am NEVER washing this hand again!"

2. I saw Journey (also at Rosemont). I went with my girlfriend, L, and her stoner aunt and uncle. We smoked joints in their van before the concert. I'm sure my parents had NO idea that they put their 15 year-old's safety in the hands of two stoners with a van. It was fun, though. Not that I would let my own kids do that but I'm (hopefully) not nearly as clueless as my parents were.

3. Also at Rosemont, I saw Styx with L. For some reason I can't remember much about that concert. Maybe we went with her aunt and uncle . . .

4. I saw a bunch of concerts at Alpine Valley. It's not called that anymore (like Rosemont, I think it has a corporate name now). It's an outdoor concert venue. One of the concerts I saw there was George Benson. That was an awesome summer concert. It was a beautiful night, we drank sangrias and smoked clove cigarettes (I know, they're disgusting but it was the thing to do at the time).

5. Another Alpine Valley concert was Kool and the Gang with Wang Chung as their opener. Who doesn't love the song Celebration?

6. The funniest concert I ever saw was in Las Vegas. As part of our hotel package, my husband and I got free tickets to see The Righteous Brothers. This was just a few years ago (obviously before Bobby Hatfield died). I love Unchained Melody and You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin' as much as anyone and you gotta give props to two guys who lasted in the music business as long as they did. Not to diss the older crowd - I am (or soon will be) one of them. But seriously, those guys were gettin' too old for the concert gig. First of all, they told "jokes" between songs. And they weren't the funny kind of jokes but they were so corny you had to laugh. Second of all, they kept flashing REALLY bright lights into the audience. I think the point was to blind us so we couldn't tell just how old the guys were. Also, Bobby Hatfield just couldn't hit that high note in Unchained Melody, try as he might. It was sort of sad. But Bill Medley sounded pretty good, all things considered.

7. This might surprise you, but one Vegas concert I'm dying to see is - Tom Jones. Yes, Tom Jones. I know. I'm totally out of the Kool Kids Blogger Club for this one. But seriously. What's New Pussycat? It's Not Unusual? Those are some fun songs. And I think it's hilarious that women are STILL throwing Tom their panties during his concerts. Hil.ar.i.ous. I have a strange sense of humor.

8. No offense to metal lovers out there but you couldn't pay me enough to go to a Metallica concert. To me (and this is just my opinion, I know others strongly disagree) it just sounds like noise. Really unappealing noise. I'd rather listen to jackhammers all day.

9. Along the same vein, I can't stand techno or Goth music. A few weeks ago, we were at a restaurant called Big Bowl. It's sort of Americanized Asian food. Generally we really like it but this particular night, I found myself feeling more and more agitated and unhappy as the meal progressed. I couldn't figure it out until I took the girls to the bathroom where you can hear the music they were playing. I swear to God - it was like evil Devil worshipping music. It was so dark and discordant and awful. Although I couldn't hear it very well at the table, just having it on really bothered me. On top of that, the service was awful that night. I wonder if it had anything to do with the poor choice of dinner music. Luckily for them, they comped our appetizers and we've since returned. And the music was much better last time.

10. Did I mention that I saw Bruce Springsteen? (Ok, I know that's cheating).

11. I saw Billy Joel at United Center. He was awesome. It was soon after Christy Brinkley dropped him like a stone. So he managed to make a bunch of snide comments about her and the crowd went nuts.

12. I know this doesn't really count as a concert but I saw the musical Mama Mia which is sort of an ABBA concert with a lame story built around the songs. If you love ABBA (and who doesn't) it's fab.

13. Since I love Billy Joel (sorry, Dutch but I think his older stuff is awesome), I can't figure out why I haven't seen Movin' Out yet. Apparently plot means nothing to me when it comes to my musical theater entertainment as long as the music and dancing is good, I'm there.

See the Sidebar for loads of links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Closets are for hangers, winners use the door

2006-05-03T09:58:00.000-05:00

CMHL talked about a great Springsteen song (Rosalita) in Monday's post which I didn't get around to reading until yesterday morning. Then in the afternoon when I was going to pick my daughter up a gymnastics, what song came on the radio? Right - Rosalita! And I caught it at the beginning of the song which is really rare for me since I'm constantly switching the channels trying to find the perfect song. Anyway, I sang really loud and it was great because there was no one in the car to say "Mom, can you puhleeese stop singing?" or "Put on Radio Disney!"

First the song made me think of CMHL. Then it reminded me of high school (yes, I'm that old - this song came out when I was I teenager). When I was either a senior, I went with three of my girlfriends to see Springsteen in concert at the Rosemont Horizon (which is now called something else because, like every other venue, it's named after a company that has nothing whatsoever to do with the purpose of the venue but there it is.)

We were having a great time - singing and dancing, lighting our lighters (not like any of us really smoked but you can't go to a concert without a lighter, can you?) Then, in the middle of the concert, my girlfriend G, the one who drove us to the concert in her father's baby blue Volvo, turns to me and says "Um, I don't have my car keys." Being a bit dense I said "What do you mean you don't have your car keys?" "I mean, I think I might have locked the keys in the car." "No flippin' way!" (Ok, I think I said an actual swear word but you get the drift.) So we spent the rest of the concert searching her purse and the floor around us to no avail.

Sure enough, we get to the car after the concert and see the keys dangling in the ignition. Rosemont was a good hour from home and we were suburban kids - we didn't know from public transportation so even if there was a train (or God forbid, a bus) we could have taken we didn't know about it and would have been terrified at the thought anyway. So we stood there trying to figure out how the hell we'd get home without having to call one of our parents to come pick us up. And this was in the day before cell phones so I'm not even sure how we'd call them - there were no payphones anywhere near the parking lot.

Then we saw two guys that had been sitting near us at the concert. Their car - a lovely yellow Pinto - was parked near us! And they were going to the north suburbs too! And they were willing to drive us home as long as all four of us could fit in the back! And so we did. And no, we didn't know that if we were rear ended, the Pinto would burst into a ball of gas-fueled flames. And even if we were aware of the danger I'm not sure we had much of a choice. And since when have 16 year olds cared all that much about danger - they're going to live forever, after all. So we all scrunched into the back of the Pinto and managed to get home.

G's dad had to drive her back to Rosemont in the middle of the night to retrieve the Volvo. To this day, she'll probably remember the fact that when she drove the Volvo into the school parking lot that morning, exhausted and unshowered, the school yearbook photographer took her picture as an example of the seniors driving to school. Isn't it always like that?

A new belt!

2006-05-02T10:59:00.000-05:00

On Sunday, I passed my belt test in Tae Kwon Do and will now be wearing an orange belt. I recently learned that different Tae Kwon Do schools use different belt colors and that, when asked, I'm supposed to give my Gup or number ranking. So, I'm now an 8th Gup (white belt is 10th and black belt comes after 1st Gup). Not only did I pass the test but I broke the board! Again! For those of you who weren't around when I took my yellow belt test, every tester has an opportunity to break a board with the "breaking kick" for their rank. At the lower ranks, you don't have to successfully break the board in order to advance but at the higher ranks, you don't get your next belt until you break the board (it's actually two or three boards at the higher ranks). When you test to get your black belt, you have to break a block of concrete with your hand. How cool is that? By the time I get there, I'll probably be in my late 40's or early 50's and I am SO going to bust that concrete in half and represent for the older crowd!

Speaking of representing for the older crowd - because of a scheduling conflict, I had to test on Sunday with the kids instead of testing on Saturday with the adults. So there's me and 14 kids under the age of 10 (most of them 5 to 7 years old). And there are all their parents sitting to the side watching. I only felt a teensy bit awkward. And big. I'm not all that tall but I think I know now how super tall people feel looking down at the top of all those heads.

Moving right along - I tested with the three boys who were higher ranking than I am. They each had an opportunity to break their boards before I did and none of them were able to do it. Then it was my turn. Everyone was watching and I really, really wanted to break that board. I would have felt like a fraud if I didn't - even though that's silly. I didn't break on my first try. The teacher said "You're a little too close." I moved about an inch farther away and BAM, the board cracked in two. It's funny, when you hit it wrong and it doesn't break, it feels like you're kicking the wall. But when you hit it right, it feels like you just put your foot through paper.

Just like the last test, my five-year old was there, too. She wasn't officially testing but the instructor let her go through the test with the other kids. She's been struggling a bit because she takes the mixed-age class with me and most of the other kids in the class are far more advanced than she is. The teacher thought (rightly so) that it might motivate her to see more kids her age and rank. As soon as I broke the board, I looked at her and she was beaming. Just like last time. She didn't break the board the first time she tested and she was really disappointed. But this time she did it and the look of pride on her face was priceless. She was hoping he'd give her a new belt even though it wasn't an official test but he said no. So now she's been practicing her other techniques every day because she wants to move up so badly.

Like last time, I thought I'd drop in my essay. In order to advance, you have to write an essay on a topic from a list the instructor provides. For kids who can't really write yet, they have to dictate to their parents. It's not exactly great prose but here it is:

Define respect and how to develop it through Tae Kwon Do.

To respect someone means to hold them in high regard and treat them with deference. You develop respect through Tae Kwon Do by following the manners and treating higher ranking students and instructors with the deference they deserve. At least that’s what I thought when I selected this essay question. But then I looked up the definition of “respect” and realized that although I was partially right, there is much more to that word than I thought.

According to the dictionary, respect has the following definitions:
1. To feel or show deferential regard for; esteem.
2. To avoid violation of or interference with: respect the speed limit.
3. To relate or refer to; concern

As a noun, it also means:
1. A feeling of appreciative, often deferential regard; esteem.
2. The state of being regarded with honor or esteem.
3. Willingness to show consideration or appreciation.

Tae Kwon Do assists in the development of respect in many ways. The manners of Tae Kwon Do require respect for instructors and higher ranking students. In showing respect for others and respect for the etiquette of the dojang, we also develop respect for ourselves. As we learn new and more difficult techniques, we begin to appreciate the strength of our bodies. Self-respect improves as we achieve higher levels of mastery. We will be regarded with honor by others for our achievements and, more importantly, for our willingness to treat those around us with respect. Finally, Tae Kwon Do teaches us that if we are willing to show consideration for others, we will receive consideration and respect in return.

Thursday Thirteen - "Interesting" people

2006-04-27T11:01:00.000-05:00

Thirteen "Interesting" people Jessica has met

1. Freshman year of college, I had a roommate who was known on campus as one of "The Twins." She and her sister were pretty, blond, wore lots of makeup and quite large breasted. (I was none of those things - but I digress.) The Twins were also drug dealers who sold cocaine to members of the football team.

2. My roommate's boyfriend (then fiance and finally husband) was a drug dealer who dabbled in insurance fraud outside of Boston. He carried a gun. How do I know he carried a gun? Because when I went to see my roommate during spring break, he came home at lunch and took off his sport coat so I would see his gun in the holster thingy he wore on his chest. Needless to say, I didn't eat much lunch.

3. When I lived in New York in the mid '80s, I had several friends who worked at investment banking firms. One memorable summer, a bunch of us rented a house in the Hamptons. I could only afford a share of a few weekends. (Well, actually, I couldn't afford shit. My mom gave me the money because she felt bad for me even though she couldn't really afford shit either). Anyway, in about May of that year, one of the guys - my friend's boyfriend - was indicted for insider trading. He was accused of selling information to a Taiwanese business man. He, of course, lost his job and spent the entire summer at the house in the Hamptons (rough life) dodging the press that couldn't seem to get a picture of him. (Geez, now that I think of it, I could've taken a picture and sold it for enough to buy my own friggin' house in the Hamptons. Man, I was short-sighted.) Anyway, the guy was eventually convicted (or maybe he plead guilty, I can't remember now) and did some jail time.

4. Back in March, I talked about my "roommate" in Connecticut during the summer that I housesat. He was a Christian Rock singer from Oklahoma. It's almost unfair to call him "interesting" in the way I consider my top 3 people "interesting." He was a nice guy. Just really, really different from me. I have nothing against Christian Rock singers from Oklahoma. Seriously.

5. In that same Thursday Thirteen post I talked about most (if not all) of my crazy bosses. So I'll lump them all together for #5 - the severely obese manager of the local Baskin Robbins who didn't like kids, the crazy "creative" guy who nearly threw a Pitney Bowes stamping machine at my head and the other crazy creative guy who didn't like the fact that I left my computer on overnight (among other things).

6. When I lived in New York, I had a boyfriend who was a bike messenger. With an earring and a tattoo. If you knew me in person, this would really surprise you. I mean, come on - I'm a lawyer for a very WASPy company in Chicago, I send my kids to private school and I'm wearing a sweater set at this very moment. People like me don't date bike messengers. Usually. (Not that I have anything against bike messengers. Seriously.) At the time, I was having a mid-twenties crisis or something. But when I found out that he had been a heroin user (and might have still been at the time we were dating) I got out right quick. Plus he had a cat that hated me. And that was a serious deal-breaker.

7. At one point in between stints in NY after college, I worked as a temp in the law office where my Mom was a legal secretary. I was one of several temps working on a project where various franchise documents were converted from one word processing system to another. We sat in a windowless room every day, eight hours a day, proofreading the most boring documents ever written. So we spent most of the time talking to each other and became friends, of sorts. There was one guy who was probably the most socially inept person I've ever come across. He would wear the same shirt every day - even when he got blood stains on it from cutting his chin shaving. He didn't shower very often and was a big fan of Edgar Cayce. (Not that I have anything against Edgar Cayce fans. Seriously.)

8. One of the other guys was a former model and member of some band in London. He was one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen. And he was a really nice guy. And he wasn't gay. Seriously. But he was painfully boring (not that I wouldn't have dated him if he was interested, but he wasn't). We went out to dinner once, just the two of us. I've never been out with someone who turns heads like he did. People would stop in their tracks to look at him. He'd have people literally staring at him and either he was totally oblivious to it or he simply learned to ignore it. I am so sure that people were saying to themselves "What the hell is a gorgeous guy like that doing with that average looking thing?"

9. We had a nanny for our kids that was so pretty, most men would do a head turn thing when they saw her. It really made her uncomfortable. She was interesting because she came from a very wealthy Mexican family - they own a chain of hotels and lots of real estate. She grew up with servants. Literally. At the time, she was here with her boyfriend who was from a working class family. He worked delivering pizza. She wanted to see what it was like to work, she wanted to speak better English and she likes kids so she got a nanny job. We've never had anyone who worked harder than she did. The kids were well taken care of and the house was spotless when we came home. She would work with our oldest daughter to teach her how to clean her room and put her own clothes away (with our blessing, of course) because she said, "I don't want her to learn to be lazy, like I was as a child." 9/11 really freaked her out and she went back to Mexico a few months later. She has since dumped her working class boyfriend (who is still working here for the pizza place) and is apparently going to marry a guy from another really rich family. And she's not working anymore. Go figure.

10. I know this doesn't really count because I didn't actually meet the guy, but when I was working for the TV commercial production company, Tom Petty called to talk to one of the directors (who had been a big music video cinematographer) and I answered the phone. I said "May I help you?" to Tom Petty, people! You so want to be me.

11. And while we're on the subject of famous people I've come into contact with, this guy is one of our neighbors (ok, so he's only sort of famous and only in Chicago. But still.) See, you DO want to be me.

12. Staying with the theme . . . I had lunch (and several Bloody Marys) with this famous blogger. I can honestly say that I knew her before she had a following approaching that of The Dooce. Does that give me extra brownie points?

13. I know I'm cheating you out of a thirteenth but a girl can only know so many "interesting" people in her 41 years. Give me a few years - I'm sure I'll have more!

See the Sidebar for loads of links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. ItÃ‚Âs easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Enough already

2006-04-26T18:03:00.000-05:00

I am soooo soooo sick and tired of hearing about Tom and Katy and Suri and Britney and Kevin and Paris and Nicole and Branjelina and whoever the hell the other "it" people of the moment happen to be. It's not like I'm so damn serious that I want to hear only about the war in Iraq and how ridiculously high oil prices have gotten. I'm ok with hearing about the occasional celebrity siting, new movie premiere, sports star shenanigans and other lighthearted fare. But, seriously, enough of the obsession with the lives of people that happen to make movies for a living. They are NO DIFFERENT than you and I except they have gobs more money and think it's a good idea to inject obscene amounts of collagen into their lips and other body parts.

That explains it

2006-04-24T13:34:00.000-05:00

I took my five year old daughter to the zoo yesterday. Our neighbors joined us with their six year old daughter and four year old son. We were in line for lunch at the food court and I was goofing around with their son. He said "You're crazy!" and my daughter said (quite loudly for someone who is usually so quiet we constantly have to tell her to speak up) "She's not crazy. She's old! She's 41 years old you know."

Ouch.

Check it out!

2006-04-21T13:14:00.000-05:00

Check out my new "tag cloud" in the sidebar by a site called ZoomCloud. Apparently, this thing looks at the last 10 or so posts and pulls out frequently used terms. Then it weights them, putting the most used terms in the biggest font and places them alphabetically in the "cloud." If you click on a term, it will take you to a list of posts on my blog that use that term.

I know it's in alphabetical order but I find it somewhat disturbing that "attachment parenting" is the first thing on the list and is in a HUGE font. (Great, now that I've used that term again, it'll stay huge for the next two weeks!). I only used it in one post. Okay, two. If you read the post where I referenced the parenting strategy that shall no longer be named, that was the "ideal" espoused in certain parenting books that made me feel horrible about myself.

There is a function that helps you help the tag cloud figure out what terms to highlight. So I guess I can go in there and tell it NEVER to mention that particular thing again. But I think I'll let it do its thing for awhile and see where it goes.

I love technology. But if I'm being honest, I love it mostly because it gives me great little toys to play with while I procrastinate!

Happy Friday!

Thursday Thirteen - Space Cadet version

2006-04-20T01:30:00.000-05:00

Thirteen Examples of Jessica's Space Cadet Nature

1. Last week was spring break. Before break, there was an announcement that the school would have a spirit week, starting with Pajama Day on Monday. We weren't sure whether spirit week was the week after break or the next week. My kids thought Pajama Day was the Monday after break. Not wanting them to be embarrassed by being the only kids in school wearing pajamas, I thought it would be a good idea to check the school's online newsletter. Which I did. And I told the kids they were right so they wore pajamas to school on Monday. You guessed it - Spirit Week is NEXT WEEK. My kids were just about the only kids in school with their pj's on.

2. I was so upset with myself and apologized to them about one hundred times. My five year old said "That's ok Mom. It wasn't as bad as the time you switched our lunches." Oh, that makes me feel so much better!

3. M Girl wanted bacon for breakfast last week. I look in the fridge and said "There's no bacon." My husband (who does all the shopping and generally knows these things) said "Check again, I think we have another package." So I checked again and confirmed that we were out of bacon. You are so smart - you guessed it again! We had a package of bacon. Right in the drawer where I looked. Twice.

4. We're finally putting our balcony gardens together. We have three balconies - one attached to each of the kitchen, dining room and den. We've put some planters on the kitchen and dining room balconies. Before I went to work, I wanted to ask my husband to check periodically during the day to see how much direct sun the balcony off the dining room gets. He kept saying "Wait. I'm confused. What balcony?" And I kept repeating myself. Three times, I think. Finally he came up to me, looked me in the eye and, with a smile (bless him) said "Honey, are you sure you want me to check the DEN balcony? Or are you talking about the dining room balcony? You keep saying den."

5. I am so lucky to have a husband who knows he should listen to what I MEAN and not what I SAY .

6. Where was I?

7. Oh, right. I was writing about how spacey I've been lately.

8. I realize that the title of this entry is misleading. I don't actually have thirteen examples of how spacey I am. Well, I suppose if I could remember things better, I might be able to come up with thirteen. But the point is, I'm not thinking very clearly these days.

9. Does anyone think I need a vacation? Or maybe a nap. A vacation takes too much work. (Says the woman whose husband does the vast majority of the vacation planning).

10. Have I mentioned lately how lucky I am to have a husband who accommodates my spacey nature and loves me anyway?

11. Love you, honey!

12. Oops. I just realized I forgot to eat lunch. I think I'll go do that.

13. Have a great week everyone!

See the Sidebar for loads of links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. ItÃ’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Why?

2006-04-19T09:10:00.000-05:00

"BAGHDAD, Iraq - Separate groups of gunmen entered two primary schools in Baghdad on Wednesday and beheaded two teachers in front of their students, the Ministry of State for National Security said."

Why? Who could do such a thing? What purpose could such brutality serve? I ache for those children . . . for all the children in the world that are growing up amid violence and hatred.

Maybe I'm just grumpy . . .

2006-04-12T12:53:00.000-05:00

Am I the only person bothered by the title of this book (12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know : Getting Back to Basics and Raising Happy Kids). The reason it bugs me is that it implies that "real" moms know something that the rest of us "fake" moms don't know. And the kicker - the stuff real moms know is really simple so if you don't know the same stuff, not only are you a fake mom, you're stupid too. Also, I'm not sure it's our job to make our kids happy (especially because our kids would be happy if we gave them a dumpster full of candy and let them watch Cartoon Network every day but that really wouldn't be good parenting, now would it?) - but that's a whole other post.

As regular readers of this blog know, I am a total self-help book junkie. Maybe I'm pulling back from that addiction because this is totally a book I would have bought a few years ago. But now, with the benefit of nearly 8 1/2 years of childrearing experience, I can say with confidence that any book that claims to have simple answers to questions about raising kids is full of shit. Of course, that's just my opinion.

The truth is, after our second daughter was born, I gave away every child rearing book we bought (with only a couple exceptions). Not because I thought we knew all the answers but because the books only made me more confused, less likely to follow my own instincts (and my husband's) and made me feel guilty for not being the kind of mother the books said I should be.

For instance, the books about attachment parenting by Dr. Sears made me totally nuts. I think I was about as attached as a parent could be after A Girl was born. That kid was constantly attached to one breast or another. Seriously. I was a human pacifier. I am still amazed that I was able to go back to work without her still attached to me. The attachment parenting books said things like "an attached parent instinctively knows what her baby wants when she cries." Ok, maybe some people are infant mind readers but not me. I think I had it easier than the average parent because when she cried, it pretty much meant I needed to whip out a boob and all would be right with the world again. But there were times when I had no clue what the hell she wanted and frankly, I'm convinced she didn't either. (In fact, just last night she asked me "Do you ever just feel like crying for no reason?") I won't opine on whether attachment parenting is good or not because I couldn't bring myself to finish the book.

Then there are the books designed to get your child to sleep. Don't even get me started. Every book out there claims to have THE answer to solving the baby sleep problem. The book that so many people rave about - the Weissbluth book - was my least favorite. He happens to be the head pediatrician at the practice our children go to. I've met him briefly and he seems to be a nice man. However - he has a whole chapter of his book devoted to blasting mothers who don't let their children cry it out. He says, basically, those mothers have bad relationships with their husbands and are using the child to avoid their relationship issues. There's also language in the book that made me cringe about kids who don't sleep well growing up to be fat and stupid. I know first hand the evils of sleep deprivation. I know that it's important for kids to learn to fall asleep on their own. I also know that my desire to "rescue" my baby from crying too much was not necessarily in her best interest in the long-run. BUT - to malign all mothers who find it difficult to let their babies cry until they throw up (the babies, not the moms) is ridiculous. The whole tone of his book is that if you don't do what the great doctor says, you're a bad parent and your children are doomed to a life of sorrow. Maybe in my sleep-deprived state I was a tad sensitive but, honestly, I think that's the LAST thing new parents need to hear.

So, back to the reason I even started this post. To me, there's no one right way to do things when it comes to raising a family. There's only a right way to do things for your family. Unless you're outright abusing your kids, no one should judge you for making the choices that work for your situation. Some people swear by the cry it out method of getting your kids to sleep. We tried it and it was a complete failure (mainly because my oldest was as stubborn as they come). Eventually, we figured out a few things that worked for us and she's a fairly well-adjusted 8 year old who sleeps very well. With our second, I don't remember it being as big an issue. I was lucky enough to be able to nurse our kids for a full year each and I used to be pretty judgmental about mothers who didn't nurse. But I realize now that everyone faces their own challenges and what worked for me and my family might not work for them. Maybe I should write a book about it and call it "Raising a Family: Some stuff that worked for me and might work for you but if it doesn't that's ok." What do you think?

Nothing to say

2006-04-11T14:35:00.000-05:00

Really. For once in my life, I have nothing to say. There are lots of thoughts floating around in my head, colliding with one another. I can't decide whether the best analogy is a bunch of bubbles bumping into each other, some merging and becoming bigger, some bursting or whether it's more like swirling protons, crashing and splitting into unrecognizable particles. Either way, I can't seem to form a coherent idea. I am a true space cadet today.

So, why am I blogging on a day like today? Because I said I want to write more and if I'm going to do that, I just can't sit around waiting for the perfect idea to materialize. The way my brain is working (or not) these days, I'll never write another thing if I don't just sit down and do it.

Here's a sampling of the crap in my head:

We saw Spelling Bee, The Musical this weekend. It was good, you should see it.
I have lots of books I'm reading. I really should finish a few of them. The pile of books on my nightstand is taller than I am. And I'm not short.
I wish I didn't have to go to my 3:00 meeting.
I really like the song on my iPod right now. It's called San Francisco by Secondhand Jive.
Should I eat something? I'm not sure if I'm hungry or just feel like eating. Can I take a nap?
I need to call my mom. Soon. Maybe later. God, I don't feel like having a conversation with anyone right now.

I'm not sure if it's PMS or a new medication I'm taking or if I'm just crazy. Maybe the shrinkage in my brain caused by child birth is now catching up with me. Or I've lost too many brain cells watching Spongebob with the kids. I don't know.

Ok, now I'm going to my 3:00 meeting and I will make an attempt to appear intelligent. The only problem is that sometimes when I try to appear smart, I end up looking just the opposite. Maybe if I keep my mouth shut and look like I'm thinking intelligent thoughts, that'll do the trick. I'll let you know how it works out.

Thursday Thirteen - blah, blah, blah

2006-04-06T12:03:00.000-05:00

Thirteen Ramblings

1. I am not a big fan of chocolate. Weird. I know. Pretty much everyone loves chocolate, don't they? I must be missing a gene or something.

2. More than almost anything, I'd like to have a container garden. We have three balconies on our apartment, all devoid of growing things (except spiders and that creeps me out).

3. So what's holding me back? I have a black thumb. If I were to start a garden, I'd go and spend lots of cash on containers and plants and all the plants would be dead in a month. The containers would sit there, empty and sad for five years before I either got rid of them or got all optimistic again about my ability to grow something.

4. My kids would probably like having a little garden. If I thought I could actually get them to help on a regular basis (without a lot of badgering and ill-advised yelling), maybe I'd do it. But that reminds me of when I was a kid, living in a house with my two brothers, two step-brothers and one step-sister. We were all able bodied and our parents figured we could rake and mow the lawn as part of our chores. ha ha. Within a few months after we moved in, one of our neighbors left an anonymous, type-written note in our mailbox that said something like: "Your lawn is a mess and the leaves from your lawn are blowing all over the neighborhood. Your neighbors spend a lot of money and effort maintaining their lawns and you're messing it all up. Get your act together."

5. That week, my dad hired the same lawn service all our neighbors used. Come to think of it, maybe it was the lawn service that left the note . . .

6. I really can't wait for Spring. (I know, my kids have informed me several times that technically it IS Spring but someone forgot to tell Mother Nature that it's not supposed to be 30 degrees outside during Spring. How the hell are the tulips supposed to bloom when it's so damn cold?)

7. I've decided I don't want to be controversial right now. Mostly I want to concentrate on the writing that I'm not doing much of. Whenever I post about my struggles with writing (like here and here) I get great advice from the community. I'd like to use that community support to get myself writing more.

8. So my latest struggle is naming my characters. Perhaps I just need to let go of the struggle and allow the characters to name themselves. Sometimes, when we try too hard we make things impossible.

9. Speaking of struggling, I'm struggling with this post. I'm almost never at a loss for words except when I need them.

10. Who besides me was TOTALLY surprised that Mandisa got booted from American Idol last night? I was so sure Bucky was going home. Frankly, this season is shaping up to be more of a dud than I hoped. The last two weeks have been bo-ring. I think they should stop making them do songs in different genres and let them choose songs in a wider range. It was ok to do songs from the 21st century, for instance but making everyone do country songs doesn't make sense.

11. Have I mentioned lately how much I love TiVo? I do. The only problem with it is I don't actually know when anything is on anymore. And that's not really a problem. I just set it to record the shows I like on a season pass and I don't think about it anymore.

12. It occurs to me that the term TiVo is becoming like Kleenex or Xerox - I shouldn't be using a specific brand name when I mean the generic thing. So I should say DVR instead of TiVo, just as we should say photocopy instead of Xerox or tissue instead of Kleenex. I'm sure all the trademark attorneys out there will love me for that.

13. Hallelujah! I actually finished this post. I wasn't sure I would make it all the way to the end. But here we are. The End.

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A rose by any other name . . .

2006-04-04T15:51:00.000-05:00

I'm having a helluva time naming characters in my stories. Currently, I'm working on three different story ideas (either I'm quite the multi-tasker or I have ADD). Anyway, I feel like one of the things that's holding me back in developing the stories is my discomfort with naming my characters. I keep waffling between different names. A character without a name is a character that can't be fully developed.

Naming our children wasn't as hard as naming my characters. From the time I was a girl, I was sure I would name my daughter Samantha. Thankfully, my husband was fine with that name and up until the ultrasound, that's what we planned on naming our first child. Don't ask me why but after the ultrasound I looked at my husband and said "Call me crazy but I just don't think she's a Samantha." Strangely enough, he agreed and we eventually chose another name that I think suits her perfectly.

We didn't name our second daughter Samantha either. It just didn't seem to fit. My husband called me one day during my pregnancy and said "I was thinking about _____ for a name. What do you think?" I said "I love it. But her middle name has to be ________. With an "e" at the end." He said "Why with an e?" I said "I don't know. I just think it needs to be that way." He said "Ok." And we were done.

Given the ease with which we named our children - real people with real lives that could be negatively impacted by poorly chosen names - why am I having so much trouble naming fictional characters? I'd like to say that names don't matter but I know they do. I'm reading a book called Cross Bones right now and I don't particularly like the name of the main character - Temperance (she's called Tempe for short). For me, it doesn't particularly fit the character and just makes me think of Arizona which detracts from the story because, as you can imagine, the story has absolutely nothing to do with Arizona. The book's ok but I think it would be better if the character name wasn't so distracting.

So, all you fiction writers out there - how do you name your characters? Do you do an online search of "baby" names? Do you choose names that have a meaning that corresponds with your story? For you readers and writers out there, does a fictional character's name matter to you? What are some of your favorite character names and why?

Who's this for anyway?

2006-03-31T12:58:00.000-06:00

Nancy raised a good point in her comments to my last post. I said I worry that I don't have anything interesting to say. She said she has the same feeling but needs to figure out where blogging fits in her life and who she's writing for - herself or her readers.

For me, the answer is that I'm writing for myself AND my readers. If I wanted to write just for myself, I would have a private journal. There would be no reason for a blog. But I write in this public forum because I want an audience. I've always wanted an audience - I used to do musical theater so I could have a live audience. At this point, I'll settle for a virtual one.

That said, the essence of writing is very personal (depending on the topic). "Write what you know" is a cliche for a reason. Even the most empathetic among us can only write from our own perspective and experience. And unless you're writing an instruction manual, your biases and personal views are bound to come out. There are as many opinions as there are people and if we're nervy enough to express our views in public, we have to be thick-skinned enough to hear dissent. Unfortunately, we may also need to be thick-skinned enough to hear personal insults. Not that I'm condoning such behavior but some people simply can't stop themselves from personal attacks when expressing disagreement. I hope I never get to the point where I need to turn comments off like MIM did - the give and take is what I like about this writing format.

I assume the people that stop by this blog think I'm interesting, at least some of the time, otherwise they wouldn't keep reading. And the fact that I have a few regular readers helps keep me motivated to write (when I'm not otherwise engaged in fire fighting in my non-blog life). Ideally, I'd like to have more regular readers. To that end, I'm going to try to write more often and, sometimes, write about potentially controversial topics. My goal isn't controversy for the sake of controversy (although that might get me some short-term readers). My goal is dialogue. In this self-selected world of bloggers, we have a surprising diversity of views. I hope we can learn from each other. Another goal is to get more comments - I know from my hit counter that more people are reading this than are commenting. I want to hear from you, even if you disagree with me. Really. Just don't make comments about my ass or I'll have to go all Tae Kwon Do on yours.

Now that we have that settled, I have a few questions for you:

Why do you blog? How much do you care about the number of readers you have? Have you sparked controversy? If so, how and what happened? What topics would you like to write about or discuss but are afraid to touch on?

Thursday Thirteen - I'm still around . . .

2006-03-30T09:13:00.000-06:00

Here are 13 excuses (lame and otherwise) why I haven't written anything in the past two weeks:

1.Things have been busy at work. Things have been busy at home.
2. I've been procrastinating.
3. I have a severe case of writers block.
4. I've been thinking a lot about religion and faith lately. I'm not religious so it's kind of unusual for me to be giving so much mindspace to this issue. I've wanted to write about it but I'm concerned about offending people with my views.
5. Being overly concerned about offending people is also kind of unusual for me.
6. The controversy over at Morphing into Mama has made me extra skittish. (Go here to see the post that sparked the fire storm.) Not that I have nearly as many readers as MIM does. And my butt isn't half as cute as hers. But I think I have the potential to piss people off and I'm not sure I want to be controversial. (For the record, I think MIM makes some really good points. I also know that she's smart and funny and a fabulous writer. I think it's rotten that people have decided to attack her personally for sharing her opinion on her own blog.)
7. Sometimes I think all of the good stuff has already been written. I have a fear of being "derivative."
8. I don't really know what it means to be "derivative" but I'm pretty sure it's bad.
9. I worry that I don't have anything interesting to say.
10. There's lots of stuff that I would like to write about but since this blog isn't anonymous, I won't write it.
11. It's not that I have really bad things to say about anyone. But I can't write about stuff like job interviews (what? No. I'm not interviewing for anything . . . really), my family (not that I have anything bad to say but I don't want to embarass anyone or put my kids at any risk). I'd like to write more about my struggles with depression - although I'm not ashamed of it, there are people who might hold it against me so I don't want to take the chance.
12. Maybe I need an anonymous blog.
13. Yeah, just what I need for my procrastination guilt - two blogs where I don't post enough!

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Thursday Thirteen - work, work, work

2006-03-09T09:28:00.000-06:00

Thirteen Things about Jobs I held before becoming a lawyer.

I know that last week I said I'd talk some more about world religions this week. Well, I did start reading the Bible (Old Testament) and I've gotten through a few of the 50 chapters of Genesis. Man, the Bible is one looooong book. And Genesis is a whole lotta family tree stuff (all about the male descendents, I might add). Anyway, I don't have much to say about it at this point so, maybe next week.

So, jobs I've had . . .

1. The first job I had was at Aunt Diana's Old Fashioned Fudge at Northbrook Court mall. Thus began a life long struggle with my weight . . .that was some damn good fudge.

2. The second job I had was at Baskin Robbins Ice Cream in lovely downtown Highland Park, Illinois. Are you seeing a theme here? My boss was (conservatively) 300 pounds and a mean bastard. First of all, he hated kids and was always yelling at them for running around in the store. Clearly, he had no sense of customer service. We'd be serving scoops of ice cream and - in front of the customer - he'd yell at us for making the scoops too big and make us take ice cream off of the cones. When he wasn't around, we'd trade ice cream cones for egg rolls with the kids that worked at the Chinese restaurant across the street.

3. Then I worked at Michael's Hot Dogs which had been called Nathan's for years but then the people at the "real" Nathan's threatened to sue them if they didn't change their name. Anyway, even though I worked at the salad bar, I managed to eat my weight in burgers while I was there. (My favorite was a charbroiled burger with grilled onions, salad fixings and Swiss cheese in a pita - mmmmm, my mouth is watering and I don't even eat beef any more).

4. Michael's also had a good catering business - very big on the Bar/Bat Mitzvah circuit on the North Shore back in the day. Thirteen year olds looooove the cheddar fries. I made a bunch of cash working the catering during the summers. It was actually fun because it was social in a way that working behind a food counter isn't. (And man, it was hot, hot, hot behind the food counter with the grill going and 90 degree weather outside).

5. Then I went to college and was lucky enough to be able to not have a job while I was in school but I had some cool jobs during the summers. My first summer, my dad got me a job working as a production assistant on a movie that was filming out in L.A. The movie was called Monster in the Closet. (You won't find me in the credits - they don't usually list peons). I had a great time, learned a lot and worked my rear end off. This guy was a production assistant with me and I laugh every time I see his name in the credits of a movie or television show. He was a nice guy - all I really remember is playing Name That Tune whenever we rode in the car together. I kicked his ass most of the time. I lived in a fraternity house at UCLA. Remind me to tell you someday how disgusting the bathroom was when I first moved in and how much I hate the song "White Wedding" by Billy Idol after being forced to listen to it at full volume for an entire summer. Oh those crazy California frat boys!

6. The next summer, I went to Connecticut and worked for Folio Magazine. Again, it was a job my dad got for me (he had some pretty cool clients back then). I can't remember much about the work I did. Needless to say, I wasn't real interested in going into magazine production. However, I house sat in an awesome huge house in Windsor, Connecticut (which is a really lovely town). I had a co-house sitter - a guy who was a Christian rock singer from Oklahoma. I don't even remember his name or why the hell he was living in Connecticut with me. We barely saw each other since our social circles didn't intersect. I do remember that we were also taking care of two outdoor cats. Apparently, these cats were quite competitive - they would bring us dead birds and mice and all kinds of other woodland creatures, each cat trying to outdo the other with their "gifts" each day. Although I miss sitting on the back porch, listening to the crickets, reading a book and sipping ice tea, I really don't miss cleaning up dead animal carcasses.

7. The next summer, I worked as a lab assistant at Cook County Hospital in Chicago. (Yeah, my dad got me that job too). It was kinda interesting - I got to use pipettes and stuff like they use in CSI. Woo hoo. Mostly I was testing different testing kits for efficacy so the lab could figure out which testing kits they wanted to buy. Simply going to work at a County Hospital was depressing as hell even though I didn't have any patient contact.

8. After I graduated, I wanted to do movies and thought about going to L.A. but I was scared. I even started to write a screen play but never really got very far. My parents told me I didn't have to get a "real" job - I could stay at home and write or figure out what I wanted to do. But, of course, why would I want to take advantage of a fabulous offer like that? I wasn't that smart. Instead, I got a job as a waitress at a local restaurant/bar. I was a bit dismayed that I got much better tips when I wore shorts or mini-skirts than when I wore slacks. Like I said, I wasn't too smart back then.

9. A friend from college was moving to New York City and asked me if I wanted to get an apartment with her. Being the spontaneous sort of gal I am, I looked up a bunch of talent agencies in New York, set up some interviews and went for it. (I had decided that if Michael Ovitz could become a powerful producer after starting as an agent, I could do it, too). I got a job at Oppenheimer and Christie Talent Agency and moved to NYC. I lived in a one bedroom apartment in Brooklyn with my girlfriend and a gay guy we knew from college. It sucked.

10. Eventually, I got tired of working at a talent agency and went to work at Rossetti Films (a TV commercial production company) and worked for this guy. He's a brilliant director and very creative but he's was freakin' crazy when I worked for him. Once time he was mad when we forgot to turn the copy machine off one night. So on the door across from my desk, he wrote - in black indelible ink - "TURN ALL LIGHTS AND MACHINES OFF BEFORE LEAVING!!!" and he pulled all the videotapes off of the shelves in my office. When I came in the next morning, I thought we had been robbed. One of the cool things about working there was the fridge fully stocked with soda and beer. And the fact that Dominick's wife would go out every afternoon and buy us cappacino and scones. She was a lovely woman. Plus I learned how to use a video editing machine (which is totally useless now that the technology has changed!).

11. After about a year there, a good friend of my step-brother's died suddenly of a brain aneurysm. I wasn't close friends with him but it hit home - we were the same age and it was so unfair. My step-brother and his friends were devastated. I went through a whole soul-searching phase and decided to go back home to Chicago and try to write and take film classes. Rossetti Films hired a woman to take my place. She was so incompetent and so insane that they called me six months later and begged me to come back for a huge salary increase. (Well, it seemed huge at the time but I went from making absolutely nothing to making next to nothing which was a big jump.) So much for film classes. I went back to New York.

12. Eventually I landed at a small production company called Man in the Moon Productions. There I learned how to send videotapes through customs in Singapore via FedEx and UPS. I tell you, I gathered some pretty amazing skills while I was in New York. One day, I asked one of the production coordinators a question that my boss thought I should have asked him. This 200 pound man jumped up and down, screaming in my face "I'm the head of production! You come to me! Me!" I scurried out of his office and into the front room where my desk was. He followed me out, picked up the Pitney Bowes mail stamping machine and threatened to drop it on my head. Needless to say, I quit.

13. Then I decided to get a real job and went to law school. I won't bore you with the details of my stint at a law firm. Unfortunately, it wasn't anything like this.

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Note to self . . .

2006-03-08T09:18:00.000-06:00

When at work, don't answer the phone when you don't recognize the caller ID number.

I just got off of a 15 minute call with a 91 year old shareholder of some of our investment companies. He called me because my name is on our annual reports and he figured (incorrectly) that I'm a Big Important Executive with all kinds of ability to make Big Important Executive Decisions (ha ha). He began the call by telling me how horrible it was that the person answering the 800 number for our funds had no idea who I was. Forget for a moment that he was horribly mispronouncing my last name. We have lots and lots of employees and the people who answer the 800 number don't even work for this company! Hell, there are people that work for this company, in the same building, that probably don't know (and couldn't care less) who I am.

Then he told me that I should be congratulated (yeah for me!) because I was at my desk like every good executive should be. He said "I have called executives of many companies and they're never at their desks. They must be out to lunch or in the bathroom or something when they should be at their desks!" He told me how he had owned a company for 20 years and he wanted to give me some advice. "Never allow your secretary to tell any callers that you are away from your desk! Executives should be at their desks working!" Ok, I'll keep my potty breaks to a minimum. I debated whether I should tell him that although I was at my desk (like the good executive I am), I was actually reading blogs. Maybe not.

The reason for his call (besides giving me wholly inappropriate and unsolicited advice) was to tell me that I need to band together with others in my industry and tell our main regulator that we should stop wasting shareholder money by sending out annual reports to people who are just going to throw them in the garbage. "I'm an intelligent person. I know a lot of things. I can't understand your reports anyway and I don't want them. It's a waste of money to print these things! I would have thrown this one in the garbage sooner but I found your name on it." (Again, yeah for me!) Not that any of you want to know the inner workings of this very dry area of the law but regular disclosure of important (and not so important) facts is essential to selling mutual funds. There is no way in hell the regulators are going to allow us to stop mailing these things out. Trying to be helpful, I pointed out to him that he could get them electronically and that would save his funds printing costs. "I've had this computer for four years. I have a tutor come over every week to work with me. I'm an intelligent person. I know things but I can't figure out the damn computer anyway." Okaaaay. And by the way, thanks for reminding me that the documents I spend half my life drafting, reading, editing and fighting with marketing people over are simply thrown in the trash by most people who get them. It's nice to know that the things I do matter so much.

I told him he should write the regulator himself, that they're always glad to hear from the investors they serve. He said "I've written to congressmen and all kinds of politicians. Nobody wants to do anything! I've told them that we need to be prepared for natural disasters and have evacuation plans in case of a NUCLEAR WAR!" (Yes, he yelled "nuclear war" in my ear.) Sigh.

Thankfully, after 15 minutes he said "I have another call. Thank you for listening to me."

Just to be clear - I'm not making fun of the elderly. At 91, this man appeared to be more clear-headed than most people half his age. At least some of the things he was saying made sense - it's silly to send annual reports to people who don't want them. I'll grant that. We should be able to send them only to people who request them and put them online for people who can use their computers. However, that will never happen in my lifetime. So there really is no sense in banging my head against that particular brick wall.

In the end, I'm really proud of myself. Usually I avoid talking to shareholders, regulators and other people with the power to make my work life miserable (I have this nasty habit of saying what I really think which tends to be a bad thing in those conversations). I usually punt those calls to people who are far more tactful. But this man wasn't nasty and he was only making suggestions so there was no harm in listening. And maybe he just wanted to talk to someone who would listen. So maybe I was able to matter to him, if only for 15 minutes.

Are you happy now?

2006-03-06T13:37:00.000-06:00

I read an interesting article in the Personal Journal section of the Wall Street Journal today. (I'd link to it on the Internet but it requires a subscription to the Online version of the Journal.)

The article talks about a recent survey that asked people whether they were happy. A small number of people said they didn't know whether they were happy which surprised the author. It doesn't surprise me because it seems as though the sponsor of the survey didn't define happiness. Happiness can be a mood like any other and it changes from day to day (or for those who are particularly unstable like yours truly, from minute to minute). I suppose the question was meant to gauge whether people were generally happy or not happy but it's sort of an unfair question. My answer would be "It depends. I'm happy a lot of the time but it's the beginning of March with no spring weather in sight so I'm pretty crabby. If you force me to answer such a ridiculous question right now I would have to say I'm not so happy."

Which leads me a different definition of "happiness." Happiness is sort of an internal rating of a particular thing or state of affairs, unrelated to our moods. So, I can be happy with my marriage but unhappy with the way my ass looks in my formerly-favorite pair of jeans. I can be happy with the weather but unhappy that my kids don't want to go for a walk but would instead like to watch yet another hour of Spongebob episodes. Granted, my internal rating of things can sometimes change with my moods - work is a whole lot suckier when I have PMS for instance - but I can hate work and be happy watching American Idol at the same time.

Which is why the answer to "Are you happy?" has to be "It depends." And it's an unfair question (especially for a lawyer who can't give a straight, non-wordy answer to even the simplest of questions.).

The interesting part of the article was its brief review of how the definition of happiness has changed over time and how it differs among cultures. In our culture (probably dating back to the "inalienable right to the pursuit of happiness" in the Declaration of Independence), happiness is a goal in and of itself. So many of us search for people, places and things that will "make" us happy. Despite the fact that everyone knows that "you can't buy happiness" and "happiness comes from inside" we still have this feeling that happiness will come when we find our soul mate, when we have kids, when we get a plasma TV or when we can finally afford that vacation home. And we feel that we have a right to happiness which, when you take a step back and consider it, is absurd. It's one thing to say that the government shouldn't interfere with our pursuit of happiness but it's a big leap to thinking that we have a right to feel happy all the time.

As I've blogged about before a couple times, I have a thing for self-help books. I keep thinking that I just need the right program and then I'll have it all figured out and I'll be happier (and thinner and more organized and a better parent). It's not that I'm unhappy - I just figure I could be happier and sometimes I just can't figure out how to do that.

Frankly, even if I could figure out what will make me happy once and for all, this focus on personal happiness isn't healthy anyway. I love something that Reese Witherspoon said in her Oscar acceptance speech last night. She said that when people would ask June Carter how she was doing, she'd say "I'm just trying to matter." When I was a teenager, I worked at a small hamburger joint. One day a co-worker told me that she had considered suicide but the thing that stopped her was the realization that she mattered to her sister. That thought has helped me during my own bouts with depression through the years - I know I matter to at least a few people and that keeps me going even on the worst days.

I can't always figure out what will make me happy at any given moment. But maybe if I concentrate more on mattering to the people I care about, I'll be happier and I'll be able to make some room on my bookshelf!

American Idol dish

2006-03-03T18:21:00.000-06:00

I admit it, I totally loooooove American Idol. Even the crappy singers, Simon's snarky comments, Randy Jackson's TOTAL name dropping and the fact that Paula simply can't say anything that isn't sickeningly sweet. I love it all. I love the underdog factor - the rags to riches stories. People having their dreams come true.

However, the torture they put the contestants through on elimination night? I don't love that so much. I really feel for them - even the people that have to know they aren't cutting the mustard. I don't think I could stand on that stage about to be sent home and sing my song without bawling like a baby. Have you noticed that the people going home ALWAYS sing the song better than they did the night before?

So - let's talk about last night's eliminations. I think all the right people got let go (except I really, really can't figure out why Kevin Cobais is still around except that he's really sweet and maybe people expect him to suddenly stop lisping when he sings and become Clay Aiken - ain't gonna happen people!).

Anyway, the whole point of this post is to ask - does any one else think that Paula Abdul was TOTALLY high during the show? At a time when these poor kids are nervous as hell that they're going home, there's Paula laughing her ass off at some comment Simon supposedly made to her. And she did it not once, but twice! On any other night she's smacking his arm and saying something nice. But last night, she looked like she could barely keep her head off the desk, her hair was a complete mess and she didn't say one coherent sentence.

Just wondering if I'm the only person who noticed.

Thursday Thirteen - World Religions edition

2006-03-02T11:26:00.000-06:00

Thirteen Things about My New Desire to Study World Religions

1. I've actually been interested in religion as an academic study for awhile. My college major was psychology - mainly because I was pre-med for two years and when I decided I didn't want to go to med school, psychology was an easy major to complete. But I also studied psychology because I thought it would give me insight into human nature. However, I've since realized that if I had to do it over again, I'd study History or Literature because those disciplines give a far better picture of human nature than psychology. Psychology, being a scientific study, tends to focus on the trees instead of the forest. And I think that you need to see the big picture of human behavior - as reflected in history in particular - to really get a sense of how people behave.

2. I've always been interested in Medieval history. Don't ask me why the time of rampant syphilis, poor hygiene and beheadings is appealing to me. It just is. Anyway, it seems to me that Medieval history and religious history are intertwined. You can't really understand that time in history without studying the development of organized religion.

3. Although I would say I'm a spiritual person, I'm not religious. My family has sort of a strange religious history - my dad's mother was born in Bohemia (now part of the Czech Republic) and when she was three, she came with her family to the United States. (She came through Ellis Island which I find totally cool.) Unfortunately, her baby brother died soon thereafter during an influenza epidemic. According to family lore, the Catholic Church wanted $10 to bury the baby in consecrated ground but as recent immigrants, they didn't have the money so the baby was buried in Potter's Field. (Or as my dad tells it, his grandmother would angrily say "They flung the baby's body into Potter's Field." We have a history of drama queens in my family.) After that, they never went to church again. My dad's father grew up in a religious Jewish family but for unknown reasons, he stopped going to synagogue after he was 13 and when he was about 18, he left home and never went back. He never talked about his religious upbringing or why he turned his back on his family.

4. My mom was raised Methodist but wasn't a big churchgoer and religion wasn't an important part of her life. So my brothers and I were raised without much religion. We celebrated a secular Christmas and the only time we went to church was when my parents hired couples from nearby Trinity College to babysit us when they went on vacation. My brothers and I thought it was cool to go to church and sit in the playroom coloring in Jesus Loves You coloring books. We grew up in a predominantly Jewish suburb of Chicago so I grew up identifying with Judaism from a cultural and perhaps spiritual standpoint but not from an organized religious standpoint.

5. That changed when my dad married to a Jewish woman. We would go to synagogue on the High Holidays and celebrate Passover at our house. We lit candles on Hanukkah and learned about Jewish history. I began to identify myself as Jewish and even joined a "Jewish" sorority in college. I was the only non-Jew in the house. No one knew I wasn't technically Jewish until my mom sent me a Valentines card addressed to me with my full name - I have always used my middle name and my first name (at least on my birth certificate) is Mary. There aren't a lot of Jewish girls named Mary. The revelation didn't cause any drama - having grown up where I did and with my history, I didn't really count as a non-Jew.

6. When I was in my 20's I officially converted to Judaism with the Mikvah and everything. I attended a Conservative synagogue and really enjoyed it. As part of the conversion, I promised to marry a Jewish man. But life being what it is, I fell madly in love with my husband who was technically raised Lutheran but isn't religious. We've talked on and off about finding a religion that would suit us both - we both enjoyed going to my parent's synagogue because they practice something called Humanistic Judaism which (according to the the Society for Humanistic Judaism) "embraces a human-centered philosophy that combines the celebration of Jewish culture and identity with an adherence to humanistic values and ideas." But, for a variety of reasons, that doesn't work for us. We celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah (at least when we can remember to light the candles!) and we talk about different religions with the kids.

7. I think that both of us would probably be most comfortable with Unitarian Universalism which (according to the Unitarian Universalist Association) is "a religion that keeps an open mind to the religious questions people have struggled with in all times and places. We believe that personal experience, conscience and reason should be the final authorities in religion, and that in the end religious authority lies not in a book or person or institution, but in ourselves." But neither of us really feels like we need to start attending church and frankly, I'm not sure how we'd fit it into our schedule right now.

8. So - why all of a sudden, do I feel like studying world religions? As I said above, I've always been interested in it and lately I've been feeling like I need to learn something new. If I had all the money in the world, I'd probably go back to school and do something in this University of Chicago Humanities program. But right now, I need something that's free and that I can do at my own pace, given my already too full schedule. Plus, I've been doing a lot of self-reflection lately and I feel I could use a little spiritual study at this point.

9. The other day, I got the urge to read the Bible - the whole thing, Old and New Testament. I'm sure it's related to PMS, I get weird ideas like that when the hormones kick in. But I stumbled on the Internet Sacred Text Archive which is one of the most ambitious and amazing sites I've ever seen. The site is "a freely available archive of electronic texts about religion, mythology, legends and folklore, and occult and esoteric topics. Texts are presented in English translation and, in some cases, in the original language. This site has no particular agenda other than promoting religious tolerance and scholarship." It contains THOUSANDS of full texts and articles about world religions.

10. With respect to Christianity, this site has among many other things, the ENTIRE text of the King James Bible, the Vulgate (which is the Latin bible - in Latin), and the Apocrypha. With respect to Judaism, it has the Tanakh (both English and Hebrew texts) and the ENTIRE TEN VOLUME Talmud. It has books and information about every other religion you've heard of and many you haven't. It also has sections on "Traditions" which aren't necessarily religions but include things like Shamanism and Legends such as the Legend of Arthur. The Traditions section includes sections regarding women and religion that are fascinating - I read part of The Vindication of the Rights of Woman written in 1792 by Mary Wollstonecraft. It even has The Woman's Bible by Elizabeth Cady Stanton, published in 1898.

11. Last night I read The Book of the Goddess which is fairly short. I admit, I giggled when I read the part about the "Big Bang" being the first official "world-shattering" orgasm. ("And the Goddess saw that the multiverses were good. And that was the first orgasm. When we experience orgasm we take an infinitesimal sip Of the cup of the ecstasy of creation.) I think that's funny. What can I say, I'm immature like that. I really couldn't help but laugh reading Genesis, as defined in the Goddess tradition. It's sort of a weird combination of official sounding religious wording and scientific mumbo jumbo ("In the voids between the stars and deep in the nebulae, Wherever atoms linked into long chains, There was a soup of organic molecules. And the Goddess sang "Let the long chains of atoms become self-replicating And evolve into my image".)

12. It has some interesting principals, though - most of which are hard to disagree with. Goddess worshipers believe in love for all people, care for the planet and sharing the gift of your sexuality with those you love. They believe that when you judge others, you take on the karma of that judgment so you need to be careful and fair in how you judge people. The Goddess teaches us to remember that the Earth is not dependent upon humans to live but humans are dependent upon the Earth and so we must rebalance our lives with that in mind. Goddess worshipers believe in leading by consensus and finding common ground rather than through force and hierarchy.

13. Ok, now I have to get back to the work that pays the bills. Tune in next week for some more fun with world religions!

See the sidebar blog roll for links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Out of step

2006-03-01T16:21:00.000-06:00

I've really been absent from this blog and I know I'm going to lose what few readers I have if I don't write something! I've just been out of sorts lately and writing makes me feel emotionally vulnerable. The desire to write honestly about whatever experience I'm having scares me.

I really miss my husband and my daughter. I missed them while they were in Asia but there was a lot of time to get used to the idea that they'd be gone. We made a fairly quick decision for them to go to California and maybe I just didn't have enough time to adjust. And my husband was traveling prior to that so I don't feel like we've had the time we both crave to re-connect with each other after their Asia trip.

I'm also PMSing so, as usual, that has me feeling all topsy-turvy.

I had to go to L.A. on business last week (which is one of the reasons I haven't been writing). So I brought M Girl and so we got to spend some time with Big D and A Girl. (Actually, M Girl got to spend time with them - I was in meetings and going out for big, expensive meals every night).
So let me just say that I think L.A. is the most intimidating city in the world. Not that I've been in every city in the world but I have traveled a bit and so far I haven't been anywhere that intimidates me as much as L.A. (Beverly Hills in particular). And staying at the Peninsula Hotel just reinforced that feeling ten-fold. I'm still recovering which might be why I feel out of step.

So here's what the Peninsula - Beverly Hills is like - there's a circular drive with the entrance in the middle. Across from the entrance is a lovely stone fountain with lots of beautiful greenery around it so it blocks any view of the entrance from the street and makes you feel like your in a more secluded place. Parked around the driveway are a selection of Mercedes, Bentleys, Maseratis and (my personal favorite) an occasional Aston Martin. Porches don't even make the cut to stay parked up front (not even the cool looking convertible ones). Can you even imagine what it felt like to pull up in our rented Ford Taurus wearing no make up one morning? (And without a cuddly, fluffy purse dog accessory like so many of the women were carrying.) The head of the valet dudes interrogated me until he was satisfied that I actually was staying at the hotel. I think he was a bit put off when I indicated that I did intend to have them park the Ford for me. (Of course, I didn't expect it to stay out front. The Ford knows it's place in the valet parking pecking order.)

Every employee has clearly drunk the customer service Kool-Aid. They're polite to the point of sycophancy. (Wow - SAT word). I like good, friendly service as much as the next person but sheesh - you don't have to plaster yourself to the wall when I walk by. And for goodness sake, you don't all have to snap to attention when I walk into the lobby. (I would always check behind me to make sure there wasn't some important celebrity getting off the elevator behind me). It really makes me feel self-conscious when five people behind the counter look at me with identical robotic smiles. It's downright creepy.

In the room, there's personalized stationary and business cards saying Ms. La De Da, Peninsula Hotel -Beverly Hills, In Residence. Seriously, does anyone actually hand that shit out? I barely ever hand out my real business cards (and even then it's usually to another mom so we can set up play dates for our kids).

And then there's the other guests and assorted visitors. My hubby and I saw a handful of celebrities that I recognized or other people pointed out. Jimmy Connors, Richard Lewis (you know, the comedian with the kinda long hair), Tony Robbins. There were dozens of people that I'd swear I'd seen on TV or in movies but couldn't think of their names. You'd think with a daughter who's on the margins of the business, I wouldn't be intimidated - these are real, human people. Just like you and me. But in so many ways, they aren't just like you and me. For one thing, they get driven around in limos (or those fab Bentleys) on a regular basis. They don't just occasionally get to stay in hotels like the Peninsula (and then only on business when someone else is paying) - they always stay in places like that.

I saw very few women without make up on. Even early in the morning. Even at the Starbucks across the street. Even the ones I saw jogging. And I didn't see many fat people, but that didn't come as much of a surprise. The men were mostly dressed casually but it was a calculated casual - like they worked hard to look like they didn't work hard at getting dressed just right. It was a showy casual, if that makes any sense. I saw more Prada bags and shoes than I've ever seen in one place outside of a knock off market. And I'm pretty sure they weren't knock offs.

Generally, I wear make up - not a lot. Just enough that I look like I made at least a little effort. But I don't "put on a face" (as my mother calls it) and that's what pretty much all the women looked like. There are plenty of women in Chicago that wear lots of make up but I rarely get the feeling like I'm out of place with my level of make up wearing. There's a diversity in Chicago that's comforting. I didn't see much diversity out there. Again, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.

Maybe part of my discomfort while I was out there came from thinking about the possibility of moving to L.A., either permanently or part-time, if our daughter gets significant work. My husband and I don't particularly want to move (although I will say that this time of year, the weather in California is a significant draw) and we just talk about it in terms of "what ifs" so that we can be better prepared to make a decision in the event that it comes up. But just trying to picture us there was difficult because I felt so conspicuously out of place. I know that the Peninsula Hotel and its guests are not representative of the greater L.A. area. But it is indicative of how much the culture in L.A. differs from the Midwestern vibe that we're used to.

So I can't wait until my family is all together again tomorrow. I don't feel whole without them around.

Thursday Thirteen - Stage Mom Edition

2006-02-16T17:28:00.000-06:00

Thirteen Things about Being a Stage Mom

1. First let me say that I probably shouldn't be calling myself a stage mom. Big D is really handling all things related to show business in our family. He does all the heavy lifting, as they say. I do nothing except undeservedly bask in the glory of A Girl's success. So I guess I am just a typical stage mom.

2. A Girl and her dad have been in L.A. for two weeks and they're staying until early March. It's "pilot season" in Hollywood which means there's more casting than usual. When you go for pilot season, the hope is that you'll get cast on a show that actually makes it to the air. If you're lucky, your show will be a hit and you'll have a job for awhile.

3. A Girl had her first audition on Friday for a small role in an episode of an existing show and she booked it! They filmed the episode Tuesday. I would love to tell you all what show it is but out of a growing concern for her safety and privacy, I've decided not to give details. Some of my early readers have seen pictures of her and could probably figure out who she is if they watch this particular show. All I'll say is that it's a comedy and she has two lines.

4. After a week of nothing but that one audition (and booking!), she now has a few things on the schedule for this week. Since they're out there for her to audition, it's great that she's getting seen. She has voice over, print and movie auditions so she's seeing a wide variety of people.

5. I'm torn between wanting her to get something big and wanting her to come home to have a "normal" life. We never thought we'd be doing this - at least not this soon after she started. Even after she spent three months performing in Asia, we didn't anticipate her career taking off yet. But then she won a spot in the Chicago Childrens' Choir, got a role in this play and was asked by an L.A. agency to go to California to audition. Now she has a "name" TV show under her belt which is a huge resume boost - who knows where it could lead her.

6. Sometimes I underestimate her which, I think stems from my own fear of rejection. I think she's cute and she's a really nice kid. I want her to do well because she's so happy performing and has always wanted to be on TV. And because she's my kid. But when I look at her, I see a normal kid. I don't see a "star." So when I go to auditions with her and see a bunch of kids that are better dressed with perfect hair and perfect teeth, I worry that A Girl will get her heart broken. But at this point, she's had more rejections than bookings and she's fine with it. She actually likes auditioning. She loves getting a job but she's ok if she just gets an audition. She understands how it works. Clearly, her skin is thicker than mine.

7. I know I've said it before but seeing your baby on television is totally cool and slightly surreal. Especially when she's saying "I love you mommy!" to a Stepford Wives version of me.

8. I have to credit my husband for this idea, but he is very careful to remind A Girl that doing commercials etc. is just like any other extra-curricular activity. If her grades slip, if she starts getting a bad attitude, if it all starts to be too much for her to handle then she doesn't do it anymore until her priorities change. People (myself included) tend to call what she does a "career" but that's a big thing for any eight year old to carry. Big D once told her, "Remember, you're not an actress, you're a kid and that's ok." Before they went to California, Big D heard her saying just that to one of her friends. She doesn't want them to treat her differently. She just wants to be a kid.

9. Every once in awhile she needs a reminder that the world doesn't revolve around her but for the most part, she's a really nice, friendly person. That's what makes her success all the sweeter for the people who love her. She really deserves to have good things happen to her.

10. The other thing I worry about is her little sister. Given the exciting things that are going on with A Girl, it's way too easy to get caught up talking about her and not talking about M Girl. First of all, I talk about A Girl too much as it is. Then it doesn't feel right talking about M Girl because I've pretty much dominated the conversation at that point. I don't want to be one of those people who does nothing but talk about their own kids and never lets anyone get a word in edgewise. But sometimes I feel like I have to add something about M Girl so it doesn't seem like I've totally forgotten that I have another child. That's awful, isn't it?

11. M Girl and I are going to California on Saturday. Lucky for me, I get to be in Board meetings all week. M Girl gets to be schlepped around to A Girl's auditions. But I'm sure she'll just be happy to be with her dad and her sister. I think she's getting sick of beating me in Crazy 8's. She needs another willing victim.

12. There's a whole stage mom culture here that I'm sure is probably just as catty as the one in L.A. (but Big D will have to let me know about that one). Even though I talk up a storm about A Girl to people who know us, I don't sit at auditions questioning other mothers about what work their kid has done just so I can brag about A Girl. Seriously, there's one mother who sits by the door at auditions and questions EVERY person who walks through the door.

13. I worry about A Girl getting obnoxious and full of herself as she gets more success. But as I said in #8, Big D is really good about keeping her grounded. The reality is that I should worry more about ME getting obnoxious. Because the awful truth is that I can't wait to tell the other stage moms that A Girl got a tv show! The next time I say that I'm not a typical stage mom, feel free to give me a good smack down.

See the sidebar blog roll for links to other Thursday Thirteens!

The sneaky one

2006-02-11T15:35:00.003-06:00

It's Saturday afternoon. Earlier in the day, our 4 year old neighbor, H girl, came over to play for a little while. When H Girl went home, my babysitter insisted on accompanying her in the elevator to her apartment despite H Girl's protests that she could go by herself. Although this building is about as safe as they come, no place is perfectly safe. We very rarely let our kids go somewhere in the building without us and then only if both of them are together.

M Girl is eating a snack and I'm doing the dishes when we hear a little knock at our apartment door. I open the door and see H Girl, by herself. I'm pretty sure her parents wouldn't let her come down alone. She's not exactly the most trustworthy kid.
"I'm here again! I'd like some food. Do you have any popsicles?"
"Honey, where's your dad? Did he tell you that you could come back here?"
"Well, I asked him if I could come over."
"What did he say? Does he know you're here?"
"I asked him and he said no so I sneaked out." She does a little sneaking dance in my living room.

I adore this girl but she's Trouble. She's adorable and sweet and has the awesome power of teeny tiny cuteness. You just want to scoop her up and carry her around in your big mom purse. But just try to say no to her and watch the storm clouds gather. Thunder claps! Lightning strikes! She turns into a small but very loud, flailing mass of fury. At least that was last month. Now I guess she just does what she wants regardless. It's quieter but a lot more unsettling.

So, before I can say another word to her (like "Holy crap kid are you in trouble"), M Girl says "H Girl! You can't just leave your house without telling your parents!" You go girl. I seriously thank my lucky stars that I don't have to worry about my girls doing something like that (at least not yet). They aren't perfect kids and they push our buttons like any other kids. But we've tried to teach them about safety and when it comes to that kind of stuff, they really tow the line.

So H Girl's dad came down to get her. I open the door and she's talking to him like nothing happened. "Dad, can I come back later? Is my friend S home? When are we eating dinner?" He's clearly pissed. He picks her up and walks wordlessly away while she chatters on. She clearly doesn't know what kind of trouble she's in. Then again, she behaves like this because her parents are a bit lax in the discipline department. Maybe she knows that they're no match for the power of her teeny tiny cuteness.

Thursday Thirteen - Things that irritate me

2006-02-02T16:21:00.000-06:00

It's another PMS-driven Thursday Thirteen! (Yes, I have PMS again. If it bothers you, talk to my husband. He can tell you that the only way to deal with my PMS is to repeatedly bang your head against a brick wall. That way, the pain in your ass caused by my PMS will be overshadowed by the pain in your head.) Anyway, instead of trying to freak you out with my mood swings, I'll see how many of my readers I can offend with a list of things that irritate me.

1. Anti-bacterial tissues. Seriously - has anyone EVER gotten a virus from germs that have been blown into a tissue? Was there some burning customer need for foul-smelling, too thick tissues that have the dubious benefit of killing germs that weren't going to hurt anyone? If I was a cynical person, I would say that the tissue company is simply trying to market a higher margin product to an insanely germ-phobic public.

2. People who smoke in front of the entrance to a public building. I try to be a live and let live person. If someone wants to destroy their lungs by smoking, that's their choice. Personally, I choose to clog my arteries with Krispy Kremes. To each his or her own. But the thing is, my Krispy Kreme habit doesn't impact the health of other people. Second hand smoke - besides being annoying to most non-smokers - has been shown to be harmful. Ok, I realize that when I drive my car the exhaust has a detrimental impact on the environment but allowing the use of cars is a societal choice as much as a personal choice. So, anyway . . . it pisses me off when I have to enter or leave a building and I have no choice but to walk through a cloud of smoke to get where I need to go. Please - if you must smoke, can you move away from the entrance of the building?

3. Winter. Well, more specifically, winter after New Years. I like a white Christmas season (or Christmakkah as one of my Jewish friends living with a Christian woman calls it). And I know some people actually like snow and do "fun" things like speeding down a mountain, dodging other people and huge rocks and just generally trying not to get killed, maimed or otherwise injured. I don't mind cooler weather but there is simply NO NEED for below zero temperatures. To be completely honest, we've had a fairly mild winter and I'm probably jinxing everything by complaining when I promised at the beginning of this god awful season that I wouldn't complain. But I'm PMSing, it's February, I'm sick of gray skies and cold weather. I'm sick of my winter coat. I'm sick of my winter clothes and if I never wore another pair of flannel pajamas I'd live happily ever after.

4. People who can't admit they're wrong. (Dear husband, please stop laughing). I can admit when I'm wrong. I can. It might take me a day (or five) but eventually I can admit it. Usually.

5. Incompetent people who somehow manage to weasel themselves into a position of responsibility. Especially when I have to work with them. How do these people get where they are? What makes the people who hire them think they are actually capable of doing the job? Let me just say that just because someone is a decent salesman does not mean that he can competently run a huge project that requires attention to detail, understanding of a wide variety of rules and regulations and the acceptance of reality.

6. Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. 'Nuff said y'all.

7. People who believe that there are big corporate, political or religious conspiracies going on requiring huge numbers of people are coordinating their efforts to dupe the "ordinary" person or destroy society as we know it. The most recent one irritating me has to do with the announcement by the American College of Chest Physicians that over the counter cough suppressants don't work. In an interesting article in the Chicago Tribune, author Julie Deardorff quotes "quackwatcher" Robert Carroll as saying that he knows that OTC cough medicines work because he's used them and millions of people swear by them so they MUST work. He goes on to say "Who's right? The millions of us with common sense and experience or some group of pointy-headed medical doctors who want us to get pneumonia so we'll have to check into the hospital and pay large medical bills to help pay for their SUVs and vacation homes?" Yeah, that's right. 16,000+ doctors got together and said to themselves, "Let's tell people that OTC cough medicines don't work so we can make more money." That's just plain stupid.

There's also the International Jewish Conspiracy to take over the world. I'm Jewish. Some of my best friends are Jewish. I'm shocked that none of us have been invited to the conspiracy planning meetings. I have some great ideas about how to take over the world. Maybe we're just not Jewish enough . . .

8. Restaurants that display actual plates of food to show their daily specials. Right after those plates are put out, the food starts to look unappetizing. Seriously people, the last thing I want to see when I walk into a restaurant for lunch is a plate of gnarly looking, five-hour-old eggs garnished with wilted parsley.

9. People who play annoying music in their cars at deafening levels. Look, if you're driving down the highway I can understand wanting to blast Bon Jovi's Livin' on a Prayer or, better yet, REO Speedwagon's Roll With the Changes. (Yeah, yeah - I was a teenager in the '80s. So sue me.) I might even understand it if you blast hip hop or techno under those circumstances. (Like I said in #2 - to each his or her own). But if you're at a stop light in the middle of the damn city, it's simply not appropriate to listen to irritating disco beats at a volume so high that the street shakes and people in neighboring towns cover their ears.

10. Parents that live vicariously through their children. I recognize that this is a dangerous subject. Not only because I am perilously close to doing this with my own child but because, to some extent I think most parents live through their children to one extent or another. To me, one of the great things about having kids is being able to experience their discovery of the world. As parents, we want - and need - to guide them and keep them safe on that journey. That guidance is based on our own experience and desires. Someone who always wanted to play sports as a kid but couldn't for one reason or another, is likely to encourage their kids to play sports. Someone who loved musical theater as a kid but didn't have the nerve or ability to do it professionally is going to be really excited when her daughter gets a role in the Sound of Music and gets to do the show in Asia for three months. Just hypothetically speaking. It's not that I actually know anyone like that . . . I'm ok with that kind of inevitable living through your kids.

What irritates me is parents whose self-esteem rests in the achievements of their kids. I admit, I talk about A Girl way too much sometimes. Partly because she's doing some exciting things and partly because in my weaker moments, I fall prey to typical stage parent bragginess. But, in the end, this is all about A Girl and not about me. I simply can't stand the type of mother (I'm not being sexist here - it's always the mothers in this business) who sits at the door of the auditions and tells everyone how great her kid is and how excited she was to be in the such-and-such movie with X mildly famous person. Or the mother who says "Didn't your daughter audition for Y commercial with my daughter? Well, my daughter booked that commercial, you know." Yeah? Bite me.

11. The fact that it is apparently impossible for me to make a simple list without expounding ad nauseum and creating a long, rambling post instead of the pithy bit of blogging entertainment I intended to create.

12. When the Starbucks barista doesn't put any foam in my latte. Yes, I know that in the scheme of things this should not get my undies in a bunch but, let's face it, I spend something close to the annual GDP of Bolivia on my morning lattes so shouldn't I get it just the way it's supposed to be?

13. Believe it or not, I've run out of things to bitch about. Shocking, I know.

Now that I've either bored you to death or offended you, maybe you want to check out some other Thursday Thirteens. Mosey on over to the sidebar to the Thursday Thirteen links.

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You're fired!

2006-01-31T16:29:00.000-06:00

No, I didn't lose my job (although there are some days when I think that would be A OK with me). The other day, we fired A Girl's first agent. It wasn't pretty. In fact, she reacted like a snotty child which, instead of making us feel bad, simply reinforced our decision to fire her.

A lot of actors (and, for child actors, their parents) tend to think that if they aren't getting any jobs, it's the agent's fault. But if they are getting jobs, it has nothing to do with the agent and everything to do with the actor's charm, talent and good looks. We aren't like that. A good agent can get an actor in front of the right people at the right time and a good actor/agent relationship is important to the development of a successful acting career. In the best case, you want to "stick with the horse that got you there." It isn't nice to have one agent start you out, get you your first (often lower paying) jobs when no one knew who you were and then leave for no good reason once you start booking more and higher paying jobs.

On the other hand, this is a business. There are a lot of agents to choose from - at least for successful actors. Just because a particular agent gave you a chance when, perhaps, no one else would doesn't mean you need to stick with that agent forever - no matter what.

So here's why we fired her agent:

1. Her agent was not the nicest person around. She had her moments when she'd be friendly. But most of the time she acted like she was doing us all a favor by taking our calls. It's not like we were calling all the time asking stupid questions. We always responded to her calls in a timely fashion. We turned our schedules upside down to make A Girl available for auditions and jobs. We were available at the last minute for several things - which most people simply can't (or won't) do. All in all, we were pretty good clients.

We dealt with her bad bedside manner by just chalking it up to her being busy. After all, A Girl was getting auditions and that's all you can really ask for from an agent. But the straw that broke the camel's back for me happened right after A Girl came back from Asia. We went to the agent's office for a voice over audition and all A Girl could talk about was getting to say hi to her agent. When we got to the office, she went up to the agent and said hello. The agent barely looked up from the piece of paper she was holding, said "Oh. Hi." and walked away. She didn't even smile! It's one thing for the agent to be snippy with stage parents but to be mean to a child? That's just wrong.

2. We dual listed A Girl last year (which means that two agencies where submitting her for jobs). The second agency had a strong modeling/print department and that's something A Girl wanted to do more of. Granted, I didn't handle the dual listing very well. I was so afraid of pissing off Agent #1 (and, true to my nature, I felt guilty about it) that I put off telling her for several months. Finally, I got up the nerve to tell her and, as I feared, she was angry. (And that could be part of why she was snippy to A Girl although she's the one that booked A Girl in Asia and got 10% of the nothing she made while she was there. But that's no excuse to be mean to a child.)

But instead of trying to show why we should go back to being exclusively with her, Agent #1 got meaner and snippier. She still sent A Girl on auditions and there were still times when we had nice conversations. Both she and Agent #2 were booking A Girl on jobs. But, when A Girl came back from Asia, Agent #2 made an effort to see her. Agent #2 also spent nearly an hour one day talking to my husband about A Girl's career and what her next steps might be. She explained how things work in L.A. Based on her personal experience having done tons of musical theater as a child, she explained how that business works as well. And then she came in with an offer we felt we couldn't refuse - if A Girl signed exclusively with her, A Girl would then automatically get an exclusive agency arrangement in L.A. which is almost a necessity in order to get television and film work. Agent #1 has no connections in L.A. and has never even offered to talk to us about A Girl's career development. It's not that we expect her to manage A Girl's career. That's not her job. But if she wants to maintain successful clients, she needs to be more than just a booking agent.

This isn't a decision we made lightly. We thought long and hard about whether it was fair to leave Agent #1 but without an L.A. connection, she just isn't able to provide the kind of access to bigger jobs that other agencies can provide. However, her agency is very strong in voice overs. Although those jobs are not generally high paying, A Girl is well established and is starting to book jobs without auditions because producers know her and have been happy with her work. So we decided to go with Agent #2 with everything except Chicago voice over work. We knew Agent #1 wouldn't be happy but I wasn't prepared for her response.

I called her and, as usual, she was too busy to talk to me. But I had to get it over with so I said "There's no easy way for me to say this. We've decided to sign an exclusive arrangement with Agency X." Before I could get another word out she said (in her usual snippy voice) "Well, good luck with that." I jumped in with "But we'd like to have A Girl continue to work with you for voice overs." Her response was "Well, we'll see about that." When I reiterated that we'd like to stay with her she said "We'll take it under advisement." WTF? I can understand being pissed about losing the business and maybe saying "Can we talk about this another time? I'm upset at losing such a good client and I'd like to collect my thoughts before we continue this conversation." That's professional. It's not like we don't have other options - A Girl has done something like ten voice over jobs since returning home in November. It's not like her agent has to work real hard to get stuff for her.

Since then, she hasn't called us. When they needed A Girl at the last minute for a booking, she had someone else from her agency call me. When she had another booking for A Girl, she sent an email. Is it really a good idea to continue to work with someone who can't bring herself to pick up the phone and talk to you?

So now we're switching to another voice over agent who is so excited to be representing A Girl that she's already started making calls to her industry contacts. She's also talked to us about keeping her posted with A Girl's schedule promising to try to schedule things around her other commitments as much as possible. She's even trying to work out a situation where A Girl can work from L.A.

What I've learned (that my husband knew all along) is that although this is a relationship business, it is a business first and foremost. While it's good to have a friendly relationship with your (or your child's) agent, it's important that the agent work FOR you and not just expect you to do all the work. If you aren't getting good service, there's nothing wrong with testing the market to see if you can find something better. Although I do feel a little bad about firing Agent #1, I know we did it for all the right reasons. And if she ever decides she wants to understand why she lost our business, she can call anytime and we'll explain it.

Thursday Thirteen - Another quicky

2006-01-26T10:02:00.000-06:00

Thirteen Things about Jessica

1. I'm gonna make this quick because I have Board meetings starting in about an hour. It's finally a beautiful day here - sunny and not too cold and I'll be spending the better part of the day in a stuffy conference room. I suppose I shouldn't be complaining about the job that pays the mortgage, though . . .

2. As you can see from my last post - I got my yellow belt! And I broke the board! With my foot! And didn't really injure myself or anyone else!

3. I've been reading a lot of stuff about writing but haven't been doing much actual writing except in snippets. It is so hard to find the time.

4. We got a Schoolhouse Rock DVD awhile ago but the kids hadn't really watched much of it. So we broke it out one night and watched all the old favorites - Conjunction Junction, The Preamble, I'm Just A Bill, Figure Eight - and the kids loved it. They've been playing it a lot (and arguing whether they should listen to Multiplication Rock or Grammar Rock or America Rock.

5. A looooong time ago, I memorized the Preamble to the Constitution from listening to the song The Preamble and I can still sing it to this day. I think it will help A Girl a lot because she's so musical. She can memorize pretty much anything if it's set to music!

6. I'm going to L.A. in February. Even though it's on business and I'll spend all day in conference rooms, I'm still glad to be there and not here. I really don't like Chicago in February. I'm soooo done with winter.

7. Boy, I really don't have much to say today. Sorry to be so boring.

8. There are things going on at work that I'm not thrilled about but there are people from work who might read this so I can't really talk about it. Suffice it to say that this organization could use a lesson in communication skills. (My husband is probably laughing right now given the whole "pot calling the kettle black" thing going on in that sentence).

9. Although I talk a lot, I'm not a great communicator. My new mantra (especially during PMS) is "Less is more." I need to talk LESS. I'll let you know how that works out.

10. I think I'm a better communicator through writing than I am through speaking. My mouth tends to run ahead of my brain too much of the time. I do type faster than I think but at least the delete button works! I haven't found a way to unsay things I've said, though.

11. When my husband was a kid and he wanted to get better at something, he would practice and practice and practice - on his own most of the time. We taught the girls how to play Crazy 8's last week and M Girl has really taken to it. She's been home from school for awhile due to the scourge I promised never to talk about on this blog again and (in addition to watching way too much tv) she's been playing Crazy 8's. Her dad plays with her sometimes but most of the time she's been playing by herself. She deals the cards as if two people are playing and then plays both sides. She has spent HOURS doing this. Her attention span is incredible for a five year old. Her incentive is that she really likes to win and she's willing to do what it takes to get good enough to win. We gotta get that kid into competitive sports - she'll probably love it.

12. I like to win but I'm not really good at practicing. When I was a kid, I just wouldn't play games that I couldn't win or I would simply resign myself to losing and not try very hard. I like Big D's and M Girl's attitude better.

13. Have a good Thursday everyone!

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Yellow Belt!

2006-01-23T11:41:00.000-06:00

So I had my test on Saturday to get my yellow belt and I passed! During the testing, everyone gets an opportunity to break a wooden board (or boards at the higher ranks). Breaking the board isn't required to advance in the lower belt ranks but it is required in the senior belt ranks (and to get a black belt, you have to break concrete with your hand!) And much to my surprise and joy, I broke the board! As soon as the board broke, I looked over at M Girl who was beaming with pride. Words can't begin to describe how much that meant to me. The last thing I wanted to do was disappoint my baby.

Don't get me wrong - I wanted to break the board for myself if only to prove that a 40-something, slightly plump, female corporate lawyer can do something generally considered macho. (Am I dating myself using that word? Because I don't think I've heard that word used in the last decade.) But being able to show my five-year-old daughter that I could do it meant even more. Hopefully she'll be testing for her yellow belt next month and maybe she'll be able to break the board, too. My success will help her believe in her own ability to be successful. I was concerned that if I failed to break the board, she'd carry that failure with her to her test. Or maybe I'm giving myself way too much importance here. I have a tendency to do that.

Moving right along . . . as promised, here's the essay I wrote as part of my test.

What is your motivation to study Tae Kwon Do? What goals have you set for yourself? How do you plan to achieve your goals?

I've been interested in Tae Kwon Do for years but always had lots of excuses why I couldn't sign up for instruction. There's not enough time. I'm out of shape. I'm too weak. I'm too old. There was some truth to the excuses. With two little ones at home and a full time job, I didn't have much extra time. Without taking time to exercise, I was weak and out of shape. And I wasn't getting any younger.

When I turned 40, I decided that it was time to make some changes. I realized that I wasn't setting a good example for my daughters. I needed to make time for myself. I was physically weak and mentally weak. I wanted to feel better about myself and take responsibility for my health and well-being. I also realized that if I was ever going to achieve my dreams, I had to actually do something now instead of waiting for that day when conditions are perfect. A day that will never come.

I decided to study Tae Kwon Do because it has both mental and physical components which will help me become stronger in both areas. I could never stick to a fitness routine that involved exercising for the sake of exercising. When I do push ups in Tae Kwon Do, I know that it will make my punches stronger and my blocks more effective. When I do sit ups, I know that it will improve my balance and someday, I'll be able to stand strong in my app kubi stance when my instructor tries to push me over. I'm not just exercising because it's "good" for me. I'm exercising because it helps me achieve my goals within Tae Kwon Do. The fact that it also happens to be good for me is icing on the cake.

Tae Kwon Do, like other martial arts disciplines, is both goal and process oriented. I like having a goal of reaching a higher belt rank. I also like the fact that success is not solely determined by belt rank. Instead, success is in the smaller achievements of learning each new technique and gaining consistency over time.

Outside of Tae Kwon Do, my goal is to become a published writer. I plan to achieve that goal through making time to write, studying the art and business of writing and taking classes.

Thursday Thirteen - Multi-tasking edition

2006-01-19T15:10:00.000-06:00

1. If I go grab the code for my usual purple table, I won't have time to actually write my list so I'm going "naked" this week.

2. We're almost done nit-picking. As Mike points out in his comment to that post, the nit-picking is not actually the worst of it. It's all the washing, scrubbing, vacuuming and double-bagging of stuff (for TEN DAYS!) that's actually worse.

3. Under the heading of "Motherhood isn't always what I thought it would be": Last night, I sat on the floor of my room, picking nits out of my daughters' hair and watching Skating with Celebrities. Now THIS is the life . . .

4. I apologize to everyone who had uncontrollable urges to scratch their head after reading yesterday's post.

5. This is hopefully the last time I will discuss head lice. Ever.

6. I'm still planning on testing for my yellow belt on Saturday. I have Tae Kwon Do tonight and hopefully I'll be able to work on some of the things I'm not sure I have down pat yet. I'm fairly confident about passing the test but I'm still nervous.

7. I went to kickboxing on Tuesday night. I haven't been there in a month so I was afraid I'd be dead by the end of class but it was ok. I was only half dead.

8. The reason I named this the multi-tasking edition is because I'm typing this while I'm (sort of) listening to a conference call. Actually, I'm only listening to every other word so I have NO idea what's going on.

9. I hope they don't ask me a question.

10. Update on A Girl's career - we've decided to sign her to an exclusive arrangement with an agency here in Chicago which will also give her an exclusive arrangement with an L.A. agency. She and Big D are going to spend three weeks in L.A. next month during "pilot season" which is when they cast for the pilot episodes of next year's new shows. We realize that it is rather insane to turn our lives upside down for an eight year old's career but she really loves doing this and while she's getting some interest from the agencies, we might as well see what happens.

11. A Girl has a great attitude about it all. She enjoys auditioning and works hard but doesn't put an unhealthy emphasis on getting a job. And she loves performing - whether it's on camera, voice over or (especially) singing. We try to down play the career aspect - we emphasize that it's for fun and that it could all go away tomorrow. She knows that she may never book a job again and though she'd be disappointed, it wouldn't be devastating. Taking her to L.A. certainly heats things up quite a bit but we're of the mind that it's a time to meet new people and explore new opportunities. If nothing comes of it, they got a nice long visit to L.A. during Chicago's suckiest month (weather-wise).

12. I really believe that doing this stuff will help her down the road. At eight, she can already talk to anyone and isn't intimidated by unknown people or places. She's developed great confidence (but not ego) and that will help her as she grows up. Ok, I know I sound like one of those scary, big-haired mothers who puts her overly-made up five year old in freaky "beauty" pageants so "she'll develop confidence." But really, I'm not like that. Really.

13. Yeah! American Idol is on again! Do not ask me why I love that show. I just do. A Girl and I watch it religiously. M Girl would much rather watch Fairly Odd Parents. But she told me that if I wanted her to, she'd watch American Idol with me. Oh, the sacrifices that kid will make for me!

Thanks for reading. Now go visit some other Thursday Thirteeners - just check out the blog roll on the side bar for links! And all credit for the Thursday Thirteen concept goes to Leanne, the mother of the Thursday Thirteen. Be sure to stop by her blog and say hello!

Nit-picking. Literally.

2006-01-18T17:12:00.000-06:00

That's right, folks. We have been visited by that scourge of childhood - head lice! Fun times. Not only do both girls have it. I have it and I am totally skeeved out. And I can't stop scratching my head. We probably wouldn't even know it yet if it weren't for the fact that M Girl has an ear infection. I took her to the doctor this morning for her ear and while we were there, I had them check her scalp.

I had a sneaking suspicion it might be lice but I was hoping against hope that it wasn't. A Girl has been scratching for over a week. But she's always bitching about paper cuts, bruises and other minor ailments so we just figured it was dry skin and she was being overly dramatic about the scratching. On Sunday, Big D said "Why don't we just take her to the doctor? Maybe there's something they can give her for the itching" We looked closely at her scalp and didn't see any crawly bugs. We saw little white things that we figured were just flakes from her dry scalp. So, in my infinite wisdom, I decided NOT to take her to the doctor. Now I know - your kid can have lice even if you can't see crawly bugs on their scalp. And the little white things are not "flakes" unless they actually flake off. If you jiggle the hair and the little white things don't move, they're nits.

Now you know. And knowing is half the battle. (Major points to anyone who can tell me where that phrase comes from).

Thusday Thirteen - Late edition

2006-01-12T11:04:00.000-06:00

Thirteen Things about Jessica

1. I admit it, I'm late with my Thursday 13 but I'm doing it anyway. Thank goodness for the ability to "back post" a post! If I didn't admit it here, no one would know! (But I'm too honest for that).

2. It looks like I'm going to test for my yellow belt in Tae Kwon Do on January 21st. Yeah! I'm really excited. I've been working my butt off (unfortunately only figuratively, so far).

3. The only thing my instructor was concerned about was whether M Girl would feel bad if I got a yellow belt before her. She only goes once a week and she isn't quite ready yet. He thinks she'll be ready next month. Big D and I think that it's part of life that people advance at different rates and we're not worried about her being permanently scarred by my advancing quicker than she does. At some point, if we both stick with Tae Kwon Do, I'm sure she'll pass me up. And I'll just have to deal with it!

4. Whenever you test for a new belt, you have to write an essay that's at least 125 words. For this belt, my essay is supposed to be about why I'm taking Tae Kwon Do and what goals I'm setting for myself. I'll post it here when I get it written. I'm excited - I have a paper to write!

5. I got an iHome iPod Docking Station from my hubby for Christmas. I use it at work so I can listen to my iPod all day. I love my iPod! I love my iHome! If I wanted to take a nap at work, I could set the alarm on the iHome and wake up to my iPod tunes. Not that I would do that . . .

6. I'm working on my writing goals. It's slow going. I guess I'm scared to commit to anything. Maybe I'm afraid it will be another promise to myself that I'll break. I've been thinking of lots of ideas for writing and reading my Writers Magazine (which is great) so I'm feeling pumped up about it. I just have to dedicate more time to it. And not at work!

7. In February I get to go to L.A. on business and I'm staying at the Peninsula in Beverly Hills. It's only 3 minutes away from our good friends who I'm dying to see. They had a baby girl in November. This is what I made for her - this blanket (but in a different color) and this blanket.

8. Now that I'm done with those baby blankets, I'm going back to work on a blanket for Big D (a nice soft, thick dark blue basketweave) that I started more than two years ago.

9. I think I should officially be named the queen of unfinished projects. I have a crochet blanket that I started working on over ten years ago. (!) I was going to do gardening on our three balconies. I bought some books on container gardening and we bought a large container with a trestle (that we've yet to set up). There are still no living things on those balconies (except the spiders and as long as they continue to eat the mosquitoes, they can stay).

10. I'm not even talking about the stories and stuff I've started to write but never finished.

11. Maybe finishing what I started should have been one of my resolutions for 2006.

12. Or not.

13. At least I'm doing Thursday Thirteen regularly. I gotta have some discipline in my life!

See the sidebar blog roll for links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. ItÂs easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

The ex-friend

2006-01-09T21:11:00.000-06:00

This is my entry for this month's Blogging for Books. Because the guest author is Lani Diane Rich who wrote Ex and the Single Girl , the topic is to write about your Ex, whatever that means to you. I'm happily married to my one and only so I don't have an ex-husband. My ex-boyfriends (as few as there are) didn't stick around long enough and weren't interesting enough to provide good fodder for this entry. So I started thinking about the only ex I have and that's an ex-friend.

An ex-friend is different than a former friend or an old friend. When a friendship ends because of distance or busy, separate lives, a friend becomes a former friend. When a friendship fades for those same reasons but you'd still call the person in a heartbeat if something came up, that friend is an old friend. But an ex-friend results from a friendship that is terminated on bad terms. This doesn't happen often - at least not to me. I have quite a few former and old friends and, in many cases, there's always the possibility that those friendships could be re-ignited under the right circumstances. I have one ex-friend (I'll call her Bev). The strange thing is that I don't for sure know why the friendship ended; I only know that it didn’t end well.

It was really a "couples" friendship - my husband and I became friends with Bev and her husband (I'll call him Doug) when mutual friends got married. Bev and I went to the bachelorette party, Big D and Doug went to the bachelor party and the four of us drove out of state to the wedding together. At the time, we lived one block apart. We were good friends for years - they were the first friends we told when I got pregnant with A Girl. They helped us bring her home from the hospital. We got season tickets to the theater and went on vacation together. Even after they moved to the suburbs, we managed to visit each other fairly regularly. After they had their daughter, we brought them our baby swing and other gear. We emailed, we talked on the phone and we went out to dinner. We were good friends.

And then Big D's mom died. She had a stroke and other serious medical problems. Big D was his family's rock - helping them understand what the doctors were saying, helping them make the difficult decision to let her go. It was agonizing for Big D and all of us who loved his mother.

I called Bev and Doug to tell them about Big D's mom. They were on vacation in Europe but I left a message. They didn't call back. A week or so later, I called again. Bev answered the phone. Before we could barely say hello, she said something like "Tell Big D I'm going to send him a condolence card." "Oh, ok." I said. Then she ended the call. And that was it, I never heard from her. I called and left a few messages. Nothing. A while later we got a condolence card from them. I don't remember what it said but I remember feeling like it had all the warmth of a form letter. It was the kind of card you send an acquaintance, not a good friend.

Big D and I racked our brains trying to figure out what we might have done to piss them off but we couldn't think of anything. For our part, we never called to try to make amends. Mostly because we didn't think we did anything wrong but partly because we were hurt. The only thing we could think of that might have led to the end of the friendship was that Big D and I thought about voting Republican in the 2000 Presidential election between Al Gore and George W. As friends often do, we talked about the election one night at dinner. We told them we were thinking about the possibility of voting for Bush because we weren’t sure we liked Al Gore. In all honesty, it was a lesser of two evils thing. By their reaction, you would have thought we told them that we robbed a liquor store. I thought Bev was going faint into her linguini.

So, it came down to politics. Apparently, they were so put off by the fact that we would even consider voting Republican – ever – that they decided they couldn’t be friends with us anymore. If that’s the case, I feel sorry for them. It must be hard holding onto convictions that are so frail they can’t withstand a little debate. Big D and I have friends from many different cultural, religious and political backgrounds. Hearing their varied points of view expands our knowledge even if we disagree with them. Besides, if we only made friends with people who agree with us on all major issues, we probably wouldn’t have many friends.

Baby butt shot

2006-01-09T13:24:00.000-06:00

We had a little crisis with M Girl yesterday about a framed picture we wanted to put up in her room. When she was a baby, we had professional pictures taken of both girls at Classic Kids Photography. They do a compilation they call "Baby Parts" which consists of nine small pictures of different parts of the baby - full face, profile, feet, belly button etc. (To see an example, click on the link, click on "enter" and a new page pops up. Click on "Gallery" at the bottom of the new page and then click on "Small" (the button right above the Gallery button). The first thing you see is Baby Parts.) As you can see, one of the essential parts of Baby Parts is the butt shot.

When M Girl was having her Baby Parts pictures taken, she did not like the butt shot - she screamed the entire time we had her on her tummy. It was hard to get a good picture because her butt was all tensed up - not like the cute bubble butts babies have when they're relaxed. Fast forward four years . . . we love M Girl's Baby Parts picture and we finally got around to hanging it up in our "new" home this weekend. We decided to put it in her room but when she saw it, she had a fit. "I don't want people to see my butt!" she shrieked. Her dad and I tried to convince her that it was cute but when she started to cry and stood, sobbing, in the corner of the room, Big D came up with a compromise. "Will you let us put it up if we cover the picture of your butt with a piece of paper?" She sniffed, blinked back the tears and nodded.

The thing is - I remember Big D and I having a conversation about the butt shot and guessing that it would be embarrassing to M Girl at some point. But we figured that it would happen in her pre-teen years when everything is embarrassing. We didn't expect it to happen so soon!

Thursday Thirteen - New Year's Resolution edition

2006-01-05T09:41:00.000-06:00

Thirteen Things about Jessica's resolutions

1. I know it's totally overdone, but I can't resist writing about my resolutions for 2006. Not because they're so special or anything and only partly because I'm hoping that making them more public will motivate me to keep them. I'm writing them down mainly as a historical record of what I'm thinking right now. It will give me an opportunity to beat myself up publicly next year for not achieving my goals this year.

2. My first resolution is to get organized. I've been making this resolution for years and I recently blogged about making this resolution before January 1st to get a kind of head start on it. The results have been mixed. My office is fairly clean but not necessarily organized the way it should be. My desk at home - not even close.

3. I think I have trouble getting more organized at home because when I'm at home, I want to relax, hang with the hubby, play with the kids, blog etc. Organizing is work and I don't like to work outside of the office if I can help it. (Hell, if I'm being honest I'd say I don't really like to work even when I'm in the office!) But I'm trying to change that problematic attitude. I want to set a good example for the kids - I do not want them to follow in my disorganized footsteps, that's for sure.

4. Resolution number 2 is to write more. I realize that's not very specific and, if I really want to achieve anything, it should be more specific. Hubby and I had a chat the other day about this issue. When it comes to my creative endeavors, I tend to have very amorphous goals - if I even have goals at all. It's hard for him to help me achieve something that's so vague and ill-defined. He asked what I want to write and I couldn't really say. I know I want to keep blogging but that's not really what I mean when I say I want to write more. I guess I want to write more fiction or maybe I want to write a screenplay. A magazine article would be nice. I could write a novel or perhaps a short story is better. See what I mean?

5. Which leads me to Resolution number 3: Spend time thinking about my dreams and set goals that will help me actually live my dreams. I like this resolution. I wish I could keep it. It's the scariest one for me. I'm so not good at setting goals. Well, I can set goals. I just have a hard time not procrastinating them away.

6. Moving right along to Resolution number 4: Continue with Tae Kwon Do and kickboxing. That I can do and really want to do. I'm not off to a great start, though because I skipped kickboxing Tuesday night. My excuse is that I still have a cold and my nose won't stop running and I wasn't sure I was ready to go back yet. Fairly lame. I have Tae Kwon Do tonight and I'm gonna go no matter how I'm feeling. I swear! If I'm not in the hospital, I'm going to class.

7. Resolution number 5: Quit making resolutions I'm not going to keep.

8. I think that's all the resolutions I made. I'm more hopeful about my chances for success this year than I have been in years past. I don't know why that is or whether it's reasonable to be more hopeful. Lately, I've been living a bit more intentionally than I used to. Life is full of trade-offs. If I spend time doing one thing, I can't spend that same time doing another thing. Although I am really, really good at multi-tasking, even I can't write a novel, help the kids with homework, clean my desk, knit a sweater and have sex with my husband at the same time. Not that I've tried that particular combination of things all at one time . . .

9. One resolution I will never make again is to lose weight. That one has never, ever worked for me. I hope that Resolution number 4 will help in that area but weight loss for the simple sake of weight loss is not something I'm willing to sacrifice for. Whenever I even think about dieting, I eat more. Counter-intuitive and super immature, I know. But at this point in my life I need to work with myself and not against myself. I'm not obese so losing weight isn't really a health imperative for me. I like to think of myself as zaftig (the second definition - no one would ever accuse me of being "full-bosomed").

10. Wow - I thought I would easily have thirteen things about my resolutions. I was wrong. I guess this is a good opportunity to wish you all a Happy New Year!

11. Since I have nothing else to say about resolutions, I'll spend the last three items talking about writing and reading. I haven't been doing any writing - except blogging. I want to do the Artist's Way program but I haven't done morning pages since Sunday. Mostly because I haven't been able to get out of bed in the morning. It's kinda hard to write in the morning when I'm running out the door for work. Excuses, excuses.

12. I've been doing lots of reading, though. Over the holiday, I finished Black Maps, a thriller by Peter Spiegelman who used to work on Wall Street before he quit to become a writer. I also read The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd which is a wonderful book about a white girl in the 1960's South who runs away from her abusive father and ends up living in the bright pink house of a black female beekeeper. I started reading Artist's Way, of course, and Predator which is Patricia Cornwell's latest Kay Scarpetta book. I've read all of the Kay Scarpetta books - I can't get enough! Big D is always amazed at how many books I'm reading at one time. I'm not sure how I keep all the plots straight but when I pick up a book (as long as I haven't left it for too long), it just isn't a problem.

13. I'm also reading the first Harry Potter book which is surprisingly good. The movie was absolutely true to the book and I'm amazed at how good the casting was. When I read the book, I can picture the kids from the movie and there's nothing inconsistent or jarring. I like the way Rowling uses just enough description to help you see things but leaves just enough to the imagination (although having seen the movie, it's hard for me to really use my own imagination). A friend loaned us the book so I could read it to the girls but neither of them is interested! M Girl isn't into chapter books and A Girl is loving The Chronicles of Narnia which I'm reading to her and Wicked which her Dad is reading to her. Maybe she has my ability to keep multiple plots straight!

For links to other Thursday Thirteens, see the blog roll on the sidebar!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

What is the matter with me?

2006-01-03T12:01:00.000-06:00

I am so damn chipper today. I'm so chipper I'm even annoying myself. I suppose I shouldn't complain but I guess I'm just not used to feeling this way in January on the first working day after a long holiday. The weather sucks, I have a TON of work. I've been sick, I'm totally out of shape and I have kickboxing tonight which is going to kick.my.ass. But I'm walking around with an unnatural spring in my step, brightly wishing everyone a "Happy New Year!" What the hell is wrong with me?! It's January, I'm supposed to be crabby. Or is it during February that I'm crabby and January that I'm just plain tired of winter?

Seriously, though, I'm just happy right now and I should enjoy it before the hormones kick in soon. My husband took great care of me while I was sick last week and we had a really nice, relaxing New Years Eve. We watched Alexander which sucked but it was nice to just be sitting next to each other for an extended period of time without a young child coming in and asking for our help to negotiate a peace treaty or fix the computer (again) or simply trying to sit in between us. Part of it is that, due to some excellent encouragement from my hubby, I came into the office yesterday (which was a holiday for us), cleaned my desk and got a head start on work. So today doesn't really feel like the first day back.

Bottom line - I guess I'm really ready to start a new year. Fresh, hopeful and happy.

Happy New Year everyone!

Thursday Thirteen - About writing

2005-12-29T17:19:00.000-06:00

Thirteen Things Jessica is thinking about the topic of writing!

1. I've been thinking about the topic of writing a lot lately. Probably because I haven't actually been writing. When I don't write, writing is on my mind all the time.

2. I still have lots of anxiety issues about writing. I thought they'd go away - or at least diminish - when I had my short story published. But, to my surprise, I think it's gotten worse.

3. One of the things I have problems with is my internal editor. He just won't shut up. Ever. I know I've blogged about this before (I'm just too lazy to find the link). Whenever I sit down to write - or even think about writing something - he steps in and tells me how stupid the idea is or how I'm just wasting my time.

4. For Christmas I got The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. Whenever I'm browsing for books about writing or creativity in general, I come across references to this book. It's been around for ten years and it's supposed to be very helpful for removing blocks to creativity. I'm going to make a concerted effort to follow the program and see what happens. One of the activities the book recommends is "morning pages" where every morning you try to write - long hand - three pages of whatever. It's not a journal, it's not writing. It's more like a stream of consciousness mind dump. This morning I started doing it and my internal editor went crazy because he hates stream of consciousness.

5. When I started this Thursday Thirteen, I thought I'd have no problem coming up with thirteen things to say about writing. I was wrong.

6. My mom is creative - she's an artist. Among other things, she draws, paints, sews, does decoupage and needlepoint. Lately she's been into photography and creating her own cards from photos she's taken. All my life I've compared myself to her in the realm of creativity and I always felt like I fell short. I could never draw like she does. I hate sewing. Needlepoint is too tedious for me. I wasn't any good at the things she was good at. That doesn't mean I wasn't creative - just in different ways. Maybe because my creative outlets were different from my mom's, I didn't value them as much as I should have.

7. I know this sounds cliche but I always worried that a creative career wasn't "practical" enough. I started working at a talent agency after college because I could be close to the arts but still get paid a (not really) decent salary. That's something that Julia Cameron talks about in The Artist's Way - people who dream of being artists but are afraid to take the risks often go into careers associated with the arts. Eventually, I became dissatisfied with what I was doing. I thought it was because there wasn't enough of an intellectual challenge which is why I ended up a law school. Looking back I think I was wrong. I was probably dissatisfied because of the lack of creative challenge.

8. Not that I didn't like law school. It was an intellectual challenge and - in a different way - a creative challenge as well. It involves lots of writing, some of it creative. I wrote some kick ass papers. One of my favorites was a paper about why the enforcement of animal protection laws could violate the separation between church and state because some religions use animal sacrifice as part of their ritual. What made it most interesting is that, at the time, I was a vegetarian. I started writing the paper thinking I would come out on the side of animal protection and ended up on the side of religious freedom - even when it involved something I found personally abhorrent.

9. That's the great thing about writing - for me at least. The act and the process of writing helps me learn things about myself that aren't otherwise accessible to my conscious mind.

10. I started working on a book awhile back and was making some progress (well, for ME a couple short chapters is progress) but I stopped working on it. The idea of writing a book is overwhelming and my internal editor tells me I'll never do it and I'm not sure where the plot is going and I'm not sure I want to go where the characters appear to be taking me and I worry that even if I do write something it'll be so bad that everyone who reads it will laugh at me and I'll feel like I did back in junior high. Awkward and unlovable. Have I mentioned that I didn't really like junior high very much?

11. Here are my writing-related new year's resolutions: 1) do The Artist's Way program, 2) continue to work on the book, 3) write some more short stories and submit them for publication, 4) go over the class notes from the writing class I took and try to incorporate more of those lessons in my current writing, 5) blog more regularly.

12. I've never been very good at keeping new year's resolutions. That's why I tend to keep them to myself so no one will know that I broke my resolution just days after the new year. So now I'm making my resolutions public (at least the writing-related ones). Hopefully that'll shame me into keeping them!

13. I hope everyone has a happy, healthy new year!

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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I'm not dead . . . and some unique things about the girls

2005-12-19T12:37:00.000-06:00

First of all, let me clear something up. I'm not dead or hibernating (although a good winter hibernation seems like a fabulous idea right about now). I'd like to say that I haven't been writing much because my social life is jam packed with holiday parties. In reality, my calendar is jam packed with getting ready to go to California for the holiday and that pesky little thing I like to call my "job." That's right, the people who give me that nice paycheck every two weeks actually expect me to perform certain tasks they call "work." So, I'm taking my lunch "hour" (more like 15 minutes during which I shove some "food" in my mouth) to respond to Landismom who tagged me the other day to list five ways in which my kids are weird.

To be honest, the word "weird" bothers me. My girls are too young to read this blog but if and when they do read it, I don't want to hurt their feelings by making them feel that I think badly of them. This isn't to say that Landismom or any of the other parents doing this meme are mean-spirited. Maybe I'm just oversensitive about this issue but I don't want to do anything that might embarrass them. Also, unlike other blogs, this blog is not really anonymous and that makes a big difference in how I feel about issues like this. To me, the word "weird" has negative connotations while "unique" is more a celebration of differences.

So - to get to the point (and there is a point), here are six ways in which A Girl and M Girl are unique:

1. A Girl did not like to go to sleep when she was a baby - not for naps, not at night, not ever. (In some ways, it's fairly amazing that we actually got up the courage to have another child after the hell that was A Girl's first year). Pretty much the only way she would take a nap (until she was TWO YEARS OLD) was in her stroller. We would put her in the stroller, take a walk and she'd fall asleep. Then we'd leave her there for the duration of her nap. In the winter, we'd take the stroller down to the swimming pool area and walk around the swimming pool until she fell asleep. Finally, our nanny was able to get her to take naps in her bed but it would only happen if someone actually sat next to her bed until she fell asleep. (And, for the record, I wouldn't say we coddled her, we tried different techniques to get her to sleep. See #2).

2. Night time sleeping for A Girl was another story - we tried the cry-it out method, we tried Ferberizing, (don't even get me started on those things) and nothing worked. She was CONVINCED that she was missing something good and she was not going to sleep by herself. If she had to be sleeping then BY GOD someone else better be there with her OR ELSE THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY IN! THIS! HOUSE! When we were at our wits end, we tried letting her cry it out for a longer period of time (an hour or more). After what seemed like forever, she'd finally be quiet and we'd sneak in her room to check on her. She would be in her crib with her arms stuck through in the slats to hold herself up. She'd start falling asleep and her head would bob but since she was sitting up, she'd never really get into a deep sleep. It would take a very delicate operation to get her arms out and get her laying down without actually waking her up into a full scream again.

3. When M Girl was a baby still in diapers, she would entertain an audience by doing seat drops. She'd jump up, throw her legs out in front of her and drop to the ground in a sitting position. Then she'd laugh really hard and do it again. She pretty much stopped once she didn't have a diaper to cushion her landing.

4. Both girls mix cereals. I know a lot of people do this so maybe it isn't really unique. I, myself, like to mix Grape Nuts and Smart Start. That - in my humble opinion - is a normal mixture. But our girls like to mix pretty much every cereal we have in the house like Froot Loops, Chocolate Rice Krispies, Cap'n Crunch and Lucky Charms - IN THE SAME BOWL. I don't know about you but I think that's gross.

5. A Girl has been wearing an eye mask to bed ever since she was in Hong Kong. Big D gave her one to sleep on the plane and she's been hooked ever since. But lately, she doesn't actually put it over her eyes so she sleeps with it on her forehead.

6. M Girl has her own sense about "boy" stuff and "girl" stuff. There are certain things that she has refused to do on the grounds that they are "boy" things - taking karate for one and wearing baseball hats for another. And yet, she and I take Tae Kwon Do together (to be fair, she thinks of karate as a boy thing because they teach it at her school and she thinks only boys take it whereas I take Tae Kwon Do so it can't be a boy thing.) At a birthday party recently, they gave the kids White Sox hats as a party favor. They had adorable lavender ones with butterflies for the girls. Not only has M Girl been wearing it but she will only wear it backwards.

We should all celebrate our childrens' unique qualities but here are a few bloggers I'd like to see give us a few ways in which their children are unique:

MIM,cmhl, Africableu at pith, marrow and coffee spoons and Sheryl at Paper Napkin.

Thursday Thirteen - Mood swing edition

2005-12-08T12:45:00.000-06:00

Thirteen Things about PMS Girl (oops, I mean Jessica)

1. I'm totally PMSing today but I am not going to let me stop the Thursday Thirteen from being posted. You lucky people! You get to see what my poor husband and children have to live with all the time (and remember, it's much worse to experience it in person).

2. I had a very crabby cab driver yesterday. He swore at other drivers and then got mad at me apparently because I was giving him less than a dollar tip. I usually give somewhere in the vicinity of 10% tip. So if it's about a $5.00 ride, it'll be around 50 cents. Apparently that's not enough for crabby cab driver - I gave him a $10 for a ride that was $4.45 and asked him for $5.00 back. That's MORE than 10% people - I think that's fair and regular practice. Does he expect that I should give him MORE than $1.00 for a three minute ride that he's getting paid for anyway? He angrily shoves my change (coins and all) in my hand. When I said "No, I only asked for $5.00 back." He said "Forget it. I have to get going." Sheesh.

3. On a lighter note, M Girl totally got me yesterday morning. A Girl was finishing her homework at the kitchen table. As I finished making her eggs, I asked her to clear her homework off the table because, I said "It's not good to have your homework there while you're eating." As she was clearing the stuff off the table, I put the plate of eggs down and some of her papers almost hit the plate. I said "See, that's why we don't want to have your homework on the table at meal time." So M Girl says "But Mom, you could've just put the eggs on the counter while she was clearing the table." Duh. I hate it (and love it) that my 5 year old is so much smarter than I am.

4. Back to crabbiness . . . there's someone I work with who is driving me crazy. This person only hears what he/she wants to hear and asks the same question over and over again (especially when this person doesn't like the answers). We're working on a big project that has lots of issues associated with it and this person keeps downplaying the open issues. Worst of all, she/he downplays the open issues to higher ups and then when I (and the other lawyers and sane people involved - not that lawyers aren't sane but . . . ok, maybe some of us aren't). Anyway, when we bring up the reality of the situation - that we're a long way from having important issues figured out - it looks like we're trying to stop the "momentum" of the project. I guess, in a way, we are trying to stop the momentum because we're trying to prevent the public from knowing that - at this point - we don't really know what we're doing. This person is in charge of the project so we can't avoid this person. Because I knew I couldn't be polite, I avoided speaking directly to this person as much as I could and communicated through the assistant (without being obvious about it) and I'm sure we all felt much better for it.

4. Have I mentioned how much I love Tae Kwon Do? Well, I do and I have class tonight and I'm really excited. I've learned my poomsae which is a routine consisting, for my level, of hand/arm movements and turns. At higher levels the routine includes kicks and more difficult arm movements. As the levels progress, the poomsae gets more difficult. Now I have to work on improving my technique. Because I used to be a dancer, I do the movements too smoothly and without sufficient strength and differentiation. I also have some problems getting the arm and leg movements coordinated in the right way. So that's what I'm working on. I've been taking classes for almost two months and there's a two month minimum before you can test for the next belt. I hope he'll let me test at the next opportunity.

5. I have nothing else to grump about except that I'm hungry. I only ate cream of wheat for breakfast. When will I learn that I need to have some protein with breakfast?

6. I made a promise to myself and my family this winter that I wouldn't complain about the cold. I can't change it and complaining only makes me and everyone else more unhappy. So far, even with PMS, I've managed to keep that promise! I don't even complain to myself - well, sometimes I start complaining but I stop myself and accept the fact that we live in a cold climate and this is just the way it is in the winter. Then I feel better and, strangely, less cold!

7. I made a resolution the other day that I would BE more organized. I've realized that this resolution will probably be easier to achieve with respect to home than it will be with respect to my work. This is partly because I don't really love my job. I know I've said this before - I really like parts of it and I adore most of the people I work with (but see #4 above!) but it isn't really what I'd like to be doing with my time. If I had known more about myself (and listened to myself) when I was younger, I probably wouldn't be here now. That's ok, though, because I most likely wouldn't have met Big D, the love of my life, and we wouldn't have our beautiful children. I don't regret my life in the least. But I do wish - sometimes more fervently than others - that I could spend more time on writing and other creative endeavors. And maybe even make a living like that instead of coming to this office every day. So back to my original point, because I love my family and our home, I am more motivated to make changes there than I am to make changes here. But I need to keep in mind that making changes here will help me be more efficient with my time so that I can spend more guilt-free time with my family. I think this is the time when I have to find some mental toughness and just get to it.

8. We have a lovely Christmas tree. Big D put some wrapped presents under it the other day to make it even lovelier. M Girl came to me yesterday and said "Mom! Can we open some of the presents under the tree?!" I of course said "Of course not!" She said "Aww, we have to wait until Christmas?" "Yes, you do. That's what Christmas presents are for." Still trying to get me to change my mind, she says "But Santa might DO something with them." I reassured her "Honey, Santa leaves presents. He doesn't take them." She sighed, defeated.

9. This morning I removed my blog from the TTLB Ecosystem. What started out as a fun thing to include on my blog became a thing of daily concern. Each morning I'd wonder whether I'd moved up or down on the evolutionary chain. It started out silly and just became sillier. I'm obsessed enough with my hit counter and the number of comments (or lack thereof) that I get on any given post. I don't need anything else to obsess over. Plus it was a huge blow to my ego when they changed the way they rank blogs and I plunged from the lofty heights of Crawly Amphibian to lowly Multicellular Microorganism. It was too much to bear for something so non-important. So I eased my pain by not having to know how the folks at TTLB view my blog. If I want to be a Flappy Bird or an Adorable Rodent or even *gasp* a Higher Being, I can be one in my own mind, without someone "official" telling me that I'm not, thank you very much.

10. My husband's cousin who lives on the East Coast has a degree in Deaf Education. Awhile back she started her own business as a translator for the deaf. It's the coolest job. She goes to court, doctor's appointments and important meetings with her clients. She even gets to go to the theater where she, and usually one or two other translators, act out the show in sign language. She gets to do what she likes and is good at, make a living and help people in a very important way. And she's one of the nicest people I know on top of it all. She didn't even get upset with us when we made her significant other seasick!

11. If you're still with me, say "I'm still here!" If you're not, I totally understand. I don't really want to be with me today either.

12. Aside from trying to be more organized, I need to learn to say "no" more often. Big D and I talked about this last weekend. Our kids get invited to so many birthday parties - especially the little one because she still at the age where people invite the whole class to the party rather than just a few good friends. As much as the girls love these parties, when there's two or three in one day, it's just too much for the whole family. Between that and all the things that have to be done on the weekend, there's just not enough time to just relax together as a family. I have the most trouble saying "no" because I feel guilty about it as if we're somehow bad parents and bad community members if our kids don't attend all the parties and bring gifts. I know on a rational level that it's not true. But my irrational level takes over and beats my rational level into submission.

13. Next Thursday we have the girls' school concerts! M Girl's grade still has theirs during the day at school while the older kids have theirs at night. I'll have to miss my company party (again) because they always seem to be scheduled on the same night. But that's ok, I wouldn't trade my company party for a kids' Christmas concert for anything! However, A Girl keeps reminding me that we have to go out and buy her clothes to wear because they're requiring the kids to wear either black or white or both. That's fine except that A Girl doesn't own anything in those (non)colors. I however own everything in black. I got that trick when I lived in NYC - black goes with everything and requires very little thought in the morning before you've had coffee or even any food.

Ok, done with the rambling. Next week will be far more stable. Promise!

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
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Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Praise

2005-12-06T19:27:00.000-06:00

I like praise. I'll be honest - I like when people tell me I'm doing a good job, particularly when I'm working hard at something. After kickboxing tonight, my teacher said "You're getting a lot better." I nearly fainted. Partly because my heart rate was dangerously above my target range. But mostly because during most of the class I felt like a totally uncoordinated moron. I have been working my ass off in that class (although the results are, unfortunately, only figurative).

I was one of only three students tonight and the other two students have been boxing and kickboxing for years. So our teacher made the class harder than usual - more turning kicks and more fakes (which are much harder to do than it might seem). I could keep up but barely. I missed the bag on half my kicks, I nearly fell over several times after trying to do some of the spinning kicks. I just plain screwed up the fakes most of the time. I felt good, I was working hard, but I was wishing I was better at it. So the teacher's words of encouragement really meant a lot to me.

On another note, I have the coolest new shoes for kickboxing! Big D and my teacher suggested that I get wrestling shoes instead of the cross-trainers that I was using. The cross-trainers have too much traction for the spinning and sliding you need to do in kickboxing and I was deathly afraid that I'd blow out a knee or something. Of course, most stores don't carry wrestling or boxing shoes for women. Big D had me try on some totally cool men's wrestling shoes which made me instantly feel like bobbing and weaving. And punching something. It was awesome! They were perfect for class - lighter weight than my other shoes and just slippy slidy enough that I'm not afraid of hurting myself because of my shoes. (I am, however, afraid of hurting myself because of my utter lack of coordination but not even the coolest shoes are going to help that).